Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima

Give me a reason to stay here
Cause I don't want
To live in fear
I can't stop the rain
But I can stop the tears
I can fight the fire
But I can't fight the fear

No More - Three Days Grace

Chapter 3: No More

Natsu struck one of the overly long matches he had purchased against the cave floor. He applied its small flame to the debris and sticks he had collected, attempting to start a fire to warm himself up from the cave's constant chill. He stared, somewhat lulled by the cheerful warmth the small fire immediately radiated. This was a fire that would never hurt anyone, one he could easily control. He became mesmerized by the small flame that was slowly working its way up the long wooden stick he was holding filling him with longing and--

"You promised me an adventure, Natsu." Lucy Heartfilia appeared, her body hovering above the small fire he had just lit on the cave floor, a vision seemingly born from the flames. The unexpected apparition caused Natsu to startle.

"You said I would have fun, that I could trust you to have my back!" Lucy spat at him as he backed up slowly, hands up in a defensive gesture, match forgotten for the moment but still burning.

"I trusted you Natsu." Lucy continued her accusations as she moved towards him. He brought his arms down, whatever she did, he deserved. She stretched out her hand and touched his cheek with a gentleness that exacerbated his guilt. "I loved you."

He brought his hand up to his cheek to feel her again and howled at the sudden pain. The smell of charring flesh began to permeate the cave. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he experienced firsthand what his element was capable of. He welcomed the pain, yes..... he deserved this and much worse but his natural reflexes let go of the match before he could experience any severe damage.

"I never meant to hurt you, Lucy." Natsu pleaded with the apparition. "I would never hurt you."

"You hurt me every day." Lucy said calmly as she stared into his eyes. "You knew how I felt about you and you never said a word."

"I....I couldn't." Natsu protested. "I didn't know what to do."

"You loved HIM instead, didn't you?" Lucy laughed at him mockingly. "Poor little Natsu, in love with his best friend."

"Is that why you killed me?" Lucy yelled, her voice shrill, "So you could be rid of me?"

"No, I didn't know you were in the building." Natsu defended himself.

"Really, your infamous dragon senses couldn't sniff me out?" Lucy's eyes narrowed as she stared at his teary face. "Coward! When are you going to admit to yourself that you wanted me out of the picture. You wanted me dead!"

Natsu remained quiet for a moment. There it was, the one thing that nagged at him every time he thought of the horrible event. Why hadn't he smelled her inside the building? Was it possible that she was right? Had he unconsciously known she was there? No, no.... that just wasn't possible. He would never do that to an enemy, let alone a friend.

"Liar!" Natsu could hear Lahar's disgusted voice in his head, a remnant from one of his interrogations. "Just admit it! She was in your way. She was keeping you from something you wanted wasn't she?" Lahar's voice became louder. "You saw an opportunity and you took it, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? You filthy mage killer!"

"NOOOOOO.....stop it!" Natsu cried out as he covered his ears with his hands, trying to unhear the words that Lahar had repeated over and over during the course of his interrogations, usually after having someone work him over.

It just wasn't possible, but he could never be sure and that scared him more than anything ever had before because that was not someone Natsu Dragneel ever wanted to be. He'd rather die than believe he could ever be that person.

It would be so easy to just let himself go, suicide by wild beast or a quick plunge off a cliff, but he couldn't. He couldn't disgrace Igneel any further and there was that small part of him that hoped that Gray would come for him. Even though he knew it wouldn't happen, had taken steps to keep it from happening. But he was Natsu Dragneel, and deep down he was still incapable of giving up. He wanted to earn his place back in the sun with the others, he just didn't know how.

"NO, that's not true Lucy!" Natsu desperately tried to get her to listen but he was having trouble focusing on anything but the pain in his body and the turmoil in his soul. "Please, you have to believe me, I never wanted for this to happen! I always felt responsible for you. I mourned you!"

"Is this what you wanted to see?" Lucy smiled, her words dripping with a malice that chilled Natsu to the bone as she began to melt and blacken in front of his eyes. Her body continued to burn until it was nothing more than a charred skeleton, and although she was silent her smile never left, visible even in her remains. Natsu screamed over and over until he passed out into nothingness while the fire crackled pleasantly in the background.

o-o

It had taken longer than Gray had anticipated to find Natsu's location. He had been traveling for days but he thought he was very close to his destination. Natsu had not left a clear address or even a longitude or latitude they could look up on a map, instead it was more like a stream of clues. Things like when you reach the gnarled tree that looks like Gramps when he's angry head west. It was both amusing and infuriating. It was just so Natsu and Gray's heart ached with a loneliness he was not even aware he was capable of. He'd always known Natsu was important to him, just as much as Erza or Cana were but also different.

