"Bro, kanina pa sa 'tin tumitingin 'yung mga girls sa kabilang table." 

Umiling ako nang marinig ang kwentuhan ni Leo at Adonis. It was just another day in my 3rd year life when my blockmates suddenly decided to 'hang out'. I got my bottle of beer and drank a little, oblivious of my surroundings. 

"There's Samantha from Comm," Adonis whispered beside me. "I always see her in Gonz. I think she likes Kalix, pare. Tingin siya nang tingin palagi sa table natin." 

"KJ, go there and ask the name of the one wearing the Archi uniform." Siniko ako ni Leo. 

I glared at him and shook my head. Why would I ask for a woman's name? 

"Not interested," I replied. 

"Hindi para sa 'yo! For me, pare!" Leo smirked at me. 

Tumingin ako sa table na tinutukoy nila, pinagsisisihan nang sumama pa 'ko dito sa Pop Up. This wasn't really my thing. My brows furrowed when I realized that there were two ladies wearing the Archi uniform underneath their jackets so I glanced back at Leo with a judging look. 

"Which?" Nakakunot ang noo ko. 

"'Yung naka-messy bun!" He was smiling shyly. He really liked the woman, huh. 

I glanced back at the woman with the messy bun. Nagbubukas siya ng red horse habang nakangiti at nakikipag-kwentuhan sa mga kaibigan niya. She had few strands of her hair sticking out from her bun. Her skin looked delicate, groomed brows, almond-shaped eyes, perfect nose, pink cheeks and pink lips. I didn't even realize how long I was staring. 

I stood up and heard Leo's whisper of success, followed by his disappointed glare when I walked out of the table to find a restroom. Seconds after, Amethyst stalked behind me. 

"Where are you going?" She asked, walking faster so she can catch up. 

"Restroom," I answered while looking around. 

"You were staring at that girl from UST. Nakita ko, ah." She tried to start a conversation. 

"It's not that serious." Tumalikod ako sa kanya para bumalik sa table. The main reason why I was staring was because of Leo. It was his fault that I had to look at the woman to see his type. 

Nadaanan ko 'yung isang blockmate namin na tumatakbo at nakahawak sa bibig, nasusuka. Agad akong bumalik sa table, only to find girls flocking around and looking at Adonis. 

"Adi, nasusuka si Riz," balita ko. Adonis had a crush on her. 

Nang tumayo si Adi para puntahan si Rizza, wala akong pakialam na umupo roon, nagtataka kung bakit napunta na sa table namin 'yung mga babaeng nasa kabilang table kanina, including the one with the messy bun who was standing a little far from where I was seated. She was looking at me and observing me, and I pretended that I didn't notice. 

"What do you need?" Tanong ko sa kaibigan nilang mukhang luluha na. 

They were eventually gone after that. The next morning, I had to get my allowance from my Dad so I drove to UST Hospital, only to see a familiar face from yesterday. Nakita ko na naman ang babae at mukhang nagulat rin siya nang makita ako sa elevator. 

I walked backwards when the elevator opened again. My arm almost touched hers and I felt her panicking. I remained quiet, staring in front, thinking of so many things like why was she staring at my face and why was she sniffing on my perfume? 

I was weirded out so I looked back at her. My sudden glance made her panic a little. I bit my lip to stifle a smile. She was so transparent and easy to read.

"KJ, 'yung phone mo. May nag-chat ata sa 'yo." Tumingin ako kay Adonis.

Kinuha ko kaagad ang phone ko para i-tago. I was pretty sure it was Luna from UST Architecture trying to hit on me using her corny pick-up lines related to law. Hindi ako sigurado kung may gusto siya sa 'kin o gusto niya lang akong ginagago. 

I tried to focus on my readings. Nandito kami sa Gonzaga at shake lang ang iniinom ko. When my phone beeped again, I couldn't help but to look at it. 

lunavaleria: taxation kayo diba? 

