A/N: I fought so hard to make this chapter stay T-rated! XD

And guys, there is only little feedback here. I would love to know your opinions so I can improve!^^

And news on the author note in chapter 4. We settled the misunderstanding and came to a compromise! :P

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The screeching sound was back again. Surrounding her as she waited for that one face to arrive. It was a cold and dark place. By now she felt familiar with it.

The rotten bodies grabbed for her again as she patiently waited breathing in the foul smell of decay.

By now she knew when it was coming. The white face surfaced again, pushing its way through the pile of bloody limps.

She giggled once more at the irony. Hadn't this used to be her face?

Like the last time she'd been here, she heard Rokuro's voice as he wept. "You killed her. Mayura – you killed her."

Her mother's and father's voice joined the chant of accusations that slowly rose and pushed against her.

Voices, she used to know so well, faded into the darkness until she was left alone. The only comrade she had left was the dumb impact in her chest, where once her human heart had rested.

Bored she watched the white face rotting in front of her eyes. The porcelain skin turned dark and sank to the bones beneath. The dead eyes dissolved into a slimy mass. All the flesh melted away until only the blank white skull remained.

Wasn't he coming? He was late. Hadn't he promised to end her misery?

When she turned around, she immediately detected him. He was standing behind her in all his beauty, the picture of a fuchsia-haired angel, naked to the skin.

Freed from any emotion, his eyes were the blue of the sky, a sky she used to live under. He approached her with slow steps.

The long forgotten emotion pierced her chest again like last time, making the corner's of her mouth move on their own.

She shifted her body into his direction, so he would have better excess. They needed no words to know what would happen next.

Only a few inches hold them apart, until he stopped and snapped his hand forwards, pressing on her throat.

She gurgled from the pressure, as he throttled her. His image blurred, as all life left her. Maybe they would see each other again in the next life. A life she wouldn't be impure.

She felt a drop rolling down her cheek.

His grab loosened. As she little by little regained perception of what was happening, she felt his hand traveling from her neck to the back of her head. All of a sudden he pushed her head to him and met her lips with his in an angry kiss. He pulled at her and wrapped his arms around her. A pleasant shiver ran over her body.

Her heart started to beat again, speeding up at the warmth of his body. An eternal desire rushed through her, as she moved on instinct in his embrace.

Passion and madness was spurting them on, as they both fought for dominance.

The moment their bodies finally joined, she screamed.

The once inhuman voice had turned yet again into that of an human.

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Blinking her eyes open, Mayura felt disturbingly hot and bothered.

Images of her dream reappeared before her inner eye, making her face burn in shame. It explained the knot inside her, below her belly, that screamed for attention.

She was no kid anymore. She knew about procreation and all that related stuff. But it confused her to feel something like this – this throbbing need within her. She had always thought, it would just happen eventually. She had believed, she would find innocent and pure love first and the rest would come afterwards. It had always been Rokuro, she had imagined, she would one day be with. Not explicitly, of course, but it had been a note at the side of the picture. Now her recently developed feelings were making her question everything, she had once taken for granted.

What was worse was, that these feelings were all connected to him. After her barely prevented kiss-assault came now the dream, that left her in a new state of frustrated. She wouldn't have thought a bad dream could have such a turn around.

Was this supposed to mean something?

And how could she ever look into Shimon's eyes again?

The image of his gaze with that one special glint appeared in front of her inner eye, making her gasp, as a warm feeling rushed through her body. She turned onto her side, crossed her legs and pressed her pillow against her racing heart.

She was so screwed. These feelings weren't just unwise anymore. They were dangerous. Maybe she should avoid him for a few days.

All of a sudden her phone beeped, making her jump. It was hard not to think about Shimon scolding her for having inappropriate fantasies about him. However, when she lifted the display to her eyes, she saw a message of the chief-exorcist instead.

Meeting of the Heavenly Commanders, 5 pm.

So much for avoiding him.

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He didn't plan to see her so soon again.

When he'd gotten Arima-san's notice, he had stared at his phone for a while. He had just returned from jogging – his morning ritual – when he received the message of Arima-san. Staring at the device in his hand, he had stood in the entrance way of the Ikaruga main house until Chiiko passed him. She had pulled him out of the stare, asking what was wrong while she looked herself depressed. She hadn't been energetic about the news that Adashino Benio returned to the island and lived together with Rokuro under one roof again.

Unsure about, what he could possibly say without giving away the truth, he went to his room leaving Chiiko with a "I'm fine" behind.

He tried not to think about her rejection. Tried not to think about Mayura's eyes, as they stared at him, while he had leaned down to her. He tried not to think about the slight quivering of her lips and the longing it evoked in him. He tried not to think about, how it must have felt to kiss her, how he should have just kissed her, just this once to know, what it felt like.

