Once they reached home, Jeongguk couldn't help but think about the silence between them.  Cecilia was the type to chatter yet through the whole ride, she had barely spoken a few words, claiming she just wanted to hear him sing but he knew better than to fall for that. What irked him the most was not noticing these differences earlier, she fooled him with her pretty smile and unconditional love while suffering in silence. Her complexion had gotten paler and she looked weak which only drove his anger further as it reminded him of himself. The things he did and how his old relationship fell apart, was he neglecting her? No, there was no room for these intrusive thoughts as he held her hand which always gave him enough courage to voice his thoughts. She turned around and smiled at him warmly, her eyes bright as she looked at him and his heart sunk.

"How did I not see this?" Jeongguk asked more to himself, hugging her tightly.

"How long?" His voice was barely above a whisper as he asked.

"What are you talking about baby?" She tried asking, but her voice broke from the comfort she felt around him. He pulled away a little to be able to look at her properly and he was met with her teary eyes.

Jeongguk leaned closer, wiping her tears with his thumb as he kissed her head.

"I'm here now so tell me everything," He told her as he sat on the bed and pulled her into his lap, stroking her hair. "I'm sorry princess, I should have been home."

"I'm here so don't hold back anymore," he added, his eyes shining with familiar warmth that she missed.

Cecilia's body racked as she sobbed in his arms, holding on to his shirt as she screamed in agony and there was no holding back anymore as she just let herself fall apart in his lap. Everything was hurting and most of all she felt so exhausted. The constant stress in her life, slowly knawing out her hope. There were limits to how strong one can be and she didn't know how long she would last anymore. Thankfully, she had him at the end of the day, the light in her darkness. Just one look at him and it felt as if things could be better, that they didn't have to be so bad.

Jeongukk held her tightly as pain filled him and he hated that he wasn't there for her but instead of blaming, he knew better that she needed him more than ever so he would be there. Her sobbing figure was everything he never wanted to see. Her smile, he loved, stripped and her happiness nowhere in sight as all that was left of her was this broken shell in front with nothing left.

"I don't know what to do," she finally said between sobs. "I knew medicine would be hard, I knew all of this then why can't I accept it? I hate this. I hate all of it. Where is my break? Why don't I have the energy to finish? I didn't expect so many exams and all I do I study, where is my life?"

Jeongukk lifted her chin, giving her a gentle smile his hand caressing her cheek as he wiped her tears away.

"I can't relate to what you are going through but I can relate to things being way too much and having a hard time to pick yourself up," he looked into her eyes and she felt almost hypnotized by his presence and the gentleness of his voice so full of love it was. "You have every right to complain baby, so what if you chose this for yourself? We all make choices and then feel unsure when things start going wrong but I'll tell you one thing, you will get through it. You are the reason I got to pick myself up so now it's my turn. I'll be moving with you now so you can look forward to something."

"Really?" Cecilia asked her voice hoarse but more excited and he hums, giving her his biggest smile.

"We are all going to be living separately now so I was going to surprise you, but I think this is the best time to tell you," He reassured while caressing her cheeks gently and she leaped into his arms, hugging him tightly as she felt happy.

"I can't wait to have you around though I'm sure we will both be busy with our very different lives, I'll wait for you so hope you can wait for me too," she promised him as she held his hand. "You really have a way with words Jeon, they always cheer me up so thank you."

" What can I say? ," Jeongguk amused,  smiling as he brushed her hair back. "You must really love me your boyfriend a lot"

"Shut up," she mumbled, turning away as she turned red.

"Why so shy?" he asked, making her look at him again and she couldn't help but listen. She wasn't sure what kind of spell he had on her, but she wasn't complaining. Loving him was all she needed. "I have been your boyfriend for two months now."

"I'm not shy," Cecilia argued, but it was far from the truth as he still made her feel flustered. "I'm just happy you are here with me. "

"I'm happy too," He smiled brightly and held her hands. "Talk to me like this whenever you feel down, please. I don't want you to even think twice."

"I won't as long as you do as well, " Cecilia replied while showing her pinky to which he intertwined. " Good now you will think twice about lying to me."

She crossed her arms and glared at him," I know you have been overworking  yourself lately."

"I never lied, I just forgot," Jeongguk pouted, looking at her with his bright eyes that had little stars that sparkled whenever he looked at her.

"Ah, no," Cecilia averted her eyes. " you aren't fooling me with your cuteness. You are deadly."

"No, I'm innocent and cute," Jeongguk grinned as he engulfed her in his arms.

"Says the guy who pinned me down on our first date," Cecilia told him in a sing-song tune as she gazed into his eyes, her lips curving up. "What about the showers?"

"The accusations?" he fought back more dramatically. "Just be honest, you prefer me like that."

"I prefer what?" Cecilia pretended to play dumb, averting her eyes again.

"You like when I'm like this," Jeongguk said while he brought her over his form, locking her in place. "Maybe I should pin you down again."