I typed a reply. I still couldn't stop replying to her messages, no matter how corny her lines were. Hindi ko rin alam sa sarili ko kung bakit hindi ko mapigilan. Parang automatic na gumagalaw ang kamay ko kapag nakikita ang pangalan niya sa screen. 

kalixjm: Yes. 

lunavaleria: so pinag-aaralan n'yo 'yung VAT 

lunavaleria: VAT ang tagal mo mag-reply

I bit my finger a little to stop the urge to laugh. Napatingin si Adonis at Leo sa 'kin nang makitang nakangiti ako habang nakatingin sa cellphone ko. The smile faded on my face when I saw their judging eyes. 

"Kinikilig siya, bro," bulong ni Leo. 

"Baka si Miss Thomasian 'yung ka-chat. Rawr." Adonis growled playfully. 

"Kapag ikaw ghinost niyan, pare, tatawanan kita," Leo smirked. 

It scared me a little. Napaisip tuloy ako kung ganoon ba 'ko ka-seryoso sa kanya para matakot kung biglaan na lang niya 'kong hindi kausapin. I shook my head and shrugged. I didn't care. She wouldn't do that... And it wasn't really serious between us. She was just playing around, for sure. 

From: Adonis

Bro andito sa club bb mo baka gusto mong pumunta hahahahaha

Nagbabasa ako nang ma-receive ko ang text. I did not even think twice and just went straight to my closet to change my clothes. I got my keys and drove there. I wasn't fond of clubs and I really hated drinking but maybe I could change it a little. 

"Saan?" Salubong ko kay Adonis nang makapasok ako. 

"Bro, may kausap nang iba! Bagal mo kasi, e!" Tinulak niya 'ko papunta sa railings. 

My eyes roamed around, trying to find her on the first floor, where the dance floor was located. I was leaning on the railings of the second floor, holding a glass of whiskey. I saw people making out, dancing, fighting, arguing, and there I saw her talking to the guy wearing a basic Gucci shirt. 

I rolled my eyes and sipped on my glass of whiskey. Mukhang masarap ang pag-uusap nila, ah. They were even whispering on each other's ear. God knew what the hell they were talking about. Wala akong pakialam. Wala dapat akong pakialam pero nararamdaman ko ang init ng galit na dumadaloy sa loob ko. Fuck, why was I getting worked up? 

My eyes suddenly met hers but I quickly looked away. Matagal pa siyang nakipag-usap doon nang biglang may lumapit sa 'king babae.

"Hi! Where are you from?!" I glanced at the woman and sipped on my glass of whiskey. 

"I have a girlfriend," I turned her down and walked away. 

I was fucking infuriated. I didn't go here just to see her talking with another fucking guy. I looked stupid, sitting alone in our couch, drinking their leftover Black Label and Jager.

I completely ignored the woman who sat beside me in this big couch. She was trying to pry on some personal information about me like my name, my age, my school, and some other bullshit. I was too enraged to even entertain other women. I didn't come here for them. I came here for... that specific woman who was talking to another man. 

I knew Luna was approaching so when our eyes met, I didn't even look surprised. Instead, I stood up and excused myself to go to the restroom. I couldn't face her because I was mad. Heck, I didn't even know why I was mad. 

"Hello? Can you hear me?" I got my glass of Black Label. I saw how her nose scrunched a bit upon smelling the strong liquor. "So bakit nandito ka? Wala kang readings?" She insisted. 

Mayroon... Pero nandito ako ngayon. Tangina. 

"Akala ko busy ka with Taxation? Kaya nga hindi kita ginugulo, e. But now that you're here, I guess hindi ka na busy?" 

I did a bottom-up on my glass of Black Label before pouring another one. 

"Hindi ka ba malalasing niyan? Pang-ilan mo na ata 'yan, oh?" 

Ang ingay, fuck. 

Napatingin ako sa lalaking naghahanap sa kanya. When he stopped in front of Luna, I had fucking enough of it. I stood up and walked fast towards the smoking area. I got my pack out of my pocket and stared at it. 

I wanted to smoke so bad. 

"Bro!" Tumingin ako kay Adonis na kakalabas lang din sa smoking area. 

