Before a meeting one morning, Brett and I waited for Reagan. "Hey, there she is." I said. "Hey partner!" They both greeted with a handshake. "Hey, Lisa." Reagan said to me. "It's my second week and my third can of Axe body spray." Brett said, spraying himself, coughing right after. "Oh, God. You ready to carpe that motherfucking diem, girls?" "Hell yeah!" I exclaimed. "Yeah, I'm ready to make a d-d-difference!" Reagan shouted. "Yeah, I like that. That's fun. Okay, let's go in there and change the world." Once she opened the door, all we saw was Glenn, Gigi, Andre, and Myc having a paintball battle. "What the hell? This place is a mess!" Reagan exclaimed." "Rae-Dog, cut them some slack." Brett said. "We almost got nuked." "And then, Brett told me that the gang had to go straight into a cover up." I added. "I had to implant a subdermal shock collar in the president." Andre explains, showing a video of the real president having a press conference. "I had to reheat the Cold War." Glenn scoffed. "I had to derail a whole news cycle by leaking Prince Charles's nudes." Gigi added, showing us a naked picture of Prince Charles. "No one was happy about that." "But, who's gonna pay for all this damage?" I asked. "Relax, kid, we have more money than God." Myc replied, handing a globe and a baseball bat to Reagan. "Yeah. What's the point of unchecked power if we don't abuse it?" Reagan wondered, hitting the globe towards the screen. "WE'RE OUT OF MONEY!" JR panicked on the screen before it was shattered by the globe.

Later at lunch, I told the gang about the inventions I made. "And my most recent project is my animal communication implant, which I created specifically for my cat. I even filmed a video of him snorting catnip, which reminded me of Andre." I laughed, showing them the video of Rocky. "Holy shit. That is Andre." Myc joked. All of a sudden, Brett came in the room, looking nauseous. "We have to fire someone!" Brett announced, vomiting in the trash can. All we did was gasp. Reagan slapped herself on the forehead. "You good, Brett?" I asked. "Look, skip the part where we pretend this is a hard decision and just fire Myc." Gigi said. "Hey, fuck you, shoulder pads." Myc cursed. "If I'm going down, I'm taking you all down with me!" "I'M NOT RETIRING WITHOUT A FIGHT!" Glenn shouted, flipping the table, running to a planter, showing some hidden weapons. "I KNOW WHERE THE WEAPONS ARE HIDDEN IN EVERY ROOM!" "It's gonna be me, isn't it" I asked. "It's always the minor who gets fired for no goddamn reason!" "Guys, don't freak out." Reagan reassures us. "We haven't made a decision yet. Just stay calm and don't go gossip." As Reagan and Brett left, me and the gang looked at each other. "We're all thinking it." Myc said.

We all decided to head to McUltra's for a drink. I ordered a root beer and sat at the bar with my coworkers. "Can you believe they'd even think of firing me?" Andre asked. "I've invented almost as many cures as diseases." "I need my pension, you guys." Glenn said. "Dolphins only live 60 years in captivity, and I'm 51." "Not many jobs will accept me for being a minor." I explained. "But, damn it! I can't be stuck giving an employee discount to Rand Ridley at Wetzel's Pretzels for the rest of my life." "And I am not going back to my last job doing PR for the Kims." Gigi complained. "Kardashian and Jong Un. One of them has killed hundreds, and it's not the one you think." "Guys, I know how we're gonna keep our jobs." Myc said. "Stop taking 3 hour lunches and coming back drunk?" Glenn asked. "LOL, Glenn, no, that's a good idea. Just kidding, you idiot, you simpleton, no." Myc replied, standing on top of the bar with his whiskey. "We're not gonna fucking do that. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna kiss ass like we've never kissed ass before!"

