Despite being 18, almost 19 years of age, I surprisingly wasn't that much of a relationship expert. I had my first boyfriend at the age of 15, to whom I lost my virginity to. A week later, he broke up with me, after confessing he just wanted to sleep with me.

After that emotional blow, it had taken me years to finally dare to date again, and at that point I had been too emotionally scarred already by watching my mom get discarded monthly by her boyfriends. I had decided then and there that I wouldn't look for a relationship, but that I was better off on my own, because men always let you down. (Hell, my father was proof enough of that)

That was, until I met Harry.

Sitting in my dorm room now, stress-eating a sleeve of Oreos, I was trying my best to focus on the text in front of me, but found my mind kept slipping out of focus and back to the conversation I had overheard two days ago.

I knew I shouldn't have listened at the door, but it was too late to change now; I had heard every word that Catarina and Harry had exchanged, and they haunted me everywhere I went.

For two days, I had mulled over their words. Harry's strong indifference to Catarina's being there, Catarina's desperate attempt to win Harry back into her favor.

And Catarina words about me to Harry.

These past couple of days had been the most confusing of my life, and trying to sort out the mess on my own had proven useless and impossible.

Nothing seemed to line up; The fact that Harry was here was one thing, then there was the chilly behavior he exuded towards me. Then there was Catarina also being here, somehow teaching here as well, and finally, the thing she had accused Harry of.

Changing his mind because of me.

What she had said had lined up with the reason that Harry had given me for being here—that he merely changed his mind after tutoring me and decided to try it out again on a whole group of young people. In other words, he changed his mind because of me.

But the way Catarina had said it had seemed far too pointedly. It had sounded different the way she had said it... almost smug in the way she had jabbed the words at him... tauntingly... jealously?

Was I overthinking things again?

Sighing frustratedly, I threw the empty bag of Oreos away and closed the book in front of me, giving up on studying.

My next class with Harry was tomorrow. No doubt it would be another torture session, watching him teach and listening to him drone on with that dead voice. But what was worse was, I couldn't exactly confront him with what I had heard. Because that meant admitting that I had snooped in on their private conversation.

But I also couldn't let go of Catarina's words. Had there been more to them than just the obvious?

Christ on the toilet, this was becoming an unhealthy obsession. Harry, him being here, laying more into every single thing that he did or said, not being able to let go, even when it seemed Harry easily had. It was torture for me, but I also knew why I was doing it.

Closing my eyes, I pressed my lips together as my mind took me back to the past summer. To when Harry and I had been stuck together in his house... all the rare moments that lingered in my memories like bittersweet champagne.

The pool... his study... his bedroom... the small glances, the way his jaw ticked when I triggered him. The tiny smiles he offered me when I teased him, or the way he always touched me so gently, just before pressing his lips to mine... taking my breath away and stealing my mouth with the sweetest of kisses.

My heart pounded hard at the memories. Ached. These were moments that were stuck helplessly with me. Happy memories I didn't want to ever forget but hurt to think about, especially now that the Harry I knew had changed into this cold, new, distanced version.

He had told me to go. That was his last solemn word to me, and I had to remember he hadn't given any indication that he had regretted it. He was pushing me away, keeping to his promise, and here I was, trying to translate anything he did into the opposite.

"You need to let this go," I whispered to myself resolutely, shaking my head and rubbing my face when my headache returned. "It's over. Accept it."