I didn't talk. I just leaned on the wall with a cigarette between my fingers. Adi reached for my pocket to get a cigarette and used his high-tech lighter to light it up. He offered to light up mine but I shook my head. 

"Smoking area pero hindi mag-smoke. Scam ka, dude." He laughed and inhaled the smoke. 

Nainggit ako. 

"'Yung little Miss Thomasian mo, naglalasing na roon!" Tumawa ulit si Adonis. "Nasa couch nila 'ko kanina, ang sabi hindi mo raw siya pinapansin. May gusto ata talaga sa 'yo 'yun, bro!"

"Really..." I sounded uninterested. "I think not." 

Yeah, I think not, but I still found myself holding her in my arms, wasted as hell. Binagsak ko siya sa kama at tinulungan siyang tanggalin 'yung heels niya. I winced when I saw her feet red from wearing the heels for too long. 

I turned the lights off and left the room to get a wet towel. When I came back and turned the lights on, she was already sitting on the edge of the bed, half-asleep. 

"Nasusuka ako..." 

My eyes widened and walked fast towards her to guide her to the bathroom but I was too late. Jesus. She stood up and puked all over my shirt. I muttered a curse and helped her sit down on the bathroom floor. 

"Fuck, fuck!" I repeated, looking down on my shirt. What the fuck did I do in my past life to receive this misery?! This woman was making me crazy! 

I took my shirt off and soaked it on the sink. When I turned around, Luna was already throwing up on the toilet bowl. I held a handful of her hair and caressed her back to help her. Ah, how... frustrating, but I also wished that no other guy would do this to her other than me. 

"God, how did I end up taking care of this woman," I whispered. 

Her eyes were already closed while leaning on the toilet bowl. I flushed it and left her there to get a glass of water and a water bowl. When I came back, she was already sleeping. Napasapo ako sa noo ko at lumuhod sa harapan niya para punasan ang mukha niya. 

I cleaned her up before carrying her to the bed again. I sighed and sat beside her, staring at her face. She still looked cute kahit ganito ang itsura niya. Lasing. 

"Luna, hey..." I tried to wake her up so she could drink a glass of water. It wasn't good to go straight to sleep. Her head will hurt tomorrow. 

She hummed and turned around, ignoring me. Hinatak ko ang kamay niya para mapaupo siya pero ang bigat niya. She opened her eyes, still half-asleep. Kinuha ko ang baso ng tubig para painumin siya. Pinunasan ko rin ng towel 'yung baba niya nang tumulo ang kaunting tubig doon. What a kid. 

"Kalix, crush na crush kita..."

I chuckled and helped her lie down. I was glad she slept peacefully after that. I wouldn't know how to handle another confession. 

Luna was not my cup of tea. I wanted someone serious with the same interests as mine. She was everything I never asked for so I was really confused as to why I felt a sting on my chest when I saw her kissing another man. 

"Anong problema mo?! Ikaw 'yung magulo dito, e! Ikaw nga may something kayo ni Amethyst tapos ayaw mo pang aminin!" 

Amethyst was like a threat to her, and I was aware of that. She was always so jealous of her and that was the reason why I tried my best to avoid Amy, even though she was one of my closest friends. I tried to flirt with her, got along with her, because I was forced by my mother. My mom and Amy's mom were bestfriends since high school. Kulang na lang ipakasal kaming dalawa. It was stupid. 

"How's your grades?" My mom asked during a family dinner. 

"Wala pa po," I answered honestly. The last time I checked, I was doing well. I wasn't bothered by it anymore. 

"Siguraduhin mong wala kang mababang grades ngayon, Kalix. The only reason why I allowed you to study law is because you promised me you will do well. I still don't understand why you chose law instead of medicine. Pinapahamak mo lang ang sarili mo." My mom shook her head. 

"I won't thrive in a course that I don't have any interest in."

"How's Amy?" Tanong niya ulit. 

"She's fine..." I chewed on my food slowly. Why would she ask me about her? Mas may pakialam pa ata siya kay Amethyst kaysa sa 'kin.  

