~Subject me to the truth, to the horror and pain, until my mind is twisted...~

I Don't Want To Be a Hero

Michael

"I... I just saw you..." I couldn't find the words. It was her.

"I... I can't explain, Michael." Elise helped me up, as we embraced each other again.

"What did he do to you, why did you abandon me earlier? I thought I would lose you." As I touched her, the more I believed she was back.

"Michael... Xandor is ... he got me in just one conversation... but his story makes me pity him, Michael. If staying with him will help ease his pain..."

"You belong with me, Elise! You belong with me! Not HIM!"

"You went so far to help me, Michael, but I have changed - I can no longer go back to being with you, Michael. I am tainted with darkness far more than you are. I saw you trying so hard to blend in to save me... I couldn't do anything. Xandor was watching me. The darkness that had invaded my brain controlled me; I can't do anything. But seeing you cry after killing Jason... I made it a point that I must come here!"

"I sometimes wonder how you come here in one piece... but I missed you so much, did you know that? It feels heartwarming to be in your arms again..." I cried and embraced her tighter, not wanting to let her go.

"I do miss you too, Michael... but... we have to stop now. I... we can no longer love each other..." Elise backed off, as my eyes went wide in confusion.

"I... have married Xandor, Michael. I had no choice..." I tried to read her thoughts to understand her, but I just couldn't.

"I... I will kill you, Xandor! " I was about to burst into a fit of anger when Elise stopped me.

"You cannot let it out again! You need to conceal your whereabouts now! This new species... the ghouls... Xandor will eventually find all of them that he had made and bring them back. You need to run away!"

"I won't leave without you; you know that!" I held onto her hand tight, refusing to let go. She squirmed against my grip, realising I had grown stronger as a result of my turning.

"I'm sorry, Michael... but if you don't leave now... I will have to eliminate you!" She transformed into that girl that had abandoned me and left with Xandor, now a mindless, sadistic torturer.

"Why don't you run away?! Why are you not afraid of me? Why? I had you done in the other time!" Surprisingly, she did not change in behaviour - Now realising I had a chance, I picked up my mask and wore it.

"If you don't want to be a hero anymore... and that's the truth... I'll follow you wherever you go; we'll walk the path together." I unzipped the mask and kissed her, a kiss that never seemed to end.

"How dramatic, how dramatic." Xandor! I moved Elise behind me, blocking Xandor from reaching her.

"You went all the way to save her. Even turned yourself into a Fallen for it. I wholeheartedly respect you, Michael, but it just shows me more how weak the Protectors have become against my new species, because you, the last Protector, have also fallen." Elise pulled me away and moved back to Xandor.

"I couldn't forget him, she said. She kept on begging me to set her free, let her hold you for the last time. I wonder what you did to her, that made her remember you so fondly, miss you so badly. But Ophelia, have you any more requests?" As soon as he called Elise "Ophelia", her eyes burned red instantly, washing away any trace of her original eye colour.

"I have no more requests to ask of you, my husband. What will you do with him?" Its exactly like what she said - Xandor had indeed hypnotised her, just by speaking a single word.

"Of course, I'll bring him back to serve us. After all, I want him to see our love and let him be jealous of it." Xandor... your greed indeed spans universes. You are the definition of sin itself!

"Stop doing what you like with her, Xavier!" Xandor's head shot back in my direction.

"You still have the audacity to call me by that name, Michael?"

"On account of the bond that we shared, yes!" I firmly replied to his seemingly redundant question.

"I do not have a sworn brother like you." He snapped. To my dismay, Xandor had disregarded everything that he had - only keeping Elise and ownership of the world in his eyes.

"Then take my life, if you so desire your revenge. But I'm sure you won't - you can't let your prized experiment die off this way." I snickered, taunting him.

"I could actually take your life, I have a ton of defectors I can test on, but of course... you're right as always, Michael. I want to torture you."

"Hah, torture me? God, you did traumatise me at one point, but I found a way around it, as I always have. At least I have the motivation, unlike you, who could not reach out further and then put the blame on me. Putting me under your control? It's so insane, I can't imagine! Hahaha!" I could hear Xavier cracking his knuckles, the sound of nails digging into flesh.

"Such... defamation, Michael." I could only feel the punch that came straight to my face and my landing on the ground a few more meters away from them.

"You need more... lessons on respecting others." He kept me down with his foot, determined to hinder me.

"I... won't... succumb..." I wanted to become stronger now. To protect Elise. To give her the happiness she always wanted. To stop the Fallen from increasing their influence. To erase them.

Even if it costs me my life.

I was on top of Xandor now, but he showed no signs of struggling, "Why? I try to salvage our bond, but you force me. Now you don't even want to fight me - aren't you the bigger coward, brother." My tentacles had reappeared, and they were about to reveal the face behind the mask. I would soon see his new face...

