Why is my luck so horrible?

When I woke up the next day, my first instinct was to find Brendon. I desperately wanted to see my boyfriend, but I quickly remembered that I had Ancient Philosophy and Morals, Values, and Ethics. I couldn't do anything until after those classes were over. I groaned and reached for my phone, so I could at least send Brendon a text. I grabbed onto my phone and texted Brendon, "Happy birthday! <3." I wasn't even sure if Brendon was awake yet, but nevertheless, I needed to be the first to wish him a happy birthday.

To my surprise, Brendon replied while I was in the dining hall, eating my breakfast. Usually, he wasn't up that early. "Thanks Ryro," he texted me. He quickly followed that up by texting me, "Do you have any plans for tonight? ;)"

"Not yet," I replied. "How about you?"

"I'm probably just going to hang out at the Aubergine all day," Brendon texted. "Can you meet me there?"

"I'll be there as soon as my classes finish up," I wrote.

"Okay," Brendon texted. "See you there! :D <3"

I put my phone back into my pocket, finished my breakfast, and headed to the Hildebrant Building for my first class, filled with the joy that came with knowing that I would see Brendon soon. Normally, I loved Ancient Philosophy, but I couldn't focus. My mind always returned to Brendon, and I once again wished that the clock could move just a little bit faster so I could see him sooner. Four hours seemed far too long to wait to see Brendon on his birthday. Of course, I didn't have the power to make time go faster, but that didn't stop me from wishing that my classes would end sooner so I could spend the whole day with Brendon.

After Morals, Values, and Ethics, I left campus, but the Hildebrant Building was the farthest place on campus from the Aubergine. It took me forever to walk to Flack Hall so I could pick up Brendon's gift, and it took me even longer to make it into downtown Old Haven. By the time I got there, I was starving, so I stopped at the bagel shop on the corner of 4th and Fremont Street and bought myself a bagel. I ate the bagel on my to the Aubergine, and after what felt like far too long, I found myself in front of that neon purple sign again.

I opened the door and saw that the Aubergine was nearly empty. It was early in the afternoon, so that made sense. Nobody came to the Aubergine this early, except for Brendon apparently. I looked around for him, but before I could go anywhere, he came stumbling towards me with a peach and lime daiquiri in his hand. Already, I could tell that Brendon was drunk. Tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow, I'll fix this mess.

"Ryan," he slurred. "Finally! You're here. I thought you'd never get here."

"I'm here now, Brendon," I said with a smile.

"I don't feel great, Ryan," Brendon said.

"How much have you had to drink?" I asked as I set the record player aside.

"I don't know," Brendon said as he stumbled over to the piano and leaned against the instrument. "I always lose count. Ryan, do you remember when you first told me about that crazy theory you had about how the piano knows something you don't know?" I nodded, and Brendon said, "I meant everything I said that night."

I didn't have the heart to tell Brendon that I didn't remember every detail of that night, so I just nodded along. As he rambled and took a few more sips from his drink, I noticed that Brendon's skin was slowly turning pale. "Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say..." Brendon said, but that wasn't a real answer to the question.

"I'm serious, Brendon," I said. "Are you okay?" Brendon nodded weakly, and then collapsed onto the floor. "BRENDON!" I shouted as I sat down next to him.

Brendon rolled over slightly and mumbled, "I told you so. I told you I didn't feel good."

I kissed him softly and said, "It's going to be okay. Just hang in there for a little bit longer. I think I'm going to call Spencer."

"Okay," Brendon said weakly. I pulled him closer to me, and we stayed there for a little while. I wasn't sure how much time went by, but I was glad that I had Brendon next to me, even if he was clearly drunk. I figured that it was something that I could fix the next day. For now, it was enough to have Brendon by my side.

"These bright lights have always blinded me," Brendon mumbled as he closed his eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him, but he didn't respond. "BRENDON!" I shouted one more time, but there was still no response. Tears began to stream down my face as I reached for my phone, but I quickly wiped them away. I could still feel Brendon's heart beating, but his breathing was becoming increasingly irregular. I quickly dialed Spencer's number, but he didn't pick up. I called him again, and this time, I got an answer.

