What is philosophy anyways?

Not long after finals, Professor Caldwell told me that the student body of Kale University had chosen my motto to become the official Kale motto. Once I heard the news, I knew what I had to do. I rushed to the Kale University bookstore, and when I got there, I saw that there were huge stacks of red and black T-shirts for sale. I found a T-shirt that read "The piano knows something I don't know," and purchased it.

Perhaps it was a little bit egotistical to buy a T-shirt with my own motto on it, but was there really any harm in it? If anything, I was only fitting in with the rest of the school. Even as I bought the shirt, there were two girls in line with me who were buying T-shirts that were identical to mine. It seemed that I had started a trend.

I thought of all of the high school seniors who had just decided to attend Kale University. If they were anything like me, all of them had just bought a red and black T-shirt with the words "The piano knows something I don't know" on it. I remembered back to the previous year, when I had just been accepted to Kale. I hadn't imagined all of the craziness that had happened to me during my freshman year - it was something that I could have never predicted.

I threw my new T-shirt on and took a quick walk around campus. Everywhere I went, I saw other people wearing my black and red T-shirt. When I reached the statue of M.C. Moneybags, I stopped to appreciate whoever had created a crown of kale and placed it on his head. Where did creativity like this come from? I never would have thought of all of Kale University's traditions, but they were some of my favorite parts of attending Kale. Then again, what didn't I love about Kale?

The university itself hadn't been the paradise that I had dreamed of in high school. There was no such thing as a perfect school, yet even after losing Brendon and despite the school's imperfections, I loved Kale. Why did I love Kale so much? Most of it was the people in Old Haven. Both in and out of the classroom, I had found true friends. Even though Brendon was gone now, he had been one of those true friends, and at that moment, I didn't regret a single moment of our relationship.

I sat on a bench next to the statue for a little while, watching Kale students pass by. Kale wasn't perfect, but that didn't mean that it wasn't beautiful, just like my relationship with Brendon. As I sat there, I realized just how little time I had in Old Haven. I would have to leave for Las Vegas in two days, and I wouldn't see the Kale campus again until fall arrived. I reminded myself to stay in touch with the friends that I had made at Kale.

That evening, Spencer and I played our last show at the Aubergine for the school year. My voice still wasn't as gorgeous as Brendon's, but Spencer and I still sounded fine. We played through the set, and for the first time, I let myself have a little bit of fun at the Aubergine. The bar would never be quite the same without Brendon, but it was still a charming little hangout, even without anyone to share it with.

As the final piano chord resonated in my ears, I wondered if there were any more secrets left for the piano to share with me. Of course there are, I thought. There are always more questions to ask, and there are always more answers to find. That was the whole point of philosophy, after all. Why would I major in philosophy if I didn't want to uncover the many mysteries of human nature? The answers were up there somewhere, and it was up to all of us to find them.

I said goodbye to Spencer after the show was over. He wrapped me in a tight hug and then asked, "You're coming back next year, right?"

"Yes, I think so," I said.

"Great," Spencer said. "It's been a crazy year, but we both made it through."

"Thanks for all of your support, by the way," I said. "I don't think I would have made it through Brendon's death without you." I still wished that Brendon was there, having that conversation with us, but all of my hopes and prayers were useless. I couldn't change the past, no matter how much I wanted to.

"What are friends for, Ryan?" Spencer said with a smile.

"I can't believe that you're going to be a senior next year," I said.

"Me neither," Spencer said. "Are you going to watch this year's seniors graduate?"

"I did tell Gerard and Laura that I was going to go," I said. "I'll miss both of them next year."

"Me too," Spencer said. "Well, I guess I'll see you next year, Ryan, if I don't see you at graduation."

"Bye Spencer," I said, glad that I had gotten the chance to say goodbye to one of my closest friends.

The next day, I sat through far more speeches and renditions of Pomp and Circumstance than I needed to as I watched the Kale University Class of 2018 graduate. I let out a cheer when Laura and Gerard received their diplomas, but there were also a lot of students that I had never met. Other than a few familiar faces, the graduating class was nothing more than a sea of strangers in caps and gowns. Nevertheless, I applauded politely as they tossed their caps into the air and headed off campus through the Kale University gates one last time.

I reminded myself that I would be in their place in another three years. Someday, my friends and I would have to graduate and venture out into the world, where I would have to find a job, pay my bills, and do a whole host of unpleasant things. Life wasn't just treehouses and rocket ships, but that didn't concern me. I already knew that life could be a harrowing series of torments and misery, but there were also beautiful things in life that made everything seem worth it.

After the ceremony was over, I got a brief opportunity to chat with Gerard and Laura before they left campus. "Ryan, please make sure that you get one of the freshmen to join the Guyliner Club next year," Gerard told me. "We need to make sure that the club keeps going."

"Gerard, you really need to get your priorities straight," Laura said.

"I do have my priorities straight," Gerard said. "The Guyliner Club's survival is incredibly important."

Laura rolled her eyes, but I understood Gerard's point. "I'll do the best that I can," I told him.