And so I would.

~~~

As expected, Harry's class was torture to sit through, but for the first time since finding him teaching here, I had actually managed to grab real notes from his class. I had also not lingered behind for the first time, but packed up my things with the rest of the class and scuttled out before my heart pulled me the other way.

I had then forced myself to go to the library, to use the computers there to finally write up some assignments I had due—assignments I was way behind on, thanks to all the chaos of the past few days. But thankfully, the library was practically deserted as it was Friday evening, and most young people my age were either out drinking or partying, having a booming social life.

And then there was me; eating a stale turkey sandwich in the dusty library, sitting under yellow fluorescent lights, staring at a computer screen. Yippee.

I was tiredly jotting down notes, my eyes darting between the screen and my notebook, when suddenly, a voice made my gut freeze.

"Cassandra?"

I swallowed hard and tried to lock my emotions down. Tried not to let it show on my face as I slowly turned around, how my gut warmed and my heart blossomed at the way he softly dragged out my name.

"Yeah?" I looked up as casually as I could, seeing Harry standing a few feet away from me, holding his suitcase and wearing his overcoat. He was carrying a book under his arm, a thick book no doubt containing math.

"You're studying here?" He slowly came closer, his eyes gliding over my notebook, to the computer I was sitting in front of.

"As you see," I replied facetiously.

His eyes slid down to my bag now, eyeing it out with a small frown. "Where's your own laptop?"

"I don't have one," I answered with a sigh.

For some reason, this made him clench his jaw. Taking a few steps forward, Harry stopped beside me and looked into my notebook full of scribbles and loose papers—not unlike how his own desk used to look back home.

"You know your scholarship covers all your school expenses," Harry told in a low voice, leaning down towards me when I looked away. "This includes a laptop to study."

"I know."

"Then why haven't you requested for one?"

"Because," I said, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment, before looking firmly up at him. "I didn't want anymore from you."

His deep amber eyes met mine, and I saw the way a crease between his brows deepened at my words. His jaw grew tight, and with a small sigh, I saw the way he slowly moved closer. "Cassandra..."

"Harry! My boy!"

Harry gritted his teeth, but then retracted as someone came over towards us, an older man with a tweed jacket. I realized then I had seen this particular tweed jacket before.

"Percy," Harry obliged, turning towards his colleague and shaking his hand as Professor Havers, a friend he had introduced me to last summer, stuck his own hand out enthusiastically to greet Harry.

"You've been a hard man to catch these days!" Professor Havers chuckled delightedly, completely ignoring me. "I've called you several times, but you never pick up."

"Yes, my apologies," Harry said, clearing his throat when Havers didn't seem to catch that he was otherwise engaged. "I've been busy."

"But of course you have! You're a working man now! About time, my friend. Oh—my goodness, I'm being terribly rude!" Havers finally seemed to have noticed me, who had been quietly packing up my books and shutting off the computer. "I remember you! Catherine, was it?"

"Cassandra," I corrected politely with a forced smile. Never mind that I'm in your Physics class, you big kiss-ass. But then I always did sit in the back of the room, keeping my mouth shut and my head down.

"Of course, of course, my bad. How's college life treating you so far? I bet you're breezing through it after getting mentored by this guy," Havers nodded towards Harry who smiled faintly at his friend's enthusiasm. "You're looking a lot better since last time I spoke to you. You were coming down with something, weren't you?"

My eyes flickered to Harry, who met my eyes briefly before looking down.

Yes, back then I had been coming down with something. It had been hot, bothered and ended up with Harry fucking me in the shower, spending hours making me moan and come.

"Yes, I was," I replied, smiling curtly to Professor Havers. "But I'm over it now." And with that, I pointedly turned my eyes to Harry again.

His own flicked up just in time to catch me staring at him. He stared back, those amber irises darkening around the rim. I turned my gaze away quickly.

"And speaking of which," I said, grabbing my bag and my notebooks. "I think I'll call it a day. Nice to see you again, Professor Havers. Professor Devon."

With a last look at Harry, I scuttled out of the library as fast as I could, feeling Harry's eyes on me the whole way.

But I just couldn't go down that rabbit hole again.

I was almost out of the building, having just turned the corner to head towards the double doors that would take me outside. I was wrapping my scarf around my throat with one hand, while absentmindedly checking that I had all my stuff, when suddenly, a sound of distinctive expensive heels met my ears.

God, no. Why was everyone just in the library tonight?

Hoping that my persona would go just as unnoticed as last time, I kept my head down and pretended not to see the stunning woman coming out of a small classroom, right next to the library. I walked slightly faster, but of course I didn't reach the doors in time before I heard her melodic voice.

"Excuse me, you there?"

I reluctantly halted, hoping for a miracle that she meant someone other than me. Unfortunately, it was late and we were alone in the hall, which meant she had to be addressing me.

"Yeah?" I said with a bit more force than needed, turning and giving her an impatient look.

Catarina stood in the doorway of the classroom, this time in a professional looking dress that hugged her body like it should be illegal to teach in that. It had a modest cleavage, just enough to show off her assets, but not enough to be considered racy. Her wavy brown hair laid silken against her shoulder, in a sideways sort of loose fashion. Her piercing blue eyes were staring at me.

"I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time," She smiled smoothly, gesturing into the empty classroom.

