A/N: The following chapter contains explicit content. Again.

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I'm a stupid bitch and my life is nothing but a massive shit show filled with life-altering fuck ups. But at least I'm self-aware, right?

It's been over a week since I slept with Remy and I still can't place how it feels. Mostly because I don't want to know. We're both fucked up, we both fuck when we feel bad. It's no surprise it happened when we were both at our weakest, but I did not expect it to be like that.

I left before he woke up so I wouldn't have to see him the next morning, not that it made a difference. I felt him for two days afterward. The marks on my neck and the bruises on my legs and hips lasted longer. Constant, aching reminders of the most regrettable night of my life.

We still haven't talked about it. I can't. Trying to look at him knowing what we did ... knowing what I said after ... It's too much to deal with, so I've been doing what I do best; pushing it down deep and pretending it never happened.

Distract and deny. My fucking forte.

"Oh, yes," Deven gasps. Watching him come is one of my favorite things. He's so goddamn sexy the way his body moves, the face he makes when he moans. Not to mention the cute look of embarrassment he gets when he finishes. I love playing with him.

Distract, distract, distract.

Gripping the flared base, I move the vibrator in and out right where he likes. He moans again as his hips flex in response, his hand stroking faster against his cock. His amber eyes open and stare down at me in a mix of apprehension and awe. He's close.

I stroke the toy a little faster, angling it to press harder against his prostate. "Ah!" he tosses his head back before his legs curl and his hips buck.

I press his leg to the side and sit up on my heels to see my reward. He spurts high onto his chest, and then again and again onto his stomach. The trust he has in me to let me take control. He's a rare kind of friend. One that I really need right now.

Deven's hand leaves his cock to rest against his glistening forehead. He pants as he comes down from the orgasm. I smooth my hand over his leg and smile down at him. "Now you should have the focus to stop procrastinating on your dissertation," I say.

Deven hums as a response, draping his arm over his eyes. Slipping the toy from him slowly, I start to giggle. "What?" he asks me.

"You're so easy."

"Shut up!" he whines with a laugh. I take one of his pretty-smelling wipes to clean the toy and toss him one as well. "Are you sure you don't want another turn?" he asks me, though the expression on his face shows he doesn't have much energy left, if any, to satisfy my needs. I have my own battery-powered boyfriend for that.

"I had my fun. Besides, Daniel should be calling me any minute."

I grab my phone from the side table and check for a missed call. Nothing from Daniel, but yet another text from Remy.  I read it, ignoring the ache in my chest when I think about him. Definitely ignoring the ache between my thighs, too.

Remy: Please stop avoiding 

me Mags. I need to see you.

What does that even mean, Remy? What did any of it mean to him?

"You're still upset," Dev says to me.

I glance back up at him. "Upset? No, I'm fine." Deny, deny, deny.

He starts to sit up. "You say you are 'fine', but you are not acting it. You are up one minute, down the next. Laughing, then crying, then trying to have sex -- with barely one minute in between." He's too cute to be so damn smart. He sits up in the bed and strokes a hand against my arm. "I very much enjoy our fun together, but I am concerned about your ... motivations."

I nearly snort with my laughter. "You sound like my therapist," I joke.

He gives me a look. "Will you tell me what happened?"

"Something happened?"

He leans closer, still no smile. "You run off to see your mother, miss days of school, and then I find you in tears with bruises all over and ... lov bites."

"Love bites?" I smile to fight the lump building in my chest. "I told you, it was just a bad car accident."

"Alright ..." He doesn't believe me. "And how is your mother?"

Which one? That's not funny ... "Still ruining my fucking life." Nothing has changed. If anything, I'm more aware of what's really been happening. I sigh, feeling the guilt creeping back in. "How's yours?" I ask, wanting the attention off me. Dev leaves next week to go back to New Delhi for winter break, and he's about as thrilled by that as I am. We both need a distraction right now.

"Conniving, as always."

"Conniving?"

He leans back against the wall and ruffles his hair. "She booked my flight a week earlier than I wanted and said it is 'because she has plans'," he explains. "Last time she had 'plans' it was to force me to care for my sister's children and berate me with questions as to when I would have my own."

I can't help but laugh. "And when do you plan to have kids?"

