I'VE POSTED THE 'PRIVATE' CHAPTER EARLIER, but this is the more toned down version for the kiddies under 18 years old (lol)

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BONUS CHAPTER: THAT NIGHT

"But I also love you, Ryder Black."

When he smiled again, I was positive that this was the right thing to be done.

This was all illogical, borderline stupid even. I felt obtuse for diving right into the very thing that had rendered me even less than useless; a burden to the others. When Ryder had left me a few years ago, I had entered a state that I could only describe as 'a profound appreciation of nothingness'. Everything had tasted bland, movies, tv-series, newest announcement of my favorite books turned into movies. Even knowing that Spiderman got a reboot hadn't given me a single drop of joy. It had been a really weird time in my life.

But of course, an emotion as strong as love could have equally strong side-effect as well.

What I didn't know was how much I wanted to feel this kind of emotion again, even after fully experiencing the risks that came with it.

"Oh my stars, I really have gone stupid," I said, not to particularly anyone but myself. "Please ask me the full casts of Lord of the Rings, first billed only."

Ryder looked at me with a deliberate smile. "And why would I want you to say other guy's names in front of me?"

"As proof that my brain is still functioning normally?"

There's a playful glint that slowly inched to be mischievous on Ryder's dark eyes. "That's not the kind of answer I'm hoping for."

"You have to give me a bit of an adjustment period. It's been four years since the last time I ever flirted with anybody," I protested.

"True."

I played with the hem of my t-shirt, suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to get both of my hands inside my mouth. Because I didn't know if I could stop myself from saying inappropiate things, asking the wrong questions, and-

"What about you?" I heard my voice sputtering things I wasn't sure I was ready about.

If Ryder was offended with my question, then he didn't show it. He sat on the table chair and crossed his feet, and I was once again awed at the full display of his lenghtened body. He really had grown up a lot.

"What do you think?" he asked me.

"Four years? You? Single?" once I started, there was no stopping. "Really? I don't know? Not possible?"

He laughed, and it was exactly the kind of laugh that made me miss him. "You silly. Who'd want somebody like me?"

"A lot," I still remembered the way sexually aware girls from the age of 13 to 45 look at him, as if he was food on display. "I don't know if you know, but you look like you can be the type of many girls."

"And what exactly is that?"

"Tall," I said as I took in his full height. Ryder rose from his seat and then approached me, his long legs swinging across each other elegantly. "Doritos body."

He laughed again, and I found another answer to his question. "The way you laugh. Like you're so amused by my simple words."

Ryder smiled, and it was probably the first smile that I'd seen coming from him after such a long time. It was breathtaking, how one basic expression of him could pull at my heartstring, if I have any.

"Your face, because you look like you've been a few edits on photoshop," I pointed my fingers and circled at the vision of his visage. "Seriously, if you say that you have an advanced technology that allow people to carry-out their photoshop edit to real-life, I'd believe you."

"Silly April," he smiled again.

"Your general aura, too," I kept staring at him. It had been years since I got the freedom to stare at him, and once I had it, I wasn't going to squander it by looking at anything else that wasn't him. "You always look tormented. I don't know if you're cultivating that image, or if you really are tormented. But you can trigger the maternal instincts towards any female. It's science!" I added quickly as he was closing on me.

Ryder raised his hand and then slowly he patted the side of my head. I could feel my knowledge about words and language diminish the longer he touched me. "Seriously you don't know the effect that you have to girls in general?"

"I don't care how I affect girls in general," he said flatly. "I only care about how I affect you."

"I can say, with confidence," I exhaled as his hand caressed my hair and then down to my neck. "That you're doing a very good job at it."

Ryder's eyes were now so dark and his pupils so dilated that I could see my own reflection. "I've never been with any girls," he said. "Have you?"

"Me? Clumsy, weird, autistic me?" I giggled because the idea of me actually attracting the attention from males really felt ridiculous. "Don't be cruel."