I was reading my book when Reagan and Brett came in with some news. "Guys, you'll be happy to hear..." Reagan announced. "Reagan! I'm ahead of all my deadlines, and so I started tiding up." Andre interrupted. "It's true what they say, meth really is the Adderall of cocaines!" "Is that why it smells like meth in here?" I asked. "And I had my makeup team whip up a little youth serum for your skin." Gigi explains, putting the stuff on Reagan's skin. "Wow, I look like an after photo." Reagan said. "Reagan, I've been doing some soul searching lately, and..." Myc said, shoving Gigi aside. "You mean searching for a soul?" Reagan asked. "Eat my ass, bitch... is what old Myc would've said." Myc replied. "But, new Myc says, "O Captain! My captain!"" "And I resolved the Israeli-Palestine conflict." Glenn said. "But I can put it back if you want." "And I did absolutely nothing." I added. "Why? Because my coworkers are being delusional as hell." "Guys." Brett said. "We've decided to fire..." "Nobody, yet. So many factors." Reagan interrupted.

After I did my required work for the day. We all got drinks for 'Reagan Appreciation Day'. "And so, I say to my dad, "Hey. Hey, Pops, why don't you get your own damn livers?"" Reagan jokes. The gang gave her a fake laugh, but I don't know if she noticed. "That joke gets funnier every time you tell it." Glenn chuckled nervously. Reagan demanded more champagne. "Ooh, looks like the boss needs a top-up." Andre said. As the gang left her and Brett at the table, I stayed behind with them. "How long do you think before they realize you found someone to axe?" I asked. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Reagan lied. "Dude, I'm a child prodigy. I work with idiots half my age." I explained. "I know you're also a genius, but you walk among these idiots."

"Well, I'm in it to win it, bitches." Myc said. "Reagan, hey. Wanna come to karaoke with us tonight at McUltra's?" "Really, because I thought everyone hated my singing. Like, hated my singing." Reagan replied. "I mean, you used my version of Purple Rain to break ISIS captives." I have to admit. Reagan Ridley isn't the greatest singer at the company. Her singing could give Avril Lavigne bloody eardrums. "Oh, that was just a joke between friends, which we totally are." Myc said. Brett and I pulled Reagan underneath the table. "Reagan." Brett whispered. "Oh, come on, let me enjoy this." Reagan said. "For one day, I get to know what it feels like to be you. And it's nice."

Later at McUltra's, we watched our coworkers sing karaoke. Reagan performed a horrible cover of Avril Lavigne's Sk8er Boy, while she was drunk. "If I had ears, they'd be fucking bleeding right now." Myc mumbled as we all applauded Reagan's performance. "Woo! Thank you!" Reagan shouted. "The real Avril Lavigne died and was replaced by a clone in 2003!" "Alright, that was Reagan, everybody." The DJ announced. "Up next, we have Glenn singing Proud to be an American. Again." Everyone there groaned in disappointment as Glenn goes up on stage. "Clap, or you're a traitor!" He ordered. "Hey, Reagan, I was thinking everyone is drunk and in a good mood, except for Lisa because she's underage." Brett said. "So, maybe it's time to tell the team the truth." "Brett, sweet Brett. Oh my God, look at that sweet face." Reagan replied drunkly. "You gotta relax. Should we do a fucking team retreat to Iceland? I'll start looking up flights." "Reagan!" I exclaimed. "Fine, I'll tell them." Reagan groaned, rolling her eyes. "Guys, guys, listen up. All your jobs are safe! Everyone's still employed." The rest of the team chanted Reagan's name in celebration. "Now that we actually like you, I'm gonna close all the dummy accounts I've been dragging you on Twitter with." Myc said. "Because we're firing Grassy Noel!" Reagan shouted. That's when everyone gasped. "Grassy Noel Atkinson?" Gigi asked. "No. Honey, that guy is a legend." "Yeah, and a sweetheart." Glenn explains. "He talked me off the ledge after my divorce." "He talked me onto a ledge at a parkour convention." Andre added. "Where did you get that frame from?" I asked. "And who makes a point with a framed picture?" "Look, Grassy Noel is a killer." Reagan said. "Uh, yeah. A lady-killer." Gigi scoffed. "Yeah, he kills women, too." Reagan groaned. "Congratulations, idiots. You just fired the most beloved guy in the whole company!" Myc complained. "More beloved than Brett?" Brett asked. "Eat shit, Ken doll!" Myc replied. Andre tears down the banner as everyone boos Reagan and Brett as they left. "You guys are assholes." I said.

