Tyler dropped me off at my house. I had a text from my boss, Rusty, asking if I could come in to work tonight. It looked like my night had just gotten wide open. 

I got dressed in my Chew Chew's t-shirt and some black jeans. I then threw my hair up in a messy bun and called it good. When I had gotten my full license and the end of last semester, Dad told me I had to get a weekend job to keep busy and make some gas money.

I ate at Chew Chews enough it seemed like a nice fit. They could have paid me in burgers and we would have been good. I had told my boss that I could work most days the first half of the summer. 

I welcomed the distraction. Plus the money was nice. 

The place was packed when I got there. Jensen was taking orders when I joined her on the register. She was the only one to take me up on my offer when I begged all my friends to come and work here too. I needed a buddy. It made the time go by a lot faster on long shifts like the one I could tell I was about to have.

I opened my register and called the next person in line. 

I had already memorized the menu before I started working here. It helped that I had come here for lunch almost every day for the last two years. Rusty like that. Rusty was a lanky twenty something year old with curly brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. His happy disposition made up for the fact he sucked with confrontation and had issues telling people no. That included telling too many people last minute that they could have the night off, creating the short staffing that I was currently helping to fill.

I didn't mind helping Rusty out. He was the type of boss that had my back. He was kind to everyone and didn't yell at me when I made mistakes. I needed that in a boss. He also left me the fuck alone to work. I did not need a micro manager and he understood that. 

I was able to get through the dinner rush just fine.

Jensen looked like she had been dying to tell me something the whole shift. We finally hit a lull long enough that we could talk. 

"What's up?"

"I wanted to give you the heads up... I broke up with Ari."

Well, fuck. 

Ari and Jensen had been dating since I got them together at the start of last year. I really only had to nudge. They had trauma bonded over their terrible exes hooking up behind their backs. 

"You two seemed good together."

Jensen nodded, "We were. But I haven't been single in almost two years. We're about to be seniors and Ari is going off to the University of Toronto in the Fall. I figured it would just be easier to do it now. Before we started trying to convince ourselves that long distance could work."

"Jensen, the University of Toronto is like eight minutes away from my house. That's not long distance."

"Well it might as well be across the country. I don't drive and my parents aren't going to let me just follow a boy around."

I gave Jensen the 'Dude that's what I'm doing' look. She realized she had just been describing my situation and started back tracking. 

"I mean you and Tyler are way more meant for each other than Ari and me. I mean we were just good together. We aren't like soulmates. Does that make sense?"

I rolled my eyes, "It would be easier if we weren't soulmates. Do you know how hard it is to tell your soulmate that you might have to break up for a few years? I mean come on, what normal couple makes it out of high school?"

"We did!" I turned and saw my cousin Laura standing there with her boyfriend Gavin Mason, Tyler's older brother.

I rolled my eyes even harder, "You two are an anomaly. Both of your parents were high school or college sweethearts here in this town. You were practically bred for each other."

Laura stuck her tongue out, "Hater." She chuckled. 

Oh to be young and in love and confident in your relationship. 

"You giving Tyler the boot?" Gavin asked. 

I shook my head no, "No Jensen broke up with Ari."

Laura pouted slightly, "Does that mean you aren't coming to the party this weekend, Jensen?"

"One I am purposefully working. Two, it is at the Stones. You couldn't pay me to go there."

"Fair." Laura conceded. 

"Can I take your order?" I asked as a way to get the fuck off of this topic. 

Laura took the hint and they ordered.

I looked at Jensen once they left, "How did Ari take it?"

Jensen shrugged, "He actually took it pretty well, I'd say. He just hugged me and said he totally understood. Told me he still wanted to be friends."

"That's pretty easy to do with Ari. He's good at switching gears like that."

Jensen smirked, "You would know."

I stuck my tongue out. 

"You dated him a lot longer than I did."

"True. He's a good boyfriend. I think we can agree on that."

I nodded, "Yes. He's a great boyfriend. Just not for me."

"Fair enough."

We started our closing duties. Neither one of us were closers tonight so we just had to clean up and restock. 

The bell dinged, signaling a customer walking in or out. I looked up and saw Brenna, her boyfriend Nixon, and Tyler coming in the door. Ari trailed in after with his stepsister Elle and Elle's boyfriend Aaron Mason.

"Y'all missed your brother in here earlier." I said to Tyler.

"Wrapped up in Laura I bet."

"You know it. Those two are incurable romantics."

Tyler came and kissed me in greeting, "Nothing wrong with that." 

I looked over at Ari. He was standing awkwardly. I felt bad. I wondered if they knew what had happened with him and Jensen yet?

Jensen for her part, seemed cool calm and collected. I got her attention and then bobbed my head in Ari's direction, questioning silently what she planned to do.

Jensen pulled the hair tie out of her white blonde hair. Her bubblegum sweet personality is what endeared me to her. 

