Chapter Quote:
"I rarely open up. I don't like to feel vulnerable or be misunderstood. But now and then I get to talking to somebody and something about them resonates with me- whether total stranger or old friend, in their presence, I feel a certain safety, a rare calm, and everything comes gushing out."

~Beau Taplin

Chapter 18: Confession

Lux

When fighter jets appeared on radar, all of us were instantly set on edge. We were all geared up and ready to take off if we needed to. Thankfully, the pilots came on the radio, announcing themselves as Bryn Galbraith, Kit Galbraith, Luke Banks, and Markus Lampert. But, they were more famously known as Mobius One (callsign Ember), Yellow Thirteen (callsign Lucky), Garuda One (callsign Talisman), and Garuda Two (callsign Shamrock), respectively. My family and I scrambled over each other, all trying to get to the deck first. Charlotte got there first, but she was so small, she easily slipped past and through all of us.

I watched in awe as the four fighter jets lined up to land. Ember came down first, then Talisman, the Lucky, and then Shamrock. I felt like I was about to spontaneously combust from excitement at the thought of seeing my cousins.

"Talisman!" Shiloh exclaimed, rushing up to hug him. He greeted her with open arms, enveloping my sister in a bear hug. The rest of us were quick to follow. Hugs and introductions were exchanged all around before Ember ripped into us.

"What the hell is going on here?" She demanded. "Your parents are MIA, you've all been branded traitors by the country of Osea, you stole your parents' planes, you've hijacked a Belkan naval ship, and you're bringing in a woman who wanted to shoot Cipher down alongside one of the men who tried to shoot down Talisman and Shamrock multiple times. You have five seconds to explain yourselves."

"First of all, we didn't hijack the ship," Will defended.

"That was Axel and Markus and their allies," Jem added. "They were already on this ship."

"So we didn't hijack the ship," Henri said.

"So technically, they just took over the chain of command once we found out some Gray Men were leading it," Alec finished.

"We also didn't steal our parents' planes. We just temporarily misappropriated them," I piped up.

"The Gray Men are trying to kill us," Shiloh finished.

"How does your family manage to get into so much trouble all the time?" Ember grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I mean, you're our direct cousin, so you're part of that family," Alec pointed out.

She sighed. "And where's Percy?"

"You didn't hear?"

"Hear what?"

"The Gray Men killed him. That raid at the air base Percy was stationed at... they found out he was onto them and their plans and killed him," Shiloh explained softly.

"They broke into his apartment and nearly killed Shiloh, too," Isabelle added. "We had to get out of the country for our own safety."

"They tried to either take us hostage or kill us at the academy. Depended on who you were with," Tessa said.

"Percy's dead?" Ember's face fell. "We didn't know... they never reported it."

"Our parents kept it quiet and out of the news for now," Tessa told her. "They didn't want the paparazzi hounding us too soon. The fame sucks sometimes, but it also has its perks."

"Why haven't the Gray Men announced they killed Percy? Or that Percy was killed in the first place?" Lucky queried, scrunching his face up in confusion.

"Probably because the public would feel sympathy for our parents if they found out they lost a child. The Gray Men want to turn the public against us," Shiloh said. "Not garner us more support."

"Valid point," Talisman agreed.

"If you don't mind me asking, what do you need us for? Because while I'm probably going to get the couch for this, you all seem to have this under control," Lucky said. Ember didn't give him the couch, but she did hit him in the arm. "What? They do. I mean, how many kids do you know that could escape the clutches of one of the most dangerous groups in the world while giving them a big old 'screw you' by stealing the planes of the parents? Besides Brian and Felicity."

"None, but I don't want them getting big heads over what they've accomplished. They have quite the road ahead of them. Not to mention their parents are going to pissed they stole their planes."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," I said.

"In regards to your question, Lucky, we believe that when the time comes for the Gray Men to strike, they're going to conduct two missions simultaneously because they know the Razgriz can't be in two places at once," Shiloh explained.

"But you have Galm and Bartlett's planes," Shamrock pointed out.

"They're not going to be small missions. They're going to be on the scale that they think the Razgriz can't handle. They know our parents like the back of their hand. They know what they're capable of, what they've done. They know how much is too much."