"I repeat... that bond we once shared as sworn brothers... will never return!" Xandor emitted a dark pulse of energy, encasing me in a sphere.

"You will come back, Michael. You will ask for the cure. You will beg me on your knees, for mercy, for me to restore you. Enjoy your little power when it lasts - you will soon lose yourself in your little party." The mask reformed itself on Xandor, but I saw a smile, filled with scars where his mouth was. What had he gone through in Hell when I left him there...?

"Let's go, Ophelia. He won't bother us for now." Leading the way, Elise followed him, without a single doubt...

"I wonder how his willpower will hold against the monster in him...?" Elise's question was the last I heard, as they walked through the portal to Esmonia before it disappeared.

The sphere also dissipated at that moment, and I dropped to the floor, my tentacles helping to soften it.

"Argh... I still couldn't bring her back... I need... I need more strength..." I ran away, ran around town. More... more... need more power... need to protect Elise...

So absorbed in my thoughts, I had already found a bunch of Fallen to feast on. The hunger was alive once again, raging.

There's no longer any humans in the world, Michael. They're Fallen now, and they will stay that way. Don't feel guilty... you need to fill yourself. That voice... it was the same as the one that had made me kill Jason, saved me from Xandor.

Hiding in a corner of a building, I decided to confront this new guest.

"Other Michael, I don't want to kill them..."

Oh? Calling me your other? I'm honoured. But still... I can see him in a vision, wearing the exact same clothes as I am right now, just a more devilish, evil side of myself.

Jason made a nice outfit for us, don't you think? He pulled me to sit down with him on the floor in the vision, pausing to admire my features.

"It's presentable... I guess." I held up my arms, glancing at the fabric.

You lack taste. You need more influence from me, Michael.

"My other... I have my own thinking, you can't change it out of your own free will." However, my other's eyes flashed red and then decided to enter my body... snapping me out of my vision.

"We will feed, Michael. We will share the benefits. Together." I started running out, about to pounce on the Fallen...

"Hey! You there, Michael?!" It was the Elise who will stop time on appearing...

"I... yeah, yeah... I am. I... think I lost myself... I may really lose it, Elise. I may actually go insane!" I held onto her, the Protector side of her now a blinding light, and stinging pain as my right hand touched her. Pulling my right hand in shock, I remembered once again - that I was Fallen.

"I... resent my fate." I knelt down in front of her, knowing this was a world where no one would disturb us.

"Just - please, help me, babe - on the account of the love that we share... and my yearning for you." I got up and attempted to kiss her, but she moved away.

"I thought I told you I am simply a remnant of Elise living in you. I have no real power to make any change."

"A ticket for taking a life - I believe a Fallen would gladly take it." She continued on and was indirectly meaning me.

"You have it, for free. It's not even you doing the killing in state of mind, so why worry?"

"Y...you actually stopped me from attacking the Fallen earlier... you're contradicting..."

"Of course I am. I am the darkness and the light. You need to choose." She just shrugged, as if she had faced this, many times over.

"If you want to know how she feels, let that monster go wild. If you want to retain your sanity, run away. Contemplate a better course of action. Feeding on normal Fallen might not do anything... Cannibalism, however, will eventually backfire on you."

"H...how do you know everything?"

"I just know. I'm omnipresent." She disappeared again, and I continued my action of ambushing the Fallen, the monster enjoying its feast.

There was so many things to think about, so many questions...

"Ahhh, amazing, amazing... but we need more like Jason... we feel stronger that way... no, we are stronger that way!" Pulsing bright red, my tentacles were full of energy. I was in sheer excitement -

"Who's there?! "I felt my senses deteriorating somewhat, indicating I had hidden the tentacles away. However, I had a bad feeling...

This person smells similar to Jason.

"You." It was someone with those red eyes... Indeed, another ghoul. I readied my fists, waiting for his next move.

"I'm in search of other ghouls. We all have been split up, and we need to band together." He didn't have tentacles like me - they were red pulsing shards connected to his left shoulder.

"I don't think so, fellow ghoul." I kept my cool, wanting to know his motives.

"Why's that so?" He jumps down from a ledge a few stories above me and starts to check me out.

"Awesome outfit, man... would be a shame to get it ripped, though." He snaps his fingers, and two persons revealed themselves.

Same scent. Not good.

"Join us. We'll give you shelter." The two other ghouls were on the lookout, while he tries to persuade me.

"I have someone to find. I don't want anyone to interfere." He pins my body through my clothes to the wall, almost ripping it off me.

"The dark lord will take you away, and he will make you a slave. He will know all about us, and if he decides to kill us, you will be blamed." He stares into my eye, as my other was covered by the eyepatch-like covering.

"Tch..." I grunted.