But trying not to think about it, made him thinking about it. And it left him with an empty and dull feeling.

It made him wish, he'd never been so stupid in the first place. He had known it was unwise to harbor such feelings, he had known he should have stayed away.

He should have listened to himself. He shouldn't have spend so much time with her. He shouldn't have let her break down his walls. Definitely, he shouldn't have spend a whole day with her just because Arima-san's words had made him worry about her. He should have told Rokuro about the threat she was facing, sending him to take care of her. Most certainly, she would have appreciated Rokuro's presence more than his own.

And he should have left, when he had been standing in front of Enmadou's house yesterday to get some fresh air. He shouldn't have rejoined the trio for having a dinner that lead to the hurt he currently dealt with.

But he did.

He should have cut off the strings that had pulled him to her.

Yet, he didn't.

Now he was facing the consequences. Being wrapped up in the net of emotions, he didn't want to give a name to.

He stuck to his routine, trying to get some distraction out of work and preventing him to walk into any other family member.

Yet, the hollow feeling in him did not diminish for the rest of the day.

Dressed in his official kimono he went to the central office of the head exorcist union, Taigetsurou. His mind was set on ignoring her presence.

Most of the Heavenly Commanders were gathered already, when he entered their meeting room. Kankuro-san and Kengo-san were bickering. Narumi-san and Arata-san chatted lively about something – probably either about news with Narumi-san's children or the latest trends on the mainland.

From the corner of his eye he saw Tenma approaching him directly with a smirk planted onto his face. "Yo, bird-maru, you don't look good. Didn't sleep well?"

"It's non of your concern." Shimon chose to ignore his long haired senior and wanted to walk pass him.

But that didn't stop Tenma from teasing him. From behind Tenma asked in a mocking voice, "Stress in paradise?"

Unnerved Shimon sent him a glare over his shoulder.

In played defense Tenma raised his hands. "Oi, oi, no need to be so icy about it."

He ignored Tenma and went to his spot.

He ignored anyone else as he waited for the meeting to start.

He ignored the gazes pricking him.

And he didn't look at her.

When Mayura entered the room he fought against his body's reaction. He didn't look at her even if he sensed her presence nevertheless. A reminder of how deep he had dug the hole he was imprisoned in.

The twist of his heart made him harden on his decision not to look at her. He clutched his hands into fists, fighting against the strain in his neck, as his head wanted to move on its own. It was almost, as if he was thirsty for the sight of her.

Soon Arima-san arrived, saving him from any failure of his private mission to ignore everyone and especially her. Finally, he had to focus on something else. It was easy for him to stick to his duty.

The head of the exorcist, after a big welcome with an huge smile, directly announced, "With the return of Adashino-san it is time for a trial of the Twin Stars."

Worry crept into the back of his mind. The trials Arima-san came up with were dangerous or twisted. Sometimes both. But he understood the necessity. If the they wanted to fight along the Heavenly Commanders in the mission to eliminate Ijika Yuuto, the Twin Stars should be tested.

The others seemed to have no objections either as no one in the room raised his voice at the long pause after Arima's announcement. Just then she spoke up, "But why? Adashino-san has returned yesterday and it hasn't been long since she regained her enchanted powers." The sweetness of her voice rang in his ears like a pounding drum, making his heart clench in pain.

"Do you have objections," Arima-san smiled slyly at her, "Mayura-chan?"

"I-I do," she stuttered.

Shimon had to keep himself from emitting an unnerved groan. This was just like her to butt in when the safety of her friends was in danger. Couldn't she just have stayed shy and quiet throughout the meeting like she usually did? He gritted his teeth in annoyance.

Arima stared at her for a second before he replied. His sly smile was still present on his face. "Fine. Then you'll go and protect them."

Shimon didn't see her reaction. He kept his gaze stuck to the chief exorcist in front of him, as it was wise to do. But it did not safe him from imagining her downcast look, the eminent insecurity drawn on her face when she said, "Y-es."

It made him feel worse than before. He hated it when she was being insecure. He hated it, when she refused to see the strength within her. And he couldn't stop the worry for her well-being creeping up in him. For all he knew this had to be more than a trial for the Twin Stars, if Arima-san send her to it despite of her condition.

In a controlled and impassive voice he protested against the decision. "Arima-san, I object this. Otomi Mayura is in a weakened state. You know, it won't be safe to sent her to protect the Twin Stars."

"That's why you, Shimon-kun, will go with them."

Again he had navigated himself into a dead end. Fulfilling his orders, acting like he was supposed to and committing his life to the union, had always been Shimon's first priorities. To end the long war against the impurities soon. To save the life of his little sister. But in this very moment he had a strong urge to reject this particular request. His heart and brain had a short debate, on what to do.

