Everything is hard before it becomes easy. 

LoG, 119

"If we can't catch Squinty, this is a way to punish her. You know how much she covets this stupid doll. Everywhere she goes, she drags that rabbit with her, like a little fool she is," Squinty could hear Enoka say.

Then they both turned to her, and she froze in place. Her face simmered with hatred, dejectedness, and anxiety.

"Isn't that right darling?" Enoka sneered at Squinty. "Does the baby want her cute plush toy?"

"Give him back," Squinty said, holding out her hand.

"So it's 'him' now? Don't flatter yourself, Squinty. You say he's yours, but you only got him cuz you found him first on top of a pile of stinky and rotten toys. You have no claim to him," Sien laughed. "Also, it's about time you grew up."

Both their slander and their fingers gripping her toy disgusted Squinty.

Mr Big Ears was hers; he was the core of her being. The rabbit was a sponge which absorbed all her late-night words, thoughts, and tears, her fears, doubts, and memories. A wooden drawer in which she stored the most covert secrets of her mind.

If they take him away from me ... It's like they're pulling me out of this body. It's like I'll have nothing left. I won't give him to them! He is mine. He is me. But how ... How can I snatch him away?

Squinty thought about Grizzly for a moment. The War Dog wasn't far.  She stopped herself before going to the hole to bring him. If he comes in here ... they'll realise there was a gap through which he entered. They'll figure out I made it. They'll close it, strengthen the security measures. I would never leave here. I have to take Mr Big Ears away by myself. But how?

To gain time, she began talking to them. "Vadrifa won't like this."

Although Squinty knew it was true, she also knew Vadrifa would do nothing. She was only a figure, an elderly figure at that, who had no real authority. Vadrifa did tedious work of reading the papers on the orphans and closing up their adoption cases. That was all.

Sien and Enoka snorted. "She won't like what? That two Elder Orphans are late to enter The Orphanage? Also, late for their Second Meal? She'll think we were right to tell you off. And even if she doesn't ... Other Governesses will convince her it's for the best." Sien was practical.

"You should have stopped yourself on time, dear. You should have held that damn tongue," Enoka added. "Did you have to open your mouth, to provoke us? To spill your poison? Now, you'll deal with the consequences. But how to teach you a lesson?" Enoka stroked her chin in a pensive manner. "You can't receive any more punches, and educational measures in the Orphanage require us to discipline you somehow. I know! We'll take away youw wittle bunny!" she clapped her hands.

"No!" Squinty screamed, jumping on Enoka. 

Just when she thought she would snatch Mr Big Ears away from her, Sien separated from Enoka and she passed him the toy. Squinty found herself in the middle, hobbling from one to the other, barking and cowering like a dog. The plush trinket was flying as a distorted ball in a twisted imitation of a child's game. I can't ... Take it anymore...

Breathless, powerless and shattered, she almost fell on the ground. Defiance made her remain on her feet.

Then Squinty threw herself at one of them, the one who was closest to her. She didn't know who it was. Everything turned into a whirlwind of hands and feet. Squinty pummeled the person with her tiny fists, biting and grunting.

Sien–it was him, she realised it because of the force of the blow–only threw her away with ease and slammed her against the wall. "Give up," he said coldly. "You can't win."

"No, I can't. But I can hit back. For each of your blows, you'll get my answer. A blow of my own. Always. I'll always defy you; I'll always react. Even if my blow is weaker and less significant. I'll never stop fighting, reacting, I'll never accept what's happening. I will win."

As if to prove what she had just said was true, Squinty mimicked his previous movement. She approached and pushed Sien towards the wall.

He merely smirked and smacked her head with a fist.

Squinty swerved, but she didn't fall. She came at him once again. Sien looked at her with a mixture of surprise and even respect. This time, it was her fist that found the back of his neck. 

Blow ... For blow ...

Squinty hated how he seemed to be barely noticing her punches. But she felt better anyway because she didn't put up with his violence. Because she wasn't silent.

"Do I need to beat you up so you would finally calm down? Is that what's necessary?" Sien screamed.

Enoka pointed to the window, interrupting his shrieking. Quite a few children watched them from above now. It was only a matter of time when the adults would appear and when the bell would ring for The Second Meal. "Let's go, dear." Enoka ended the encounter with a brief sentence. "She's had enough for now."

"Give ... Mr Big Ears ... Back," Squinty barely spoke through her bloated, puffy lips.

Enoka approached Squinty and towered above her. She retorted, in a voice that dripped faux-sweetness. "Say: please give Mr Big Ears back to me."

