The amulet was cold and heavy. I kept it inside my robe before tucking the extra clothes under Ji-Sung.

"The carriage is at the back?" I confirmed.

The Queen visibly relaxed at my compliance. "Yes. Go around the building and avoid the main entrance. And go as quickly as possible. If anything or anyone tries to stop you, ignore them."

That was yet another instruction that caught me off-guard. Panic rose in me again. "Why would anyone try to stop me? Can you please tell me what's happening, Joo-Hyun?"

"I told you, Seul-Ki. Oppa has everything under control. There will be some... scuffles, but everything is... everything is under control." She let out a sigh of frustration. "Just listen to me, okay?"

I hesitated, but the Queen leaned forward again and gave me one more kiss. The sweetness lingered, warming my body, calming the storm of dread.

I wished it would linger forever.

"I love you, Joo-Hyun," I blurted. I was not sure what prompted me to confess, but I let my passion gush out like a flood. "I love you so, so much. I- I don't know if- if I can even comprehend this amount of love. I have never felt this strongly for anybody before. All I know is that I... I want to be with you forever. I love you."

Her quivering lips parted as she stared at me, bewildered. Then, she broke into the biggest, most genuine smile I had ever seen.

"I love you too, Seul-Ki." The tears in her eyes shimmered in the sunlight. "You have no idea how much you've changed my life."

My heart swelled. I wanted to put Ji-Sung down and pull her into an embrace. I wanted to ramble on about the things I loved about her, the future I dreamed with her. I wanted to kiss her, taste her, love her the way she deserved to be loved, give her everything she wanted and more.

But she pushed me away from her.

"There's no more time, Seul-Ki," she urged. "Go now! Please!"

And so I did.

When I slid the door closed, the Queen had shifted back to her original position, staring out the window, the golden embroidery of her robe in full view. The afternoon sun formed a halo around her.

And the last thing I saw of her was her red silky robe.

***

As I jogged down the hallway, the muffled noises caught my attention. I recognized the sounds. Metal clashing against one another. Sword slashing through clothes, through flesh. Cries of agony. Bodies thumping onto the ground.

They were the sounds of death.

My mind whirred. I held Ji-Sung closer; his toy bear crushed against both of our chests. He was still crying, but I did not bother to soothe him. I could not. My mind had been taken over.

The memories I had suppressed crashed back into me like a tsunami, clearing out the thick fog that had been helping me sleep at night.

The masters of the Kang family. The maids. My friends. The gardener. Their dead bodies.

I clutched onto Ji-Sung the way I had clutched onto Seul-Na's hand as I sprinted toward the back of the building. I needed to get out of here. I needed to get to the back of the building, to the carriage, to where the Queen had told me to...

And then I saw her. Sprawled over a pool of blood—the Sanggung.

A strangled cry escaped my throat. I pushed the rest of my sobs down and increased my pace.

Get out of here. Get to the back of the building. Get out of here. Get to the carriage. Get out of here...

I spotted the carriage. It was exactly where the Queen had told me it would be. There were two skinny horses strapped to the car. And on the driver seat was Mister Han Yong-Min, the man I had given money to a few months ago.

He recognized me too, raising his brows as I got close. "It's you."

"Hi," I breathed, my voice weak from exhaustion. "You're... You're the carriage driver, Mister Han?"

"Amulet?"

I took it out and showed him.

He hummed as he pressed his tongue against his cheek. "Alright." He gestured towards the carriage with his head. "Get on."

Relief took over me as I climbed in with Ji-Sung. We made it. We were safe now.

Even with the bright sun above us, the air was chilly and dry. I wrapped the extra clothes over Ji-Sung and pulled him close to my shivering body. I was ready to give him all my warmth.

We rode in silence. I lost track of time as I rocked Ji-Sung and sang to him. When he fell asleep, I placed him gently on the seat next to me and leaned over to the driver.

"Where are we going, Mister Han?"

He did not even bother to glance at me. "Your new home."

"Where is it?"

"Somewhere."

"Will there be a wet nurse? It's been a while since Ji-Sung was fed."

"I will look for one when we get there."

"Oh, okay. Thank you." I turned back to look at Ji-Sung. He was going to wake up in hunger any time soon, but for now, his sleeping face was as peaceful as ever.