"If it's too much for them, how do you think it's going to be for you guys? You're good, don't get me wrong, but they're preparing for your parents, a.k.a. the Demons of Razgriz. They are the deadliest force on this planet. You are not the Razgriz just because you have their planes," Ember argued.

"We just need them to think we are. Enemies see the Razgriz, and they panic. Wars aren't just a physical battle. It's mental, too. And we've already won half if we can get them to panic. And they won't expect us to all be there. They'll prepare for five members to show up, not nine. And they're going to be expecting at least three for the other one for Galm, and possibly Bartlett. They're not going to prepare for six," my sister easily countered. Even I was impressed by how much she had planned this thing. I wasn't sure I even knew all this. Judging by the faces of the others in my group, they didn't either.

"You've really thought about this, haven't you?"

"I've had a lot of time on my hands."

"I can see that... well, it's better we help you rather than risk all of you getting killed because we didn't. We'll do hops to get you practicing as much as possible. Does anyone know you're out here?"

"No, no one."

"Good, because if you want the element of surprise, and we get attacked out here, we can't help you."

"Understood. Come on, we'll show you around."

"Shiloh, can I talk to you for a moment? We can catch up with the others."

"Of course." Although my sister sounded casual, I could see her tense up. I wanted to stay behind with her, but one look from her said she'd be fine. Reluctantly, I followed my group. Liam stayed beside me as Will, Jem, Henri, and Alec led the tour of the ship. Tessa, Charlotte, Helena, and Isabelle kept giving snarky commentary, usually when one of the boys exaggerated something. Although Lucky, Talisman, and Shamrock wanted to be mad at us like Ember, they couldn't help but smile at our antics. Probably because it reminded them of theirs when they were our age.

"What's on your mind?" Liam inquired quietly, gently nudging me.

"Shiloh and Ember. I want to know what they're talking about."

"Shiloh will tell you when she gets back," he said. By this point, we were lagging far behind the group, but the boys' voices were still loud and crystal clear, so I wasn't worried about any of them eavesdropping on our conversation or even noticing how far back we were.

"No, she won't. She barely tells me anything now. She's solely focused on this mission. I'm worried she's bottling it all up. In other words, she's doing what my mom did after she thought my dad died, and we all know she wasn't exactly in the best state of mind during that time."

"What do you mean?"

"None of our family really talks about it, but I overheard mom and Genette talking one day after Percy's death. Mom said she was worried that Shiloh was going to go after the Gray Men, regardless of the consequences, and Genette said it sounded like her during their war when she suggested flying through that tunnel in Sudentor. I remember him saying she wanted to kill two birds with one stone, and I think he thought mom was..."I trailed off, a knot forming in my throat as I thought about it. Liam took my hand in his.

"We won't let anything happen to Shiloh. We've got her back like your aunts and uncles had your mom's," he told me, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I smiled up at him gratefully, even if I didn't fully believe him. He had no idea what the women in our family were capable of...

"I'm sorry we got you dragged into this," I suddenly said. "I'm sure your parents are worried sick about you." Liam suddenly dropped his gaze from mine. "What? Did I say something? Are you not on good terms with your parents? Did I bring up a sore subject?"

"No, no, I don't... it's not something I talk about a lot. I don't have parents. I lived in an orphanage most of my life. When I turned eighteen, I joined the Air Force because it was the only way I could afford college since it's free. They employ me over the summer, so I'm literally always there. Being with you guys? This is the closest I've ever had to a family, and I'm honored you guys have let me in your inner circle. Or most of it at least. I want to be there for you guys as much as you have been there for me."

"There's no 'at least'. Not anymore. You're on the run just like us. And I'm sorry about bringing up your family... I didn't know."

"How would you? I'm not exactly open about it. You deserve to know though."

"Thank you. I won't say anything if you don't want me to."

"They can know too. I'll leave it up to you." Giving me a smile, Liam picked up the pace so that we caught up to the rest of the group. Jem and Will were going into detail about Helena's rescue.

"And then we jumped off the building!" Will exclaimed.

"With parachutes," Isabelle said.

"We locked onto our target so we could land just right on it," Jem continued. "And-"

"You landed on a bus! And you-" Helena pointed an accusatory finger at Will. "- landed on a taxi!"

"I surfed that bus like a pro," Jem defended. The girls all simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"I can only imagine what the news was reporting," Lucky said.