Alone with the woman who setup a scam on Harry, who had inadvertently also hurt me by choosing to use me as bait? No, thanks.

"Actually it's late, and I'd like to go home," I replied, already turning towards the double doors to freedom again. "Sorry."

"Please... Cassandra."

Oh, would you just fuck me sideways with a rubber duck.

I stopped up and angrily gritted my teeth when she spoke my name. Just like he used to.

So she definitely knew who I was now.

Sighing, I still contemplated simply walking out, before finally turning defeatedly and looking back at her. She smiled again, opening the classroom door wider.

With curt steps, I then walked inside the classroom and looked around, seeing a classroom like any other. It was cookie-cutter similar to the other ones, so that ruled out the possibility of her needing my help for something in here.

As if that had ever been a possibility.

Deciding that I didn't wanna stay here any longer than I needed to, I turned around and faced her full front, seeing her leave the door ajar, which was some consolation, after all. At least she didn't plan on murdering me here.

Nonetheless, I saw no need for pleasantries.

"What do you want?" I asked plainly, clutching my books to my chest.

Catarina lifted a brow at my tone, but then surprised me by chuckling and shaking her head a little. "Well, that saves me the trouble of an introduction. You clearly know who I am, going by the tone of your voice."

Damn, she really was smart. Note the sarcasm.

"Catarina," I confirmed, seeing her smile curl wider.

"Yes," She took a few steps forward, stopping in front of me. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." She extended her hand as if we long-time penpals.

She had to be fucking shitting me.

"Sorry I can't say the same," I coldly spoke, before rejecting her hand, just like Harry had done.

As ever, Catarina didn't seem fazed by the rejection. Instead, she smiled almost understandably, sighing softly and taking a few steps around me.

"I understand your animosity," She explained, casting a smile over her shoulder as I turned and followed her flatly with my eyes. "No doubt for your own justified reasons, but I'm sure Harry has given you a thorough account of me as well, has he not?"

"Only the gist," I replied, unbothered. "But like you said, I have my own reasons."

Like the fact that you and your husband tried to prostitute me.

And I had been desperate enough to fall for it.

The truth was, I didn't know why I was staying and hearing this woman out. Just to be in the same room as her felt insulting and degrading somehow. I didn't owe her anything, yet I still couldn't get myself to leave.

A part of me suspected it was because... I was curious about what she could possibly have to say to me. Why a woman like her would want to talk to me. What was her agenda?

Another dark part of me wanted to meet the fabled woman whom Harry once had been with. To see what he had ever seen in her. How he ever could've liked a woman like her, how he had ever been able to be with her.

Catarina smiled crookedly at my cold reply, but continued to appear unaffected by my words. Instead, she folded her hands in front of her stomach and looked at me with a little look. "He probably painted me out as the villain, didn't he? When he told you about me? He probably told you all I wanted was his money and that's the reason I went for his brother, no?"

I stayed silent, because that was essentially what he told me, minus a few compliments. As ever, Harry had regarded her with the manners he gave everyone he loathed; Aware of their truths, but even more aware of their lies.

Catarina, however, took my silence as a yes.

"Of course he has. And I suppose Harry would see it that way," She sighed, almost dramatically. I waited impatiently while she continued her theatrics. "The truth is, as always, he wasn't entirely wrong. I did want money," She confessed, unabashedly. "I'm not going to lie or apologize about that, let's be truthful, most people in life want money. Including yourself," She smartly added, which somehow felt like a slap. I clenched my teeth at her, but stayed silent as she continued. "But I've always known exactly what I wanted in life, and a material living was definitely a part of it. But where Harry was wrong was when he presumed that that was all I wanted."

At least she was confessing to be a money-whore, I silently thought. I kept that opinion to myself though, as Catarina straightened out and pursed her lips importantly.

"I'm not a greedy woman, Cassandra. I'm ambitious," She explained, as if that was clear as day. "I wanted recognition. I wanted passion. I wanted to move up in life, to have the life I've worked for my entire life," She told, before taking a seat on the classroom's desk with a sigh. "And it was my mistake for not realizing sooner that Harry wouldn't help give me that."

I furrowed my brows at her words, watching Catarina lower her eyes, but never her head. While her words sounded genuine and truthful, I still didn't want to agree with her reasoning, even if what she spoke of wasn't unreasonable. Her demands hadn't been completely wrong, after all, was it so bad to long for a better life? Where she went wrong, however, was thinking she could force Harry to make it happen for her.

"When Harry and I first met," Catarina then suddenly started anew out of nowhere. It broke me out of my thoughts as I watched her smile faintly to herself, as if having just dipped down into the fondest of memories; another thing I could relate to. "I was absolutely swept off my feet by his intellect. He was handsome, he was smart and he was so driven, and that's what drew me to him. He matched my own energy. We spoke the same language," She chuckled, as if I wasn't even in the room any longer, but merely by herself, reminiscing old times. "I confess, I was completely taken by him. Who wouldn't be? It wasn't until weeks went by, I realized... the infatuation was entirely one-sided."

Please, spare me. I didn't want to stand here and listen to her reminisce about her time with Harry. It gave me a bitter taste in my mouth, especially as it all seemed too... familiar.

"I began to realize something," She nonetheless continued, suddenly pressing her lips into a flat line. "I was always the one to kiss him first. Always the one to seek him out. He never seemed to want me until I was there right in front of him. As if he'd forgotten about me whilst doing his calculations." She scoffed quietly, shaking her head.