He whispered the last part, his lips closer to hers.

Cecilia was caught off guard by the man under him. She wasn't expecting this, heck she wasn't expecting any of these conversations yet here she was right now under the mercy of Jeongukk's touches and she couldn't stop thinking about his hand on her back.

"Are you trying to distract me?" She whispered against his lips as she could hardly find the voice to speak.

"Is it working?" He asked amused and before she answered, he connected their lips together moving them passionately against hers as his fingers travel down to feel the curve of her back. 

Cecilia instantly lost herself in the warmth of his lips that made her insides all fuzzy that she found herself giving him more access. Her hands went into his fluffy hair and she tugged on to hear him let out the prettiest sounds.  If this was addiction then she was addicted to the way he made her feel. 

He wasn't expecting her to respond this way but it only meant his strong feelings were returned as he pushed against her, letting comfort drive in those kisses as he placed soft kisses trailing down the side of her neck, his nose rubbed lightly as he could hear her ragged breathing. It was so hard to control himself at times as all he wanted to do was get more he took her plump lips once more before he had to force himself to pull away from the kiss as he stared at her swollen lips, tracing her bottom lip.

"You are so beautiful," He commented, completely absorbed in her.

Cecilia could feel her heart pound in her chest, and the way Jeongguk was still lightly touching her lips didn't help with her situation. At this rate, she didn't trust herself about what could happen next.

"You need to stop staring at me like that," Cecilia groaned as she moved beside him, not trusting herself to last on top of him.

"Why?" He asked playfully. "You are mine to stare at so why can't I?"

"Because then I'll do this," Cecilia stated as she moved closer to his neck, placing gentle kisses going down as her hands went over his shirt as she trailed them up, watching how his eyes closed to her touches which only gave her more confidence, wanting to know how he would react to her as she went a little further as she kissed behind his ear.

"Princess, you need to stop," he said in a raspy voice as he took her hand, looking at her with darker eyes and she knew what she had done as he said:

"I won't be responsible for what happens next."

"I don't want you to stop though," She cheekily replied as she gets on top of him. "You are right, I did miss this side of you."

"You don't play fair at all," he pulls her down as he smirks. "Glad you can admit it."

So Jeongguk decided to show her exactly what he meant when he wouldn't be able to stop himself as he wasted no time in showing her just how she made him feel, the storm brewing between them was something impossible to halt as he couldn't peel himself away and Cecilia didn't complain but he saw a side of her that just amused him more. She knew just how to tempt and he knew he was doomed to how alive she made him feel. He had exhausted her by the end of the night. cradling her in his arms as sleep consumed them both.

*************

Cecilia's eyes opened up from the sun in her eyes as she tried to move as usual only to find herself trapped in his strong arms holding her closer. That's when everything hit from last night, the smile on her getting bigger as she turned in his grasp, kissing him gently on his head.

Jeongguk's hair lay messy over his head as it sprawled around, he looked peaceful almost innocent but she knew better than to fall for it. She stroked through his hair to feel his soft locks and she couldn't help but admire his button nose and his long eyelashes.

"Wake up please," she peppers him with more gentle kisses which stirs him in his sleep and he tries to open his eyes, completely tired as she smiles and kisses him. "I need to study so if you don't mind."

" I do mind, " he grumbles while pulling her into him and though she wanted to complain, she couldn't help but lean into his warmth.

"If I finish, we can have more time together," she tried to voice out though it now seemed like she was trying to convince herself more than him. That was the thing about being with Jeongguk, she could barely think straight around him.

"Tempting," he mumbled in his sleep." No break for you?"

She sighed, " Sadly, not until next week. I have to finish a few things. I'll be done when you wake up."

Though Jeongguk didn't like that, he let her go. 

She hugged him tightly, sensing his mood.

"I'll try to finish early, okay?" She said with a bright smile before forcing herself to pull away from the comfort she was in. It was hard to gather energy to study but this time she had a purpose:  the earlier she finished, the more time she would have with her boyfriend.

**********

Jeongguk woke up after a few more hours of sleep as he frowned at the empty bed. He knew she would be studying but he couldn't help but want her to be beside him. Sacrifices always had to make, after all, they were both busy.

He decided to make them both something to eat, knowing his girlfriend wouldn't have eaten anything. He smiled at the thought of the word 'girlfriend'. Everything between them always felt so right. It was scary to think that he might once more be trapped in something or lose the passion for his career, but having his number one supporter around made him realize that sometimes all you need is someone who would understand you.

Cecilia understood his emotions and all the things he hid beneath a smile. She was light that shined in his darkness and he was grateful. This was the type of girl he wanted to marry. The thought of marriage still scared him as he didn't want to fall back into his old habits but whenever he looked at Cecilia, it wasn't so scary. He was ready to have someone share his life and have him completely. He was already hers.

"Good afternoon sleepy head," she giggled as she wrapped his arms around him. "I'm jealous. I really wanted to sleep more with you."