"When are we stopping to wait for the other carriage?" I asked.

Mister Han frowned. "What other carriage?"

"The Queen's carriage. She said she will be on another carriage."

A pause. "Is that what she told you?"

Dread crawled in my skin. What was that expression on his face?

"Where is the other carriage, Mister Han?" I demanded. Behind me, I heard Ji-Sung stirring in the seat.

Mister Han tugged at the reins and stopped the carriage. He turned to glare at me. Up close, I could see the dirt on his tanned face and every strand of his messy hair.

"Listen up, young lady, the Marquis had been planning a rebellion for months. It wasn't meant to happen so soon, but the Queen had a baby boy, and they wanted to install him on the throne as soon as possible. I wasn't told much of the plan, only what I needed to know because while I support the cause of the rebellion, I refused to be directly involved. So all I know is who I am waiting for and where I am going. I do not know any more than that."

"So... there is another carriage out there that you don't know about?"

He stared at me for a long time before explaining, "The Marquis told me that his sister is not safe in the palace while the rebellion is happening. He told me that, at his signal, I am to bring his sister and his nephew to a house far, far away that he purchased. I am to use the money he saved to give them a good life. And when everything is settled, we are to wait for his signal to come back. His nephew will then take the rightful place on the throne."

Nausea hit me as my heart quickened. The plan made sense, but... where was I in the plan? Where was the other carriage?

"He told me that the Queen would be wearing a maid's disguise," Mister Han continued. "To avoid the enemy from realizing we were gone and chasing us down, a maid would wear the Queen's clothes and pretend to be the Queen. Another baby will also be used as a decoy for the Prince as well. The soldiers do not know what the Queen looks like, only what she wears. If the rebellion fails, the fake Queen would be killed and the fake Prince will be kidnapped. That way, the real Queen and Prince would be spared no matter the outcome of the rebellion. And because I also do not know what the Queen looks like, I was told to recognize her via the Bae family amulet." He glanced down at my waist, where the amulet sat under my robe. "The one you showed me."

Silence.

All I could hear was the wind outside the carriage. Ji-Sung's wails. My racing heart pounding in my ears.

"You're lying," I said.

"I am just telling you the plan I was told."

"You were fed lies. There is another carriage. The Queen said so."

"Believe what you want, but two carriages riding out of the palace would be a hell lot more suspicious if you ask me."

"You're lying!" I yelled. "She said she's coming in a later carriage! With the Marquis!"

"The Marquis never planned to get out of the palace. He is currently fighting in the front lines."

No, no, no. I shook my head vigorously. My vision blurred, my throat constricted, my hands pulled at my hair. No, no, no!

"You're lying!" I screamed. "You're fucking lying!"

"I'm sorry, young lady." Mister Han's voice was a faraway buzz in my ears. "Your Queen must have given up her life for yours. You are lucky to survive."

No! This could not be true. This must not be true. The Queen promised that we would be together. I promised that I would be with her forever. No, no! She said she loved me. No, no, no! She told me to go! She told me she would join me! She told me to...

The tears were drowning me. I could not see, I could not breathe, I could not think. Trembling, I jumped out of the carriage.

"Oi, where are you going?" Mister Han called. "We are miles away, there's no way you can walk back to the palace. And I'm not going back there, mind you!"

The Queen. I needed to find her. I needed to bring her here. We needed to be together. The Queen, Ji-Sung, and I. The three of us. We were supposed to start a new chapter in life. The Queen was supposed to teach Ji-Sung how to write. The three of us were supposed to walk in the park together. We were supposed to grow old together.

From afar, there was a building on fire. Even from this distance, I could smell the ashes from the smoke and hear the cries of the people.

I ran towards the burning building. I ran and ran, until my knees buckled. I fell to the icy ground—and then I crawled. I crawled and crawled, until my palms were bleeding and my knees were numb.

A pink petal floated down from the sky and landed in front of me. I picked it up. It was soft, fresh, and alive. A miracle in the dead of winter.

I cupped it and sobbed into my hands.

***

I thought about her expression often. The look on her face the last time I had seen her. That layer of emotion I had not been able to pinpoint.

It was surrender.

She had been ready to let me go.

***

a/n: don't kill me. one more epilogue to go :')