She practically skipped over to Ari. He seemed surprised but happy to see her happy to see him. She gave him a hug and started in with the small talk. Ari and I were not great with the small talk. We needed people like Jensen and Tyler. They let us be social by proxy. 

Jensen and I clocked out and sat down with the rest of our friends. 

Another moment that I just wanted to freeze in time. A summer week night with friends. No one was rushing off. Everyone was smiling and having a great time. An ache in my chest started to rise. 

Panic attack. 

I pushed it back down as far as I could. I shouldn't be having one. It wasn't normal. Who has a panic attack when they're happy?

People who have had the rug pulled out from under them enough times.

I tried to jump back into the conversation to mask my discomfort. Elle was talking about wanting to tour the Toronto School of Art next week. She was also asking Ari about his planned classes for the Fall Semester. He was planning on majoring in Radio/TV/Film and minoring in photography. 

It was very fitting of Ari. 

Dad wanted me to go into business or nursing or some other medical field option. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do yet but I knew it wasn't going to be any of that bullshit. 

Ari and I had the arts in common. All of us here at the table, sans Jensen, had the arts in common. Nixon was the graduating editor in chief for the school newspaper/news show. He'd wanted me to take over. I told him I would think about it. Aaron was looking at studying graphic design in the Fall at the University of Toronto. He and Ari were going to be roommates. 

I wondered what our futures would look like with a bunch of Liberal Arts degrees? My dad kept saying 'We were going to have fun finding jobs' if we all took that route. We couldn't all be business men or whatever he did. Something boring that made him work way too many hours and stress out far too much.

Brenna interrupted my spacing out. I realized she was waiting to hear my response to a question I hadn't heard.

"Sorry, what?"

"I was asking, did your dad sign the paperwork to release Chemical?"

I had written a poem last year for Tyler for his birthday. He turned it into a song. The label wanted to use it for their EP but apparently needed my dad's permission since I was a minor.

"I think he sent it by courier mail yesterday."

Tyler and Brenna high fived. "Perfect."

"Crazy that I get a writing credit for your EP."

Tyler squeezed my shoulder, "Because you're awesome Baby."

Brenna nodded, "Hell you inspired Falling and basically wrote Chemical. You should come into our next writing session."

Tyler smiled at me, "It'll be when we get back from touring in the fall. We sit down with industry writers and work on music. You'd love it."

"Yeah, sounds fun."

Really, it sounded tedious. But the idea of hanging out with Tyler in his element sounded appealing. 

We finished our meals and started to head out. Tyler had driven in with Brenna. 

"Do you want a ride?" 

Tyler beamed, "You love saying that don't you?"

I smiled back, "You have no idea."

Tyler got in my car and we started out. I didn't want to go home yet. I just wanted to drive around and listen to music with my boyfriend, the rockstar.

I let him control the play list. He played an oldie, Radiohead's Creep.

I related to it. 

I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doin' here? I don't belong here. 

I felt like this lately. I didn't feel like I belonged in my skin. I kept feeling anxious and like I was about to have my life flipped upside down again.

Tyler seemed to sense my mood, "What's up, Baby? You okay?"

"Anxiety is up."

Tyler was no stranger to my anxiety. He had suggested going to see someone about it. I still refused. Doctors and medication just were not my thing. It would mean having to admit there was something wrong and I was all about denial. 

"Anything I can do to help with that?"

I shrugged, "Help me get my mind off of you leaving next week."

"Well all I have to talk about lately is work and the tour and all the shit that would give you more anxiety. So what's up with you? Anything fun happen at work?"

"Found out Jensen broke up with Ari."

Tyler sat up straighter in his chair. "They just sat at the table like nothing was wrong, what the fuck?"

"Good actors I guess. Plus I think it was because he's going off to university and she doesn't want to deal with 'long distance'.

Tyler cackled, "A ten minute drive is long distance?"

I rolled my eyes, "Tell me about it. Like try having a boyfriend on tour."

"Or a girlfriend who is planning to go to college over fifteen hundred miles away from you in a year."

"Touché."

Tyler squeezed my knee, "Distance doesn't bother me Alex. We can figure out distance. As long as we both want this, we can figure it the fuck out."

"You think so?"

"I'm too in love with you not to believe it. I will believe enough for the both of us if I have to."

I smirked, "Watch your folks break up, more than once."

"Watch your parents make it through a teen pregnancy and pop another two out in two years."

"Touché."

"Life deals us the cards, Lex. It's up to us how we play 'em."

"Some days I feel like I am winning at Texas Hold 'Em and then I realize I'm playing 52 card pickup."

"I'll always be there to pick you up."

Even if it's virtual from halfway around the world.

I smiled and dropped Tyler off. I was going to have to figure out who I was outside of us. If we were going to stay an us, I had to know how to be me. This summer was about to teach me just that.