Jin

"Please, cuz, sit. Calm down." Taehyung's voice registered in my brain a few moments after he had spoken.

I was standing in the living room of my college apartment. Tae was staying at my place while I was busy with KWI. So when I'd arrived back in town unexpectedly the day after Namjoon had called me and barged into the apartment, a sleepy Tae had woken up from where he had fallen asleep on the couch. I immediately began talking about Fiona's lie and how she had told Bella and ruined my life even more than I imagined it could be ruined. I had no idea how long I had babbled incoherently until Tae's voice spoke over mine.

"Yes. Everyone knows what happened."

"I have to see Bella," I said wildly. "I have to go talk to her."

Tae's eyes opened wide. "Oh, no. It's after midnight," he said in his deep voice. "Besides, can you hear that thunder? It's probably going to rain any minute."

"You don't understand," I told him. "I have to see Bella. I have to talk to her...explain. This is not what she thinks. I don't know anymore. I just need her to listen to me. Why won't she talk to me? I have to go see her."

Tae nodded. "I do understand, but it's not a good idea. I heard that she hasn't been doing too well since...since this whole wedding drama started. She was devastated when your fiancee called her. Really, cuz, you should just leave her alone. Bella's in bad shape right now. Anyway, Cindy will kill you if you show up at their apartment. That girl is scary when she's angry, and she really hates you right now."

I let him push me down to the couch. "What do I do, Tae? I can't live without her."

Taehyung sat beside me. "Even if you could cancel your wedding, now there's a child involved. There is no way to approach Bella right now."

"Tae, there is no child!" I exclaimed. "Fiona lied! She's lying!"

"I'm sorry," he said. "Everyone is angry right now. They think you're scum. Cindy is enraged because she thinks you've set things up to have Bella as your mistress." He took a breath. "Frankly, I don't understand that either, cuz. I know you, Seokjin. I never thought you would treat Bella that way."

"Of course I would never do that to her," I replied. "I love her. I am working on a way to cancel this wedding. I just wanted Bella to be patient and to trust me."

Taehyung's eyebrows arched up as if he didn't believe me. "Uh, I know you must love her, but you have to let her go. You have a different destiny now, don't you? Don't make things any worse." He paused a beat. "Plus Namjoon hasn't left her side all this time. He'll never let you near her. I don't want you to fight your best friend."

I felt a pain in my chest, and I pressed a fist to my heart. "I didn't mean to disrespect her. I'm just desperately afraid of losing her. I need her. I don't want a different destiny! She is my destiny, Tae. Bella is my destiny! She made me a promise to stay with me.  She has to! If I let her go, I will die! If she is out of my life, then I have no life. I want no life!"

"Please. Get a hold of yourself," he replied, patting my shoulder. "You are probably jet-lagged. You didn't even bring luggage. Let me get you some water." His voice got a bit fainter as he went into the kitchen. "You know, Seokjin, even Jimin wants to kick your ass right now. He was so angry because you had told him to treat Bella well, and then you went and did all this. In fact, all the guys are pretty angry with you. They also can't believe it. Even JK seemed disappointed in you. Yoongi said he could overlook..."

His voice began fading until I heard nothing else except the beating of my heart. I got to my feet in one fluid movement and headed out the door. My feet walked toward Bella's apartment of their own volition. I crossed right through the damp grass, not bothering to follow the sidewalk. In a few minutes, I was standing on the walkway staring at Bella's apartment. I took a few steps toward the window that I knew was her bedroom. I could see her light was on. Maybe she was studying. Or maybe she was lying across her bed listening to music, perhaps her favorite ballad by Franz Schubert.

I tripped over the shrubbery as I got closer to her window. I placed my hand flat along the glass pane as if calling on her to appear. I felt the first few drops of light rain, and I turned my face up into it, shutting my eyes tightly. Was I going crazy? Had I lost my ability to think? What was I doing here outside her window like a stalker? If security saw me, they would definitely detain me. In my mind I was calling her, trying to make her appear before me. Then a part of the lyrics of "Gretchen am Spinnrade" came into my mind:

My poor head

Is crazed,

My poor mind

Shattered.

My peace is gone

My heart is heavy;

I shall never

Ever find peace again.

I let the tears fall freely. The rain mingled with them and turned them cold as they ran down my cheeks. I couldn't believe what Fiona had done although I realized why she'd told Bella that lie. It was my own fault. I had told her that I would go back to Bella if she would accept me, so Fiona made sure that that would never be a possibility. She knew she couldn't keep me away from Bella, so she pushed Bella away from me. Perhaps forever.

"I love you," I said softly at the window. "I still have hope that we will be together, that things will be like before--no, better than before because our love would only have become stronger after all of these trials." I took a shaky breath. "I was only trying to protect you. Please come back to me, my darling. You said you'd always love me.  I will die without you." A peal of thunder punctuated my sadness.

I felt a hand on my shoulder pulling me back.

"Seokjin, come on," Taehyung's deep voice said. "It's starting to rain harder. We need to get inside. Come on. Please. Let's go before someone calls the police."

Another rumble of thunder. I couldn't hold back the sobs. "Oh, God, Tae! What have I done? Why is this happening? I never meant...I never wanted to hurt her. I was trying to help...I was doing it for her. I love her...so much. S-So much." I stumbled as Tae helped me away from the window. "I can't...I can't live without her. Bella...Please listen to me, Bella. I'm s-sorry..."

I felt him pulling harder at me, helping me out of the shrubs and onto the sidewalk. He hooked his arm around me and helped me walk away. I looked back one last time and thought I saw someone looking out the window through the blinds. Bella!

I slipped out from under Tae's arm and turned back, but she was gone. I thought I saw the blinds being closed. I was about to speak, but Taehyung pulled me again, and we trudged back to my apartment. I could never accept a different destiny. I wanted Bella.