The fresh aroma of freshly baked goods filled the room as Eira placed the pizza on the table. She felt proud as she admired how well the cheese had melted, allowing all the elements to combine. Just as she was about to grab a slice for Cecilia, she heard a knock on the door.

The timing felt off since she was sure the rest of the group were busy, but maybe someone forgot something, so she shrugged and opened the door to find the most unexpected person: Jeongguk.

Jeonnguk smiled at Eira and greeted her.

"Is Cecilia awake?" Jeongguk asked which snapped Eira out of her thoughts as she was thinking of why Jeongguk would grace them with his presence.

"Cecilia?" Eira questioned once again to make sure her ears were not playing tricks on her.

"Yeah, it's fine if she is sleeping," Jeongguk quickly replied to which Eira shook her head.

"She is awake," Eira told him and pointed to the room she was in.

Jeongguk thanked her and went to her door.

This is a bad idea.

Maybe I should go back.

Dumbhead, you can't turn back anymore.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Jeongguk shook his head as he inhaled a sharp breath and knocked on the door.

"Come in," she replied in a small voice and he almost retreated back, but opened the door.

The dark circles beneath her eyes had darkened and the soft glow her skin usually held was lost. Her hair cascaded down in messy dead waves, emphasizing her weakness. Again the familiar feeling of erasing her pain took over him, confusing him even more. These feelings were weird and unexplained to the extent that they frightened him.

"Jeongguk?" she questioned softly and she felt embarrassed that he could see her in this awful position.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay and you left you Ipad at the park," Jeongguk spoke slower than how he would usually speak to help her pick up his words.

"Thank you," Cecilia flushed in embarrassment as she took the Ipad from his hands.

Jeongguk flashed her a smile and he wanted to talk to her some more, but he had run out of words. What could he talk to her about? From the way her eyes darted back and forth, he could tell he made her uncomfortable.

"I'll see you around," he says as he makes his way to the door, then stops and turns back to glance back one last time and tells her:

"Take care of yourself. Sadness doesn't suit you."

His words kept replaying in her mind as if the record was stuck unable to move to the next part. Nothing he said was unusual or out of the ordinary, but to her, they held so much value. These words came out of Jeongguk's mouth. The same guy she idolized since her young teenage years and was in love with. Her heart was fluttering and she was so glad Jeogguk was not here as a giant smile formed on her face and she felt like jumping up and down, so that's exactly what she did with her remaining energy after making sure Jeongguk was nowhere in sight, she jumped and waved her hands.

"Jeongguk cares!" Cecilia gushed. "He actually cares about little old me!"

Eira cleared her throat and Cecilia glanced back acting as if she had not been dancing crazily just a few moments ago.

"Seems like someone feels better," Eira teases. "You are so damn lucky I don't have my phone or else."

Cecilia stuck out her tongue.

"I'm sick and you should be nicer to sick people," Cecilia pouted as she crossed her arms.

Eira scoffed and she stared at her friend with a "are you serious?" look.

"Well, clearly I need to get my knowledge checked because these days sick people seem to have so much energy that you can't even tell they are sick," Eira said, her voice laced with sarcasm.

Cecilia sat back in her bed and smiled at her sadly.

"It was a rush of emotions, and I feel tired all over again," Cecilia replied as she felt her head spinning and Eira handed her the plate that she was holding.

"Eat up then tell me what he told you," Eira told her as she made sure her friend finished the slice. She still remembered the time when they would eat three slices of pizzas and now all they ate was barely one. Maintaining weight was the hardest thing to do and Eira hated how much effort she had to exert, so when she actually lost the desired amount, she was so happy to stop.

Until now, she was forced to eat in portions and honestly she was so jealous of the girls who could eat as much as they want and not gain weight because she knew she was not allowed to eat as she used to throughout her lifetime. Eira was happy that Cecilia could relate too. This was how they kept each other in check, but it seemed like Cecilia had gone overboard this time.

"Irs, you okay?" Cecilia asked after she was done.