"Now's your chance, Michael." Time stopped in its tracks again, and Elise was back.

"Eat them. Oh, but I can see more coming, you would love to see all these ghouls appearing only to be eaten by you." She disappeared again, her voice fading away.

"I... need to save you." Time resumed. The man persuading me continued, about to reveal who I was for his own curiosity...

"I have rights to my privacy, fellow ghoul." I pulled out the shards, wincing from the pain. The wounds healed slower than usual, but I didn't care. I was about to get stronger again, for Elise.

"What the fuck?! Attack, my comrades!" The ghoul called his two assistants, but I subdued them easily. I felt like a born genius. A God.

"And now... I will feed on you first."

---

Elise

"And now... I will feed on you first." I hear Michael say as he proceeds to eat the ghoul. Xandor watches in utter amazement; he's delighted at how he made his once sworn brother into a monster.

"It's why I chose him to be my main experiment, my beautiful wife." He made the vision disappear, standing up from his throne.

"I still hold the grudge against you for hypnotising me once you say the name "Ophelia". I followed you of my own accord, Xandor, I know my limits."

"That was also a new thing I was trying out, darling," Xandor opens his arms for a hug, hoping I'd return it.

"Give me back my freedom of mind, Xandor."

"No no no, remember the contract, darling. You belong to me now. Let's go have a walk around the country - I'm sure everyone would love to see us, even more now that we are married, to share in our joy." He holds out his hand, and I took a deep breath to keep those anger urges away before deciding to let my hand hold his.

"Can you believe it? We're in charge of a whole country, together. I want to make it better for these people. They have been living in this world for far too long. They need to make it to Earth and see its vast landscapes. Indeed, I have started the apocalypse. To us, however, we see a paradise. We mould our expectations differently from how you see things, Elise, for they can never step into the light again."

"I didn't know that most of them wanted a better life again - just to be normal." Back in my red overcoat and grey suit, my silver mask was back on me, a sign of my identity.

"I hold the wishes of every Fallen, whether it be good, neutral, or evil. I'm everything you will expect of them, but that makes me the most unpredictable. I'm sure you know that, as I have shown you many times before, darling."

"But Michael... he's a Fallen now - you must be holding his wish as well! He doesn't want to be one!"

"Ah, why, my love, must you always bring him up?! I told you before, I made Jason get him to drink that vial, it's all for revenge! It's to let him taste how it feels! I've even made it a million times less painful for him! Mine was so much, so much worse. It lasted so long, the voice in my head... it haunts me to this day..."

"So, your revenge has been carried out. As a Fallen with values, do you feel any better?! Besides, has the voice in your head left you after you executed your revenge? No! You just added another person to the suffering. You had let the monster in you take you over, make more people become part of his madness. You are helping it achieve its goal, you're not saving the world!"

"Why, just why, Elise? It's a good thing I feel I am doing, a sincerely good thing! Sometimes, in order to understand, to learn, one must physically and mentally be in the shoes of the other party, I'm letting Michael experience it himself!"

"You're driven mad, Xandor."

"But I know in my madness, I have done things right. Now, even if I have to drag you, I will bring you to see our people. Maybe, just maybe... I would include your parents."

"You... Xandor, you really are one of a kind. My parents... tell me, did you take care of them as how a son would take care of his in-laws?" I was tired of arguing. And if I had a chance to seize an opportunity for anything right now, I would.

Xandor will not turn my mind into one he can use for his twisted lies and imagination.

"Grown up, haven't you? Don't worry... your parents, I have told them about you. Explained that you are their daughter. However... they will never remember you the way they did before, and they serve me. They no longer will save you from me... even if they actually wanted to, my Queen."

"Okay, 'nuff said, Xandor."

"You know the drill, don't you? It's time to be a real Queen, Ophelia." The name strikes a chord in my brain. I know he has freed my darkest side, out of its cage.

In a faraway landscape my mind holds, I confront the dark specter, an image of Xandor.

"We meet again. When will you stop allowing a double to take over your brain? You're a Fallen, Elise. It's time you let go of the past. The world is playing right into the Fallen's hands, and you know that very well."

"You can't let him get his way every time! You heard me, you heard the story! I need to mend the bond with him, it's the best way to avoid a tragedy! You're the world's only hope!" A voice of protest. The specter, an image of Michael, shining bright in his knight armour appeared.

"Only through destruction will a new world arise, the basis of evolution for mankind. If I am going to be regarded as a villain, I in every right accept." Xandor's specter stomped on the ground, creating a circle of destruction.

"We need not have destruction for the reforming of the earth! What matters is how we bring peace to all!" Michael's blinding light formed a sphere of hope.

"But it all boils down to one person... that's me." I stopped the two from starting a showdown and killing each other in the process, even if it was just my own mindscape.

