“Christopher, please relax,” my grandmother says, her head tilted slightly. Her face is covered with a very concerned expression, rather than her usually bright one. “Come take a seat.”

“Yeah, you’re gonna wear away the wood,” Marcella jokes. She doesn’t seem to understand that this is not a time for jokes.

“I just can’t sit still,” I tell them as I continue to pace across the living room floor.

My father comes out of the kitchen with two plates full of dinner in his hands. It consists of a turkey sandwich with a side of “wickedly delicious pickles”, Wickles. My mind is so fixed on what I’m doing that it doesn’t even register in my head that one of them is intended for me, until a few seconds later when he extends it out to me.

Shaking my head, I say, “No thanks. I don’t think I could eat right now.”

“Okay, I understand. Have you prayed about Trinity’s visit with her parents?”

“Yes, and I’ve been fasting.”

“Well, son, it’s all in God’s hands,” he says. “No matter what happens, we have to trust Him.”

I nod, telling him that I agree. The gesture also means that I’ll try, even though it may be hard sometimes. Especially in situations like these.

“I’m going to the lake,” I mumble, grabbing my keys from the half wall. I put my fingers on the lock on the front door, but before I can turn it, Arabella comes running with two dolls in her hand. A Barbie and a Ken.

“Christopher, will dolls help you feel better?” she asks. “Will you play dolls with me?”

I kneel down in front of her, feeling bad as I look into her eyes. They’re filled with both hope and understanding.

“That’s very sweet of you, Air,” I begin, putting on a smile. “Thank you, but… not right now. I’m sorry.” Looking away, I inhale deeply, then sigh. “Tell you what… When I get back, we can play anything you want until bedtime. How’s that sound?”

Arabella frowns, but it’s not for the reason I was expecting. She quickly puts her arms around me and says quietly, “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be sad.”

“I couldn’t ask for a sweeter little sister than you, Air,” I reply as I hold her close, rubbing her back. “I’ll be back soon, then we can play. Promise.” I stand up, and after another hug, walk out the door and to my truck. When I get in and turn on the radio, the first thing I hear is the beginning of Cast My Cares by Tim Timmons.

“In the middle of the night, when worry finds me…”

“I will cast my cares on You the almighty

I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good…”

I begin to talk to God, thanking Him for His goodness, His love and the fact that He listens to my prayers. I even go as far as to silently say to Him, May Your will be done… not mine.  I will trust You with her… with the whole situation.

By the time I finish talking to Him, I’m at the lake. Some of my favorite memories took place here. I remember fishing with my grandfather here a few times, before he passed two years ago. He was then cremated and his ashes were sprinkled right here in this lake.

I often come here when I feel the need to be alone, or to just think, or to talk to God. The beautiful scenery that surrounds me reminds me of how great God is, and how much He loves us. If God takes care of and loves the birds of the air and the animals on land, how much more does He love us, the ones He sent His Son to die such an excruciating and humiliating death for?

When nine o’clock rolls around, I decide it’s time to head back home. I didn’t even notice when it started to get dark, or when it got so late. The trees block a lot of the moonlight, so it’s especially dark here, sitting under them.

As I walk back to my red Tundra, the leaves beneath my feet – fall’s signature – crunch loudly, reminding me of Arabella, who goes to bed fairly early. I always have to be as quiet as I can when she’s asleep. She’s a very light sleeper, just like I am whenever she cries due to nightmares, or comes into my room after having one.

Some of my favorite times that I spend with her are in the middle of the night when she crawls into bed with me and falls asleep at my side. During those times, I often tell her stories, or simply hold her until she stops crying. It makes me feel good to know that she knows she can come to me.

After hopping into the truck, I pull out and begin the short drive home on this dark and lonely road. There aren’t many street lights here, creating an ominous atmosphere. The only sounds that can be heard are of the owls, crickets and the noisy frogs by this big lake.

The drive home feels longer than the time it took me to get to the lake. The whole way there and back, all I could think of was Trinity as I wondered how the visit went, and how she’s doing.

What is she doing right now?

Inside the house, I find that all is still and quiet. It seems that the only ones awake are my father, who is in the kitchen, apparently using the Keurig to make his coffee, and my grandmother, who sits in the recliner just across the room. But now that I think about it, Marcella’s probably up as well, texting Danny, as always. I honestly don’t know what she sees in that troublemaker of a boy.

“Chris, where have you been all these hours?” my grandmother asks. “I started to wonder if you were coming back home. I can see you’re very concerned about this girl.”

“I was at the lake. I’m sorry I came back so late. Time just escaped me; I didn’t realize how late it’d gotten. Is Arabella awake?”

“She just went to bed, so I’m not sure. You can go check on her if you’d like.”

I decide to do just that. After reaching the hallway, I go to the bedroom across from mine and slowly open the door, just in case she is asleep. Her eyes open when I walk in, and a soft smile comes to her face.

“Hi,” she says sleepily. Her words are followed by a long yawn.

Kneeling beside her bed, I whisper, “Hey. I’m sorry we couldn’t play tonight. I know I promised…”

“It’s okay, Christopher,” she replies. “I just wanted to make you feel better.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Air. I love you.”

Arabella closes her eyes and yawns again. “I love you, too.”

“Sweet dreams.” I don’t get a response, so I kiss her forehead, then stand up and head to my room. Exhaustion hits me suddenly and before I know it, sleep takes over.