Royce had no one to think of other than whoever he was just with. He said his name was Carellios and he was super fine, he just doesn't know.

I felt very calm, surprisingly. I mean, our back up option was to have a lot of affairs, and while it sounded terrible at first, I am starting to get used to the idea. Mother and Father will love it, but will I? Not really. But if it's our only option? I'll go with it.

Death is always an option, but that means our lives would end, and no one would be happy.

I have to get Royce to find someone. Then, maybe, I can marry his sister and have a little bit of happiness. His sister ain't half bad, and she is only a year younger than Royce.

And our kingdoms would still connect too. It seems like a better option than marrying Royce anyway.

But then again, his sister may not be like us. She may not be too gay to function, and I don't want to force her into anything like I am being. It would cause another wild goose chase and end up with nothing once again.

I hate it when people I love are unhappy, and being the one to cause it is an even worse pain. But I have to deal. I apologize almost immediately and give them time to cool off, or time to snuggle, and we move on with our lives after a lengthy conversation on boundaries and where to draw the line.

And it helps. It helps as much as it can, but with my parents, the whole 'being gay' situation is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Nothing can stop it unless there is something there to defuse it. And I am hoping a girlfriend/fiance will be that defuser that they will finally understand.

But if it doesn't work. I don't know what I'll do. I can't run away again, that's for sure. I mean, how would I get away with that twice? The first time was a miracle. To try a second time would get my ass sent to the kingdom's dungeon. And I don't have any of those monopoly cards to get out of this one.

I can only hope that Royce's parents understand and marry our siblings together. At least they seem interested in each other. They seem especially interested when they are sucking each others face off. But that is a whole can of worms that I do not want to get into right this second. That is undoubtedly a full story on its own. It would be a long one. Longer than this one anyway.

Who do I see when I walk down the aisle?

When there is Royce, cause we are going to have a double wedding, and I would be walking with his groom. But who is at my end of the aisle? Who lifts my vail? Who kisses me after the 'I do' thing?

Who do I picture when I think of wife?

And I feel something, but nothing comes up in my mind. Like I know who it is, I'm just stupid. Royce has his mystery man, Carellios, and I? I have no idea. But that's fine. Does anyone know until it is actually happening?

Does anyone really know?

Isn't that why divorces exist?

Because we all make mistakes?

That we all mess up?

That we all say 'I do' when we shouldn't have?

That we all make the mistake of marrying someone who isn't like a best friend to you-

HOLY CRAP I LOVE MY HANDMAIDEN