I'm so glad it's almost time for the mission. Maybe when it's over, we'll be able to fix this mess. I just want to get it over with. Rivka and Vincent or I guess Castiel, maybe? Those two won't talk to each other and can barely look at each other anymore.

In all honesty, I can't say I blame them. I don't even know how I feel about Rivka right now either. I mean, she killed one of her best friends! I don't know if I can trust her anymore.

As for Vincent, I don't know at all what to think about him anymore. I was never really sure about him, but I still decided to trust him. I still do now, but something seems off about him. Sometimes he seems just a little too devoted to his master. He tries so hard to justify whatever he does, even if it seems like it might be bad.

Speaking of his master I don't know what to think of him either. Everything he's promised us for helping him seems amazing. But, something seems off about him. Like the fact that he erased all of Vincent's memories of his family. He tried to justify it, but if they really were as bad as he said then why would he need to erase them?

I don't know. I'm not even sure if I want to go through with the mission. I don't know if this is right, but I'm also not sure if I can leave now. He said he would erase our memories of this. I can't help but wonder if he might do something more while he's at it. I don't know exactly what but after seeing Vincent I think he might be able to completely change our minds in some horrible way.

Either way we've been training for weeks and it's almost time for the mission. I'm also starting to think that he might be able to force me to go through with this if I refuse to continue. Or at least he could make Vincent control me. I don't want that. Even if I have to do it, I'd rather be in control of my own body when it's happening.

I wonder where my mom is. She's been gone for weeks and we haven't heard anything from her. She must be in some kind of trouble. I'm really worried. I wish I knew what happened to her. I wish I knew where she was! Then I could at least know how worried I should be. All she told my dad was that she had to leave town with some old friends. I wish I knew who those friends were. I probably wouldn't know them, but I might. I just wish I knew what's going on. Everything's been so confusing and so overwhelming. I just hope this works out okay.

I walk behind the school and find Rivka and Vincent already waiting for me. He uses the button and the bookmark and we're brought back to his house. I don't care how many times I see it, I will never get used to the house or the ways we get there. I do a better job of hiding my shock now, but that doesn't stop me from feeling it.

I glance at Rivka to see if she's feeling it too. She just looks uncomfortable. She looks like she doesn't want to be here. She's looking at Vincent like she wants to apologize or at least say something, but she doesn't. He's pretending she doesn't exist, but I can tell he sees her looking at him. She catches me looking at her and shifts her gaze to the ground.

Well, I can see this is going to go great.

I'm starting to wish I could go back to when my feelings for Hendrix and dueling competitions were my biggest problems. I definitely prefer those times to now. Or maybe that opinion will change when this is over. I really hope this guy is who he says he is. I hope he actually does what he says he will. Although, if it does work out, I wouldn't mind being a queen or at least a princess.

I wonder if I should try to talk to Rivka. She looks like she might need it. I probably should say something.

"Rivka-," I start before the master cuts me off.

"Listen children," he says, "Today I have something I must do. It unfortunately requires me to leave this sanctuary. But, even so we can't let you three miss a day of training, especially this close to the mission. Do you agree?"

"Yes, sir," Vincent and I say.

Rivka nods and keeps looking at the floor.

"So," he continues, "Today you will each go into a different room. It will challenge you as needed. You are not to leave the rooms until I come into them and say you can. If you disobey me, there will be consequences. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," we all say this time.

"Excellent, all of your rooms are further down this hallway. Rivka, your door has a tree. Lily, your door has a star. And Vincent, your door will have a candle. You are all dismissed to your rooms. Now I must go."

We leave the room and walk down the hallway. None of us speak. I'm trying desperately to think of something to say, but I can't think of anything. What can I say that would make this any better? I wish I knew. I'm supposed to have the answers. Why can't I find any?

Vincent reaches his room first. Then it's just Rivka and I walking side by side in silence.

"Do you hate me now?" Rivka asks.

I jump at the sudden sound. What should I say? Do I hate her. I definitely wouldn't go that far. I certainly don't trust her anymore. I don't know if I like her exactly either. But hate? No.

"No, I don't hate you," I say, noticing that I probably paused too long.

"You hesitated," she says.

Yep, I definitely waited too long to answer.

"It's okay, you know," she says, "I get it if you don't trust me anymore. I probably wouldn't trust me either."

"I don't trust you Rivka, but I don't hate you either."

"You don't like me though," she frowns.

"No, I don't."

"Makes sense, Vincent probably hates me more."

"Most likely, now he knows you killed him."

"I didn't want to, I just thought that I had to. I was always told that I was supposed to do whatever it took to earn my power."

"Did you at all want to do it?" I ask.

"I didn't want to kill him, I was just so desperate that I just went along with it," she says.

"You still shouldn't have done that."

"I know."

I stop when I find my door. I can't think of anything to say and Rivka walks further down the hall by herself. Can I really go through with this. It definitely isn't right. I need to ask the master about what will really happen. Surely if it's as good as he says, then he won't havd to hide anything. I need to get out of this. Something is definitley wrong here. 

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A new person, a new location, a new life

Rivka

I need to talk to Vincent about what I did. I need to explain why I did it. I need to make things right. The only problem is that I don't know what to say that could explain what I did. I don't know how to make things right. I don't know how to fix this no matter how much I need to.

I don't know if I can make things right. I don't know if what I did was right. It was what I was supposed to do, but I still killed one of my best friends. I'm starting to think more and more that what I did does make me a murderer. I Rivka Daines am a child murderer.

Wow. I think that was the first time I really admitted that to myself. I feel even more horrible than before. I was hoping that admitting it to myself would make me feel better. That's what everyone always say will happen when you have a problem. You just admit to yourself that you were wrong and you'll feel better. So why isn't it working for me?