There were things that I was absolutely sure would induce aghast horror to my core:

1. The total annihilation of the Star Wars franchise. I prayed and prayed so that the new film would only suck at least half as bad as the extended trilogy, and my good prayers were answered with a respectful heroine and race diversity.

2. The total annihilation of my family. I would miss my mom's bone-crushing hugs so bad that I was positive I would pay big-boned people to hug me when I were in need. I would also miss my father's 'dad jokes'. Plus Quentin, along with all the 'what ifs' of what would happen if I were born male and neurotypical.

3. The total annihilation of my rock, Ryder Black.

What I was seeing today was pretty close to Aghast Horror #3.

2.7: Crazy Eyes and Crazy Mind

My whole body system was dead. My body was running in pure 100% unadulterated instinct.

And my first instinct was to run as far as possible from the person who was supposed to be precious to me.

Logically, I knew Ryder wouldn't hurt me. But logically, I knew what he had done was beyond the definition of normal. I mean, Ryder had always been known as the kind of guy who wouldn't hesitate to throw a mean punch or two to the people he deemed worthy. The problem was, the majority of people would consider violence something that shouldn't be done at all cost.

Ryder had crossed the line when he knocked out three people all by himself.

By all definitions, I should find it hot. It wasn't the first time I saw him fight, and upon further inspection, nobody was hurt that bad, nothing that a few days at the hospital could fix.

I was surprised at how bad other people take it, though.

Thorough Ryder and I's way to Alex's front door, I could hear the word crazy 8 times, scary 10 times, and what is wrong with him?! 3 times.

These university students didn't bother to cover their mouths or anything, which was actually quite stupid considering that they were badmouthing one particularly violent man who had just singlehandedly beat three other grown men on his own.

I waited until we reached his grandmother's truck before I asked him anything. "So which one was the hardest to beat?"

Ryder looked at me wordlessly for about five seconds, which was honestly, actually something that I had usually done to him but not the other way around. And then he bowed his head, as if to hide his smile. "The blonde one. He's the smallest but damn if he's not a quick motherfucker."

My ears burned at the bad word. "I had thought that the dark haired one would be problematic."

"He just dropped and stayed down thorough the rest of the fight. I suspected that he didn't faint, he's just a major pussy."

"That's another bad word," I commented.

"Oops," his voice held neither inflection nor regret. "It took me my whole willpower to not lash out and just punch everybody in the room when we walked out. They kept looking at me as if I was some zoo animal."

"Can you hear anything they said?"

Ryder's face changed, as if he had just heard some new, groundbreaking information, and then his fist balled into white force of muscles. "I didn't."

"I'd tell you... but promise me that you wouldn't hit anything anymore," I said, and then I remembered one crucial detail. "Including me, the messenger."

Ryder's face turned a little red, but I knew that it was not due to embarrassment; He was holding back his anger. "Give me three seconds."

He didn't need to tell me anything, but I knew exactly what was going on inside his head: the complete obliteration of any non-breathing objects within three miles of his eyesight. Including his truck.

It had already went on for more than seven seconds, but Ryder still hadn't shown any signs of going back. My mind started to wonder towards the pro and con of the reboot of Powerpuff Girls 2016 and I instantly found correlation between Ryder and the often misunderstood Buttercup.

Something warm touched my shoulder, and the moment I regained myself, I heard my voice screeching.

"And here I thought that you screaming in fear because of me was already obsolete."

There was something different in a way he said that sentence. Ryder was hot-tempered, but he often was playful around me, very much like a cat. He didn't lash out to me often, and he had found my reluctance to any kind of human touch endearing.

"I'm sorry," I said.

He snorted, and then drove off to my townhouse. The whole 20 minutes ride was silent and not in a way that I would usually favor. In fact, the more I failed to find a new topic to talk about, the more I feared for my fate. I never experienced what a 'break up' was, but this felt hauntingly close to one. For one second, I even contemplated texting Quentin for some friendly advice. He was, after all, the master of Breaking Up. Whether he was the dumpee or the dumper.

April to 'Brother Mine'

I think I might experience for the first time what a 'break up' is. Is it going to be painful?

His reply came super fast, despite the now being the prime time for his usual college parties.

Q the Great to 'My Weird Other Self'

I swaere tht I wll get thrr ad keeel him if hes do that!!!!11!!!

Deciphering my brother's message felt like a top-secret FBI task (he did have really fat thumbs so typos was something I should expect, especially if he had been drinking), mainly because I tried my very best to not let Ryder see me texting while he was driving under the influence of dangerous state of mind.

There was one silver lining, though, Ryder's grandmother's truck was so slow that it basically incapacitated any chances of speeding. So, despite the obvious inferno within Ryder's psyche, he couldn't unleash it into speeding and ultimately endangering us both.

Once every a minute Ryder would start to growl and then kick the pedal, as if willing the vehicle to go faster. But then his head fell when we saw a kid scurried past us with his kiddy bike.

"At least we're safe," I commented.

"My grandmother can walk faster than this truck," he mumbled. "And she's got a disc on her hips."

"I believe what you just said could be classified as 'exagerration'."

"I'm serious. My grandmother's one tough cookie, despite the soft exterior," he glanced at me, and I tried my best to hide my screen that had just lit up. "Is it a guy?"

"Yes."

The air got exponentially heavier, which highlighted the blunder in which how I answered him.