"How's your relationship with her?" 

I gritted my teeth and stopped holding the spoon and fork, which made a loud noise. My dad stopped eating to glance at my mother, wanting to stop her now. Kio was looking at me with his innocent eyes and my sister also stopped reading. 

"I don't like her," I said slowly. 

"Why not? She's a good lady-"

"Stop it." My dad sighed. She knew it would just result into another argument. Why can't she just let me eat peacefully? This was the reason why I wanted to stay in my condo more than visiting the house. 

"You know Amethyst likes you, right? Kinakausap ako ng Mommy niya tuwing pinapaiyak mo si Amy. Nakakahiya, Kalix."

"If he doesn't like her, he doesn't like her. Stop bugging him," Ate Kelsey intervened. 

I stood up and left the dining room. Isa 'to sa mga rason kung bakit hindi ako umuuwi rito. Nakakasakal. Dumiretso ako sa kwarto ko at ni-lock 'yon bago ako humiga sa kama at nagbasa ng kung ano mang makita ko. 

I ignored the knock on my door. I was searching flights, planning to have a vacation with Luna this undas break. I wanted to breathe for a while. Everything and everyone was tiring me. The only person that could make me feel at ease was her. 

"Kuya," I heard Kio's voice. 

Tumayo kaagad ako at binuksan ang pinto. My dad was in front of me, holding Kio in one hand. Bumuntong-hininga ako at umupo sa couch. He just brought Kio with him because he knew I would open the door for my sibling. I left the door open so both of them could step inside. 

"Hey." My dad closed the door and Kio immediately sat beside me, tugging on my shirt a little bit. "Sorry about your mom..." He gave me an apologetic smile. 

"It's fine." I sighed. It was fine since it used to happen everytime I visit. Nasanay na lang ako na ganoon siya. May pakialam lang siya sa grades ko at kay Amethyst. "By the way, I'm going on a vacation with the girl I like." 

His eyes widened and I saw his sudden urge to say something but he couldn't. It was my first time talking about a girl that I really liked. I couldn't care less about their reaction. I wasn't a kid anymore and I could like whoever I wanted. Hindi kay Amy umiikot ang mundo ko. Hindi lang siya ang babaeng kilala ko. Kahit ayaw ni Dad, hindi naman niya 'ko mapipigilan.

"Do you have money?" He carefully asked after a few seconds. 

"I have savings," maikling sabi ko.

"Just use your card. Don't tell your mom about it," he whispered, afraid that someone might hear him outside. 

"Thanks, Dad." I glanced at Kio who has his one hand on his chest. The other was holding his Iron Man figurine. 

"Kalix, I don't know if you're aware of this, but safe sex starts with-" 

"Dad!" This talk, again! Every fucking time! "I know, okay?!" 

"It's better to be safe than sorry. Always have condoms with you for emergency purposes. I won't recommend the pull-out method because-"

He stopped talking when the Iron Man figurine fell on the floor. Pareho kaming napatingin kay Kio na nakahawak sa dibdib niya at hinahabol ang paghinga. My dad immediately attended to him, trying to calm him down. Later on, he carried him out of the room. 

Kio always had some lung complications, the reason why I stopped smoking, and also the reason why we were monitoring his intake. It was all for his health. He was prone to many diseases. Ngayon lang ulit nangyari sa kanya 'to, pabigla-bigla. The doctor said he was fine after getting some treatment so I didn't understand why it came back. 

It was February, Valentine's Day, when my block decided to drink. I didn't want to but then, Luna was still busy with her friends and I had nothing to do so I had a few drinks with them. At first, I had Leo by my side but later on, Amethyst replaced him.

Napailing ako nang mag-laro sila ng truth or dare. I didn't participate. Wala naman akong pakialam kung mag-gaguhan sila rito. 

"Smoke lang kami, pre." Tinapik ako ni Adonis sa balikat. 