"You both love me. And I love you both, but I simply have to choose. Why me? Why not another girl whose decisions are more clear-cut than mine?"

"You're of both worlds, honey." Michael's hand was outstretched, sword sheathed in his shield.

"You can choose a side to live in. You're the wanderer. The neutral. But now, the neutral has a duty, and she must carry it out." Xandor's hand too, just that it was bulging with infected flesh, that receded to form the perfect skin, and then the black glove that I always saw.

Indeed... Xandor had accepted the infection. He started it all. Infecting the masses. Turning them into Fallen.

I looked back on my experiences. The Fallen were everywhere. The Protectors were the losing party - they had absolutely no preparation for the oncoming war. They are wiped out - and the Fallen will reign.

There was no point standing on their side now. It is true. I am no longer a hero. I am the Queen of the faction that caused their demise. It...

It's what I am now. No doubt, I wish the two factions might one day coexist... but one was already gone.

I turned my back on Michael's specter, never looking back. It was time to move on... as I went closer to Xandor's specter, he materialised into the black robe I wear as Ophelia.

"After you wear me, you will now have control over Ophelia - and yourself."

"I'm hesitant. I know you're the only path that's safe to walk on... but I can't bring myself to do it."

"Then I will help you, unlike the Protectors, who will only persuade." The robe settled onto my body, this time bringing a different feeling. When I was hypnotised, this feeling was never there. The robe was just... a robe. Now, there was something. Something, I couldn't figure out, and now I would discover for myself.

"Infected flesh. The basis for evolution, one step closer to perfection, darling." Xandor broke the silence. Reality? I held up my hands. Black gloves... but it became infected flesh in a matter of seconds, showing me its real form, before returning back to its black guise, to give me the false hope of real gloves.

"So this is what happens when I accept you... and the darkness." I was still in the room, where the eyes of Xandor are all around, visuals appearing on the screens as visions. Michael was gone. I should forget about him... a new life awaits, be it the destruction of the world, or paving the way for a new earth.

"It's one of the small things that happen. You will appreciate it soon, my beloved wife." He revealed the same condition, and our hands connected. Our eyes met, and I could finally read his mind, enter his thoughts.

It was a painful sight... the truth. The deception, the reality.

And yet as I say this, he sees every part of me. My good deeds, my sins. My darkest sins. I try to break free from his grasp as I remember, but he had started to smile as if he had caught his prey and was now starting to enjoy the experience.

"I see it. I see your darkest sin you refuse to tell me..." He pulls me closer and takes in a breath.

"But I respect you, my Queen, for you have finally accepted me willingly. Oh, how I envision the pleasant experiences we will have," He teased.

"We are so much alike."

***

Michael

"Ha...ha....." I was gasping for breath at the end of it all. How many have I eaten? How many lives did I take?

The more I see it...

Acting like you're repentant... aren't you the Protector...

You might have taken us, but we will haunt you. Cannibalism will get you nowhere...

Ah, but we all know you love it.

Michael, oh Michael. When will you learn?

The ghouls. Jason.

Jason.

You want to get her back, don't you? But you're still weak. Xandor holds you by the neck.

He does... indeed...

So why not get stronger to kill that cunt?

I would rather be hurt... than to see her suffer. I can't... give her anything.

Stop lying to yourself. You want that power, but you mask it under the guise of saving her. You know Xandor is one fucking madman, but you hold back.

No... stop... please...

You know very well, Michael, that you want to eliminate him to ease your guilt. The bond you want to mend was all a lie.

No... Jason... what the hell man... I can feel his arms on me, his breathing down my neck from the back...

And I know you want our power to be of assistance... since you ate us.

Spiralling down a tornado of thoughts, and a sudden string of temptations, that violates my core, Jason pulls my lips into a smile.

Now, who are you, Michael?

I found my mask in my hand, the white teeth portion stained in blood.

"I... am not a hero. I never saved anyone... but I am a killer..."

"I am..." I took a deep breath, my heartbeat quickening.

"No! Michael!" Elise... the remnant living in me... but her voice quickly faded away, weak.

"A..." I tied my mask neatly onto my face...

"Stop right there!" I spun around, to see a familiar face, actually not just one...

But several... all those I swore I would keep safe on my neck.

"We won't let you be devoured by those... monsters, Michael." I stare into the face of one of the students, the heartbeat finally slowing down to its normal pace.

Ah, I feel a new kind of peace, when my heart finally calms down...

"Well... can you? "

Author's Note

I didn't really want Michael to go "rogue", but I had to do it.

One chapter left to go! The chapters are getting longer, but it compensates for the short book-length overall... forgive me.

I really would love to continue this 1st book some more, but it would destroy the purpose of my making of a trilogy.

If you have read this far...

Thank you.