"Quentin!" I managed a nervous laugh. "It's Quentin. It's not any random guy or anything," and then for some inexplicable reason, my mind raced back to my conversation with Alex. Nothing in our previous conversation would ever get traced back to 'cheating', especially by Gossip Girls standard, but I felt the need to emphasize my fidelity even more. "I didn't even get to meet any guy that would get interested in me. Or girls. Or any transgendered people. Or-"

"I trust you," he said, and left it at that.

I was pretty sure the top of my head was boiling hot right now, but I opened the phone anyway.

And then I remembered something.

I hadn't gotten the time to reply to Quentin's text, and Quentin wasn't the kind of person who double-text. His pride was too high to let him do something like that (his words not mine).

This one came from an unknown number.

Hey. Just checking to make sure ur ah-kay. The bf seems like having the crazy-eyes syndrome. Text me if ur alive.

Alex

For reasons I totally couldn't comprehend, I found the urgent need to cover the entirety of my cellphone screen.

Dontletryderknowdontletryderknowdontletryderknowdontletryderknow

"You're not gonna answer that?" Ryder asked again.

I shook my head, not believing my voice to come out without making myself sounding suspicious. One year with a 'tame' Ryder had almost dulled my senses about how dangerous he could potentially be. But now, stuck with him in one cramped car with his fist bleeding and his breaths heavy, I once again got forcefully reminded at his other side.

Actually, it's kind of cool to have a boyfriend with two opposite sides. It's like you could have your own personal doting boyfriend, and then you flip the switch and you'll have a thrilling bad boy. If the romance movies/books were any indication, my situation was something a lot of women covet.

"It's... A-A-A," in the end, my conscience actually went out and betrayed my instinct to survive. "L-L-L-L..Lex."

When Ryder glanced at me, I nearly jumped.

When his voice boomed, I was actually surprised at how calm he was. "Did you give him your number?"

"No, um. But we did talk when earlier. Something about his autistic sister called June or July?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"That's what I thought too! I think he should get together with Quentin and discuss what it's like to share such an identical predicament."

"That's not my kind of 'are you fucking kidding me', April."

"Oh."

"I can't believe that he'd use his dead sibling to get closer to you!" he hit the pedal faster. Now, normally, this gesture would produce a dramatic result in the form of a sudden increase of speed. But in this case, the truck stayed in the same velocity.

I could tell that he was frustrated with this. "I swear this truck is playing a joke on me."

I tried my best to shut down my imagination and not comment on his statement.

"I'm... sorry. I'm sorry that I talked to him."

"Why should you be sorry? You can talk to anyone," he huffed. "I have total trust in you. Sure, it makes me feel a tiny bit jealous because rumor said that Alex bought that goddamn house himself and he's just two years older than me, but I really don't want to limit you or anything."

I could feel my whole face getting hot. "I sensed a lie."

"I didn't lie. You want to talk to Alex? Fine with me. We're having problems if you start liking him or something."

"No, I mean, when you said a 'tiny' bit. You're actually a 'gargantuan deal' jealous, right?"

Ryder snorted."Have you seen the way the girls look at me after I knocked down those guys? You're the one who should be a 'mammoth deal' jealous. All I have to do is not say 'no' to them."

I put my hand on my chest, which beat steadfastly normal. "Actually, I had accustomed myself seeing a lot of women trying to get your attention ever since you're pre-teen. Apparently, watching re-runs of old Doctor Who episodes helped."

Ryder stopped the car and then snuggled towards me.

I offered him my hand, and he pressed my palm to his mouth, kissing it. It was almost laughable at how slow I was to get myself get used to these intimate positions, and he chuckled when he felt myself flinching.

"Did you know how they call you?"

"Which, I presume, was the trigger that made you punch those guys to temporary oblivion?"

He kissed my palm once again. "It's 'Hot Aspie'. I still can't believe their audacity."

I tried to rest my head on his head, too. But then his breath tickled my neck and it felt weird to have someone's CO2 blowing over me. I contemplated to let go, to have a comfortable distance between us, but then he pressed his hand on the side of my head and then brought me closer to him. "Don't," he said. "Stay close."

"But you smelled like zinc and dirt."

"If it's any consolation, most of it are not my blood."

"It still kinda bothers my sense of smell," I then kissed the top of his head, and then tasted something rancid on it. "Oh my Stars did somebody puked on your head?"

He gave me a bottled water, the corners of his mouth turned up into a slight smile. "I punched one guy when he was in the middle of drinking his beer."

"Erghh," I tried my best to let the taste of it leave my mouth. "I never really like parties. Especially house parties."

"They only look good in movies, anyway," Ryder added. "Anyway, April?"

"Yeah?"

"You're right about something," he looked up to me, and once again I drowned in the sea of chocolate that was his eyes. "I'm fucking jealous of Alex texting you. Not a tiny bit. Gargantuan."

Once again, Ryder took my control of my brain so easily.

"Really, you," I said, and even though I didn't intend it, my voice came out only as a whisper. "You need to create an online class on how to stop hearts."

He pressed his lips against mine ever so slowly and my world dissolved. "Glad that I still do that to you."

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Whoaaaa, it's almost a month since I last updated. Sorry! Lots of things were happening in work and my personal relationship. Ergh, I need to put more discipline in writing! :'< I'm really thankful for anyone who stays despite my sporadic updates and my tendencies to be unreliable :') y'all gives me hope to keep writing <3 If you're looking for something fresh (and a bit of a parody at how saturated the bad boy tropes are to the Wattpad world), you can check out my story 'My Wattpad Boyfriend'.