Natsu understood him better than anyone else in their circle of friends. More often that not their fights were Natsu's way of giving Gray the physical intimacy he needed without it being weird. He thought he understood Natsu just as well but he'd been wrong. He knew that Lucy's death was weighing on him but Gray never thought Natsu would leave them. The fact that he had left Happy behind worried him the most. Gray had to sneak off in the middle of the night to prevent both the Exceed and Erza from forcing their way into the trip. Erza had good intentions but she was too overbearing and the last thing Natsu needed was a lecture. Maybe when Gray brought him back Natsu would be ready to deal with her . There was no question in Gray's mind about that. He would bring him back, even if it was kicking and screaming.

He was already looking forward to the look of surprise that he would receive from the Fire Dragon Slayer. He had brought plenty of provisions figuring from his previous experiences searching that Natsu had probably not been eating enough. It was getting dark and he decided to camp out for the night. He'd walk the remaining miles in the morning and if he'd understood the last clue correctly he should be at Natsu's cave by noon. The temperature in the mountains had plummeted once the sun had set but this did not bother Gray overly much. He drifted off to sleep tired from the days exertions, both worried and excited at the prospect of seeing his best friend the next day.

o-o

Natsu couldn't stop shivering. The cold mountain air, which had never bothered him before, was brutal. It threatened to seep into every particle of his body. The magic sealing bracelet prevented his body from heating up like he was used to. He rubbed his hands over his arms to try to create some heat through friction but it never lasted long. He'd managed to skin one of the larger animals he had hunted and turned its pelt into a sort of blanket. He wrapped it around himself now, but no matter what he did he could not chase the chill out of his body.

He thought about starting a fire to warm up the cave but decided against it. He did not want a repeat of the last time he had tried. He shuddered at the memory. No, he would make do. The blanket would keep him warm enough, he thought, even as his teeth began to chatter. He was miserable but he hadn't exactly expected comfort when he had decided on this path.

o-o

Gray stared at the entrance to the cave where he should find Natsu and could not find the will to move. He chided himself for his nerves, suddenly aware that if he managed to say the wrong thing he could make everything much worse. On the way there he had thought much about how much he needed to see that Natsu was alright, and had felt an urgent need to hurry, as if he could sense that time was of the essence. The thought of a world without Natsu in it, well that was not a place Gray wanted to experience.

Just as he was about to force himself forward he saw a speck of pink and tensed. Natsu came out of the cave and Gray prepared himself for the Fire Dragon Slayer's inevitable over the top reaction to his presence, but it never came.

Natsu went about as if he didn't even know Gray was there. This was enough to give Gray pause. He decided with growing apprehension to observe for a while before approaching. He watched with interest, trying to detect the effects of the last two months on the usually carefree mage. Natsu's hair was longer than usual, which softened his features but also made him look younger, vulnerable. Gray's heart began to beat faster as he continued to look at the changes written all over his friend's body. Natsu was sporting a full grown beard, something Gray had never thought him capable of. He had lost a lot of weight. The six pack abs that Gray absolutely only looked at to compare against his own, had been replaced by the faint outline of ribs and Gray noticed that Natsu wore a belt to hold his rather dirty pants up on his too lean frame.

Gray squinted his eyes against the sun to get a better look. Natsu seemed to be wearing bracelets on both his wrists that seemed familiar. although Gray couldn't put his finger on why. He watched Natsu move around slowly, as if looking for something, until seemingly satisfied he stretched out in the sunniest spot almost like a cat. The comparison made Gray smile until he realized that Natsu was shivering. Warning bells went off in his head, it was a rather warm day, Natsu shouldn't be shivering. Gray began to make his way towards his friend, concern making him move faster than he originally intended.

When he got to where Natsu was laying down, he could see that the fire mage was indeed shivering and was covered in sweat. He had covered himself with some kind of dirty animal skin. Gray knelt down beside him and felt Natsu's forehead. He was burning up.

"Shit!" Gray exclaimed worriedly. He wasn't sure what to do, he had not brought any medicine with him. He needed to get him some help but he wasn't sure where the nearest town was or even if it had a healer. An uneasy feeling began to spread towards his stomach as he took in their surroundings, not even sure what he was expecting to find.

"G--gray?" Natsu asked in a raspy voice, his eyelids heavy as he tried to look up at the ice mage. "Is that you?" Before Gray had a chance to respond to him, Natsu had faded out of consciousness as his body continued to fight off the fever.

Gray gently caressed the Fire Dragon Slayer's cheek and answered him anyway. "Yeah, Flame Breath, it's me." He moved all of the sweaty hair that lay matted on Natsu's forehead away from his face. "What have you been doing to yourself?" His gaze immediately fell on the bracelets that had caught his attention earlier. Natsu had never been interested in jewelry, often making fun of Gray for his necklace and bracelet. He grabbed one of Natsu's wrists to look at the bracelet more closely, looking for any clue as to why the fire mage would be wearing them. They did not appear to be Lucy's, at least not that he recognized. He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd seen them before. He touched the metal and felt the tug on his magic before letting go of it. He paled when he realized what Natsu had been doing to himself. Had he be wearing those for two months?! Gray was filled with fury, there was only one place Natsu could have gotten magic sealing bracelets from and Gray promised himself he was going to murder that glasses wearing Magic Council bastard the next time he saw him. He should have realized that those interrogations had affected Natsu more than he had let on. "Oh Natsu, you fucking idiot!" he said with a fondness born out of years of taking care of each other and as he viewed the weakened appearance of his best friend he muttered sadly, "Why did you let him get into your head?"