Eira nodded, giving her a small smile.

"Just thinking, so tell me what did Jeongguk tell you?" Eira asked excitedly.

Cecilia explained what happened and Eira also jumped up and down while clapping her hands.

"See," Cecilia told her.

"Your reaction definitely makes sense now, but I want to know what happened before he interfered," Eira tried asking her as she could tell her friend was holding a big burden on her shoulders.

"I can't-," Cecilia's voice faltered and Eira held her close.

"I'm sorry," Eira whispered softly. "I don't want to stress you out, so just tell me when you are ready."

"No, I need to say it," Cecilia told her as she started narrating.

Eira kept her arms around her friend as Cecilia broke down with each word she spoke. It was like she was being forced to accept a nightmare that wasn't supposed to come true. She was supposed to go to university. She was supposed to become a doctor. She was finally going to achieve her dreams, but since she was little it seemed like faith had other plans as all she could remember was crying.

Maybe that's why it was so easy to fall in love with Jeongguk. He was the only person keeping her sane. BTS were the only comforting thought she had who continuously pushed her forward through their words and music. Just watching them smile and achieve their dreams gave her the small hope that she could do it too. His smile. His cute bunny teeth smile which caused the side of his eyes to crinkle never failed to disappoint as she would always smile along with him.

The world she had created with him was the only thing that kept her sane, but she had to destroy it. It was not right to look at someone almost married like that. She still remembered how every ARMY said that they would support their relationships and be happy for them, but until now she didn't understand how they were not hurt. Was she weird? Were her feelings really wrong? Cecilia managed to mask her jealousy and tried so hard to be happy for him because he was happy, but why couldn't she be selfless like all those people in dramas who gave up their first love with ease? They were really lucky.

Cecilia finished telling Eira the whole thing and lay her head numbly on her shoulder.

"You know what?" Eira asked particularly no one. "We will not mope around like this? Go get dressed and let's go somewhere."

Cecilia stared back at her defeatedly.

"Do we have to?" Cecilia asked with a sigh.

"Oh no! Remember all the times you scolded me for being like this, now it's time for revenge so get yourself off the bed before I spill this on your head," Eira threatened.

"You wouldn't dare," Cecilia said as she watched her friend lift the cup of water on her head.

"Want to try?" Eira asked as she trickled a few drops.

"Heyyyyy," Cecilia stated as she got up from the bed. "I'm going, I'm going."

Eira smirked as Cecilia disappeared into the bathroom.

***********

"Why are we in the practice room where I fainted?" Cecilia asked cautiously. "This belongs to BTS-"

"Except today since they are shooting their music video, so let's use it," Eira suggested.

"I'm leaving," Cecilia said as she tried walking towards the door, but was pulled back by Eira.

"I brought you here, so you can face your fears not run away from them," Eira explained.

Cecilia groaned and gave her best puppy dog eyes.

"Let's leave pleaseeee," Cecilia told her.

Eira shook her head as she played I Need U.

"Dance," Eira told her and Cecilia nodded, hoping she wouldn't regret doing this.

She closed her eyes and imagined BTS dancing to it then, she imagined how she felt right now and let her body flow with the beat. With each beat, she felt herself getting calmer and soon her surroundings were a blur which was her favorite part. It was just her and the lyrics as she sang those lyrics while dancing.

But you're my everything (You're my)
Everything (You're my)
Everything (You're my)
Please go away huh

I'm sorry (I hate you)
I love you (I hate you)
Forgive me

I need you girl
Why am I in love alone, why am I hurting alone
I need you girl
Why do I keep needing you when I know I'll get hurt?
I need you girl, you're beautiful
I need you girl, you're so cold
I need you girl I need you girl
I need you girl I need you girl

She wiped her cheeks and didn't even realize when those fell as she was so immersed in the song. The perfect way to belt out her feelings was through singing and dancing other than writing and reading. It was still funny to her how she had so many hobbies yet none seem to be enough to keep her distracted for too long. She closed her eyes feeling the music and closing off her thoughts. It wasn't about her anymore. It was about the song and what it was telling her.