He looks my way with a smirk. "After I successfully receive my doctorate."

"So, at this rate ... never?" I tease.

He grumbles under his breath, but can't hide his smile. Wrapping his arms around my hips, he pulls them closer to him. I fall to my back with a laugh and he pulls my sweatpants and panties down my legs. "Shut up," he jokes and lowers his head between my thighs. I sigh and run my fingers through his silky hair, happy to catch his gaze as he utilizes my same distraction. 

We are getting zero studying done. Not that I'm complaining.

♡♡♡

Two days have passed and I'm alone again. The nights have been hard for me. Even in the brief moments of quiet, my mind creeps back to bad thoughts and unwanted memories. The main reason I've been using my favorite distraction as much as possible. I lie in the dark of my room next to my now dead vibrator and don't know if I want to scream or cry. Maybe I'll do both.

My phone rings. When I look at the screen, my heart flutters. "Daniel," I answer.

"Maggie," he says. The neutral tone of his voice is just what I need right now.

"Are you home?"

"I'm in New York, boarding my flight to Vegas in ten."

"Oh, okay." I'm not sure what else to say, but my heart beats excitedly at the thought of seeing him again. The beating turns nervous when I remember the last time I called him. "Did you get my message?"

"I did," he responds. "All of them."

What? "A-all of them?"

"I would be surprised if you remember. You sounded ... very drunk."

Stupid bitch extraordinaire. What did I say? "I'm sorry, I only remember calling you from the hospital."

"That is probably for the best," he says. 

"Why?"

"We'll discuss it later." I'm not sure what to make of that. The silence lingers briefly before he says, "I would like to see you as soon as I get back. There is a key waiting for you at the front desk."

"Okay," I agree. "I'll be there."

He hangs up without saying goodbye, and I know I'm in big trouble.

I shiver with excitement.

♡♡♡

The minutes pass like hours as I wait. I'm a fidgeting mess of anxiety and excitement. I've already stripped down to my expensive lingerie in the hopes of wasting less time getting to the point. No talking, no catching up, just rough, emotionless fucking. He's everything I need in this moment, everything I wish I had in the past week. Though I'm afraid of what I may have told him in my inebriated state, I know nothing will change what we are when we're together. 

When the door lock turns, I jump to my feet and rush towards the door. Daniel drops his bag onto the floor as I spring into his arms. I wrap my legs around his middle and pull his face to mine.

He turns and pins me against the wall, kissing me back as hungrily as I kiss him. My nerves fade to the warmth the spreads through me with his touch. Everything is just how we left it.

He pulls his lips from mine and looks at me with his cold, blue eyes. "Did you miss me, baby?" he asks. The low growl of his voice settles between my legs.

"Yes." I kiss him again. "So much."

He grips me tighter and kisses my neck, delving his teeth in gently to make me moan. I reach down and fumble with his belt. He tears at my panties, dragging them against my hip and thigh. "But you weren't a good girl like I told you to be. Were you?"

I still. His question is too raw. "No," I answer.

He leans away from me and looks at me with his signature ice-cold glare. "Hmm ..." he hums. "What should I do about that?"

"Fuck me," I beg. "Really, really hard."

The corner of his mouth twitches. "And what do good girls say?" he leads.

"Please."

He sets me back onto my feet and kicks off his shoes. When he starts to walk away, I follow him like an obedient pet. He walks into the living room, never looking back at me. "Sit," he snaps, pointing to the couch as he walks past it. I do as I'm told, the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

I watch him as he walks over to the glass wall and starts to open it. He folds the panels back, letting in the cool, fall air. My skin prickles when the change in temperature mixes with my anticipation.

He comes to sit next to me on the couch pulling a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. He lifts one to his mouth and lights it. Taking a long drag, he leans back and exhales it. I watch timidly, not knowing whether I'm undesired or forgotten. After a few more drags, he glances at me and motions me closer.

"Come here," he says. I move to sit next to him, but he moves a pillow into the space. "Lie on my lap."

I do as he asks, resting my hips on the little pillow and lying over his legs. He moves my panties down my legs. I lie silent, waiting as he finishes the last of his cigarette and stamps it out on the ashtray beside him.