With no clear plan on what to do he left Natsu outside for the moment and entered the cave to try to get it set up for taking care of Natsu.

o-o

Natsu woke up to a throbbing headache. He was so thirsty, when was the last time he had gone to get water from the river? A few days? He was so tired of being cold and although he wasn't hungry he could feel his stomach complaining from the lack of food. He looked around him in confusion, how had he gotten back in the cave? He had just been outside hadn't he? He had a glimpse of something but it was too hazy for him to make out. He closed his eyes for a moment to try to clear his head but drifted off again instead.

Gray returned carrying a bucket and two canteens he had filled with water from the river that he had found not too far from the cave. He saw that the Fire Dragon Slayer was still asleep where he had left him. Gray was glad he had brought a proper blanket with him, Natsu did not seen to have anything on hand but that dirty animal pelt he had been wrapped in earlier. He wrinkled his nose as the stench from the blanket assaulted his nostrils. He threw it as far away from them as possible. He looked back to Natsu and felt his breath hitch as he saw the empty spot on Natsu's right shoulder where his red guild mark should have been. His hand moved of its own accord to the spot where the mark had been since they were children, his fingers wanting to corroborate what his eyes were seeing. He stopped himself before he could make contact.

He covered Natsu in his blanket and moved away slowly, needing to think. He would never have believed that Natsu was capable of such a thing. That mark meant more to them than just being part of a guild, it identified them as family. That brought the seriousness of the situation home to him even more than the bracelets had. Natsu was not planning on coming back. Gray was not ok with that, he still didn't understand all the feelings that had been sneaking up on him for the last few months but the one thing he was sure of was that he needed Natsu in his life. Any other option was not acceptable to him, but how could he make the notoriously stubborn fire mage understand that?

He organized the sticks and dry leaves he had collected in the fire pit Natsu had constructed as a way to settle himself. He had thought it strange that despite how cold it had been the last few nights it did not look like a fire had been lit for quite a while. In fact the remains had looked like someone had stomped out the last one, there were partially burnt sticks everywhere. It had aroused his curiosity but right now the important thing was to make Natsu comfortable. He would need to bathe him, truth be told Natsu smelled dreadful and he did not really want to deal with the smell overnight. Once he had gotten the fire started he began to warm some water for a bath. As he waited he looked through his provisions looking for something that would be easy to warm up. He set aside some fruit to try to feed Natsu later. When the water had heated enough he removed it from the fire and grabbed a change of clothes and his soap from his bag. He poured some of the water into a container he found laying around and used it to wet the soap. Gray was standing behind the fire when Natsu finally awoke.

o-o

Natsu was hot, he removed the blanket that was covering him without paying much attention to it and sat up slowly not wanting to exacerbate his headache. The first thing that he noticed was that it was brighter in the cave than it should be, then he noticed it was also warmer than the previous nights. He basked in the warmth for a few seconds until his addled brain finally caught up to the fact that something was not right. That's when he saw it, the fire that had no business being there.

The fear reaction was immediate. His eyes darted around assuring himself that he was alone, that Lucy was not hiding in the shadows. That's when he saw him standing behind the fire and his heart broke.

"No, no." Natsu muttered nervously, "I didn't kill you, I would never--"

"Natsu?" Gray began to move towards him slowly, water container still in his hands. He did not like the way Natsu was looking at him, like he was seeing a ghost. What was going on?

Natsu watched him come ever closer and began to sob. "I didn't kill you, I didn't kill you."

"Of course not, Natsu." Gray responded, his voice coming out more gruffly than he intended. "What are you talking about? I'm right here."

He knelt in front of him to try and grab Natsu's hand, to squeeze it and assure him that he was indeed here but Natsu did not seem to really be there with him, the next words that burst out of the fire mage's mouth shocked him to silence and cemented his hatred for the Magic Council, and one Captain in particular .

"You were right Lahar, I'm nothing but a filthy mage killer. First Lucy and now Gray, Have to leave to keep everyone safe." Natsu tried to get up but couldn't manage it.

"No, Natsu. That's not true!" Gray responded, his eyes tearing up at the pain in Natsu's voice, "You would never hurt anyone, it was an accident."

"I'm so sorry, Gray." Natsu said and he lifted his hand to Gray's cheek, unconsciously imitating Lucy, "I never told you."

"I loved you." Natsu whispered.

o-o

A/N Selenba, I'm guessing I'm getting a howler! Thank you very much to MiyuTanemura for all her help on this chapter.