First Chapter Mini Reviews

Here are a few observations of each entry's first chapter.

Bear in mind that these are not meant to be critical; they are just honest and simply put observations and feelings of this reader.

This is NOT a list of the stories progressing to the next round.

The chapter reviews are in order of submission, and I'll be adding more as I read.

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C is For Carmiabell Locks

I find the structure of the first part, which comes before chapter one, unusual :)

There is a short Prologue which leaves me a little perplexed with how fast I'm pulled into this story's world, and then it's followed by an Introduction.

Chapter 1 takes us into a
curious fantasy world, which seems to be a blend of our world and complete fantasy.

It seems like a very elaborate fantasy world but I feel like I was given a little too much info about it in this chapter, I felt pulled into a world I have no idea about maybe a little too fast, struggling to picture and understand everything.

The narration has a fairytale like feeling.

There is a good cliffhanger at the end of the chapter.

A Ballad of Falling Light

I found the Prologue well written and enjoyable, pleasantly mysterious and intriguing. The little family scene had, in my mind, Asian legend vibes.

Chapter 1
Spotless writing, an easy to follow style, well edited.

Good descriptions, very easy to picture.

To me, the first chapter introduced a little too many characters. Even though their interactions were well executed, which is never easy, I found myself confusing or not remembering all their names.

The chapter flows in a slow pace and ends with a hint of a cliffhanger.

The Great Ellini

The writing is very polished and clear, easy to follow.

The Prologue is well put together, introducing the main character in a moment that will change his life. It pulls the reader into the world of what looks like a mysterious alternate reality in a well paced flow.

Intriguing first chapter and hook.

Quarter Life Crisis

An enjoyable start :)

The first chapter is well written, and easy to follow. It serves as a great introduction of the MC. 

It leaves me curious about what will happen next.

Go, Die & Come Back

The Prologue offered a good glimpse of the world the story is set in and introduced one of its characters.

The first chapter successfully set the theme of a family drama. It introduced several new characters of whom, at this point, I'm not sure who will become the main character of the story.

Cruel Star

The prophecy that will most likely influence the whole story was presented well in the prologue, and both the characters, too.

New characters were introduced smoothly in the first chapter.

They lead the reader into an interesting fantasy world where the MC sounds like a contemporary teenager dreaming of marrying a 'rich and famous' prince.

The conditions in which she lives and then the gathering in the square made me think of Hunger Games :)

The Chosen One's Mom

The first chapter was very enjoyable.

It's a great portrayal of the MC, both her past and present. The description of her past pain and her present troubles with the teenage son make her feel very real.

It leads the reader smoothly into an intriguing fantasy world.

The chapter ends in the perfect place to make me want to read more.

A Memory of Starfires

The story starts with a well written and polished first chapter. It is an intriguing introduction to both the world in which the story is set and the MC.

The descriptions are well done, and the setting is easy to imagine and yet mysterious.

The cliffhanger leaves me curious about what will happen next.

Ancilla

The story starts with a long and very detailed prologue, which makes it feel almost like nonfiction.

The narrative flows well, it's clear and polished.

This long introduction feels, in my mind, like the long opening chapters of Jane Eyre. I suppose, just like in that book, it serves to firmly introduce the MC and to explain her later actions and decisions.

Hell's Hottest Delivery

Polished and well written, this story has an entertaining first chapter. It's witty and fast-paced, and it pulls the reader into a paranormal fantasy, or should I say magical realism? smoothly. 

The Dark Roads: The Complete story

Intriguing and mysterious Prologue. 

The first chapter is a well executed portrayal of the MC, his love interest, and his inner struggle. Again, very mysterious and intriguing. 

Underneath

The slow paced narrative ebbs and flows like the sea and memories, which seem to be equally important in the first chapter. It's beautifully put together, and there's enough underlying mystery to keep the readers curious to read on.

Queen of Death

The first chapter introduces the protagonist and her world of forbidden magic, Dreamers and Necromancers smoothly, through good dialogue and easy to picture descriptions. 

Love Lost= Misery Growing

The first chapter leaves me unsure of what to think about the MC. The narration of the present moment is interrupted by several flashbacks in which the reader sees him as a teen who 'stalked' :) a girl into a platonic friendship and then love, a great relationship which lasted for years and then mysteriously stopped. 

Apparently, something bad had happened as his only way to see his past love again is a high school reunion... 

Intriguing start :)

Bad Boy Alphas

What starts as a werewolf pack hunt for a vampire thief escalates fast into a long and detailed fight scene. The vampires are forgotten while two rivalrous alphas fight each other. 

I enjoyed the descriptions, both of the surroundings and the action sequence. 

Whispers

The unsettling tone is well done and so are the descriptions of the setting-- the 'small town in the heart of London with a haunted, secluded villa in rolling hills' feel almost like a parallel world as this is not how we know London today.

