Watching Tyler in his element was electric. It set off every neuron in my brain and still sent shivers down my spine when he would hit certain notes. When he would sing the songs I knew were written for me or that I had written for him it felt like we were the only two people in the room. The Chemistry between us was palpable when his eyes would lock into mine for just a moment right before he plunged into a chorus.

We hadn't had a moment to ourselves in over a week and I was craving it like a bad habit. When their set ended I had my arms out for a hug. Tyler set down his guitar and embraced me. He was slick with sweat and something in his pheromones was lighting me up even more. I leaned in and started to kiss him, not caring who saw. 

He matched my energy for a moment before pulling away and whispering in my, "I booked us our own room for tonight and tomorrow. I don't want to keep sharing a room with other dudes when I could have you alone."

I gave him a devilish grin in return, "When can we go back to the hotel?"

"We can wait on the others to finish their sets or we can Uber back ourselves. Whatever you want, Baby."

I grabbed ahold of his hand and nodded to the exit. "Uber."

Tyler smiled and nodded, "Let me order one and tell Brenna what the plan is so she can tell Larry."

Twenty minutes later we were headed back to the hotel. It took everything in me not to jump his bones in the back of the car. Tyler wrapped his arm around me and squeezed. He could feel my energy I was sure of it. Once we were at the hotel all bets were off. Tyler grabbed our bags out of the room he was sharing with the boys and nodded for me to follow. We were at the end of the hall from the others. 

My skin was buzzing. Tyler dropped the bags next to our bed and by the time he turned around I was lunging at him. He caught me and landed his mouth on mine. Soon we were a pile of limbs thrusting and grasping one another. Our clothes lay thrown around the room and Tyler was making me come undone. 

It was as if he was water and oxygen. I needed him to survive and he was pumping me full of life. I felt my toes curl as the familiar build toiled in my stomach; begging to be set free. Tyler happily obliged. We lay there wrapped in each other has a cold sweat broke out across our skin. 

I knew I was on the cusp of adulthood. Tyler was already there. It was moments like this that reminded me growing up wasn't just a far off possibility. We were in the last summer of innocence. Next year I would be graduated from high school and going off to college in the states. I still wasn't sure that Tyler had grasped that fact. I knew a large part of him thought I would wind up at the University of Toronto with the rest of the Families members who didn't want to venture too far off from home. I had another home though. There was this whole other side to me that begged me to come find it again. I would have the opportunity to soon, very soon. 

I held Tyler to me for a long moment before saying, "You know I go home to Dallas in a couple of weeks."

Tyler sighed, "You mean, you go back to see your family in Dallas. Cabbagetown is home, Lex. Come on it's been years now."

He was confirming my thoughts.

"It's still home to me Ty. I lived there for fifteen years. I've lived here two."

Tyler cocked an eyebrow at me, "I thought home was where the heart was?"

I rolled my eyes at the cliché. "Then I'm homeless because my heart is out traveling the world at the moment."

Tyler smirked, "Have you even looked into Toronto schools?"

I shook my head no. "I want either A&M or UT. Jordan might murder me if I decide to Hook 'Em Horns but they have a great media program."

"And Toronto doesn't have a good media program at any campus?" Tyler said sardonically. 

I could feel this building into a fight. I shrugged in response, hoping he would drop it. He muttered and slid out of bed towards the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on. I would usually join him but I knew we both needed a few minutes alone. 

I combed through his bag and found a long t-shirt I could wear. I grabbed a pair of joggers out of my own bag and stepped out onto the balcony. The warm night air felt like a release for my emotions. Time was moving down hill like a wrecking ball headed straight for me. I couldn't move out of the way either. 

We're not going to fucking make it past next year.

The cold hard truth felt like burning lava in the back of my mind. 

Fuck, we can't make it a week apart without each other. How the fuck are we supposed to make it when I'm in Texas for four years?

I wanted to ask Tyler that. I also didn't want to know his answer. I heard the patio door open behind me.

"You okay, Lex?" Tyler asked softly.

I nodded, "Just thinking."

"That's dangerous." Tyler said with a chuckle.

I turned to face him, "What the fuck are we going to do after I graduate?"

"Lex, Baby, that's a year from now. We have a year. Why worry about what will happen in a year? Why not enjoy the next twelve months and then figure it out as we go after that?"

I chuckled back at him, "Have you met me? Since when have you known me not to be constantly worrying about the future?"