I left McUltra's early to go check on Reagan and Brett. "I can't believe they were mean to me." Brett said. "Is this what it feels like to be you?" "Yup." Reagan sighed. "Hey guys." I greeted. "Lisa? You're not mad at us?" Brett asked. "Hell no. I never even met the guy." I replied. "Although, I am curious why the others love him so much."

Reagan, Brett, and I took the hover car around Cognito to the clone lab. "Guys, I have experienced a taste of popularity. I can't go back now." Reagan explains. "So, if we wanna save Noel's job, we need to prove that he's still worth his salary. I'm just gonna let one JFK clone loose for gramps to re-assassinate. He'll be a hero. I'll be a hero. Win-win." "Reagan, are you sure this is a good idea?" Brett asked. "Because I had the exact same idea, but I was embarrassed to say it." "Go get Noel. Now!" Reagan shouted. "You better not fuck this up, Reagan." I said, leaving with Brett.

Once Brett and I found Noel, we had our plan in motion. "Noel! Rogue JFK is on the loose!" Brett exclaimed. "What?" Noel asked. "So, you're Grassy Noel Atkinson." I said. "Weh?" Noel wondered. "Sorry. Anyways, his head isn't covered by any car roof or anything." I explained as the clone was seen smoking a pipe. "He's just asking for it." "Step aside, lad and lass." Noel said, preparing his shotgun. "You'll always remember exactly where you were when you saw this." Noel accidentally shoots his martini glass as multiple JFK clones busted through the door. "Oh, God!" Brett gasped. "The Kennedys are multiplying, like Kennedys!" "Holy shit!" I shouted. "Noel, do your thing." "I'm out!" Noel grunted, checking his gun. "Do either of you have a gun?" I nodded. "No, but I do have an Axe." Brett joked, using his body spray and a lighter to melt the clones. "Wow. Axe does more than just kills people. It smells great, too." "You fool! They can't be exposed to heat!" I exclaimed as the clones come together to create a blobby monster. "Run! I'll stall 'em as long as I can." Noel said. "But, Noel, what about you?" Brett asked. "Shoot for the stars, kids." Noel replied, sacrificing himself for us. "Noel!" Brett and I yelled.

While running for our lives, we found Reagan. "Brett, Lisa, the clones are loose!" Reagan explains. "It's worse than that. I kinda sort of tried to burn them." Brett confessed. "And have you ever seen Akira?" "Of course I've seen Akira!" I shouted. "Anime is very mainstream right now!" All of a sudden, the melted clones bursted through the walls. "What the shit?!" Reagan yelled, taking us to hide under a desk.

"What are we gonna do?!" Brett panicked underneath the desk, curled up in a ball. "Guys, that thing is doubling in mass every 15 minutes. If even one part of it escapes, it'll level Washington DC!" Reagan explains, shooting a normal clone with her gun. "I know a good place to hide, but both of you have to promise that you're not gonna tell anyone. Can either of you keep a secret?" "We all know I can't." Brett replied. "No problem, Reagan." I said.