"That's all I want," Gerard said. "I'm not too concerned though. I told Frank that I wouldn't come back to visit him at Kale unless there were at least six Guyliner Club members. I think that will motivate him to do some recruiting."

Laura laughed and then said, "That's a little bit ambitious, Gerard. We barely managed to have five people this year."

"If anyone can do it, Frank can." Gerard sighed and then said, "I'm going to miss Kale."

"Me too," Laura said.

"Well, congratulations to both of you," I said. Gerard and Laura both thanked me, and I headed back to Flack Hall to pack up my things. When I entered Room 27, Patrick was already there, cleaning up his side of the dorm room. I turned on Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, and all of a sudden, it was just like the beginning of the year, when Patrick and I were moving into Flack Hall. Now, only a few short months later, we were both moving out. It was crazy to think about how much had changed throughout the year, but at the same time, so much had stayed the same.

Would Patrick and I still be friends next year? I had overheard Pete and Patrick talking about rooming together, so I wasn't even sure if Patrick and I would be roommates next year. However, even if we didn't live together, we could still be friends. "Patrick, we'll still be friends next year, right?" I said.

"Of course," Patrick said. "Why wouldn't we be friends?"

"We just have such different interests sometimes," I said. "How are we going to keep up with each other if we don't live together?"

"We'll make some time to hang out together," Patrick said. "Besides, Pete and I haven't finalized anything. If we don't end up rooming together, I'd love to have you as a roommate again next year. We've had our disagreements, but you've been a great roommate, Ryan."

"So have you, Patrick," I said.

Patrick smiled and returned to packing up his stuff, while I collected all of my things and stuffed them into suitcases. As I did so, I thought of Brendon again. If he was here, he would have been there helping me pack. It would have been so much more fun to have him there, and perhaps I would have even been able to live with Brendon during my sophomore year. Brendon's death had closed so many doors for me, and I didn't want to think about all of the wonderful changes that Brendon could have made in the world if he had lived longer. Someone so young didn't deserve to die, but I couldn't do anything about it now other than wallow in my own sorrows, and what was the point of that? Was that how Brendon would have wanted me to live my life?

I finished packing up everything, and after I finished, I turned off the music and walked to the Shufflebottom Center for the last time that year. I met with Tazanna and talked to her about finals and the Aubergine and Brendon Urie, hoping that she could fix me in forty five. Perhaps my heart would never fully repair itself, but the therapy sessions were helping. After that meeting, Tazanna referred me to a therapist that she knew in Las Vegas. "I think she'll be able to keep an eye on you over the summer," Tazanna told me. "You've been showing some improvement, so perhaps I won't need to see you next year. I'm always here if you need me though."

"Thank you, Tazanna," I said. "You've helped me a lot."

"You're welcome, Ryan," Tazanna said. "I'm glad that you've been able to come this far."

After my therapy session, I headed to the dining hall and ate one last meal with all of my closest friends. As Joe, Patrick, and Andy chatted about their summer plans, I reflected on the past year. Why had I decided to major in philosophy anyways? It wasn't because I thought that I would get a job, or because anyone had told me that it was a good idea. Instead, it was a passion that came from deep within me, rather like my love for Brendon. I couldn't deny my love for philosophy, and after my year at Kale, I could say that majoring in philosophy was one of the best decisions that I had made all year.

So many of my core beliefs had been completely shattered over the course of the year, but wasn't that the point of philosophy? My ultimate goal was to find the deepest truths that explained why we humans acted the way that we did, and I was closer than ever to finding those truths. However, I still had a long way to go. There was so much that I didn't know, and for once, I was fine with that. What would I do if there were no more questions left to ask? It was an impossible scenario, but it was an idea that terrified me. Perhaps it was best that there were still mysteries to solve.

Even without a soulmate to guide and support me, I knew that my life wasn't totally meaningless. I could find my way through the chaos to find something that resembled order, and if I was lucky, Brendon and I would find each other again one day. We were two halves of one whole, and for once, I let myself have a little bit of hope that we could be together again. 

A/N: I hope that you are all enjoying The Piano Knows Something I Don't Know! As you can probably see, I am nearing the end of this novel - there is only one more chapter left! My next novel will be up shortly after the completion of The Piano Knows Something I Don't Know. It is a superhero/supervillain-inspired adventure/teen fiction/fantasy story called Villains for Hire, and I'm very excited to write it! Here is a quick summary. 

Seventeen year old Jay Sasaki lives in a world where corporations spend millions of dollars to exploit superpowered children and the media defines good and evil. Cursed with the ability to steal souls, Jay leads a double life as both a normal high school student and as a so-called supervillain known as the Dastardly Demon. When a fellow "villain" asks Jay to help her decorate her lair, and Jay accidentally steals her beloved nephew's soul, Jay's life quickly becomes intertwined with those of the other heroes and villains of San Urbano. As Jay's new friends plan to infiltrate the Academy that controls their lives, Jay must confront his own identity and the harsh realities of life as a supervillain. 

Please check out Villains for Hire when I publish it, and thank you so much for your support! :)