Remember that depression I had before I met Sam? My loneliness and my need.
All I ever wanted to do was escape. I'm feeling it again.
But its not because I don't like Sam. I'm sure of it. Its because I'm scared that we won't work out as I planned and we're just ticking until its time to blow.
"Are you excited to tell your family?" Sam asks me and I jump in surprise. I forgot we were in lunch. I must have zoned out when Symone was telling me about James again.
"No, I'm petrified. And quiet down I haven't told Symone yet." I whisper to him.
"Well tell her." He whispers back. I groan. I really don't want to, but I could use her support.
"Symone?" I call. She lefts her head from her spoon and raises her eyebrows.
"Can I tell you something?" I ask.
"Shoot." She says.
"Well, would you completely hate me if I told you I joined a club?" I ask. She furrows her eyes at me and cocks her head to the side.
"What do you mean? What club? Your not in like some odd biker club are you?!" She asks upset. I just giggle and shake my head no.
"No, I don't even have a bike Symone....but thats besides the point I joined the....the glee club." I say quickly. Symone gasps and I wince. I don't know if that was a good or bad gasp but its making me nervous.

"You're in glee? Oh my god that's awesome I didn't know you were into singing!" She says sounding happy for me.
I smile at her and nod, see I knew I could count on her for support. That's why she's my best friend.
"We have a concert tonight, can you make it? Its in the auditorium." I say. She nods like crazy.
"Oooh, I cannot wait to see your performance!" She squeals. I chuckle at her and shake my head. The bell rings and I stand.
"Okay I'll see you then, just call." I say.she nods and we head our separate ways. Sam by my side we walk to the lockers.
"Well, babe I'm gonna actually go to study hall today, unless you need a ride?" He asks I shake my head no.
"Its fine, I can walk. I really need to actually." I say.
"Okay, but can I trust you to actually tell your family?" He asks staring into my eyes.
"Yeah, of course, Symone just made me feel a lot better about telling them." I say. Sam smiles and kisses my forehead.
"Good, I'll see you later." He says.
"See you." I say. He quickly pecks me on the lips but I pull in for another because why not? He smiles and slowly walks away toward study hall. I sigh and walk out the school door.
As I walk out I see Jacob talking to some friends by his car and I instantly think about what he said to me a couple nights ago. My heart skips a beat then too. I've been avoiding him sense but I have to talk to him and my family all today anyway so I don't think I can anymore.
I walk towards the exit of the parking lot but Jacob catches my eye and waves me over. I distinctly shake my head no and try to walk away.
"Drew!" He yells and I groan.
I stomp over and his friends all look at me. I get uncomfortable under their stares which starts to piss me off so ya know me. I'm gonna say some shit.
"Can you not?" I say looking at them and they all slowly look away.
"What Jacob, I need to get home." I say.
"Need a ride? I was leaving too." He says. Im a little surprised so I look at him in confusion.
"Don't you have practice?" I ask.
"Not today." He says. I sigh and nod.
"Sure."
"Okay, bye guys, I'll see you later?" He says to them they nod and do their bro things like hand shakes and shoulder bumping.
He unlocks the car and I get in the passenger seat.
He gets in too and starts it up. We pull out and he starts driving home.
"Drew?" He calls.
I turn my head towards him and sigh.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks upset.
My eyebrows furrow.
"Tell you what?" I ask.
"That you were in glee." He says. My eyes widen and I look at him intensely.
"How did you find out?"
"There's posters for tonights show all over the school! You and Sam's names are on there." He says. I gasp.
"Wait what ?" I question.
"Next time you join a club and dont want anyone to know, dont be on the performance list."He simply says. I sigh.
"Okay. Well you know. Dont tell my family! Ill tell them myself." I say.
"What is the big deal? Its singing. Plenty of people sing. Is your family anti music or something? I dont get it." Jacob says annoyingly.
"They arent supprtive of anything if it doesnt involve sports. They are never interested in anything I want to do because its never important to them. I feel like I come last everytime." I explain.
Jacob looks at me with concern.
"Are you hoping they come tonight?" he asks.
"Its not that I want them to come. I just want at least one of them to say good luck, or I know you can do it for once in my messed up life." I say.
Jacob sighs.
"Ill be there." he says. I quickly turn my head in his direction almost giving myself whiplash.
"Really?" I adk with a small smile.
"Yes, and if your family doesnt there idiots." He says. My small smile turns into a huge one. This is the first time Jacob has ever made me feel happy and this is the only time I really wanted and needed him to and its like he knew that.
"Thank you." I say as we pull up in front of the house.
We get out of the car and head towards the front door but I stop and tap Jacobs shoulder. He turns and I leap and hug him. For a second hes shocked, and so am I. But he hugs back. With a very tight squeeze.
"Maybe you are my friend. I just dont like you at the best of times." I say while still hugging him. He laughs and lets go.
"You dont like me but you Loooooove me." He says teasingly.
"Dont push it big shot." I warn.
"Whaaatever." he says.
We walk into an empty house and I sigh in relief. I wasnt ready to tell them right at this second.
"Im gonna go take a shower I'll be back." he says.
"Yeah me too." I say and head up stairs to shower myself.
"""""""""""""""""""""
Once Im dressed in my sweats and Tee after my shower I head downstairs to see my family sitting down looking confused and Jacob standing in front of them. When i finally come to ear shot I hear him saying, "Drew wants to tell you guys something very important. Please listen." Im honestly surprised by Jacob lately. Hes been hella nice.
I walk in amd Jacob smiles.
"There she is." He says pulling me to the center of the living room. My heart suddenly start to beat fast.