However, I think it could be achieved through fewer words. This way, it feels a little repetitive after a while and lulls this reader's mind to a point where when the gruesome horrors occur, I don't feel as scared as I would like to be  :)

I think the story would greatly benefit if it had a separate prologue where the past happenings in the villa would be described, with its own rhythm and atmosphere, followed by the first chapter starting by introducing the paranormal investigators in the present, pulling the readers in with a faster paced narration, possibly with some dialogue to present them better to the readers.

The Woman Before

Solid, intriguing prologue. In only a few pages, it goes a long way to shed light on the protagonists' relationship.

The first chapter happening ten years later is very well done, making the vengeful main female character relatable. I do not want her to do what she's planning to do, but I feel her. Great job, writer :) 

Angels in Disguise 

The prologue introduces two young girls, or rather, describes their death in a car crash. In the end, the reader learns that they 'were chosen'. Intriguing start :)

The first chapter explains why the girls were chosen to die at such a young age-- they are needed as angels for a mysterious task that will take them back into the realm of humans. Not telling the reader what the task is immediately is a good creative choice :)

I'm Crazy about You

The first part of the first chapter takes the reader to a coffee shop and introduces a couple of friends through well executed dialogue.

Quite a few (not common) names are mentioned, and it gets a little confusing to follow how they are all related in the second part, when we get a new pov and more people are introduced. 

AKS-E-RASHTA

The first episode introduces the protagonist, a diamond merchant's daughter, in flashbacks of her difficult youth. 

It sounds interesting, but I'm sorry to admit, I find the story difficult to follow because of the translation. 

Lazf-e-Mohabbatein

Intriguing start! The great love story ending so tragically, getting a chance to live on among the pages of a book, is a good premise  :)

Wish I Was Better 

The story opens with a bittersweet, melancholic first chapter describing a... love lost, I'd say. 

I couple who broke up year ago meets by chance (organised by a mutual friend) and discovers that a level of feelings, maybe love, maybe not, still lingers between them. I'm curious where the story will go from here because of the cleverly placed foreshadowing :)

The Dark Mage

Wonderful, transporting, and easy to follow worlbuilding in the prologue. It's a good introduction to the story.

The first chapter takes the reader deeper into the fantasy world and presents the plot well through the conversation of two characters and, at the very end, the glimpse of the Dark Mage. Good start :)

Nemesis: A Tale of Vengeance 

The story has one of the most violent prologues I've read on this platform. I suppose what was described, this early in the story, will have an important impact on the whole tale. 

The first chapter is fairly long, and I think it could be split up. There's a little more violence described in detail, but the chapter doesn't seem to pick up where the prologue left off. So, I am not entirely sure how it is connected to the previous event, nor am I sure how the several povs that are introduced here are tied together. However, there's an intriguing feeling of mystery  :)

The Lab

In the prologue, we meet the protagonist, now a teenager, who was kidnapped when she was four. Interestingly, she admits that her life wasn't as bad as one might expect. 

The first chapter takes the reader back into the past, showing us the moment of the kidnapping. I find the past pov interesting-- it is the view and a very detailed memory of the four year old girl told from a later/current moment in her life, making us see what the little girl experienced through the eyes, and vocabulary of a young adult. An intriguing and scary start!  

The Vanishing Girls of Willow Creek

The prologue is intriguing a scary, introducing the protagonist (?) during a run for her life.

The first, long chapter feels calm and slow after the fast-paced prologue.

Written in the protagonist's first-person pov, it introduces her town, social life, best friend, and herself in a very detailed manner. 

There is an underlying feel of mystery in the mentioned unsolved murder cases, a letter from an unknown admirer, and a line of foreshadowing at the end.

Cataract of Delusion 

The prologue leaves us with more questions than answers, and it introduces the murder mystery well.

The first chapter follows the main suspect's father, until the moment when a flashback while driving causes his an accident, leaving us guessing whether he will live. The story then shifts to the MC and introduces her through her inner thoughts and a dialogue with who seems to be her number one enemy.

I'm curious whether she is guilty of the murder she's accused of at all...

The Price of Blood.

The first chapter takes the reader directly into an, may I say urban fantasy world, writer? And I like how it's done.

The writing is clean and polished, and the dialogues feel natural while we are introduced to this interesting world hint by hint, without it being overwhelming. 

Black Fire|The Rejected Mate

The protagonist is a very unlucky high school werewolf girl, and the first chapter of this story shows that well. An orphan, mistreated by her uncle, aunt and cousins, and classmates too, rejected by her mate...

Let's hope things will turn for better for her soon!

No Machigai with Revenge wife

A strong first chapter describing a successful suicide attempt with some grand (an only a little unclear) imagery. 

I have no idea where the story will go from here which is good. It keeps me curious :)

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