"Never. I will never beg you for anything," Squinty spat with defiance.

Enoka's facial expression turned into pure malignancy. "Whatever. Then you won't get your bunny."

Squinty squeezed her hands in fists.

"Give her that rabbit, Enoka so that we can go eat," Sien waved his arm in dismissal. He took the plush toy from his girlfriend and winked at her at the same time. He turned his back to them both for a moment and then gave a now headless animal to Squinty.

"No! What ... What have you done?" she croaked in an inhuman voice.

"He reminded you of who's in charge here, kid. You can get this part of the rabbit, today. Another time, when you learn how to behave, maybe we'll give you the rabbit's head, too. Perhaps we'll never give it to you. After The Second Meal, I'll go out into the city a little, you know. Take a walk around The Cloaca. I think it'll be the perfect place for the head of your stupid toy. Remember: if you don't listen to us, you will lose everything you care about."

Enoka put the rabbit's head in her pocket, whistling and headed toward the entrance with Sien under her arm.

Squinty was panting, trying to calm herself down. Those disgusting, stinking, slippery creatures. I hate Sien and Enoka. I hate them both. I would kill them if I could.

Her gaze faltered on a deformed plush toy. The filling was crawling out of it. You will get your head back, I promise you, Squinty thought, following them into The Orphanage.

 At the door, Squinty retracted the dress once more and placed what they left of Mr Big Ears to her bosom. She was already forming a plan in her mind.

*****

During The Second Meal, while she chewed on a half-hardened piece of a mouldy carrot with all the effort she could muster, Squinty was unusually calm. She didn't even look at Sien and Enoka, although they were grinning in her direction, waving and plugging their noses, imitating the stench of The Cloaca.

Roko was observing her under his eye.

"Come here," she muttered eventually, giving him a sign.

"Are you all right, Squinty?" he whispered.

"Oh, let it go."

"You have bruises on your face and ... and below your knees."

"How's your head?" Squinty asked, drawing attention from herself.

"Oh, it did hurt. Loads. But it's better now." Roko gently touched a bald spot. "Enoka is a beast.  They are such meanies. I think they like hurting us," he looked at Squinty. "You shouldn't have said all those things to them. It angered them."

"Bah. It's already done," Squinty wiped her mouth and stood up.

"And all that nose plugging they were performing at their table, what was all that about?"

"They will throw Mr Big Ears's head into The Cloaca," Squinty said calmly.

"What? Why?" Roko's eyes widened. "Oh, I knew you'd cross the line one day and that they'll want revenge."

The Cloaca, the wastewater system of The City of Lagad, was located just outside the walls, near The Right Gate.  The unbearable stench and the unknown lurked within. Few people went inside if they could avoid it.

"But I will get it back."

"What do you mean, you will get it back? You can't mean ... We ... We can't go in there. We mustn't, Squinty."

"I asked nothing of you. I have a way to get out of here by myself. I'll do it tonight."

"Squinty, don't be silly. You ... You can't go in there. What if someone caught you, what if something happened to you in The Cloaca? Who knows what's in there?"

"I will do as I did so far. When I see an obstacle, I will jump over it," Squinty shrugged. "I have to beat them and get Mr Big Ears's head back."

"Why don't you talk to Vadrifa? She could ..."

"No. This is between us."

Roko took a deep breath, stopped snivelling, and then said: "How can I help you?"

"Beat it, kid. I've told you about my plan, but I won't make you a part of it. You said it yourself: it's dangerous."

"There must be at least something I can do. I'm responsible for this too. Me and my stupid delay." Roko was furious with himself.

"Yeah, you are," Squinty confirmed. "And I just remembered what you could do. You know how you go to the pantry during the Dark and bring vegetables or corn?"

Roko nodded wiping his face with his sleeve.

"Bring me oil lamps."

"How many?" Roko shot a follow-up question.

"Four is enough, I think. Just in case."

"Will you go during The Dark?" his voice shimmered with fear.

"Yeah, when everyone is asleep. I'll go down The Dormitory window and leave. I'm not afraid of The Dark. After all, Lagad will be lit. I'll find the Gate through which I need to go out. Then I'll use the oil lamps in The Cloaca."

"But when Sien and Enoka see you during the Light time ... When they see you found Mr Big Ears's head ... What will they say?"

"You don't get it, Roko, do you?" Squinty shook his comment off impatiently. "They'll never see me again. I'm leaving. That's it."

"But... What about me?" his voice faltered.