We quickly escaped to the basement. When we arrived to the hideout, we saw Glenn, Andre, Gigi, and Myc alongside the remaining parts of Robotus in a glass tube. "How did you guys get down here?" Reagan asked. "This place is fingerprint restricted." "Talk to your own hand, Reagan." Gigi sassed, showing off a copy of Reagan's arm. "Ugh, I need to destroy that." Reagan groaned. "We want answers!" Glenn yelled. "What the hell is this?!" "Team, meet my salvage project." Reagan sighed. "Robotus version Alpha-Beta." "Oh, look, you brought the whole family. I've been binge watching you on the surveillance monitors. Love the high jinks." Robotus said, facing Glenn. "Although, I'll be honest, I have no idea what you're supposed to be. You're like a fish? It's a meal of a concept, let's be honest." "Girl, do you seriously keep a robot down here to talk to?" Gigi asked. "Look, I'm letting him live because I believe I can still use his tech." Reagan explains. "And I'm letting her live because I haven't conceived of how to get out of here yet." Robotus replied. "Hold up. You've been bullshitting JR and keeping a killer robot around?" Myc asked. "Seems like you're the one that should get canned." "Yeah!" The others shouted. "Oh, please. This place would fall apart in a week without me." Reagan scoffed. "Look, if you want to tell JR and get me fired, then fine, maybe I deserve it. But we have way bigger problems right now." "There's a horrible mutant..." I explained. "No offense, Glenn." "None taken." Glenn replied. "...That is growing out of control, and we need to go stop it, before it destroys this whole building." "How are we supposed to do that?" Myc asked. "Andre, can you synthesize a chemical compound that can dissolve a giant flesh monster thing?" Reagan asked. "If it can kill you, I've made it and sold it to Monsanto." Andre replied. "And Glenn, how powerful is that blowhole of yours?" Reagan asked. "I've been kicked out of several hotel jacuzzis." Glenn replied. "And Myc, you'll be the bait." Reagan said. "Yeah, I will! Wait, what?" Myc asked. "What'd she say? I never listen to her. Now it's biting me in the ass." "We just need to get back to the main level without getting crushed by that monster." Reagan said. "There's a service elevator at the end of the hall that hasn't been breached yet." Robotus explains, showing schematics of the building. "I have schematics of the whole building, definitely not because I'm planning to escape, so put it out of your head." "Okay, guys." Reagan said. "Let's go make some dead Kennedys." "Lock and load." Glenn said, loading his weapons. All of us grabbed our weapons and left the hideout.

Before we could do anything, I was asked to dress Myc in drag. "Is our honeypot ready?" Reagan asked. "Reagan, I will never forgive you for this Bugs Bunny shit!" Myc called, dressed up as Marilyn Monroe. "Jesus Christ, Myc." I grunted. "Just do the thing." Reagan whispered. Myc did his impression of Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday. The monster was attracted to Myc. "It's working. Keep going. Sexier! Sexier, like a horny baby!" "Marilyn!" The monster yelled. "Oh, God!" Myc screamed. Reagan and I ran to the hovercraft to grab Myc. "Andre, now!" I shouted. "Hurry!" "Oh my God!" Myc panicked. Glenn shot Andre's solution from his blowhole, instantly disintegrating the monster until it was just a head. "Furthermore." He said, crawling to escape. "It's trying to escape!" Reagan shouted. We all tried to shoot it, but our guns were jammed. "Er, uh." It said, right before being shot and killed by Noel. "Happy Death Day, Mr President!" Noel shouted. "How are you still alive?" I asked. "Noel, you did it!" Brett cheered, covered in Gigi's lipstick. "Mr Noel, welcome back, old friend." Reagan said. The gang lifted up Noel and cheered as JR came over to us, looking pissed off. "I had a bad day." JR grunted. "You better have fired somebody." "Um, actually, we, um, sort of liquidated the entire Cloning Department." Reagan said. "I mean, the refrigeration cost alone." "Huh, that's actually an amazing idea." JR complimented. "How'd you ever figure that out?" "Reagan took us to the basement where she was secretly hiding a... hiding a... a... a good strategy, because she is a good leader." Myc lied as we all nodded in agreement. "Well, carry on, then." JR said, heading to his office. "Hey, thank you for saying that." Reagan thanked. "Well, it's true." Myc replied. "Plus, if you ever try to fire us, we now have blackmail leverage." "And if you cross me, I'll tell Noel where you sleep." Reagan said. "Checks and balances." I chuckled. "Are you really okay with Noel being the office hero?" Brett asked. "Eh, popularity's overrated." Reagan replied. "I know two people who have my back. That's enough."