Tumango ako at iniwan nila 'kong dalawa sa loob. Nakaka-ilang text si Amy sa 'kin, madalas tuwing lasing siya, pero hindi ko binubuksan lahat. Wala naman akong pakialam. Palagi rin naman siyang magso-sorry kinabukasan. Nakakasama ko lang din naman siya kapag kasama si Leo at Adi. Kapag wala, hindi kami nag-uusap. I just didn't want Luna to get the wrong idea. 

I placed the glass of rum on the table after drinking all of it. I was about to stand up when I felt two hands on my face, forcing me to face on the other side. My eyes widened when I felt Amethyst's lips on mine. 

I blinked and she was already on the floor from being pushed too hard. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" My voice thundered. 

Some of my blockmates attended to her, still shocked of what she did. Agad ko ring narinig sila Adonis at Leo na tumatakbo na pabalik sa loob nang marinig na nagkakagulo rito. Nag-init ang dugo ko. I felt furious. I stood up and my hands trembled from fighting the urge to punch the table. What the fuck was that?! 

Amy tried to step towards me with apologetic eyes. "Kalix-"

"Don't fucking touch me!" I stepped backwards. 

I felt so disgusted. Fuck. Why would she do that? 

"Bro, tama na." Leo held my arm. 

"No! I had fucking enough of you, Amethyst! What the fuck is your problem?!" 

"I'm sorry, I was dared to kiss the man I like-"

"I fucking have a girlfriend, which part of that do you not understand?! Putang ina, mag-aabogado ka niyan?" I hissed. 

She knew I was in a relationship! And she could always say no to the dare! No one even stopped her from kissing someone who already had a girlfriend? What was their problem? She could always avoid doing the dare. I would gladly drink her shot instead. 

Hindi ko maintindihan. Walang sapat na dahilan para gawin 'yon. I would never suddenly kiss someone who was in a relationship! I knew Amethyst liked me but she was already going overboard. Up until now, she was still trying to believe that I could turn away from Luna and go to her instead. Hindi ba siya naaawa sa sarili niya? When will she move on? 

What happened with us was my fault. I hurt her back then, although I clearly told her that I wasn't in for a serious relationship. My relationship with Amy back then was just us playing around as teenagers. We were not kids anymore! 

"Kalix, tama na, tara na-" Inalis ko ang hawak ni Adonis sa 'kin at mabilis na humakbang palapit kay Amethyst. 

"Bobo ka ba?" My jaw throbbed so hard from gritting my teeth. 

"I'm sorry..." She cried in front of me. "I didn't know you would be this mad-" 

"Don't you fucking cry, I am asking you a simple question! Do you know how to fucking think?! Gumagana ba utak mo?!" 

I blurted out things that I knew would hurt her. What made me even more furious was the sound of her crying out of fear and regret. Tahimik ang mga kasama namin sa loob at takot na takot mag-salita. Napatigil din ang ibang nag-iinuman sa table para lingunin kami.

I knew we were already getting attention and causing commotion around the place so I tried to calm down. Despite what she did, I still treated her as a friend so I didn't want to embarrass her more. But after this... I wasn't sure if I could still be friends with her. 

"I'm sorry, Kalix, please-" Umiling siya at sinubukang hawakan ang braso ko. "Don't tell Luna, please, Kalix, I'm so sorry-"

"Remember this, I don't like you and I will never like you, so from now on, don't go fucking near me. I will shift if I have to!" I yelled at her and stormed out of the room. 

Amethyst would always go to me kapag lasing. I really didn't like her drunk state. Tuwing umiinom siya, pakiramdam niya ay kami pa rin. It was annoying. I had a girlfriend for fuck's sake. 

I wanted to tell Luna. I wanted to tell her but she had too much on her plate. I tried to find a perfect moment to tell her but I couldn't. Hindi na kami nag-usap ulit ni Amy kaya akala ko okay lang na hindi ko na sabihin, because I already settled it myself. I was wrong. 

"Saan ka pupunta?" Hinawakan ni Adonis ang braso ko. 

"Luna needs me." I sighed. 

"We fucking have finals today and tomorrow! Anong sinasabi mo? Nahihibang ka na ba?!" Adonis was fuming mad. 

