A year later ...

Trains...

Trains are filled with people. Some of them  have a beautiful path while others pass through vast woodlands. Areas that are normally not accessible but the humanity  raped them. Without asking nature, he come  and broke it. Each train hides within  the souls of hundreds of people.

Some of them are happy. They reach the destination they want. They wait, they are eager to get the journey to the end. Others are filled with sadness. With pain ... maybe they never wanted to leave, maybe they did not want to get inside  of these trains. Perhaps their own life had become a train of unknown destination. How much power you want to get in, knowing that there is no one for you at the end of the journey. How ever there will be, that you are alone in this world.

Are not we all in the final? You do not belong to anyone except yourself. Some are slow to understand, others are clearer enough to understand the true reason for our existence. The truth; I think there is no reason. We come to this life without purpose. No logic. We are given the opportunity as some people call it to live. But how much? how violently we come and how violently we die? have you ever wondered that  we are born with pain and we leave with him ... What's the reason ? 90% of people come and go and do not remember them after a few generations ...

Short, tall. People with glasses, with light or dark skin. Weak or plump people ... People who are indifferently passing by your side. Today I saw several ... Today I found myself among them. Ready to make my own journey. There are times when I think maybe if things were happening differently I was not on this train. I may be dead, I may be happy and alive. I guess I will never know ...

A few hours before I touched him ... I felt him ... the smell to get the rage ...! But what happened? Violence ... My quick and violent removal. Without a choice ...  The wound has remained. Bitterness and repentance ... I found myself here without knowing where to go. Without having nothing in my hands but a folder ... a fucking white envelope I do not want to open.

Scared . I am frightened because I am a monk, I will remain alone and I will flee. Many are looking for the other half. The person who will complete them in this life. The one who will come and overturn everything. The one who will fill each gap easily. The prince who will take you to the white horse. Lie. Everything is a well-done fairy tale. A tale I once believed too. Because I too had a prince ... or so I thought at least. His own horse was black. And his armor torn ... his gun was possible. So strong that saved me ...

In my case everything is black. Dark as an ebony. The bleak and bitter reality does not let me move forward at all. It makes me think  again and again at the same time. I hear that click. That dead silence after the screaming. That unexpected hold of the arm and the feeling I leave him back ...

My man had flesh and bone. It had a substance. He stood beside me. Next to me. Across me. At my height. he was always there to embrace every dark moment of my life. Protect with his  own hands my fragile body. Every time he picked up the pieces. He laid himself and joined them together. He  could be missing from the many breaks, but he took care of the weather to replace them. But I will never know if he was just replenishing or if he broke himself and offered generously his pieces ...

Vortex. I twist through it and there is not one hand to catch. I know that on my own route no-one  will be waiting for me. Nobody ... I'm going to get out of this damned train and look at my loneliness. I will realize the loss and I will die. I laugh, I laugh because if he was here and listening to my thoughts, he would probably sue me. He would put my voices on me, but at the end I would be in his arms. At the place where I liked to shut up and find peace. Every time he treated my wounds, every time he saw me tearful, every time I splashed like a candle he was there. Tighten me. He ordered me to get up.

I knew he had spent much. Unfortunately in the dirt of this world it was cleaner than everyone. Throughout this society he was the most correct one. Maybe he was all stupid, murderer, dangerous and crazy, but for me was just Ian. He was the miracle ... he was the cause I live in. My breathing itself.

The man who kept me alive ... as he gave it to me, so he take it back ...

He was mine, however, he was my Protector ...

I close my eyes as I feel the tears threaten my eyes. They want to fall. I know it, I feel it. Days now they try to bend me and break me but he had forbidden me.

"I may not be the prince but I promise not to let anyone make these eyes cry again" He told me and I believed him ... and now that I am in a train to the unknown, ready to transform my pain in tears. Tears belonging to him.

A kid from the next bunk is crying. I hear his mother sings  and my heart gets caught even more. I will never become a mother. Never ... I will never stand on my apron to build a beautiful family. Never ... why? Because I will never find myself very much. I will never become the same woman I was then. Then , when my own blood sold me. When i passed the gate of hell with thousands of hopes. Then my smile was real. When I was sure about myself ... I was racing, I broke ... I lost everything in just a few moments.

I reluctantly wipe the tear before it falls. I look out of the window the dense vegetation. Although we are in the heart of winter and the trees are covered with snow, they are  green. This may have been something that if I saw before I go to that damn home, it would help me. No matter how snowy, no matter how white they become ... they will always be green. Because this is their nature in the final.

"Excuse me. Are you all right? "A girl asks me. No way I ever realized opened the door. Nor did I feel another presence in the place. I look at her for a moment and see a girl down at my age. Her cheeks are pearls. Her hair shines and her appearance promises a lot.

"Thank you very much," I answer, and as if she understands that I do not want anyone she  close the door and leave.

Do you see that the society around you forces you to lie? Become one with all those who are hiding behind false non-existent words ... "I'm fine ..." "All right." "I have nothing"

No, dude! I'm not good either ... I will not be, you are not really interested in the final! You ask to ask ... but that one, he was asking and hanging from my lips ... I was lying to him so I would not hurt him. How stupid and childlike my behavior was. How to lie in such a mind and not to understand you ... I blame my self for everything. If I did not speak to him from the beginning now everything would be different ... now he ... He ...

"he would live ..." I moor to hear it and burst into tears ... I have my eyes but I can not see. I can not withstand the pain ... I can not stand the silence. I can not walk alone on this path that you put me ... I need you. I need you. I need to hear your voice ... And you? I do not know where your body is ... to mourn, to bury it ... to embrace it once more ....

"Forgive me ...." I say and open the train window. It's small, but I've just been a bunch of bones ... I'll do it. I'll get out of here ... I'll fall ... I'll fall into the gap ... I'll ...

Without wanting to cry loudly. I fall down on the dirty floor of the train and just cry ... he left behind ... he accepted the ball to live too? I predict him ...

How do I live? How do I do it when all I love and loved is gone?

I always thought life was overvalued. You put a sign and go ahead without finding the point. You look at the world around you with numbers. You put in the weights moments and dreams. But they are always weighing less than the obligations and each time you remove a little more ...

I got to a point where I walk with the rest. With the joy I'm excited ....

I wipe my cheeks. My black frayed blouse has watered my tears. I will not  forgive Jason  ... Not even myself that allowed Ian to come by ...

I hear the click from the door of the wagon.

Oh My God, he found me ... this is ... now all is over. Does not matter. I will stay as strong as he did ...

I get up and stand in the middle of this little space. I'm clamping my punches and waiting ... Ian did not die without purpose . I will give my battle. Even though it is the last ...

Kisses

From the next we will come back a year and we will take the story from the beginning ... ❤

May all of you be well!