I start to rub my arm, something I do when Im nervous and I rubbed so much that I can feel the friction starting to burn.
I clear my throat and look dead in my dads eyes. Who just got home yesterday.
"I love to sing and I did something about it." I say quickly and squeeze my eyes shut as soon as the words left my mouth.
I hear a snicker and my eyes flew open. Of course it was Giounni.
His snicker caused all my other brothers to snicker with the exception of Jonathan.
My dad just sat there. Not confused or amused just bored. He looks like Im just wasting his time.
I choose not to say anything about the laughter and just continue on.
"I joined Glee club and we have a performance tonight and Id like it if you came."
I say with a shakey voice because those little laughs hurt a lot.
"Whats this? Glee club? You think singing is going to get you somewhere in life? Really?" My dad asks with a scoff.
This pisses me off. Im a lot less hurt than I am angry now and God knows I lack in filter.
"Its something that I love to do! My grades alone are getting me into college. I dont need some sport to make it. Why cant I ever be happy? Is there something wrong with that!?" I yell at my dad. All my brothers gasp and so does Jacob.
I have never yelled at my dad before.
"Listen here mija, dont you ever raise your voice at me like that again!" My dad yells. I scoff at him.
"Are you serious right now!? You just insulted me in the deepest way that you could and blatantly told me you had no interest in my happiness! So raising my voice is hurting your feelings? Screw you! And screw everyone else who has a problem with me singing!" I yell and storm away.
My dad storms after me.
"Sense you want to yell and say screw me in my house!?! You can say goodbye to that little performance you have!" My dad yells. I stop and spin around looking directly in his eyes.
"I hate you. I hate every bone in your body. All my life all I ever did was feel appreciative for you being a single father but you know what? You never cared about me. You were never here! We raised ourselves! All you do is work and when you come home you make it seem like you were always here! Im done! I dont respect you. I dont respect your wishes. And Im going to that performance one way or another." I say and turn around going to my room. I lay on my bed with my head facing the ceiling letting all my tears hit the pillow beneath me.
Depression always finds a way to get you when your happy.
"Im happy with it." I whisper to myself referring to my singing.
I lift my head up and look at the clock that reads 5:30pm. I shoot up and run out my room to Jacobs. I knock with all my might and his door flys open.
"What? What happened?!?" he yells frantically.
"Shhhh! Be quiet!" I whisper.
I push him in his room and close the door.
"I need your help." I say.
"What?" he asks.
"I need you to go outside and start up your car and wait for me." I explain.
"Why?" he asks confused.
"Because the perfomance starts at 7 and Phil wants us there at 6:30 so we can get dressed and rehearse." I say.
"Why not just leave at the same time?" he asks.
"Because my dad said I couldnt go so Im leaving out my window." I say. He nods and grabs his keys.
"Hurry." he says and leaves out.
I run back to my room and grab my bag and phone but as soon as I open the window Jonathan comes in.
"What are you doing?" He asks.
"Im going to that performance." I say. Jonathan smirks.
"Im coming too." he says. I smile brightly at him.
"Really?" I ask.
"Of course." He says.
We both climb out the window together and carefully climb down the tree. We run to Jacobs running car abd hop in.
"Buckle up!" Jacob yells and speeds out.
We make it to the school at 6:23 and I run to the glee room as fast as possible. Jacob and Jonathan both were in the front line getting seats.
"Drew! Ive been calling you!" Sam yells.
"Sorry! I...Im....hold on let me breathe...wooo im out of breath!" I say breathing heavily.
"Okay! Im good. I got in this huge arguement with my dad and I had to sneak out." I explain to him.
"Oh...well damn. Im sorry." he says.
"Its fine." I say and we go to the dressing rooms.
"See ya in a bit." he says pecking my forehead and going to the boys dressing room.
I go in the girls room and grab my dress out the locker. We all have to where the same thing. Its a red dress that has to black stripes at the bottom horizontally. The guys have to wear black slacks, black shoes, and a red button up with a black bow tie. Its cute.
Once Im dressed I go into the choir room with the others and we get started on practice.
We are singing; Lost Boy by Ruth B, Rather Be by Clean Bandit, and Drag Me Down by One direction.
None of the songs were my choosing but I agree we sound really good singing it. I even get a couple solos.
Once practice is done we all go to the auditorium and stand back stage.
It is 7:29 and we are just waiting on the announcer to shut the hell up.
The curtains open and I see Jacob and Jonathan cheering in the second row. Its actually alot of people here. When the music starts play I finally notice Symone and James in the 4th row. I smile and we start. The first song is Lost Boy.
Nina and David were the lead singers. Everyone else was just singing chorus.
When it came to Rather Be, Sam and Daisy had the lead. We sung chorus. I honestly got really jealous. It was going fine until we had to sing Drag Me Down where I had 2 solos. Me and George.
The chorus was sung by the rest plus George and I.
I was super nervouse but I was giving it my all. Here came the part where I had to sing a high note. This was big for me.
Nobody can drag me doooooooooown!
A very dreaded part that I totally nailed! 12 beat note held. A high C. I freaking did it! When it was all done the crowd cheered for us and it felt amazing. Even though I had my brother and two friends supporting me and my own boyfriend on stage with me. I couldnt keep my eyes of Jacob. I couldnt stop thinking about how much hes helped me today and what he said to me a couple days ago. What is he doing to me? I ask myself when all of a sudden im being lifted up by Sam. He kisses me on the lips but I dont kiss back. Something wouldnt let me. He didnt notice though. He was too excited I guess. I looked back at Jacob who looked a little down now. At first he was so happy. I dont get it.
I sigh and we leave the stage. I wish my emotions would stay sane for a while.