"What about you? I don't care about you. You'll stay here and be sweet. Sooner or later someone will adopt you. It should be easy for you, with those blond curls and a cutesy expression. Hey. When you get a new family, I hope you'll stop stealing." Squinty patted him on the back.

Roko said nothing to that. He merely frowned. "Tonight I'll bring you the oil lamps," he replied in a soft voice.

*****

It wasn't Dark yet, but in the hallways of The Orphanage, all the torches were already lit up. Still, their flicker was weak, and it barely illuminated the rooms. In The Dormitory of the orphans, the darkness reigned supreme.

Squinty and Roko lay one next to another, huddled together, silent. She strained her ears to hear the even breathing of the orphans before she would sneak out the wall opening. 

She had already taken and hidden a sheet from one bed, thinking of using it to descend a window. Her tattered leather moccasins lay ready. Under the pillow, Roko left her oil lamps wrapped in a braided bag. I carry nothing with me anymore. And I have nothing. This place didn't give me anything, but it took a lot from me.

Squinty tossed and turned in her cot, struggling not to fall asleep. She was impatient to leave this sombre building, full of illness, death and children's screams. She didn't know what waited outside. Yet, Squinty was convinced that it must be better than anything she had ever experienced so far.

When she thought the darkness became even denser and there were no noises anymore, she slipped out of bed and welcomed the stone floor. In Squinty's hands, there was a bundle with the sheet, lamps, and moccasins. She didn't dare to put them on here, in case she woke somebody up. Sien and Enoka were on duty of patrolling the corridors. They won't disturb me tonight. They probably don't even imagine I can do such a thing.

Just as she began her journey downwards, burying her feet in the first stone slab, a blond-haired face leaned over her.

"What're you doing here?" Squinty whispered in disbelief though she was too pleased to be angry.

"I'm comin' with," a short answer was heard.

She smiled and continued to descend. I should have known.

When she reached the very bottom, Squinty tugged down on a sheet to give Roko a sign that now he could come down himself. Should I remove the sheet from the window sill? Nah. I hope everyone sees it is possible to escape from here; that this fortress isn't so impenetrable.

Once in The Courtyard, the children went down to all fours. They crawled parallel to the wall scrying for the opening.  Squinty motioned Roko to go first. She wanted to keep an eye on him.

"When will we turn on the lamps?" he panted, somewhat disoriented.

"In The Cloaca. We can't stop for that now."

"I have no idea where I'm going. I can't see a thing."

"Find a wall to your left and crawl alongside it. Keep touching it! We'll reach the corner of The Courtyard soon. We were here thousands of times, but now we don't recognise it because of the Dark," Squinty said.

Deprived of vision, she felt dread. Yet somehow Squinty was able to calm herself down by thinking how she was accustomed to seeing the outlines behind her hair. However, these aren't the outlines. This is complete blackness.

She was glad that Roko went with her and that she could at least hear his voice in the nothingness that wrapped around her.

"Squinty?"

"Hm?" was her silent answer.

"Do we have to go to The Cloaca?"

"What do you mean?" she retorted.

"We can go straight to the Vigils ... with Grizzly. They would receive us there ... Perhaps in time one of them would take us to The Cloaca, and there we would find the head of Mr Big Ears."

"No, Roko. It must be tonight. I want to correct the injustice as soon as I can. We'll do everything super fast. They surely didn't go far when they threw the head in. Sien and Enoka are cowards," Squinty stated in a scornful contempt. "We'll just take it and get out."

"But we still go with Grizzly, right?" Roko's voice was brimming with hope.

"Sure, he'll be with us. When I said I'd somehow find a way to The Right Gate, I meant "Grizzly will lead me to The Right Gate," Squinty said.

Just as she uttered those words, she felt the warm furry body beside her and the rough tongue on her cheeks.

"What is it?" Roko almost screamed in panic.

"Quiet, fool. It's only Grizzly. He heard us sneaking around the Courtyard. He must've gotten inside through the hole."

"He pushed the stone we placed there earlier to hide the hole? He pushed it away with his head?" Roko exclaimed in astonishment. "Wow! I can't believe how strong he is!"

"Grizzly," Squinty said patiently. "Get us out of here. Find a hole. And be quiet." She was sure Grizzly would understand what she had asked of him. And he did.

The War Dog led them slightly to the right, and after some time, orphans saw the dim lights in front of them.

"Lights," Roko said, bewildered.

"The City of Lagad, just like The Orphanage, is lit with torches during The Dark. A guard stands on each of The Four Gates. Don't you remember the lessons of your beloved Ilena?" Squinty teased him in a good-natured way.