"Alex likes you."

"No." I shrugged. "He loves me."

I could feel Ryder's hand closed on my hair rather firmly. "Well, he loves you."

"It's different with him. It's just..." I tried to find words that would fit, but then with him just a few inches away from me, and with his hand grasping on my hair, I found it difficult to think clearly. "I don't- I don't know."

"You look beautiful," Ryder closed in and then kissed the top of my head. "It's not the kind of beautiful that has to be maintained. You just look beautiful, when you wake up, when you work, when you're about to go to sleep. It's the rare kind of beautiful."

He slid a lock of hair behind my ear, exposing the side of my face, and then kissed my temple. "You smell good, and you never have a harsh expression in your face."

"But I-"

He shut me up when I could feel his tongue slide on my skin. I gulped, and then my whole body ran a tremor as his teeth nipped on the tip of my ear.

"You're also always kind. Sometimes, I think you forget that it's okay to be selfish and evil sometimes," he breathed onto me, and once again I was just liquid puddle beneath him. "April, you need to stop making that kind of sounds if you want this to go on longer."

I tried to stop myself from producing any sound, but I kept reacting involuntarily as he touched and licked and kissed all parts of my body. I reached for his hand and then positioned his palm right onto my mouth.

Ryder looked surprised, but he soon grinned. "Does that mean I can touch you more?"

I muffled my confirmation/denial. But I didn't need to really do that, because Ryder had set on planting a kiss on my neck and shoulder. Everywhere his mouth touched me burnt and froze. And yet I wanted him to cover every inch of my body, because when he pulled away for some air, I turned away and gave him the other side of my neck. It felt weird because right now I lost control of what I thought was right or polite. Every single ethics-session with my very expensive doctor evaporated as I just succumbed to my instincts and prodded him to do more.

The only consolation was that the more I wanted him, the more he wanted me to want him, too.

"I forget how good we are at this," he muffled at my skin.

I broke free from his hand, but I still wanted to taste him so I put one of his fingers inside my mouth. "Me, too."

"You look like you've learnt new tricks," he glanced at his finger inside my mouth.

I was glad that his finger tasted clean. "No. I feel like I just lost total control of everything."

"Why?"

It wasn't fair that he kept asking me questions while he kissed and touched me. But apparently, he wasn't waiting for my answer, because he kissed me on the lips just before I could even muster the willpower to think through his question.

We kissed and kissed, and all the while Ryder managed to remove my shirt, unclasp my bra, and lower my sweatpants. I didn't know how he did that, I certainly wasn't able to move a single muscle on my body if I was in the middle of kissing him. All I could do was hang onto him as he cupped my rear and then linked my legs around his waist.

That was when I felt something hard prodding on my lower stomach.

"Your phone," I said, "It's distracting me."

He chuckled. "That's not my phone."

"Yeah, did you put a tablet in there, because it's bi-" I looked down and then my eyes widened. "Oh."

He met his eyes, his lips red and gleaming from too much kissing. "Thank you for the compliment."

"Having a big sexual member isn't that much of a compliment, you know. In ancient greeks, men with smaller penis is considered more intellectual."

"Yeah, yeah, you can tell me all about that later," he said offhandedly, as he was preoccupied with removing my pants. When his finger touched me there, his expression changed.

"I didn't just pee on my pants, did I?" I asked, nervous because even I could feel how wet it was.

The smirk was all too triumphant to ignore. "I'm sure you didn't."

A second later, he put both of my legs back on the floor, and then he dissapeared from in front of me. He didn't actually walk away, because the next thing I knew, Ryder Black's head was positioned in the middle of my legs.

"You don't need to wipe that!" I said, panic stricken. "I'm capable to clean my own mess! In fact, I need to, my parents told me so."

Ryder looked up. "I need you to not talk about your parents when I'm doing this."

I was halfway from falling into coma. "Do what?"