"If my legacy is landing on a taxi and riding it, then I can die happy," Will declared.

"Y'all need Jesus," Charlotte told them bluntly.

"Where are our rooms?" Talisman inquired, tactfully changing the subject.

"Follow me," Isabelle offered. We went down the corridor we had practically taken over. To my surprise, Shiloh and Ember were already down there.

"Hey," Ember greeted. "How was the tour?"

"Enlightening, to say the least. It seems the kids have been very busy," Lucky replied.

"So I've heard. Shiloh's given me a low down on it all too. I really hope Brian and Felicity aren't getting into anything..."

"Do we want to give them a call... just to make sure?"

"Smart idea. I'll be back." Ember walked off.

"I'm going to bed y'all. Between flying and getting up so early, I'm exhausted. Talisman, Shamrock, Lucky, it's great to see y'all. Good night everyone!" Shiloh waved at us before entering her room. On a split-second decision, I followed her, not bothering to tell anyone why. Then again, no one questioned me following my sister.

"What did Ember want to talk to you about?" I asked once the door was shut.

"She was seeing how I was holding up. I've noticed the women in our family have a tendency to lose their significant other," Shiloh answered, picking up her book off the nightstand. "They also have a tendency of losing them to plane crashes, then suddenly finding their significant others alive and kicking later on. As much as I wish that tradition would continue on with me, I know that's not the case. You can't come back from being burned to death..."

"She didn't get onto you about anything, did she?"

"Like what?"

I hung my head, thinking about my conversation with Liam earlier. "Mom was in a bad place after she thought dad died. It was to the point that when she suggested flying through the tunnel in Sudentor, Genette thought she wanted to do it to kill two birds with one stone: to take care of the Gray Men and join dad..."

"What?" Shiloh demanded, whirling around. "How do you know this?"

"I'm not supposed to. I couldn't sleep one night, and Genette had come over and was talking to mom in the living room. I overheard them talking about that night and listened in... I just... I want to make sure that you're doing okay. That you're not feeling how mom did."

"Oh, Lux," Shiloh breathed. My sister rushed to give me a hug. I squeezed her tightly, trying to convey to her that no matter what she was going through, that I was here for her. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not to that point. It would take a lot to get me to that point. Percy would kill me again if I died for that reason."

"Promise me you'll tell me if it gets to that point though, okay? I've lost Percy and Henri, and I can't lose anyone else. I just can't."

"Lux, are you okay?"

"I think for the first time, I'm scared," I admitted. "Not because I don't believe in you leading us because you're doing an incredible job, but I'm scared for our parents. I'm worried about them. I have a terrible feeling that mom and dad are going to get into some deep shit."

"They kind of already are in deep shit," Shiloh responded. "They wouldn't have dropped off the grid if they weren't. But whether they're aware of it or not, they have us, and we're not going to let anything happen to them. Knowing mom's intuition, she's probably figured out it was us that took the planes and knows we're on their side."

"Listen, when all this is said and done, I think you, mom, and I need to do a trip together. Just the three of us. I think we're going to need it after all this."

"If she doesn't kill us for stealing her planes, then I whole-heartedly agree."

Someone knocked on our door, interrupting our moment. Shiloh called out for them to come in. It was Alec who announced, "We have incoming! Axel and Markus are back with Strigon Two and Espada Two!"

Chopper

"Do you know where Bartlett went?" Blaze asked me when everyone had retired to bed. She and I stayed up though, digging through the files because we were both too wired on adrenaline and worry to sleep right now.

"I assume he's gone to sleep. Why?" I replied, taking a break from reading the reports to look at her.

"I want to talk to him."

I sighed. "How many times have you tried talking to him?"

"I've lost count."

"And how many times has he opened up to you about what's bothering him?"

"Zero."

"What makes you think doing it again is going to change the outcome?"

"Because I was going to try a different tactic," she said.

"What is this new tactic?"

"To sympathize with him. Let him know he's not alone. That we know how he feels. Almost literally."

I felt the color drain out of my face at her words. "Blaze... going that direction, it will bring questions that we never-"

"I know... but it's been over twenty years now. I can say it was all my fault because I didn't want to open up-"

"No. What happened between us was both our faults. Don't put all of this on you. I had my part in that," I told her, standing up.