"Yeah, I remember now," Roko answered. "Of all the employees in The Orphanage, she'll be the one I'll miss most."

"I won't miss anyone. And I am pretty sure no one will miss me. Come on now, let's go, we got to the hole. You go first, I'll follow, and Grizzly can come out last."

Roko was still kneeling on the ground, gasping for the air and snivelling.

"What's the matter with you?"

"I'm just ... I'm just a little nervous. The outside world ... In which we have never been. How it all will look. What will people say if they see us?"

"The lights are dimmed. We'll stick to the side streets. Nobody will look at the two of us, not when there are so many people. Lagad is a big city," Squinty said.

She was rubbing the mud and dirt all over Grizzly's body. "With luck, people will think he is just a huge stray dog, not The War Dog from The Arena, but I don't know ... This is the best I can do. At least he doesn't seem brown anymore, but dark grey."

Roko breathed in and out several times. He crawled under the wall and out of the hole in the other side. There was no one in the alley, and Squinty heard Roko let out a sigh of relief. Out on the surrounding streets, there was a rumble and clamour of people and other both familiar and unknown sounds.

Squinty clambered out just behind him. The colours blinded her, although lustreless and subdued. Delicious scents made Squinty's stomach growl in response. So many things we had never seen, tasted or smelled. All of this might confuse and distract us.

"Roko. I'll tell Grizzly to take us to The Cloaca. He must know where it is. He must've been there many times in the service of The Vigils. Now we know that he understands us. He recognises the commands," she said. "Whatever you do, don't look left or right. Just look at Grizzly, okay?"

Roko gave a serious and responsible nod, and the dog slowly leaned to the right after receiving instructions from Squinty.

"I think he is leading us to The Right Gate," Roko said.

Grizzly would stop now and then to wait for the two children. The Orphanage was quite close to the gate. After a short while of trodding alongside the sizeable tireless animal, the orphans saw stone doors marked with the writing: "RIGHT GATE."

"Now what? There's a guard over there," Roko's hand shot up to his mouth.

"We're lucky it's just one. We must distract the guard. I think Grizzly will be enough for that. Get him, Grizzly, get him!" Squinty yelled pointing to a man in the leather armour.

The dog reacted immediately, biting the man's forearm, growling and pulling him away from the gate. 

The Vigil dropped his spear, confused. He tripped and fell into the dust, spitting chunks of earth, disgusted and furious.  He wrestled with the animal. The children heard him cursing and groaning: "What's going on ... A War Hound? Get off me! Guards! I need assistance!" while they silently ran through the gate.

Not far from the door, they stopped to recover their breath. The children didn't want to progress too much because there were almost no lights.

"We'll have to light the first oil lamp," said Squinty.

"What do you think, will Grizzly be ok?" Roko inquired, anxiously.

"Sure thing. You'll see. He'll catch up to us in no time." Squinty wasn't scared for the dog at all. All she had seen from him so far delighted her. It showed her that Grizzly was perspicacious. Sometime later, the huge muddy War Dog appeared, breathless, joyful, his tongue wagging.

"Yes! He did it! And look how happy he is! It's as if he was glad he took part in the prank," Roko laughed. "And yes, something else, Grizzly, old friend. There is no need to lead us to The Cloaca. Our nose will lead us to the entrance!"

Squinty sniffed the air and said nothing. She inwardly agreed with Roko's statement. Everything around them smelled of bodily excrements. "It's no wonder that this place is out of town," Squinty muttered. "Okay. Let's go," she added afterwards, pleased that things went relatively easy for them up till that moment. 

Sien and Enoka won't discover that we're gone until the next Light. By then we will already get to the Vigils. They won't be able to do anything.

The children pressed their faces close to an oil lamp. They stared at the dog's paws, following each of Grizzly's steps. If they left a two-metre radius that surrounded the brightness of the lamp, they could see nothing and certain anxiety and frustration came upon them.

"So we just go in, take the head and get out?" Roko inquired.

"Yeah, I told you already. We'll be fast. Nobody'll be able to do anything to us. Grizzly is with us," Squinty added, bracing herself.

The dog barked twice, briefly, and then he paused. When their eyes adjusted to their surroundings, the children discovered a huge oval opening.  The smell invaded their nostrils, making them gag and they both felt a strong instinct for vomiting.

"They had to throw Mr Big Ears's head in The Cloaca," Roko moaned. "They couldn't find a better place. Like ... a field filled with flowers. No. It had to be the sewers."

On Squinty's sign, both children entered, repulsed, covering their mouths and their noses.