It felt simultaneously too long and too short when he finally pulled away from me, and when I saw his chin glossy with something wet, I blushed ten shades of red. He wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Too much?"

I wanted to answer, but all I could manage was to look at him.

"Speechless. Even better," he said.

We went to the bedroom, him carrying me because I was too weak to walk on my own. It wasn't until both of us were on flopped onto the bed that I realized that I was utterly underdressed compared to him. I scrambled to the wardrobe, but he hugged me so that I couldn't go.

"Clothes I must," at this point, even saying mere words became a chore for me. "You're wearing some."

He responded by undressing everything he had on.

I looked at his abs as I counted how many sixpack that he had. It seemed he had even more ripples all across the side of his torso. His tattoos looked slightly different, too, with the way Ryder's body changed. His bird became leaner, his ripped gear no longer the perfect circle, and then I saw the new addition of his ink: the sloth.

"Eyes up here, April," he said. I tore my gaze away with difficulty and then faced him.

"You definitely look," I inhaled. "Like the type of guy every girl would like to date."

"But would you?"

I nodded in a daze, still amazed that he wanted to be with me. Still amazed that after all those years, after even tasting me, he still wanted more of me. The whole experience felt humbling.

He positioned himself above me. I stayed still, trying my best to not turn him off or make him change his mind. I closed my eyes, praying so that I wouldn't say more stupid things, especially since I could feel him sliding up and down on the front of my entrance.

When both of us looked at each other, all of his smiles were gone. He looked at me intently, and then asked the question as if he was asking me a huge favor.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Should I think about this?" I asked back.

"No." The answer came as soon as I stopped talking. "Don't think of anything-"

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- (CENCORED CENCORED CENCORED)

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We were plopped on the bed, panting hard. I was still clutching the damp bedsheets. Ryder kept staring at me, as if in amazement himself. "You're bleeding."

I didn't need to look down to know where I just bled. "Generally, yes, girls would bleed down there when it's their first time. Not all, but generally."

"I don't know why but I find it so hot," he put a hand over his mouth as he smiled sheepishly. "I feel like a sexist motherfucker because I find your bleeding hot."

"If you were to sell me to a various parts of black market, my price will go down," I commented. "Because I'm not a virgin."

"Don't say things like that after your first time."

"I'm sorry, it's just," I stared at the ceiling, feeling the tingling in between my legs. I just realized that my thighs were quivering slightly. "Wow."

"Wow," he copied me.

"I never knew that it'd feel like that," I said. "It's like... wow. It's just... wow."

"I'd like a more descriptive detail, please," he smiled at me.

"I can't," I prodded my body up so that I could see him. His hair was all askew and there was a flush run on his cheeks. A layer of sweat covered his body and I was inclined to lick his neck just so that I could taste him. This new impulse startled me. "I just want to lick you."

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I nearly kicked myself mentally. "Oh my God, that sounded so weird. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said, and once again, I could see that he was excited down there. "One more time?"

How could I be able to say no?

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I'M SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE

i have a few reasons altho im not sure if you want to hear it.

but whatever i feel like i gotta justify myself anyway :D

1. i moved in into a new house with my new husband (heeheee) and ITS SO WEIRD. here i am in a new town and new friends and new house and new cat and im still trying to get it together

2. im posting a new lgbt/fantasy story in TAPAS. im going to post a few chapters here because i want to branch out to new readers (mainly fantasy / lgbt enthusiasts)

3. im outlining the rest of the story for april hale. this is it guys, from this chapter onwards is gonna be the last arc of the april hale story. of course im trying to tie everything up until the end with a nice bow. and after that im planning to SELF PUBLISH this story :D hopefully all will be done by the end of this year (2017)

4. for radish readers (chapter 32: public enemy): sorry there was an error with the last update. please REFRESH and then you'll see the REAL update :) sorry sorry sorry for my blunder. hope you guys can forgive me and enjoy the chapter

please dont forget to vote and comment! i love those! :) and thank you so much for being patient with me