My sister is a black hole my sister is a bricked-up window my sister is a house on fire my sister is a car crash my sister is a long night my sister is a battle my sister is here.
Daisy Johnson,   Sisters

In college I had a physics professor who wrote the date and time in red marker on a sheet of white paper and then lit the paper on fire and placed it on a metallic mesh basket on the lab table where it burned to ashes. He asked us whether or not the information on the paper was destroyed and not recoverable, and of course we were wrong, because physics tells us that information is never lost, not even in a black hole, and that what is seemingly destroyed is, in fact, retrievable. In that burning paper the markings of ink on the page are preserved in the way the flame flickers and the smoke curls. Wildly distorted to the point of chaos, the information is nonetheless not dead. Nothing, really, dies. Nothing dies. Nothing dies.
Nicholas Rombes,     The Absolution of Roberto Acestes Laing

"Grief is a circular staircase. I have lost you."
Linda Pastan,     The Five Stages of Grief

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1945, Manchuria. A pair of young Chinese twins crawl out of the ravaged ruins of Manchu Detachment 731 with nothing but the clothes on their back and hands clasped so tight the fusion of their interlocked fingers rendered them inseparable.

What happened then was not so clear, and in this ambiguity, they sliced their limbs free of the shackles, and walked away barefoot from the carcass of cruelty. What remains is this: the rain will wash the footprints—along with the names they were born with—from the mud, but the defilement will linger. History will forget the only two survivors of Unit-731, that two little girls blew apart the whole testing facility, left behind its rotting stone corpse, and walked out of the forest soaked in blood.

          Like trading one cloak for another, they turn out old stories for new ones.

          In the 21st Century, New York will know Gwendolyn and Guinevere Ma, the former a manipulator of shadows, the latter a manipulator of light, as heroes. From the water of the womb to the New York Metropolitan Ballet; from the dark and bloody pit of Unit-731 to the sparkling spotlight on the theatre's stage; from cryogenesis to the Avengers. Twin conduits of prodigal power—emancipated from their harrowing history—reared to keep the balance in New York. Twin vigilantes, sworn protectors of their defenseless neighbourhood. The Black Swan and the White Swan, two sides of the same coin, each donning a mask that'd become a symbol of hope for their tight-knit Asian community.

            Until one of them falls from grace, never to be seen by the other again.

           Gwendolyn Ma was never one for whom things aligned perfectly. Luck, in the language of people like her, was something she had learnt not to count on. Rage, on the other hand—well, there was the blood to prove what she knew, her own beating heart a vicious animal never satisfied with just one hunt. In fact, it was her sister, Guinevere, to whom Gwen must attribute all good things to. Guinevere, the light shining in the dark, the beacon guiding her back to the beaten road time and time again. Guinevere, doe eyes and a hopeful grin. Guinevere, her equal and her opposite.

          Gwendolyn Ma is acutely aware that she is a creature come crawling out of the abyss of her own survivor's guilt. And yet, the abyss is all she has. What's that saying—if you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you?

In the aftermath of the alien invasion on New York, Gwen lost everything in the fire. Grief-stricken, Gwen went on the hunt for everyone who's ever profited off of the loss. Every alien remnant, every relic left behind in the battle. And when it all came to a head with Robert Rothbart, CEO of Rothbart Industries, who'd carved up her precious neighbourhood and turned its surviving occupants into subjects for experimentation, Gwen's mind ripped into two. One half remembers that it's done now. That Robert Rothbart is dead. The other knows that the ends didn't justify the means. That levelling three blocks to kill one person does not make one a hero. It just makes her a killer.

          In her grief, Gwen has given up. Now she steeps in her own penance, festering in guilt and grief, and she lets history take this name and erase it too.

Until Captain America offers to pull her out of the dark world she's walled herself into.

          Where there is darkness, there must be light, and where there is evil, there must be good, for one cannot exist without the presence of the other.

          Guinevere Ma never used to see the light. Justice and vengeance often blurred the lines. Until saving the city meant caring for the people. Until it became about hope. While New York rebuilds, crime continues to climb to its peak. This city is never going to be clean, that's for sure, but that's okay. They're going to take it one day at a time. Once, Guinevere believed that her life was in constant peril. Now there's all this power within her—power that she never asked for, but was imbued with against her will—all this light. But the mask of the White Swan pushed her into her fate, and into the greatness threaded in her DNA.

          After Gwen walked away from their stage and gave herself to the Pentagon for a life of incarceration, Guinevere stayed. It would be the first time the twins were separated since birth. Nothing would be the same. Even when Guinevere continues saving the world with the help of the Avengers, even when New York has pieced itself back together, there is a sense of lack she can't ignore.

          Steve Rogers has always believed that the twins were never complete without each other. He can see it in Guinevere's thinly veiled despair, the faltering smiles she fakes at the end of every successful mission, another victory on her belt and no one to return home to share it with. He can see it in the moments of a fight where her own light overwhelms her. Where her sister once balanced her out, Guinevere is now wrestling for control without an anchor.