His hand runs over my ass, cupping it, massing it occasionally, all of it teasing me. I squirm against his lap, encouraging him to get it over with. His hand comes down hard on my ass, making me gasp. The pain eases into warmth, giving me a familiar thrill. I wag my ass against his palm, begging for more.

"You like being bad because you like being punished," he says. "Tell me the worst thing you did while I was away." A chill crosses over my skin, but I don't know if it is because of the air or my own anxiety. I only realize my elongated pause when Daniel says, "I won't ask again."

My excitement begins to fade to the familiar ache as I fight off the memories of that night. I don't want to think about it.

But I do. And I hate myself for it.

"I slept with someone," I squeak out. His hand stills, but after a brief moment, it leaves and returns with a ringing slap. "Ow!" I yelp.

His finger pushes into me, sliding easily through my wetness. He eases it in and out a few times and then removes it to tease my clit with a fleeting, soft touch. "Was it a man?"

"Yes."

He hums under his breath, his fingers tracing over my ass and disappear. One. Two. Three hard spanks follow, my breathing turns to panting as I stifle a moan. "And did he make you come?"

Jesus Christ. My skin goes cold and numb everywhere but where he touches me. I cling to it, hoping he'll still be the distraction I need. "Yes," I answer. My chest aches painfully.

I wait for the punishment to come, but it doesn't. Instead, he lets me go. "Get up," he commands. I lean off the pillow, my arms sore from their previous position. He pulls me forward to straddle his lap and feel a bit of elation when I see his erection hidden inside his pants.

He pulls my corset from me and tosses it to the floor. His eyes trace over my naked body. I hover excitedly, hoping he will soon end my torment. Or maybe I don't want him to.

He traces his fingertips over my thighs, and I stifle a moan in response. After what feels like torturous minutes, his hand slides to my apex and I gasp.

He rubs his fingers over my wet folds and begins to massage my clit. He dips his fingers inside me, teasing them hard against my favorite spot, making me melt. My breathing hastens as I push myself towards the finish, desperate to feel the relief. "No, baby," he says into my ear. "I don't want you to come yet. Not until I say you can."

Fuck. He rubs my clit furiously, making me shudder as I try to hold on to the feeling without falling over the edge.

He stops suddenly and coaxes me upward. I stand, dizzy with my arousal, and watch as he pulls down his pants and strokes his already hard cock in my direction. "Now turn around and fuck me."

I take my place on his lap, facing the same direction as him. I bend my legs onto the couch, and he holds himself as I lower onto his length.

He glides in easily, still making me moan. It feels so good to have him inside me again. I'm so close already with the briefest touch. As I start to stroke him inside me, he places his hand against my lower back and guides me to the slow pace he wants.

"Just like that," he says. His hand slides up my back to my neck, his fingers weaving into my hair before he pulls it lightly. I moan and lean back against him, thrusting my hips up and down to rub him harder against my front wall. He hums his pleasure near my ear. "Yes, baby. Good."

I can't stand it. I work my hips faster, needing him harder, deeper. As the pleasure builds inside me with every needy stroke, my clit aches for attention. He runs his hand over my stomach and further down between my legs. 

When he finds my clit, I nearly explode. My legs twitch, ruining my pace. Fucking hell, he's going to make me do my damsel shit again. 

"May I come?" I ask him breathlessly, too concerned with the actual act than the shameful words I'm speaking. He taps his fingers against my clit, teasing me further. "Please?"

I wail when he rubs his fingers hard against me again and says, "You may."

I feed off his words and his touch, riding my high as I ride him.  He pushes me to the edge and I gladly fall off it, my pussy clenching and releasing him slowly as I fall into the numbing release of my sixth orgasm today. The feeling washes over me, as warm as his own release inside me.

My numbness returns, but I feel incomplete, deprived in a way I cannot place. Side-effects of chasing a high I never should have experienced in the first place. 

Distract and deny, bitch.

Collapsing back, I lie my head on his shoulder, holding onto the warm haze of my climax while he slowly traces his palms over my stomach and breasts. "Now tell me," he whispers in my ear. His hand moves up and comes to a rest around my neck. "How far are you willing to go for more of your Sugar Daddy's money?" 

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A/N: Thank you for reading! Don't forget to vote, comment, and add to your library if you want more!