"Ryan, I'm in the middle of class," Spencer said. "What do you want?"

"Can you please come to the Aubergine as soon as you can?" I asked. "Brendon was drinking, and then he passed out."

There was a brief pause, and then Spencer said, "Brendon passed out?"

"Yes," I said.

"Have you called 911 yet?" Spencer asked. "He should really be in a hospital."

"Not yet," I said.

"Ryan, do you want Brendon to pass out in a drain pipe?" Spencer asked.

"He didn't pass out in a drain pipe," I said. "We're at the Aubergine."

Spencer sighed and then said, "That's not what I meant. I'm on my way, but please call emergency services." Spencer hung up, and I immediately dialed 911. As I explained the situation, I stayed close to Brendon. At first, I was sure that everything would work itself out, but I found myself quickly losing faith. Time seemed to trickle by, and I told myself to have some composure.

The ambulance arrived only a few minutes later, but it felt much longer than that. I trembled as the paramedics placed Brendon onto a stretcher, and no matter how many times I told myself not to panic, this was a situation in which there was no other choice. I heard a few snippets of conversation between the paramedics, mostly expressing surprise that Brendon was alive at all. Needless to say, nothing about this eased my worries. Spencer arrived shortly after the ambulance did, and he gave me a quick hug before asking, "Do you need a ride to the hospital?" I nodded, and as I fought back tears, Spencer led me to his car.

When we arrived at the hospital, Spencer and I were greeted by the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor. I could hardly breathe, much less say anything intelligent, so Spencer was the one who explained that we were Brendon's friends and asked if we could see him. Unfortunately, the nurse refused, and the two of us were forced to sit in the lobby.

The whole atmosphere of the hospital felt off. The lights were just a little bit too bright, and the colors in the lobby were too cheerful for a place like this. There were a few other people there, but they were strangers to me. The chair that I was sitting in wasn't uncomfortable, but it didn't feel anything like my bed back at Flack Hall, and it certainly didn't feel anything like Brendon's arms wrapped around me. The only thing that kept me from sprinting out of there was the knowledge that I would get to see Brendon again soon.

Having another meaningless conversation with Spencer just didn't seem right at that moment, so I was left to my own thoughts. I focused on taking deep breaths and not bursting into tears. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, because what would Brendon think of me if I did? I had to stay strong for him.

My mind drifted off, and I thought of just how bad my luck was. Brendon was the one who was suffering the most, since this was no way to spend his birthday, but this had to be the result of my horrible luck. Everything had been going so well, and then fate just had to find a new way to torture me. I'll show God or the gods or whatever's up there, I thought. Brendon and I will both make it through this, and that will be the end of it. What could be worse than this? What else could they do to me? I took a few more deep breaths, and despite everything that had already happened that day, I didn't cry.

At that moment, I remembered the record player. It was still sitting in the Aubergine, lost in all of the commotion. I had forgotten about Brendon's gift entirely when he passed out. I decided that it didn't matter. I would give it to Brendon after he woke up, and although it was a little bit of a late present, he would still love it. That was one of the many things that I loved about Brendon. Despite all of my flaws, he was always so forgiving.

"Ryan, is everything okay?" Spencer asked.

"What do you think, Spencer?" I said, and Spencer didn't bother to ask any more questions. No conversation was necessary when we were both wallowing in misery and concern for Brendon. Just from looking at Spencer, I could tell that he was experiencing almost as much pain as I was. He had known Brendon for almost as long as I had, and he and Brendon had always been quite close.

I still don't know how long we were left waiting in the lobby, certain that they would let us in eventually, or at least tell us some good news about Brendon. I passed the time by contemplating my life, while Spencer pretended to read a magazine. Both of us were trying our best not to fall apart. As Spencer and I sat in silence, a middle aged woman suddenly walked up to us. "You're Brendon Urie's friends, right?" she said.

"If we want to get technical, Ryan's his boyfriend," Spencer said, but the woman ignored him.

"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but he's dead," the woman said.

That was when I finally let the tears fall.