          How quickly empires collapse. With S.H.I.E.L.D. toppled, Steve can count on one hand how many people are left whom he's able to trust, and he needs them now more than ever.

         For the sake of the world, and for Guinevere, Steve sees only one solution:

          To save Gwen from herself before it's too late.

          Deep down, Gwen knows that it's only a matter of time. History turning on its gyre. It always begins with justice, evening out the score. And then it always goes a little too far. One body mutilated beyond recognition. An army of scattered thugs hunted through the labyrinth of alleys. A kingpin drawn and quartered in the name of penance. Then the good people start getting hurt. At first an accident, she hadn't meant for things to get so violent so quickly. Then the bodies begin piling up. More and more civilians reported dead in the crossfire, necessary casualties. But, in the end, they still got the bad guy. That's what matters.

         Then the massacres begin. And there's no justifying that.

          Gwen can write the story from start to finish before it's even begun. But Steve is insistent on her discharge from the Pentagon. After Gwen walked away, Guinevere was struggling to fill the vacuum on her own, and Gotham had always been well-attuned to vulnerability. To sink its teeth in the soft flesh. Guinevere needs Gwen. The city needs Gwen, whether she comes back as the Black Swan or as something else. And Steve doesn't need a perfect hero. What he needs is the Black Swan.

           What he needs is someone who knows Bucky Barnes.

          What he needs is Gwen, and the eyes of the Black Swan mask that'd seen a flood of blood and punishment in its prime.

         And it calls out to her again to clean the city's filth.

This is what it all boils down to.

History, inescapable as a haunting, a series of doors leading back into the dark you've fought tooth and claw to drag yourself out of, a house possessing you. History, and what it allows to remain. History, and the sister you share this haunting with.

          OR:     Steve Rogers needs Guinevere Ma's help in tracking the Winter Soldier down, but Guinevere needs Gwendolyn first. And Gwendolyn needs to know she's worthy of salvation. And perhaps Steve's a sucker for second chances. Perhaps he wants to prove that if he can save Gwen from herself, there's hope for Bucky, too.

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OF FOUR PEOPLE TRAPPED IN TIME, HISTORY HAS FORGOTTEN THREE, TWO HAVE SLIPPED PAST SALVATION, AND NOT ONE OF THEM HAS EXORCISED THEIR GHOSTS.

Chloe Bennet   as   Gwendolyn Ma  
alias:     Black Swan   ╱   Obsidia

A thousand silhouettes dancing on my chest.

Chloe Bennet   as   Guinevere Ma  
alias:     White Swan   ╱   Illumina

No matter where I sleep, you are haunting me.

Sebastian Stan as Bucky Barnes
alias: the Winter Soldier

Wherever there is you—

Chris Evans as Steve Rogers
alias: Captain America

—I will be there, too.

&.

Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff
alias: Black Widow

Anthony Mackie as Sam Wilson
alias: Falcon

✷

the shadow whispered,

Abolish me, make me light.

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TRIGGER WARNING.
graphic violence, suicidal ideation, mentions of self harm.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE.

gorgeous graphics done by bayports !!!

Welcome (back) to my MENTAL ILLNESS!!!!!!!!

I think about Gwen so much I forget sometimes that nobody's really met her. ANYWAY! This was once a Bruce Wayne fic. Then it became a Steve Rogers fic. Then it was a Jason Todd fic. Now it's a Bucky fic. And they're going to be steve and guinevere's feral wet cats that they must care for and show love to incrementally.

bucky and gwen's dynamic is especially precious to me. when you put these two people in a room together you get complete idiocy. gwen and bucky are the type of people who need - at this juncture in their lives where the wounds are still so fresh - to be coaxed out of their shells in order to see a glimmer of their former selves. but when that happens, it's pure, unfiltered energy wherein two people who aren't afraid to speak their minds regardless of the consequences get to riff off one another continually. adding fuel to the fire, they are also two people who've done unspeakable things and have to learn how to live with the guilt and the grief.

the questions they face together are: is it possible for two people who've committed the atrocities on such a scale as they have to find redemption? and how do you forgive yourself? how do you come back from all of that?

MEANWHILE. guinevere and gwen give me heart problems. they are sisters who were once one person. like shadow and light, to define one, you must have the other. the contrast is necessary. the balance is necessary. total light is blinding, harsh, it can be punishing. total darkness is drowning, merciless, and it serves no one. guin and gwen - they come as a set. guin advocates so hard for gwen. and gwen fights for guin in the only language she knows - with fists and teeth. but what happens when you lose your sister? not that she's dead - she just never wants to see you ever again. what do you even do when the bond is so broken because your sister is so broken that you feel the hole physically carved out of you, meaning that you, too, are broken? how do you live without your sister?

so yeah, this fic is a study on grief, loss and trauma. it is also a story about sisters.