My heart slowly stopped when her words began to sound more and more relatable. Painful memories flashed before me and made my gut clench, wrecking havoc inside me.

He never sought me out. He never came to me first. He never claimed me... because he couldn't.

Wouldn't.

"It hurt when I realized that," Catarina silently continued, looking down into her lap. "He was more interested in his math and that damned notebook than my company. He had no passion for me, no love to give, other than to his work, of course. He was driven, but not ambitious. Once I came to terms with that fact... that he would've happily died in that study rather than pursue a future, a family, I started to pull away. Our work was nearly complete, he was about to win the millennium prize with my help, and I just... I decided I couldn't stay with him any longer," She said.

I bit the inside of my cheek. I knew what happened next in the story; Harry had accepted his prize and had introduced Catarina to his brother at the ceremony. They had had an instant connection, unaware that Harry had intended it so. He had already long ago figured Catarina out, knew she wanted more than what he could offer her... and therefore offered her his brother instead.

"I didn't mean to fall for Richard, you know," Catarina now said, pulling me from my thoughts. She looked at me, unaware that I knew something she didn't. "But at the night of his award ceremony, we happened to meet, and... well, I'm sure you already know. The rest is history," She murmured, looking down to the wedding band on her finger. "Richard was everything Harry wasn't. He wanted fame, fortune, a family. The same as I. He had succeeded in the first two brilliantly, but when it came to creating a family..."

– His spermsicles had all dried out. Retired. Given up the gravy train.

"We tried all the other ways," Catarina told, turning her eyes away. "No medical intervention could give Richard a legitimate son, and it devastated me. We both desperately wanted a child and..."

"And so you hired me." I dryly finished. I didn't bother to hide the disscontempt in my voice.

"Yes. It was cruel irony," Catarina chuckled humorlessly, a sad smile about her lips. "I'd left Harry for his brother and now the universe was punishing me for doing it. Turns out, Harry had exactly what I needed after all, and I had given it all up."

And that's when she and Richard had come up with their crazy scheme; make Harry father a child and take responsibility for it, knowing he never wanted kids. She didn't need to tell me about that part. Both of them had wanted something from Harry, and I was just a pawn they used to play him with. Harry was the true victim. I just happened to catch some of the debris as well.

I blew out a breath and clenched the books in my arms tighter. I couldn't believe there was ever I time where I had thought their deal had sounded appealing. I truly had been desperate, and Harry had saved me, as well as the child that would've ended up in the claws of these two manipulative people. It had almost worked on me, too; Catarina wanted to be a victim too, but the truth was, she had made her choices like I had. I was claiming my part in it; She wasn't.

"Why are you telling me all this?" I finally asked, wanting to know why she had brought me in here and asked to speak with me. Surely it wasn't just to tell me her life story and beg for my sympathy.

Catarina slowly looked up at me, before giving me a sympathetic look.

"I suppose... to put you on your guard," She told.

"On my guard?" I questioned flatly.

Catarina smiled softly. "I know how you feel about him. Don't pretend, I saw the way you looked at him in the library just now," She interjected when I opened my mouth to speak. I slowly closed it again. "Harry may be blind to it, but I can tell. A woman always knows," She stated, sitting up straighter. "Especially a woman who's gone through the very same heartbreak. I wanted to warn you and tell you... you shouldn't waste your time on him. He won't ever change, and there's no use dreaming that he one day will. You may have gotten further than me, but in the end, you had the same result as I, didn't you?"

I gritted my teeth and wanted to hide the undeniable pang of pain I felt in my chest at her harsh, but truthful words.

"But... I suppose it all doesn't matter now," Catarina finally concluded, after a moment a silence. She drew in a deep breath, before straightening out. She got off the desk and smoothed down her dress, before walking towards the door. "My warning comes a little redundant. It seems Harry made it clear he wanted nothing to do with us. The both of us," She corrected herself. "I'm truly sorry."

Then how come she didn't sound all that sorry?

"Is that it?" I snapped, fed up with her false sympathy and hurtful warnings. "You wanted to warn me not to go after Harry again, because you suddenly have a conscience?"

"You don't have to believe me, but yes," Catarina replied, although finally in a slightly colder tone than before. She stopped up in the doorway and glanced back at me. "And I suppose... I wanted to lay eyes on the woman who got the part of him I never did."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I scoffed angrily.

And then for the first time, I saw Catarina give me a genuine look—not genuine in the way that it was kind or sweet, but rather... it was the first honest emotion she had shown me today.

Envy.

"You got the one part of him he never gave up for me," She told, stiffening her back. "Him."

And with that, she walked out of the classroom, leaving me stunned and frozen in the darkness to process her words.

What the hell did she mean by that?

I furrowed my brows and considered the jealous look she had given me. The one out of pure almost anger and spite... as if I had gotten the first slice of a cake she had wanted.

Wait... did she mean...

No. It couldn't be... could it?

I slowly cupped my mouth as realization struck me. As her words crept inside me and made me realize what she actually meant.

"Oh, my God." The notebooks in my arms tumbled to the floor.

Harry had been a virgin when we were together.

• • •

Who saw that coming?