He should let someone else do it. Making an excuse about being too busy.

But he couldn't leave her alone, could he? He couldn't decline an order, right?

With clenched fists he closed his eyes and accepted the order. "Yes."

"Then that's settled" With a smile Arima-san raised his hand into the air, as Shimon tried to ignore the feeling of her gaze on him. "Coming to the next point on the agenda. Some of you might heard of Shimon's latest incident with an impurity. Shimon-kun, would you be so nice and give us your report?"

He nodded, glad he could distract himself from his own doom. "Last week Otomi Mayura and I were a part of a five-man-squad which I lead. We were sent to the forth level of Magano to extinguish an A-class impurity at the western outskirts. Although the impurity had only reached its state two weeks prior to our mission, it was able to use enchanted gear that was powerful enough to pierce through my enchanted armor."

A snicker came from his right side. "Maybe you weren't focusing enough?" Tenma teased him again.

Shimon replied with a glare. Trying to send him off replying harshly – again, "You know, that it is not what we have to be concerned about."

Tenma's smirk dropped a little bit.

The tension in the room was thick. Everyone knew that this could mean the impurities evolved.

Arima raised his voice. "Obviously this is a matter we have investigate. Sakura-chan and Kengo-kun, would you mind taking care of this?"

Sakura-san's animated "Yosh!" nearly swallowed Kengo-san's rather obstinate reply.

The rest of the meeting consisted of theories and strategies for the investigation of the A-class-impurity-incident. Shimon added some information whenever needed but other than that chose to staysilent. The subject of the trial of the Twin Stars was left untouched, for which he was thankful.

After Arima-san officially finished the meeting, he waited for everyone – for her – to leave before he moved from his spot.

When he exited the room, he was surprised to find someone waiting for him.

Subaru-san stood there and softly smiled at him. It was her natural expression, which had to be one the reasons she was considered to be the most beautiful woman on the island. Shimon knew she was also one of the most dangerous.

"You're overprotective about her." She directly cut to the chase.

Shimon stared at her slightly taken aback. Never before had he talked to Subaru-san about his private life. And although he knew, she was referring to Mayura, he wasn't sure, if he should make this knowledge obvious. "What is that supposed to mean?"

She unfolded her fan and waved it in front of her face. Her soft smile was still eminent on her face. "Oh my, I didn't mean it as an insult. You might be a Heavenly Commander. But you're still a boy becoming a man." She leaned her head to the side. "Besides you suit each other. Or is it just because she is your sensei's daughter that you're interested in her?"

Why was everybody poking into his privacy? Shimon clenched his fist at his sides to diminish his anger. He did not want to insult Subaru-san in any way by speaking aggressively to her. Subaru-san was one of the people he held the most of respect for. Right now she was just making it difficult for him to stay calm after he had had a rough day already. "What do you care about it?"

A soft chuckle left her. "It was hard not to see it. The waves radiating from you two were thick enough to cut with a knife. Didn't you notice everyone staying awfully quite? Even Tenma wouldn't say a thing."

That was really odd. He hadn't noticed it then, being too focused on looking at Arima-san and dwelling on his new mission. He wondered, if everyone suspected him now to have feelings for the newest addition among their rank.

Snapping her fan shut, she drew his attention to her again, noticing she had dropped her smile. "Just be careful. Feelings can alter your judgment and hinder you in fights"

"Thank you for your advice, Subaru-san. I don't need it though." He felt like lying although wanted to believe it was true.

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He hadn't looked at her once.

The whole meeting Shimon had ignored her. She felt worse then before.

She wished, she could turn back time and stop herself from nearly kissing him or rather from yelling at him and then nearly pressing her lips against his.

Now, she had effectively ruined their relationship or what at least was the beginning of a friendship.

She shouldn't have started to feel like this. Shouldn't have let herself be swept up into this net of emotions.

She wondered now about this new situation. About how he could make her heart flutter the moment she had spotted him in the room filled with Heavenly Commanders. And she wondered, abouthow he could make her heart ache by simply ignoring her.

When exactly had she handed him this power? Had it been on the day they spend together in the city or had it been earlier? Had it been the second he had pulled her towards her and raised the desire to kiss him.

Mayura sighed as she entered her house feeling more lonely than ever.

She had nobody left to talk to now. The relationship with her father was strained, Rokuro and Adashino-san were probably too busy ironing out what happened to Adashino-san. And now Shimon felt too awkward in her presence to even look at her.

"Having a rough day, Mayura-sama?" Amawaka Yuzuru-san stood in front of the genkan with crossed arms and a gentle smile.

