I'm supposed to have black hair. I'm supposed to have the power of death, fear, and darkness. I'm supposed to have these things. But, I don't. I'm a brunette. I was originally supposed to go and take the power of death when I was seven years old. But, I didn't. I was also supposed to be named Giovanna. I'm thankful that one didn't happen though. My cousin was named that before me. I dodged a bullet with that one.

Animals always trusted me. I used to feel like a Disney princess when I was younger. I didn't understand that I was supposed to be a death child. I guess most kids don't know it until they get older that they have the powers of death, fear, and darkness.

I was sent to take my power just two days after Rivka was sent to take hers. I knew it had hurt her. I was the only person she allowed to see how upset she was by what she had to do. I tried to earn mine. I couldn't do it. To earn that power requires sacrifice. It takes a sacrifice from the person, and it requires them to take a sacrifice from something close to their heart. In my case, it would have required me to kill a wolf that I truly loved. His name is Thatcher. He was brought to the altar where we would have performed the ritual.

As I looked into his eyes, he bowed his head. I could always understand what animals want to tell me. I knew he was saying that it was okay. He was willing to give up his life to make me more powerful. I tried to tell myself that it was okay. He had given me his blessing. Then I opened my eyes and somehow looked into his. I remembered how he had helped me before, how we used to play, and his family that would be so upset by his death. I remembered the look on Rivka's face when she returned from her own experience.

In an instant, I knew I couldn't kill this wolf. I put down the knife and stepped back from the altar.

"I–I can't do it," I said, "I can't kill this wolf."

"So be it. You may walk away now, but be warned, you will forever be a disappointment to your family," The guardian replied.

"Very well," I said.

I was upset. I knew at that moment my family would be so upset with me. I thought I had done the right thing, but I still wanted to cry. Thatcher walked over and nudged me in that way he does to let me know he wants me to climb on his back.

"No, no. I don't deserve it today."

"You do," he told me without speech.

I was in no condition to argue, so I climbed onto his back, and he carried me out of the underworld. When we reached the surface, he kept running. He kept moving faster. I knew we were going somewhere important.

We stopped in a clearing. There was a stump in the center of it. He carried me to the stump.

"Sit," he told me.

I sat. As I was sitting here I inspected the stump more closely. Apart from its location, it didn't appear very special. It just looked like an ordinary stump. Thatcher stepped back and let out a howl. That was special.

I had heard wolves howling before, but this was different. This time I could hear that it was more important than the other times. This was a call for something special, and he was making sure the other wolves knew it.

The usual pack came into the clearing. Then there were more wolves, some were from packs I had never seen before in these woods. Then there were other animals. There were mountain lions, foxes, coyotes, pumas, and even a few rabbits. I looked up and noticed the birds that had gathered. Just as with the land animals, there were several types; from the smallest chickadee to crows and ravens, to those funny eagles who look so proud but make the silliest noises. Something important was about to happen, and it seemed I was the only one in the clearing who didn't know what it was.

Thatcher walked close to me and bowed his head.

"Thank you," he said, this time I swear I could actually hear it.

Suddenly a howl erupted among the wolves. Then the coyotes, the foxes, mountain lions, pumas, and even the rabbits joined in, each with their own strange song. The birds joined after that. Each made its own sound. To this day I don't fully understand how among this chorus of sounds that should have sounded terrible together, there was a strange beauty. I listened to this and only understood it was ceremonious, powerful, beautiful, chaotic, real and unexplainably perfect.

I had stood by this point, though to this day I'm not sure at what point I got up. Thatcher walked close to me. I wasn't tall. When we stood to face each other I looked directly into his big sweet eyes. I could see gratitude, pride, love, trust, and a desire to protect. He put his forehead against mine. He was silent, but the other animals continued in their song that appeared to be getting louder. I didn't recognize it at the time, but I now think that there was even the proud roar of a dragon in the midst of these sounds.

I remember a light that came and surrounded both of us. All I could see was Thatcher, I couldn't even hear the other animals anymore.

"Shut your eyes," he told me.

I did. The next thing I remember was an indescribable rush of power. Then in it, I could feel from Thatcher the same things I had seen in those beautiful eyes of his. I could feel his desire to protect me and all others who deserved it, his trust, his love, his gratitude, and more than anything I could feel his pride.

When I opened my eyes the other animals were gone. It was only me and Thatcher standing alone in the clearing. He nudged me to get on his back. It was time to go home. I didn't realize what he had done until I made it home.

When we were outside the house I climbed off. I was dreading walking through the door and still being powerless. I wanted to cry. I gave Thatcher a final hug before walking in the door.

"Be brave," he told me.

"I will. I promise."

I opened the door and walked in. When I got to the living room my parents were waiting for me. They were smiling until they saw my hair.

"What did you do?!" my father asked.

"What happened to your hair?!" my mother asked.

"I couldn't kill Thatcher," I said, wanting to start crying, "I just couldn't! I know you're mad at me! I deserve it! I just couldn't kill him and I know I'm going to be powerless forever andIdeservetobepunishedandpleasedon'tmakemedoitpleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Calm down," my mother said, "You're not powerless. At least you're a brunette now. That's better than nothing, right."

"W-what?" I sniffled.

"Have you seen your hair honey?" she asked me.

"No."

"What about your eyes?"

"What about them?"

"Come with me and look in a mirror. Your father can start dinner."