"Did I really wake up that late?" He asked, taken back as he would always be up by 11 am max yet according to Cecilia it was 3 pm. 

"It's good that you got to sleep," Cecilia said as she peaked at what he was making. "You were probably skipping on sleep or too excited too."

"I guess I wasn't," he admitted with a smile as having her around always made him realize something new. He always slept the best around her. Maybe it was time or maybe it was the way things had gotten because he was living his best life with the members and with the love of his life.

Jeongguk held her hand before taking her to the dining room so they could eat together. He decided to show her some of the new songs and she stopped him.

"I'll listen to it with everyone else," Cecilia stated excitedly. "I have been waiting for the comeback and yes I do have privileges but it will be more fun with ARMYs."

"You are a true fan through and through huh?" Jeongguk smiled brightly. It was this side of her that made him smile as he had never met someone so enthusiastic about him and his life. He was sure the fans would love her, but he wanted to respect her privacy as well, what if something went wrong? he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Cecilia had a promising career ahead. She would need his support.

"Of course I am," Cecilia replied happily. "Being a fan means so much to me. Even when things were so bad, I had all of you to give me something to hold onto. It's hard to explain and maybe extreme for some people but truly you all kept my life going and maybe that's why I get scared of the future. I might have you all but as ARMY, things would come to an end right? I hate thinking about it but it's unavoidable like all but I hope when it happens, you all are happy. I don't want you to feel sorry or feel like you owe something because the only thing you owe us is to live happily." 

Jeongguk leaned forward and brushes his lips with hers.

"How are you so perfect?" he questioned as he had tears in his eyes. "I love you princess."

"I'm really not but I had to say it because I know it has been hard," Cecilia smiled and kissed him softly as Jeongguk immediately responded back, pulling her back closer so he could kiss her better. 

"It's okay to take a break," Cecilia caresses him gently once he pulled back. "I love you more my prince"

Jeongguk took her hand as he brushed his lips on her fingers, before pulling her closer.

"What would I do without you?" he said as he leaned over to kiss her forehead gently, making her heart flutter. "I'd show you off to the whole world just to tell them how amazing you are."

"I know you would," She smiled at him and she knew a part of him still thought about what could be if they went public. She wasn't ready for a huge change as medical school was draining her as it was. Their relationship was new and she knew she would be competing not just competing with fans but the public. Her biggest fear was being compared to his ex-fiancée and though she knew that was impossible to avoid, it wouldn't do well. Moments like these made it harder for her to hold on yet she knew in her heart that loving Jeongguk meant embracing the future together.

"Will we be fine?" Jeongguk asked unsure as things had been eating him up a bit more than usual. It was the circumstances that brought them back to reality. People might consider him too old for dating someone this young.

"Yes, we will be," Cecilia comforted as she caressed him. She couldn't imagine her life without him after all that they had gone through. People always had something to say. The media was cruel and though her feelings were more sensitive she knew that the people who truly loved Jeongguk would love him no matter what and trust him. She supported his life as a fan and now it was her turn to stand by him as the woman he could count on.

"what's bothering you baby?" she added with a smile.

"I was thinking about our age gap than the public," He sighed deeply. "People twist our words all the time and everyone thinks I had a normal break up yet none of it was easy. If it wasn't for you, I would have destroyed my life completely. I was miserable and all people will see is that I moved on too fast or manipulated you to date. I don't mind keeping our relationship private but I am scared some people will dig too much and ruin it all."

Cecilia rubbed his back gently as she heard the anger and worry in his voice. It was definitely not easy dealing with all of this.

"What's important is that we know the truth and the fans will believe you over the media so if things get out of control, we have Jeon Jeongguk," she comforted him with a bright smile, and Jeongguk couldn't help but smile as he places his head on her shoulder. "I have my amazing boyfriend on my side and besides you have a doctor right here though I'm probably better at killing people than healing at the moment."

Cecilia laughed as she continued, "Whatever goes down won't be easy and I am just as worried but right now let's focus on the present like the fact you'll get to wake up and see me each morning, and did you forget that I am good cook? I'll make you anything you want."

"You really are the best," Jeongguk stood up as he lifted her in his arms. "Cocky, are we know?"

Cecilia glared at him as she struggled in his arms so he would let go.

"You are so cute when you are mad," he grinned and kissed her as she gave into him.

Jeongguk knew just how to turn the situation in his favor. Breakfast had to be warmed as the both of them enjoyed their afternoon together on the couch filled with laughter and smile.

What they hadn't realized is that their love for each other would get tested too soon.

**************

I know it's been a year and I am deeply sorry. I promised I'd do better yet I couldn't. Medical school has taken over my life completely then my mental health hasn't been the best but I still do want to put the best material out there. 

I hope the wait was worth it.

To whoever still reading this, thank you for being here, I appreciate the patience.

Looks like I have a few more things to add before I end this story :)

I'd love to hear what you all think.

Take care,

Sera