How did I not realize it? How did I forget the most important person in my life? How could I? We grew up together! She saved me from a lot of trouble growing up!

'Its ok! I got you!'

'No! I'm not coming down! I'm too scared!'

'I believe in you! Just one more branch before you can jump down!'

I slipped on my way to that branch and fell on top of her. Her ankle was injured.

'I am so sorry, Caitlyn! I didn't mean to...'

'I forgive you. And now I get a cool boot!'

We are the best of friends, and I have no idea how I would live without her on this planet. It may seem simple, live on without her, but who would I have to do my nails before the dance? Who would I talk to about figuring out my entire life? Royce? He doesn't like to talk about periods, and that's the easy stuff!

But maybe I wouldn't have survived without her. We fit so well together, perhaps we are meant for each other. Atoms that met throughout the entire history of the world that formed us. And we were destined to love.

Maybe this is all some joke, and she doesn't love me. Maybe she hates me, but she is just to kind to say it. How am I supposed to tell the difference between a real and fake smile when I am around to see her smile. If I am around and it is fake, how am I supposed to know? They will have the same fake smile, and I'll think it is the real thing.

Am I just worrying over nothing? Is this what being in love feels like? Cause if so, I would like to return these feelings, please. I don't think I can handle them on my own. It doesn't seem possible. Royce is still asleep through my breakdown. Breakthrough???

....

...

..

.

Breakdown.

And that's another thing. How can people sleep through things? I hear a pin drop, and I'm awake. Royce could sleep through an entire invasion, and he would be practically dead. His drool is soaking into the pillow, and I can feel it. You know? When you have those feelings after you see something that happens to you regularly. Like stubbing your toe. And you can feel it, like a phantom pain in your foot. It's not painful, but you feel a memory of the pain?

That is legit insanity. I am so sorry for making you read that. Anyways, I am feeling famished. So what do I do? I eat some fucking beef jerky that makes my tummy not so happy because it's practically all I've eaten for the past couple of months. And that isn't a lie.

I wish I were back home with Caitlyn. Sitting by the fireplace and drinking tea or something. I would be singing, she humming along. It would be the definition of a married couple.

Why aren't we married yet? Oh, right. I'm a pussy that can't woman up and ask her out already. But honestly, that's not even the worst part. I am afraid of rejection. I know it hurts. I've been rejected my whole life, basically, and it fucking hurts. But that shouldn't be what stops me. You know?

She could be waiting. She could have waited and gotten over it. She could have been hinting at it earlier.

She did, didn't she? Fuck! Why am I so oblivious when it comes to people liking me. I can see people checking me out, but I can never see people who actually want to fuck me, you know?

And that is another thing. I don't think I am able to think about stuff like that normally. I have to have it pointed out to me. And that may be new information giving it away, or it may be other people, but it needs some time to process. For me, a whole six fucking months, but I am sure no one is counting.

Royce needs to hurry up and pick a mans to marry. Or else I might have to intervene.