When I got back to my apartment, I headed straight for the cupboard in the kitchen. There was a half bottle of vodka on the shelf alongside a jar of peanut butter, and a selection of different flavour jellies. My mum had always told me it was important to have a varied diet, instead of just eating the same thing every day.

I needed something to calm my nerves, and vodka worked perfectly. My hand was still shaking as I poured some out into a glass. Then I went over to the refrigerator for some ice cubes and a splash of diet coke.

The vodka worked well to calm me down, and after another three glasses of it, I was starting to forget why I was so anxious. Soon the feeling had changed to a warm and comfortable fuddle. My brain felt peaceful, and content. Plus a little bit dizzy, but that was only when I tried to stand up. I resolved to solve that problem by shifting the bottle of vodka and the diet coke from the kitchen over to the coffee table. Then I proceeded to finish getting completely drunk.

I must have passed out at some point, because the next thing I remembered was waking up in the morning. I was laying sideways on the couch, my head was pounding, and my nose was stinging from the smell of vomit.

As I woke up fully, I became aware of the terrible taste in my mouth. I must have thrown up at some point. There was dried vomit all down the front of my dress and over one side of the couch. It was all in my hair too, where I must have slumped down and fallen asleep in the puddle of vomit.

The smell made me gag again as I tried to stand up. That, plus the pounding in my head, made me want to be sick again. I covered my mouth and heaved a couple of times, but nothing came up. Then I slowly staggered in the direction of the bathroom.

I carefully stripped off my dirty clothes and tossed them to the floor while the shower warmed up. Once it had got to the right temperature, I stepped under the jet of water and let it wash over me. When the stream of water was going straight in my face, I opened my mouth wide and let it fill up and let it fill up to wash the horrible taste from my mouth.

As I spat out the water again, I had the sudden realisation of how bad it was what I had done. It would have been so easy for me to have choked on my vomit while I had passed out from being drunk. I had been so close to killing myself accidentally. That chilling thought overwhelmed me, and I collapsed to my knees in the shower and burst into tears.

It had been really stupid of me to drink so much. And to use alcohol as a coping strategy was incredibly dumb and dangerous. I couldn't believe I had been so foolish. I had let the guilt take control of me.

But now, it was like I was awake for the first time in weeks. The fear of having almost lost everything was enough to give my brain a jolt. It was enough to make me realise that I had to change and take control of myself again.

I reached up from the bottom of the shower and turned off the taps. Once the water stopped pouring down on me, I slowly got back up onto my feet. I looked down at myself, and the water that was dripping from my body. My tears had been mixed in with the water from the shower and washed away from me and down the drain. And at the same time I felt like I had also washed some of the sadness and the need to punish myself.

It was true that some good people had been hurt, and some of that was my fault. But at the same time, there were still some bad people that needed to be punished. So now, I needed to stop feeling so sorry for myself and finish my mission.

Still dripping wet, I got out of the shower and grabbed a clean towel to wrap around myself. Then I walked out of the bathroom and looked around my apartment.

The first thing I had to do was clean up the mess I had made last night. Where I had vomited, it had gone all over the couch, and some of it was on the floor in front of it.

I walked over to the kitchen still wrapped only in a towel. I didn't want to get my clothes dirty, so I decided I would get dressed after I finished cleaning. Bending down, I opened the door under the sink and pulled out some cleaning rags and a bucket. Then I filled it with warm water and a large squirt of bleach.

The smell of the bleach was strong, and helped mask the smell of the vomit as I began to wipe it off the couch. Luckily I hadn't eaten much the day before, so it was mainly liquid that I was cleaning up. It was a slight brown colour from the coke that I hoped wouldn't stain the fabric of the couch.

The floor was easier to clean. It was just plain wooden floorboards there, and I had managed to miss the rug. It meant that I could quickly wipe across and get it finished in just a couple of minutes.

I was just emptying the bucket again, when the door buzzer sounded. I dropped the bucket in the sink, and wandered over to answer it.

"Hello?" I said, unsure who would be visiting me.

"Hey, it's me," said Jay.

"Oh, hey. Come on up," I said, with a fake cheerfulness in my voice.