My father went into the kitchen to start dinner. We walked into the bathroom so I could look in a mirror. When we walked in I literally gasped when I saw my reflection. I had chocolatey brown hair. My eyes were dark brown with flecks of light blue and gold.

"I think Thatcher gave you the mark of the animals. You have earned your symbol. I wish you would have taken your death power, but this is better than nothing at least."

"A-are you d-disappointed in m-me?" I sniffled.

"Yes, I am," she said, "I'm not mad, but I am disappointed."

"I understand."

I know that I did a good thing that day. I know that I was probably never really meant to have black hair. Now I have some, but it's not enough to count for anything. At least not with my family. My sisters have both earned their death powers. Seraphina, my younger sister earned hers just a few weeks ago. She was so happy, so excited to have powers now. She didn't even seem that bothered by what she must have had to do.

I remember when Juniper, my older sister, earned hers. I was about four years old at the time. She walked in the door proudly. Everyone was so happy and so proud that she had earned her powers. I didn't know at the time how a person earns black hair. I asked Juniper about it later that day.

"How did you earn your powers?"

"I don't know if you're ready to hear that little one," she said

"I'm old enough! I'll have to do this myself in three years! I should know what I have to do!"

"Okay, okay. You need to make a sacrifice."

"What's a sacrifice?"

"It means you have to give something up. You need one from yourself, and you have to take one from something close to your heart."

"What did you have to sacrifice?"

"I'd rather not tell you."

"Does it hurt you to think about it?"

"It does now. It's probably only because it was so recent. In about a week or so it should go away."

"Okay."

I asked her again a few weeks later. She still wouldn't talk about it. I still don't know what she had to sacrifice to earn her powers. No one is ever willing to talk about what they had to give up. I still don't even know exactly what Rivka had to sacrifice. I was the only person she allowed to see how much it hurt her. If I tried to tell anyone now she would probably deny it. People with black hair are supposed to be immune to the guilt that they must feel after taking the sacrifice. I think that most people don't feel especially bad after the sacrifice anyway, but I couldn't do it at all.

Now I know I did the right thing that day. I don't regret that I couldn't kill another living thing. Even though I know I did nothing wrong, I also know the guardian was right. I will forever be a disappointment to my family. I wish I could make up for not having black hair. I wish I could make them proud instead of embarrassed by me. I would do almost anything else to win their approval. But, I will not kill another living thing. I certainly won't kill one that I care about, and that cares about me. I will never regret that I can't kill a living thing that doesn't deserve it.

I know that I did a good thing. So why do I feel so bad about it?

Now I almost wish I did kill that wolf. At least then I could stay with my family. A little while after the takeover, I was taken away from them to a weird building. It's huge and empty except for all of the people in it. It's cold. There is no heating anywhere in it. Most of the windows are broken. It smells like urine, vomit, dust, mold, and unwashed humans. There are guards posted around the building so none of us can leave.

There are so many people crammed into the small building. Looking around at them, I can't figure out how they were connected at first. They all look like fairly normal people. They are all different. There are people of all ages, skin types, eye colors, heights, body types, and hair colors. Then I realize that the hair colors are too different. Everyone there has mixed hair colors. There are a lot of blondes with some brown hair. There are a lot of people like me with brown and black hair. I think I even see one or two blondes with some black hair. I've never seen that before.

Why would he want people with mixed hair colors? What's he going to do with us? Okay, okay, let's think about this. I take a deep breath. This guy said his mom was queen before the redheads were in power. So what do I know about those times? Not much. What were people with mixed hair colors treated like back then? I don't know.

I don't know much. Okay, what are we treated like now? We're treated like freaks. That makes sense with how rare we are. Did they even exist back then? They must have. There must have been at least a few of them around back then. Ugh! Why don't they ever talk about this in school! They make such a big deal out of talking about our starting to be "accepted" by society for a month every year and they always teach us the same things! Why couldn't they have talked about how it was before all of that even once?!

It's not their fault. They couldn't have known that anything like this would happen and I would have to know it to figure out what's even going on right now. Still, though, it would have been nice to know.

Okay, logic, let's think about this logically. If we're treated like freaks now, and our society is theoretically more "tolerant" of us now, then how would it have been back then. They were probably being actively repressed before. Yeah, that makes sense.

But, if he was just born when his mom was overthrown, then people would barely have started earning symbols by then. So why is he doing this? Is he just going to change the society, but let people keep their hair colors and symbols? I guess so. That's the only explanation I can think of for this. I guess considering when he was born, he would have grown up in the caste system that started when people first started earning symbols. He's probably bringing it back now.

So does that mean everyone in this building was taken away from their family? Wow. That's sad. Am I ever going to see my family again? I could have just killed Thatcher and avoided this whole thing. Should I have just done that and been done with it? He was ready to let me kill him. He would have been okay with it if I had. Maybe I should have. I was supposed to do that anyway, and now I'm being punished because I didn't. I let myself become a freak and now who knows what's going to happen to me and everyone else here?

Maybe I should have killed him. No. No, it still wasn't right. I did a good thing by not killing him. He didn't deserve to die. I love him and he loves me. Maybe he'll even come save me. No, he won't do that. He probably can't even get close to this place. Wherever I am. I wonder what's going to happen to the rest of my family. They all have black hair, so they'll probably be okay. If he's bringing back the caste system they'll be on top. They might even be better off now than they were before. I wonder if they miss me.