"I can make up for it. She really needs me right now. Nasa hospital pinsan niya," I tried to explain for him to let my arm go. 

"Tangina, naka-ilang cut ka na! Ma-FA ka na kung hindi ka aayos!" He wouldn't let go of my arm. 

Hindi ko siya sinagot at binawi lang ang braso ko. Alam ko kung anong ginagawa ko. Dalawang finals lang naman ang hindi ko ite-take. I can send an excuse letter or a fake medical certificate from my father. Hindi ko alam. I just wanted to be beside Luna that day.

I did everything I could to comfort her and make her feel that we were together in every battle she took. I also had to make sacrifices for her. Hindi ko na lang sinabi dahil ayokong sisihin niya sarili niya. It was my choice after all. 

I cleaned her condo while she was sleeping. My heart hurt when I stared at her tired face. Ito na lang siguro ang tulog niya ngayong linggo. I wanted to do her plates for her but I didn't have any idea how to start. I just did everything I could. After that, I studied for my finals tomorrow until I dozed off to sleep.

"Fucking cheater!" 

Every word she threw was like a knife stabbing me straight on my chest. I wanted to talk. I wanted to explain my side but I couldn't. She was too overwhelmed with her emotions. I knew she wouldn't listen so I just cried and apologized in front of her. 

"We'll talk tomorrow. I love you." 

I went home that night to get some clothes. As soon as I stepped out from my car, I saw my dad carrying Kio in his arms. My eyes widened and ran as fast as I could to check his condition. He was unconscious.

"Open the back door!" My dad yelled. 

I opened the back door and drove as fast as I can to the hospital. I was panicking. My hands were shaking. Halos hindi ko na mahawakan nang maayos ang manibela but I had to save my brother's life. 

I was so lost and confused. I saw a bunch of nurses and doctors taking my brother to the emergency room. He was almost dead. Unresponsive. Pale.

I stayed outside and covered my face. Gusto ko mang umiyak pero wala nang lumalabas na luha sa mga mata ko. Nakatulala na lang ako sa puting pader at iniisip kung ano na bang nangyayari sa loob. 

Kio was in ICU for a while. I did not attend my classes anymore. Everyday, I was on standby in the hospital. Tuwing hapon, pupunta ako sa building nila Luna para hintayin siya, hoping I could talk to her and find my strength in her. I was completely lost. 

"Kio's... critical." My dad held my hand. "They will try to operate on him but his body's still not cooperating." 

I wouldn't usually pray, but I did that night. I prayed so hard. I cried so hard. I begged so hard. That was my routine for the whole week. I only went to school when I was notified by the office of the Dean. 

I think I knew what she would talk about. I became too distracted with my studies, refusing to focus on them. I just focused on my problems with Kio and Luna. I couldn't keep up anymore. Hindi ko masabi-sabi kay Luna dahil baka isipin niyang nagpapa-awa ako pero hindi lang siya ang nasa hospital buong mag-hapon, nagbabantay. 

"You can't proceed to 4th year, Mr. Martinez."

Iyon lang ang laman ng utak ko. Nag-lasing lang ako noong gabing 'yon. I didn't know how to say that to my mother. If she knew, she would transfer me to med school immediately. I really thought that everything was going to be okay but I ended up sacrificing my studies to be sane. Adonis and Leo tried to comfort me but I couldn't find my strength anymore. The next morning, I knew I had to tell my mother. 

A loud slap echoed in the hallway. I tasted blood on my lip when my mom slapped me again. She was already breaking down in front of me after hearing the news. I pursed my lips and looked the other way. I couldn't watch her cry. 

"Disappointment! A fucking disappointment!" 

"I'm sorry," I whispered. 

She cried louder and covered her mouth. We were standing outside Kio's hospital room so she was trying her best to conceal her cries with her shaking hands. 

"Ang dami-dami ko nang problema, Kalix..." She sobbed. "Bakit naman pati ikaw... Bakit kailangan mo pang dumagdag... Bakit kailangan mong gawin sa' kin 'to?" 