"I know it's our secret, but I'm concerned about him, Chopper. I've never seen him like this, and it reminds me too much of what I went through when you died. The thoughts that went through my head..." My wife shivered as she trailed off. "If his thoughts are anything like mine were, and I have no doubt they are, then he needs to open or vent or something, but he needs to get it off his chest. He won't open up to Major, and the only one's closest to him after her are you, me, and Nagase. Nagase doesn't want to infringe on his privacy, and you don't want to anger him."

"Because he's scary when he's angry."

"You are taller and bigger than him."

"Yeah, but it's Bartlett. The only ones who aren't scared of him are you and Major. I'm also pretty sure you're the only ones who can scare him."

"Well, then, that leaves me to talk to him. If Major asks what I'm talking about, you can tell her the truth if you want to. And if you don't, that's okay too. Bartlett will keep it quiet for us if I ask him."

"All right," I said softly. "I'll be here until you're done."

"Thank you." My wife kissed me on the cheek and then went to find Bartlett. I watched her go, my heart sinking in my chest. Our biggest secret, one we'd kept from our entire family, was about to finally be revealed. It wasn't anything dark or dangerous, just... personal. Things hadn't always been unicorns and rainbows (or however the hell that saying goes) after Blaze and I got married. We had had a really rough patch for a while there, one that, at one point, I wondered if we'd ever make it through. Obviously we had, but still, it wasn't something I liked to talk about. I'd felt helpless when captive with Rald, but nothing compared to that time with Blaze. I just remember feeling like every time I did something, it was either the wrong thing or my good intentions made things worse.

"Chopper?" Major's voice floated from the doorway. "Why are you staring into space?"

"Sorry, I zoned out," I told her, sitting back down in my chair. "What's up?"

"I was wondering where Bartlett was. He hasn't come to bed yet."

"Blaze just went to go find him. She wants to go talk to him."

"She's tried multiple times already. What makes her think that this time is going to be any different?"

"Because I know what she's going to say to him, and I know it'll work. Sometimes to get a person to open up to you, you have to open up to them first. That's always the hardest part to do."

"What is she going to say to him?" Major asked. For a moment, I couldn't meet her eyes as all the memories of that time with Blaze flooded through my mind. "Chopper?"

"It's... it's something she and I have never shared with anyone. We didn't want any of you to know. I still don't, if I'm being honest, but it's been twenty years, so I guess it was bound to come out one day."

"How come?" Major sat in the chair opposite me, eyes full of concern.

"Because I know y'all would ask why we didn't come to you guys for help, or why we just didn't tell you, but it was complicated. Blaze and I were both dealing with our own stress and thoughts and PTSD, we were shutting each other out, and we were trying to hold onto the little shred of pride we had left in us. I guess we thought at the time, that if we told you all what was going on, then that shred of pride would disappear."

"What changed?"

"She came home one day in absolute tears. She couldn't speak a word when she saw me. When I pulled her into my arms, she just broke down, sobbing out the story. I couldn't make out half of what she was saying, but I picked out the word 'doctor's office'. That day, we found out she had been pregnant."

"Had been?"

"We also found out that same day she'd miscarried. The doctor told her that due to all the injuries she sustained from her captivity with Rald, there was an extremely high chance she could never have kids. That was only a few weeks before our reveal. Blaze wasn't the same for quite a while after that. She would get sick just thinking about it."

"Oh my god..." Major breathed. "I'm so sorry... She was sick when we had our reveal. Was that because of the miscarriage?"

"Yeah. It was the only time I ever lied to Grimm, saying she was okay. She wasn't, but she didn't want anyone to know what had happened. Blaze didn't want to bring any of you down or scare you with the potential to miscarriage your own since you were all pregnant at the time, so she asked me not to say anything about it. I didn't. Looking back, I see it was probably stupid, but stress and anxiety can make you do funny things."

"Chopper, I know things weren't easy for you and Blaze after Rald, but I didn't know they were that bad. I thought when Blaze kept saying she knew what we were going through, it was because she saw Percy as a son, or because she was comparing your death to what we're going through, but now I realize you both lost a kid too."