Tyler put a hand on each side of my face, "Baby, for once you're going to have to let go of control. I am not going to give up the love of my life because she's scared of growing up. People make long distance work all the time. We will figure it the fuck out when the time comes. Until then, you have got to trust me Lex. We will be fine this next year. I promise."

I nodded and we headed back inside. 

That night I kept tossing and turning. I found myself longing for my own bed. I needed familiarity. The only thing truly familiar in my stomach at the moment was the panic attack threatening to overtake my lungs. I sat  up straight and felt myself covered in a cold sweat. My lungs were pumping, trying to tell my brain that they were in fact working. I looked over and saw Tyler passed out next to me. 

He looked perfectly at ease. I wish I had that. I wish I could just relax and be in the moment. I wanted to enjoy this time with Tyler. That was hard to do when I felt like my world could collapse at any moment. I grabbed Tyler's hoodie off the corner of the chair and stepped out onto the hall. It was outdoors and wrapped around the whole building. I started walking along the path, trying to let the warm air fill my lungs. I ached for the hot July air of Texas. It wasn't something most people enjoyed but at the moment, I craved home. 

I snapped out of my walking dream-like state when I saw a shadowy figure standing in the hall. A small frame with bright red hair stood over the balcony smoking a cigarette.

"Brenna?" I whispered.

Her thin frame shook for a moment, startled, before realizing who had called her name.

"Jesus, Alex, what are you doing up?"

I cocked my eyebrow towards her, "I could say the same."

She smiled wryly, "I can't sleep after performing here lately. Too jittery. All that adrenaline going through my system each night and all the driving has my circadian rhythm fucked."

"Do the cigarettes calm your nerves?"

She nodded, "Bad road habit. My mom will kill me if she finds out. Better than vaping I guess."

I chuckled, "To each their own, I guess."

Brenna put the cigarette out and leaned against the metal railing of  the balcony. 

"But for real, Alex, what's up? You look like shit. Have a bad dream?"

I ignored the not so subtle dig and shrugged. "Relationship insecurities." 

I answered honestly. I knew Brenna of all people would understand relationship issues with Tyler.

Brenna chucked to herself. "You know it's ironic. I spent so much time wondering if I was good enough for Ty, wondering if we were right for each other, wondering if he was going to cheat on me,  all that shit. And he was terrible at making me feel secure. I could tell he didn't know himself. He was just along for the ride. That's not the Tyler you're dating."

I had to smile, she had me there. "I just don't know how are we supposed to make it this next year? Much less the next four years after that when I'm in Texas."

"So you are going back? Tyler and Elle both mentioned you were going back home to check out colleges."

"I had this plan before my dad moved me here. I was going to go to school at UT or A&M and I was going to come home on holidays or random weekends because the drive isn't too far to Dallas. It was so set in stone before I came here."

Brenna shrugged, "Plan can change you know? You've built a life here. You have friends here, family, a guy that's madly in love with you. You have the right to change your mind and stay. You also have the right to go. It's all up to you Alex. I wouldn't stay for a guy. That's just me, though."

I nodded in agreement. "Tyler said we were a lot alike."

Brenna grinned, "We both know what we want and we go after it. Tyler is chasing his dreams. If college in Texas is yours, go for it. Just don't think that it's so set in stone that you can't change your mind is all I am saying."

"Thanks, Brenna."

"For what?"

"Not being a bitch I guess?" 

We both laughed. 

Brenna looked like she was thinking for a moment before adding, "What scares you about long distance with Tyler?"

I shrugged, "I feel like we'll grow apart."

"You mean grow up? Alex, you're seventeen. You're going to do a lot of growing up in the next few years. You two won't even recognize each other in four years if you measure it to who you are now. It's not fair to think you have to stay the same. It's just, you have to both grow in ways that complement each other. If you don't, who cares? You're high school sweethearts. The world expects you to fail. If it's meant to be you'll beat the odds. If you don't, at least you can say you had this epic love come into your life. A lot of people never even find that in a lifetime."

She had a point there. I nodded slowly, taking in what she said. 

"Point well made."

"Get some sleep, Alex. We have a long ass day tomorrow."

"You too. You have a lot more to do than me. I'm just the groupie."

Brenna laughed and we headed our separate ways down the hall. I slid back out of Tyler's hoodie and back into bed. For the first time in days I finally was able to just sleep.