Chapter ten - the best word to describe this chapter is probably just 'fuck'

i need someone to cuddle with and watch Tim Burton movies with and put secret lipgloss on with and someone to stroke my hair and buy me food and bUY ME FOOD

bleh

love you, my pretzels

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"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension, and love causes it."

-- -- -- --

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dewees stared at me, clear irritation on his face. "You agreed with Gerard and Ryan?"

"I want to find out more about this Parade Island thing," I insisted. "It's driving me to madness not knowing. And if you won't tell me anything, then maybe Hayley will."

Ryan and Gerard had pleaded the captain to take them to Plemont harbour to see Ryan's old friend Hayley, who could allegedly tell the future. The two of them were intent on finding out some 'extremely important information that Frank won't be allowed to know,' according to an inebriated Ryan. I assumed that it was about me, and immediately backed him up that we should go and see Hayley. The captain seemed a little confused as to why I would endorse Gerard and Ryan learning strange things about me while I stayed in the dark, but nevertheless seemed to trust my opinion as the only sober man on board.

I was sure that if I stayed behind with this Hayley woman after Gerard and Ryan left she would tell me what she'd told them. Or maybe, if Gerard was drunk enough, I could just sit in while she talked to him. I voiced my ideas to James.

James sighed. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, you don't even know who she is."

I shrugged. "Ryan knows her, I'm sure she's fine."

"You're mental," James stated. "Gerard's insane, Ryan's pretty messed up too, and this woman who claims that she can see the future is most definitely fucking mental. And you're starting to sound just as bad, Frank."

"You're just trying to put me off going," I snapped.

"Of course I am!" James said exasperatedly. "The more you find out about this whole thing, the more you'll get dragged into it. I don't want you to get your head all fucked up, and I seriously doubt that you want that either."

"No, I don't. All I want is to find out why this is so important to Gerard. Why I'm so important."

"You don't need to know though," James said urgently. "Gerard is delusional, and that's all you need to know."

"No," I insisted. "You don't understand. He sounded so serious." I sighed. "I have to find out."

"No! Frank-"

"Don't bother trying to convince me not to go. Someone's got to keep Ryan and Gerard out of trouble, and the captain thinks I'm the best man for the job."

James spluttered. "You have the fighting skills of a potato!"

"And the logic and clear mindedness of a tutor-educated aristocrat."

James groaned in defeat. "Fine. Go. But if you come back convinced that you're Gerard's lord and saviour, I swear to god, I will choke the life out of you with that stupid tie of his."

--

"You're wearing that tie again," James stated, frowning.

"Yeah," Gerard said slowly. "So?"

A few of us were sat at the table, quietly rejoicing at the fact that our dinner was not full of maggots for once. Gerard had that strange red slip of fabric fastened around his neck again. He'd worn it almost every day of the journey to Plemont harbour so far.

"What is it with you and that tie?" James asked through a mouth full of lemon.

"I- I just like it," Gerard said uncertainly.

Patrick raised an eyebrow. "It's a bit shabby," he said.

"No, it's not," Gerard said defensively. "Shut your mouth."

Patrick laughed. "Excuse me?"

Gerard's expression hardened and all the vulnerability passed from his face. "I said-"

"Hey!" Ryan said enthusiastically, having just walked in. I guessed that he had sensed the tone of the conversation and was attempting to bring us into a more positive topic. He draped his arms over Gerard's shoulders and kissed his cheek. The two of them seemed to have something a little more than just the relationship of a hooker and a customer going on. I was doing my best to ignore it.

"It was real lucky about Hayley, wasn't it?" Ryan smiled at Gerard. "I mean, I'd heard her saying some shit about a Parade Island before, but I thought it was just nonsense. And now she's gonna help you. How great is that?"

"Are you sure she'll even want to talk to me?" Gerard mumbled. He didn't seem to be in the best of moods after the thing with his tie.

"Of course she will." Ryan waved a hand. "She owes me."

"What did you do for her?" I frowned.

Ryan snorted. Everyone at the table looked rather amused. "What d'you think?" Ryan smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "Ah, right. What else?" I asked dryly.

Ryan laughed. "Come on, I'm not that bad, I just like sex. And anyway, I don't actually like girls, it was a really honourable thing to do. She wanted a baby."

