Jin

I heard my alarm go off, and I groaned as I reached to shut it off. I had been right in the middle of a very erotic dream about Bella. I couldn't understand how she still haunted my dreams. They had started to lessen over the past few weeks, but every now and then, her memory would invade my mind, and I would spend long, restless minutes trying to regain my control.

I sighed, remembering that I had to get up. Today was graduation day. Yoongi and Hoseok would be graduating in a few hours from the College of Fine and Performing Arts. Namjoon's graduation will be tomorrow. We had decided to celebrate all of them after Namjoon's graduation. I would not miss any of it for the world. It didn't matter that I felt I had very little enthusiasm for my own life.

I threw off my covers and planted my feet on the floor. "Aw, shit," I grumbled, feeling the discomfort in my boxer shorts, a reminder of my vivid dream. I sat there a few minutes, willing my body to calm down. I thought briefly about the girls who had offered to have sex with me, wanting to help me get over my difficult breakup, and I felt myself go limp. Some girls had no self-respect as they told me in detail what they wanted to do to me. The idea filled me with disgust. My body would respond to no one but Bella--the one girl who didn't want me.

The next day I got ready to attend Namjoon's graduation from the College of English when I heard my phone ding with a text message. I finished fixing my hair and picked up my phone. It was a group text reminding us of the celebratory dinner and drinks after the commencement ceremony. They had reserved a VIP room at the hot club in town. Dinner would be catered and then the rest of the night would be dedicated to drinking, dancing, and other revelry.

I smiled at the text as everyone responded with thumbs up and other emojis. Then I saw that Bella was included in the group text. When I saw her respond with a smiling face, I almost dropped my phone into the sink. I berated myself for my reaction. Of course, she'd be there. She was still good friends with the guys. She had always been close to Namjoon, and the two had gotten even closer lately, if I had heard correctly. I felt my jaw clench in residual jealousy before I exhaled noisily. It was none of my business. It had nothing to do with me.

At the actual commencement ceremony, I sat away from my friends. I was unsure how I would react to see Bella up close. Hoseok waved me over, but I acted as if it was too difficult for me to make my way across the rows. I signalled that I would take a seat where I was. A few moments later, Taehyung dropped into the seat next to me.

"I know what you're doing, cuz," he said in his deep, smooth voice.

I pretended to be engrossed in the commencement program. "Oh? I don't know what you mean. Look at all the honors Joon got. Wow."

"It's okay. She's not here. She had to work since the entire town is practically here," he said. "But she'll be at the club tonight."

"Hm," I said without looking at him. He took the hint and said nothing else.

Several hours later I found myself staring at the entrance to the club. Two girls immediately came up to me and tried to get me to join them inside. One of them shamelessly pushed her boobs against my arm.

Luckily, Taehyung appeared at my side. "Hey, cuz. You coming?"

The second girl plastered her body against mine. "Yeah, you coming? I'll make sure of that." she giggled.

I rolled my eyes and detached myself from them to follow Taehyung inside.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Oh, I'm sure that's not the last of it," he said as we made our way into the VIP lounge. "The news of your single status has been the talk of every sorority girl for weeks."

"Bro!" Namjoon called out happily and rushed over to greet me. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Hey, congrats to you. Summa Cum Laude and a book about to be published. That's phenomenal, man." I hugged him and patted him loudly on the back.

He pulled me over to a table laden with glasses of champagne and shoved a glass into my hand. "Here. You might need some liquid courage," he said, leaning close to me.

Before I could respond, I saw Bella standing off to the side, laughing at something with Cindy and Jimin. I almost forgot to breathe. I felt Namjoon push my hand up, and I absently drained the entire contents of the glass in one swallow. Her back was to me, but she looked exquisite. Her dress shimmered in the dim, flashing lights. The lacy top was fitted to the waist then flared out in filmy layers as it skimmed her knees. It was perfectly prim and proper attire, and yet my eyes could not imagine a more beautiful, alluring sight than her in that conservative dress.

I absently reached for another glass and downed most of the contents before I noticed Namjoon observing me with a smile.

"What?"

"You need to go talk to her," he said, still smiling.

"Why do I need to do that?" I asked gruffly. I finished the rest of my drink and reached for another glass.

"Because you look as if you're about to suffer a mental breakdown."

I shook my head, my eyes still glued to her. "I...I think I'll go out into the club for a bit." I could see Namjoon's eyes narrowing at my obvious avoidance.

"Oh, my God! Seokjin daddy, is that you?" a shrill female voice rang out. I felt a body crash into me, arms folding around me. Everyone in the VIP room turned toward the commotion.

Including Bella.

Her smile faded and her eyes widened as she took in the sight. I was holding a champagne glass, and I had a girl wrapped around my torso.

"I heard you're single, honey. I'm so glad! Let's go dance! Or we can just leave and go have some real fun. What do you say?" the female voice droned in my ear.

My eyes were locked with Bella's. Neither one of us looked away.

"You're so hot! I could just eat you up!" the girl kept going. She was trying to pull my face down to hers.

"Joon," I glanced at him desperately.

He patted my shoulder and extricated the girl's arms from around my midsection. "Come on, Sarah. I think you've had a little too much to drink," he said. "Why don't we get you something to eat?"

"Seokjin, honey, don't leave without me!" she said loudly as he pulled her away. "You're mine tonight! Okay? I can't wait---hey!"

I gulped down the drink, put the flute down, and walked toward Bella. Our eyes were still locked together. I sensed rather than saw Cindy and Jimin move away.

I stood a foot away from her. Her eyes were tilted up to mine, but she kept her chin down. Oh, God, she looked so sexy! I was afraid I would fall to my knees in front of her. The three glasses of champagne I had downed rapidly were starting to take effect. My eyes focused on her lips of their own accord, and I licked mine in nervousness. Or anticipation. I couldn't tell if I was still breathing. Then I looked into her beautiful hazel eyes.

My mind raced with things I wanted to say. Words, endearments, declarations.

Why didn't you call me? Do you know how long I've waited for you? I need you. I would've done anything for you. I still would.

I wanted to tell her that I loved her still. I wanted her so badly. I didn't care about anything else except being with her. I didn't care if I looked pathetic. I was incomplete without her. I lacked color. I was like a black and white photograph. If she would only give me some indication that she wanted me back--a word, a touch, anything--I'd pull her into my arms and never let go.

Her eyes blinked faster; she seemed nervous. She averted her eyes. No, please, look at me, I implored silently.

I had to say something. But out of all the things I could've said after being apart from her for seven agonizing, lonely weeks, I said the stupidest thing ever. "Hey."

I mentally kicked myself. What the hell was wrong with me?