I had just pressed the button to open the main door, when I remembered that I was still only wearing a towel. I couldn't let Jay see me dressed like that. I quickly unbolted my front door for him to get in, then I sprinted into my bedroom before he could climb the stairs.

Moving as fast as I could, I threw the towel on the floor and hurried over to my dresser. I didn't have time to get dressed properly, so I just grabbed some sweat pants and a t-shirt. I was still putting them on when I heard my front door being pushed open and Jay walking into the apartment.

"Hello?" he called out.

"I'm just getting dressed, I'll be out in a minute," I shouted through my bedroom door.

There was just time to grab a scrunchie to tie my hair back, before I left the bedroom. As I went out, I saw Jay bending over and inspecting my couch. He was scowling, and in his hand he was carrying a small black backpack.

"It's wet here," he said.

"Yeah. I, umm, spilled a drink," I said, trying not to look at him.

Jay shrugged, then sat down on the dry end of the couch. There wasn't space for me to sit down with him, other than on the wet patch, so I went over and sat on the edge of the coffee table.

Jay looked at me closely for a moment before he spoke again. "How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I said.

Jay just looked at me. I could tell he didn't believe me, but it seemed like he couldn't decide what he actually did believe. After what felt like ages, he seemed to decide to ignore it and carried on talking.

"The laptop was a bust," he said. "The tech guys have been through it, and they couldn't find anything useful."

"Oh," I said. "That's a shame."

"Yep," said Jay.

"So... What next?" I asked.

Jay looked deep in thought for a moment, then sighed. "From what they have seen, it looks like he uses a removable hard drive that he connects to the laptop," he said. "It's possible the evidence we need is on that hard drive."

"So you need me to try again?" I asked.

"No... Well... Maybe," said Jay. "I just worry about putting you in danger."

"I'll be fine," I said, though I didn't entirely believe that.

"Hmmm," said Jay, thoughtfully. "Just be careful."

"I'm always careful," I said, and I could practically feel my nose growing longer as I said it.

Jay stood up shaking his head. Then he looked down and seemed to remember about the bag that he was carrying.

"Oh, hey, this was for you," he said, as he handed the backpack to me. "I meant to give it to you last time. I forgot I had it in the trunk."

"Err, thanks," I said, as I took it from him.

"No, it's a listening device. It's sewn into the lining of the bag," he said. "It's hidden so they won't find it."

"Oh, okay," I said, and I turned the bag over in my hands trying to spot the hidden microphone. But nothing was visible.

"It's bigger and with a more powerful transmitter," said Jay. "So we'll be able to listen in and make sure you are safe."

"Oh yeah? That sounds good," I said.

I looked at the backpack again. It was kind of plain, and didn't have the pretty pattern embroidered on it like my own backpack. But apart from that, it looked okay and big enough to fit all my junk.

I did seem to be carrying around a lot more stuff in my bag now. There was a bunch of makeup that I never used to carry around before. Plus the gun I had now.  Before my bag was mostly just full of candy, and tissues for when my allergies were bad.

"But yeah, if you can find this hard drive and plug it in, then the tech guys will try and copy all the data from it as quickly as possible," said Jay.

"Yeah, I can do that," I said.

Jay looked at me and sighed again. "Just be careful," he said.

"You already told me that," I said, with a grin.

"I know. I'm just making sure you heard me," said Jay.

With that, Jay stood up to leave. He paused for a moment, and looked down at me rather than walking straight to the door. Then he took a step closer and put his arm around me to give me a quick hug. Then he stepped back again and reached out with his hand to ruffle up my hair before he walked out the door.

Once Jay had left the apartment, I got up and shuffled over to flop into the couch. It had been quite exhausting to act like there was nothing wrong. Putting up a mask to hide my true emotions was draining, but necessary. If Jay knew how I was really feeling, he would never let me carry on with my plans.

But I just needed to get this over with first. Hopefully this would be enough and I would be finished. Tony and Lucas were dealt with, only Dominic remained. If the police could find the evidence on this hard drive thing, then he would be caught. And then, with luck, it would all be over and I would be free.