The next day brings an urgent message from Grace for me to call her. I excuse myself from the group and rush to the clearing.

When Grace picks up, all I hear is sobbing.

"Damn, Grace what's wrong?"

"Father hit Evan last night."

The thought "seeing red" never meant anything to me until that moment. I ask her to hold on, and I sit and put the phone on speaker. There isn't a reason to melt my phone right now.

"Explain what happened?"

"Evan came home in a good mood. He had passed some test, and he has been talking to that girl. Oh, what's her name?"

"Does it matter?"

"Julia. That's her name. He was so excited. He came in babbling to anyone who would listen. Father came out of his office obviously annoyed but Evan didn't catch it. Evan started talking to Father, and he just smacked Evan and told him to 'Shut up!' When tears formed, he was smacked again, this time harder. Father said he didn't want to hear his nonsense about stupid things in life. He told Evan he needed to concentrate on his future and not getting in the pants of some silly teenager."

The grass next to me is smoking, and I try to calm myself by breathing.

I scream at the top of my lungs and try to talk.

"Dominic, are you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Did you just scream?"

"Yeah."

Silence fills the air.

"I'll figure something out, Grace."

People start dotting the tree line.

"I have to go. I'll figure something out. I promise."

"Can you make it soon, please. I don't think Evan and I can take any more of this treatment. I'm afraid now."

"I love you, sis. Stay strong and I'll contact you as soon as I come up with a new plan."

She's crying.

"I promise. Please trust me," I say and hang up before anyone makes it to where I'm sitting.

I know they are going to be concerned but I can't deal with that now. I carefully pick up my phone and head in the other direction. Someone calls my name and I try to ignore it, but I hear it again. I know they'll follow so I tell them I need some alone time, for them not to bother me and I run off into the forest furthest away from the cabin.

I walk for what seems like forever before I stop. Let's hope no one is going to follow me this far. What the hell am I to do now? Father is taking his frustration out on Evan in a physical way. What's to stop him from hitting Grace? What's to stop him from hitting Evan harder the next time?

The darkening forest matches my mood, The thoughts bouncing around in my head keep me from thinking clearly..

If I hadn't gotten so distracted by this training and Ande, I could have had them out by now. If I had a better plan before EJ showed up, I could have had this fixed. If I had chosen a different budget, I could have had my own apartment and they could be living with me.

It is a constant stream of doubt and guilt. I want it to end, but my anger still hasn't dissipated. I want to throw something, lash out, anything, but I'm afraid I'll burn the whole forest down. What the hell good is having magic if you can't use it when you want? My thoughts go to my adoptive father, and what it would feel like to watch him burn. To set fire to his trophy house with him in it—after I got everyone else out, of course. What would he think when I saw what I had really been doing? What I've actually become? The situations I can get myself out of.

How are you out of this situation? My subconscious whispers.

Shut up! You aren't helping.

Am I supposed to help you when you have so much anger? You won't listen to reason anyway. When you want to talk normally, let me know. The voice whispers and disappears.

What a silly thing to imagine at a time like this? However, I suppose I have listened to the voice in my head all along. But it was always so logical. Why isn't it logical now? I had a plan, the plan failed, others got hurt, it's my fault. Seems simple enough to understand.

The voice chuckles, and I wish it would shut up. I don't need it's input right now. As the woods blacken, my mood hasn't improved. I want to be by myself, but how do I get a message to EJ.

Your phone.

Of course, I send a message to EJ that I need some time alone to think. For him not to worry about me, and that I'd be back early the next morning.

Finding another clearing, I lay back and look up at the stars. My anger starts to cool at the same rate the air is. It doesn't erase the guilt and the echoing of Grace's sobs in my head. Finally, I'm about to give up, when I give calming breaths a try one more time.

Meditating isn't coming easy with my mind so scrambled. I figure, at this point, my best attempt will have to be good enough. Some words that have given me peace in the past come to mind: Future, Family, Love, Acceptance. The breathing and muscle relaxation exercises ease up from behind the dark veil I have constructed. I can't clear all of my thoughts, but they do start to fade into the background. The four words I've chosen to concentrate on become louder, and with each breath, I feel my body relax even more. I am still disappointed but I'm not raging at the moment. Which is a positive change. When I feel I've relaxed as much as I can, I lay back in the grass. I can't see the moon anymore, so I look at the stars. I imagine where they are. What they are made of. What their purpose is.

Sunlight warms my body and I sit up with a jerk. I feel asleep out here in this clearing. It's a wonder forest animals didn't visit me while I slept.

I stretch my body and try to get the kinks out. It takes a moment to stand and then I stretch some more.

Returning to the cabin is a must, but I'm not looking forward to all of the questions that will be thrown my way. How do I explain what's going on, how I'm feeling, and my thoughts at this moment.

I head down to the cabin, and I'm surprised Ande is the first one to greet me.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"Nothing much." I try to play it off.

"It didn't sound that way," she questions.

"Why are you all up in my business? Leave it alone. I don't need your help." I yell.

Ande's eyes water, and I know immediately that I just fucked up.

"Jerk!" She screams and runs into the cabin.

What am I going to screw up next? I seem to be screwing everything up lately.

The walk to my room takes forever only to be greeted by a livid EJ.

"What the hell is your problem? You better have a good explanation for why you just acted that way."

"I don't have an excuse. I have a reason for being upset but not for lashing out at anyone."

"You're damn right. You Dummkopf, that is one of the sweetest most generous people I've ever met. She came out there to try to help and all you did was lash out at her. I don't know what's going on, and I'm so angry and disappointed in you that I don't want to see you for a while." He says.

The door slams at his departure, and now I really feel like a failure. I don't normally cry, but no one's here to see me, and I doubt anyone in the cabin is in a hurry to see me either. I know I wouldn't want to see" me".

Staring at the wall and crying exhausts me, but before I fall asleep, my door bangs open again.

"Are you ready to talk?" EJ says.

My head turns to try and hide its appearance, but EJ sees what feels like puffiness so bad my whole face is swollen.

"Bärchen, what is wrong? Has something really gone that bad?"

"Yeah. Father hit Evan yesterday." I reply.

"He did what?" And I'm sure the anger of his words cannot only be heard but felt.

"He got frustrated with Evan yesterday and hit him. It's all my fault, I should have never left them by themselves."

"You can't protect them for the rest of their lives."

"Evan will be sixteen in five days. He's only sixteen for God's sake" as I strike out at the air. He should have to worry about protecting himself at this age. And Grace shouldn't have to worry about Evan and trying to get into a good nursing program."

"I'll think of something. Give me a few hours."

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[A/N]

Bärchen (German) - little bear

Dummkopf (German) - idiot, fool