"I'll make up for it. Please. I want to proceed to law school," I begged. 

"You want to proceed to law school?" She sighed in disbelief. "E 'di pag-aralin mo ang sarili mo!" 

I didn't know what to do. Would dad help me? Was my mom serious about what she said? How could I pay for my tuition? Maybe I should apply for a scholarship... Maybe I could apply in UP and see if I would qualify. Fuck, there was too much going on inside my mind.

I didn't want to give up on my original dream... And I happened to forget about it because I was too focused on keeping my relationship stable with Luna. 

That night, I went to her. She promised me a talk, but I wasn't expecting her to break up with me right on the spot. It was so easy for her to say that she didn't love me anymore. Bakit ganoon ka-dali? 

Hindi ko kayang gawin sa kanya 'yon. I wanted to hate her for it. I wanted to get mad at her but  deep down, I knew that it was may fault too. If I saw those pictures and messages on her phone, I would also think that she was cheating on me. 

But... I needed her. I wanted to beg for her attention. Kahit isang sabi niya lang na magiging okay ang lahat, sapat na sa 'kin, but she decided to leave. I couldn't accept it. I was slowly losing myself in the process of grieving. 

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang masakit sa 'kin. Would it be for the better? She was also losing herself at this time. Should I find another way to comfort myself? I didn't want to add up to her problems anymore. For sure, she was mourning over... her studies too. I heard she lost her spot in the DL.

Did we ruin each other? Were we like ticking bombs that could damage each other after some time? Was it just me who believed that we could overcome this and try to fix a relationship while fixing ourselves too? 

Maybe... Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it would be better for her to cut me off. Maybe I was already too much for her. It hurt. It hurt so much. I wanted to beg for another chance but I just felt... So tired. 

I felt numb after sending her my last message. I held the steering wheel tightly, trying to stop the tears from falling. I zoned out a bit, trying my best not to entertain the unwanted thoughts creeping inside me. Not now. Not today. 

"I'm tired..." I sighed. A tear fell from my eyes. Akala ko ubos na, mayroon pa pala. It was the first time I admitted that I was tired. 

I held Kio's hand and cried on his bed. I wanted to end it. I wanted to run away from it until I heard his voice. 

"Kuya." His hand caressed mine. 

I looked at him. He had an oxygen mask attached to his face. He opened his eyes and looked around him, confused. I had to stop crying so he wouldn't panic. 

"It's okay. It's fine. You're fine." I clicked a button to call the nurse. 

We waited for him to be back on his normal state. He was fighting so that was enough for me to fight too and continue living for myself. I also enrolled for my failed classes so I could make up for it. The Dean let me take it after explaining what happened to my brother. 

"Come on, mag-bati na kayo." Hinatak ni Leo ang braso ko. "Come on!" 

Amethyst couldn't look at me. Hindi ko rin siya pinansin at tinuon ang atensyon ko sa binabasa ko. I couldn't care less about her presence. Ever since that day, I refused to talk to her. I avoided her whenever I can. I couldn't be friends with her anymore. 

"Kalix, I'm sorry..." She bit her lower lip. "I was out of my mind... I... I have moved on from you now." 

Hindi ako sumagot at kinuha ang libro para umalis doon, hindi pinansin ang sinabi niya. Adonis let out a heavy sigh. They knew it would be hard for me to accept Amethyst as a friend again. If they really wanted us to be complete again, then they could just kick me out of the group. 

Rumors of Amy and I being together again spread out when our families spent the Christmas together. I ignored all of them. There was just... no more reason to defend myself. I just had to get along with her again so my mom would change her mind about me paying my own tuition in law school. I can't do that. 

"Please... Can you forgive me now?" Amy gave me a box of cookies as a peace offering. I shook my head and walked out. She stalked behind me right away. "Kalix, please, I will do anything, please," she begged once more. 

Anything? 

I kept that in mind...

And I used that to fulfill the promise I made with the person I lost years ago. I wasn't even hoping for her to come back. I just wanted to be heard. 

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:)