"We never met them, and I think it was the question of 'what could have been' that bothered us the most. We would never get to hear them say their first words, take their first steps, send them off to their first day of school, see them graduate high school, college, get married, and have kids of their own. Add the news of thinking she couldn't conceive when we both wanted to have kids, it was devastating. We knew there was always the option of adopting, but we also knew that y'all would get suspicious about why we didn't want kids of our own. It was complicated and we were going through so much, we didn't want to add anything else onto our plate or give the rest of you something else to worry about. I guess we just didn't want to be a burden to y'all more than we'd already been."

"Chopper, you and Blaze could never be burdens to us. We would've understood, and we wouldn't have thought any less of you if you'd told us. When you said you and Blaze were shutting each other out, what do you mean?"

I glanced down at my hands, fiddling with the pen I'd been holding. For the longest time, I had never wanted to talk about what happened. But now that Major was asking me, having someone other than my wife to get it off my chest to, suddenly it all came spilling out, and I couldn't stop myself. "We were on the verge of divorcing. For a while, because we had the distraction of wedding planning for us and helping you guys, I think we were able to ignore our problems. But a little while after all the weddings were done, cracks started to form in our relationship. Neither of us realized, nor did we want to admit, that we were suffering from PTSD. Our stress and anxiety were through the roof, but we refused to admit to it too. Whenever we'd ask the other if they were okay, we would snap saying we were fine and to stop asking. We were arguing over the stupidest stuff. It got to the point where Blaze wouldn't even come up from the living room to go to bed. She stayed on the couch. I'd gone down a few times to try and convince her to come up, and when that didn't work, I tried convincing her to take the bed while I slept on the couch. It didn't work either. So we slept separately from each other for months. I never really slept during those times. I ran on caffeine and adrenaline."

"But whenever we had family gatherings or events, you two didn't act any differently than before. How did you do it?"

"Because we forgot about our problems being with y'all. We forgot about our stress and anxiety and what we were going through because y'all provided a distraction. We focused on how much we loved each other and you guys. We weren't pretending. But the minute we got home, it's like we forgot about that. Our minds went back to those dark places, and we were drowning in them. We couldn't get out."

"What happened?"

"The miscarriage. She had been feeling ill and went to the doctors by herself. When she came back, well... you know the rest. After that, we spent the next week talking about everything. It wasn't easy. We had more fights, one of us would walk off, but then come back a few minutes later because we knew we had to do this and that our reactions were a defense mechanism. We were so used to hiding what we were feeling because we didn't want to feel weak that we were slipping into it. We forced ourselves not to do that."

"Is that why you were so worried about the rumors of divorce being true? When you, Nagase, and Cass argued with Blaze that day?"

I'd almost forgotten about that... "Yeah. I was fine with letting you all think I was being overdramatic about it, but yeah, that's the real reason. Look, I didn't mean to drag you down with this story because I know you're going through hell right now. I know I don't need to tell you that to get through this, you need to be there for each other. But I believe Bartlett needs to hear it."

"I did," he said, walking into the room, my wife beside him. They were holding hands, their eyes both a little bloodshot.

"You told her too?" Blaze asked, giving me a small smile.

"It looks like I needed to get it off my chest," I admitted sheepishly.

"Nastasya," Bartlett said. Using her first name, I knew he was being serious. "Let's go to bed. I think we have some things to get off our chests."

"I'd like that. Good night, Blaze. Chopper." Major hugged the two of us goodnight before following her husband into their room. Blaze walked up next to me, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"You were right," I whispered. "They needed to hear that."

Blaze smiled. "They're going to be okay."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I didn't realize bringing back all those memories would be so difficult. I thought I had been able to move on completely from it all."

"As much as it pains me to say this, I think what happened back then is one of those things that we'll never truly be able to talk about without getting upset. But we can't let it hurt us now like it did then."

"I'm scared, Chopper." The bluntness of my wife's statement made me freeze. My wife had never been one to admit when she was scared, usually because she never was. Blaze would say she was worried or concerned, but never scared. Not like that at least. Not just out of the blue.

"Are you getting a bad feeling about this?"

"Something's coming. I don't think what's coming is going after the kids. It's coming for us."

"Us as in our group, or us as in the two of us?"

"A bit of both. You and I are in danger, but I don't know which of the others are."

"What should we do?"

"I don't know. I don't know when it's coming, I don't know who it's going to be, I just know that it is."

"We'll be extra vigilant then." I kissed her on the top of her head. "Let's get to bed. We have a lot of work to do tomorrow."

Hope you enjoyed!