"Yuzuru-san? Have you waited for me?"

The black haired woman nodded. Her smile vanished, replaced by a worried frown. "I noticed you've been kind of absent lately."

Mayura looked down holding a fist to her heart. Was she this obvious to everyone else? How could they take notice of something she barely understood?

"Is it because of the reunion of the Twin Stars?"

Mayura looked up. Irritated and confused she looked at Yuzuru-san. It was a simple question but she couldn't answer it.

She was stunned speechless. The moment Adashino-san and Rokuro got together again had bothered her less than the events related to the man that made her sigh moments ago.

The older woman uncrossed her arms and rose an eyebrow in question."Mayura-sama, what's bothering you?"

Uneasy she kept looking into the honest eyes of her mentor and closest relative among the Amawakas. "I don't know. I think, too much is going on. I have a problem to digest everything."

"So it isn't about your childhood friend?"

Mayura looked to the ground again. It was true, the return of Adashino-san had had a large impact on her but it wasn't because of jealousy. She was familiar with jealousy but not with this unfamiliar situation. She more felt like being pushed to the sidelines again. "No. Not exclusively at least. Perhaps, I feel like I am being left out? With Adashino-san being back it will be even harder to keep on track."

"And what about the Ikaruga boy?"

She bit her lip trying to keep the emotions inside, that rose within her at Yuzuru-san mentioning Shimon. Hurt, depression, anxiety were grasping onto her heart. "He doesn't talk to me anymore."

"Why?"

She tightened her bite on her lips, feeling the wave of dark feelings nagging at her. "I think, I overstepped my boundary."

"Hmmm." She felt Yuzuru-san's gaze mustering her. "Mayura-sama, excuse me, but may I say something?"

"Hn." She nodded in affirmation. Maybe there was someone, who could help her, solving this riddle of her emotions. Someone like Yuzuru-san, who had been in love with Otosaan for a long time.

"You seem confused about your feeling but isn't it also possible you aren't confused about them but rather about them having changed?"

Stupefied Mayura stared at the older woman. Was it true? Had her feelings simply changed? She had always believed, she loved Rokuro, but now with those feelings for Shimon, she really wasn't sure about it anymore.

She felt like she didn't know herself. It was scary. She hadn't felt the well-known jealousy, when she had watched her friends celebrating their reunion, being obviously in love with each other. She had rather felt jealous about... being left out while they headed another way without her.

"Love comes in different forms and sometimes it's hard to recognize their shape and we'll confuse them with something else that looks pretty much the same. Maybe you need to take a new angle."

Pretty much the same? A new angle? Had she been wrong about her feelings for Rokuro all the time? Should she change her perspective? But how? And where to?

Love. The love for Rokuro was different from the thing she felt for Shimon.

That had been her perspective.

Should she try and sort out, what she felt for Shimon?

A big headache was starting to form behind the temple of her head. She lifted a hand and rubbed the spot to ease the pain.

"Mayura-sama, I think you should go to rest. You don't look well." Yuzuru-san's voice came to her foggy not piercing the veil of pain the headache procured.

She simply nodded holding her head in pain.

When she lay in bed, trying to sleep images of Rokuro and Benio walking away and of Shimon turning his back on her haunted her. Added to the loneliness she felt, were now her constant thoughts about her feelings. Had she confused the feelings for Rokuro with something else? Had she fallen for that stoic, stern-looking fuchsia-haired man, she had known for a few months?

Anguished with confusion, she turned her head, the wet cloth on her forehead slid to the blanket. She felt too tired to pick it up again.

Everything in her life had changed so fast. Not only had she become an Heavenly Commander and future head of the Amawaka clan in a whim, but she now doubted the feelings for Rokuro, that were as old as their friendship was.

It made her doubt herself.

And what was making her situation even worse was, that the chief-exorcist ordered her to protect Rokuro and Adashino-san.

She skipped her gaze to her hands resting on the pillow. How was she supposed to do this without Byakko's powers?

She knew, she should have said something at the meeting, but had been too scared to admit, that she failed as an Heavenly Commander with the others surrounding her. And then the subject of their meeting changed and she was too afraid to raise her voice again.

Had she failed before really trying?

She wasn't scared of dying. She was scared to prove to be a failure in the end.

A shadow crossed over her. She let it settle on her chest as she was lost to the cloth of doubt embracing her.

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A/N: Shimayu needs a lot of help from others. They can't just accept their feeling, can they? *sigh*

Come on Shimon, just tell her, she's the someone! Oh, sorry that was the canon story. *caugh* I meant, come on Shimon, just tell her, you love her!

So how did you like it?

Don't forget to vote and thank you so much for the support!^^