Sadly, the music ended and she was about to put another song when she saw Byung-ho.

Oh no no no, not him. Anyone but him.

"Noona!" he exclaimed and Cecilia rolled her eyes in response. "You did amazing."

"Thank you," Cecilia replied sheepishly.

"Can I watch?" he asked and Cecilia looked back at Eira who shrugged.

"Aren't you busy?" she asked hoping he didn't stay to watch.

"Nope, just finished," he said as he sat on the floor.

"I'm done though," she half lied since she was really not in the mood anymore.

"Awww can you please do one more song?" Byung-ho asked cutely and Cecilia looked away, not wanting to be swayed by his words.

She thought Byung-ho was bad, but now she was surrounded by all of BTS and she looked back at Eira who mouthed "I'm sorry." Cecilia shook her head.

"How are you feeling?" Jin asked her.

"I'm feeling better," she smiled at him.

"Were you using this practice room?" Namjoon asked. "We could just leave since we have a break anyways and we don't need this room today."

Cecilia was about to reply but Byung-ho has beaten her to it.

"Noona was performing and she was about to perform another one for me," Byung- ho told them proudly.

"Really? " Hoseok asked as he looked at Cecilia who shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to say, and she could feel someone staring but she didn't have the courage to look at who it was.

"Have you guys watched noona perform any of your songs?" Byung-ho asked. "She is so good."

"No," Hoseok sighed. "But, Jeongguk has."

"I want to watch," Jimin stated.

Cecilia couldn't believe what she was hearing. What kind of mess did she end up in now?

"Cecilia is sick so maybe she can perform later and we have already seen her dance," Jeongguk stated as he had been analyzing Cecilia the moment he had entered. Her image was stuck in his mind and he could see she was still recovering.

"I guess but I heard her sing and dance," Byung-ho boasted proudly and Cecilia was really close to smacking his head.

"Wow!" Taehyung exclaimed. "You really are lucky."

"I'm sure Cecilia can perform something short," Eira replied and Cecilia sighed as she noticed the lost look in Eira's eyes as she stared at Taehyung.

Dammit, Eira, Stop speaking from you heart, Cecilia thought.

"It's fine, she can do it later," Jeonguk stressed on the word 'later' as he was worried about the girl in front of her, but it seemed like no one was listening at this point as they were all distracted by the thought of seeing her perform.

Jeonnguk walked towards her and said:

"You don't have to do this. Just leave while they are chatting. I guess the guys really want some entertainment on their short break."

Cecilia was about to hold his hand but realized what she was doing and quickly pushed it back. She didn't understand the sudden urge to hold on his hand. The only thing that came into her mind was that she had to explain that she was okay.

"It's fine I should do this for myself," Cecilia flashed him a smile.

"You are sick and this morning you were still tired," Jeongguk told her, his voice etched in concern.

It should be a sin for his voice to sound this good. The way his words rolled off his tongue so effortlessly as his doe brown eyes gazed into her soul making her feel exposed as if he could read each thought. This wasn't good for her. Whatever this relationship or friendship she dares call it wasn't right.

"It's fine," Cecilia assured him and Jeongguk realized she wouldn't budge so he gave her the best suggestion he could think of.

"Let's duet," Jeongguk suggested with his signature bunny smile, melting her walls immediately. The hard work completely destroyed. She really was at this boy's mercy and she didn't mind it one bit unfortunately.

**********

Happy New Year!!!!!!! I really wanted to update, so here you go. I hope this year will be better than last year. Let's try to stay positive as long as possible.

Sorry for the late update, I got food poisoning and then I had to pack since I'm traveling.

How was the chapter?

How will the duet go?

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

This is the song in the story she was dancing too👆👆

Thank you for your patience and I would like to dedicate this chapter to @neelimabishnoi9 for commenting.

See you all real soon! Bye!!!

Enjoy,

Anera