"Oh," I murmured. "Well, that is a little better. I suppose."

"Excuse me, but liking sex doesn't make me a bad person," Ryan said indignantly.

"No," I agreed. "But charging people for it illegally does."

Ryan frowned. "You overlook everything the rest of the crew does, no matter how immoral."

I felt kind of guilty now. He was right.

"You know, I really wish you'd stop being such an ass to me. I'm actually quite a lovely person."

I scoffed. I hadn't met a friendly hooker in all my life, and I rather doubted that Ryan was an exception. It was all a façade, I was sure of it. Anyway, he was stupid enough to have an affair with Gerard. That was a rather large warning sign that he was a total temperamental idiot.

Gerard rubned Ryan's arm. I resisted gagging.

"Well, I don't care what Iero says," Gerard murmured. "I think you're lovely."

Ryan chuckled and he and Gerard kissed, right in front of all of us.

I gave up resisting, and left the table gagging.

--

"What have you got against me, Frank?" Ryan asked softly.

I laughed awkwardly, not turning around to face him. I carried on unloading the rum bottles into the stock room. "What d'you mean?"

"Why are you so uncomfortable with me? I don't-" Ryan stumbled over his words, his nerves showing through. "What's wrong with me and Gerard? You never cared when I slept with anyone else on this ship."

My hand fumbled on one of the bottles and it toppled off the shelf, but Ryan swept in front of me and caught it effortlessly before it even reached the floor. His eyes stayed fixed on the bottle for a few moments, but then he looked up and his eyes met mine. He looked fretful. "What's wrong with me and Gerard?" he asked again.

I took the bottle from his hands and placed it neatly back on the shelf. "Nothing," I said limply. "I'm just." I dithered. "Nothing."

Ryan looked up at me shyly. "Well," he mumbled. "I like you. And I want you to like me. Just so you know."

I felt bad for being so snappy with him, but there was just something about Ryan and Gerard that I knew wasn't right. Something bad was going to come of it, I was sure. Anything with Gerard involved was guaranteed to end in disaster.

I raked a hand through my hair and sighed. "I'm sorry," I said. "I haven't got anything against you. I just don't like Gerard."

"Oh." Ryan chewed on his lip. "But he's such a sweet person once you get past the impulsiveness," he insisted.

I lowered my voice. "Ryan, he's obsessive."

"Passionate. He's passionate."

"He's scary."

"You obviously haven't met many pirates," Ryan said, shaking his head. "Honey, Gerard is a little sweetheart compared to half the blood crazed headcases I call my friends."

I sighed. "He still makes me uncomfortable."

"Well, I guess that's just your problem to deal with," Ryan said indignantly. He swiftly turned around and disappeared out the door.

I felt bad. Sort of. I wasn't sure.

I knew that I was frustrated at least. I supposed that once I saw Hayley some shit would be cleared up for me and things would be easier in general.

--

"It's going to be far from easy to get to Hayley," the captain yelled to the crew, "and I'll bet my arse it won't be worth it, but Gerard and Ryan have been bugging me for three days straight about seeing her, so here's to giving it a go!" He gulped down his ale in almost one swig and the crew cheered and downed their own pitchers.

I sat awkwardly in the corner of the room with a biscuit.

The cheering fizzled out to dull general chatter and laughter, and the captain made his way over to me. "I'm doing you a favour here, kid," he said gruffly. "I know you ain't gonna like it, but it's for your own good."

I frowned and opened my mouth to ask what was happening, but then shut it abruptly when Gerard trudged up to me and slumped down in the seat beside me. There was no drink in his hand. I grew immediately suspicious.

"Captain won't let me drink till I teach you to fight," Gerard muttered sullenly. "It's some sort of payment for him taking us to Plemont harbour."

"Great," I said unenthusiastically. "Fighting. With you." I blinked. Hang on, that actually sounded quite nice. Hurting Gerard. I found a small smile forming on my face.

"No, training with me," Gerard corrected. "It's a lot less fun."

My face fell. "So... I don't get to hurt you?"

Gerard sighed. "I'm sure it's an absolutely tragic loss for you, darling, but no, you don't."

"Fuck," I mumbled.

"Fuck indeed," Gerard agreed.

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love ya pretzels

xoxo