**Quote: "I have a feeling that once you live through something like this, you become a little bit invincible." ~~'If I Stay' **

Chapter 11

"Marie come back to us sweetheart." Nate's worried tone snaps me back into consciousness. My head swims from my blackout and I have the feeling it's just going to fall off from my shoulders. Jem stands behind Nate with a cloaked expression and Ivy crouches next to me. Her tan skin looks flushed and I can't blame her. My plan was insane.

"What happened?"

Nate smiles slightly but I can see the anxiety still lingering in his eyes. "You pulled that idiotic stunt and put your life in the hands of a Walker."

Ivy can't seem to help herself when she blurts out, "I don't know what happened! I caught up to you only a few seconds after you fell, but when I caught you, you went limp." She's out of breath and looks really remorseful about something. Her eyes stay glued on the side of my head and when I raise my hand to touch it I wince. Jeez that stings.

My fingertips come back tinged red. Nate looks furious. Jem looks disappointed. Ivy looks stricken.

"Calm yourself guys. It's just a scratch and Ivy did a good job of catching me I just..." But when I look at Ivy I see something more than just genuine concern, I see a curiosity on why I blacked out. And I've always known that curiosity killed the cat.

"I am just terrified of heights. Can I have a moment to collect myself? I need to work on my healing skills." The lie comes out easily and I make sure to look Ivy right in the eye when I say it. Luckily Nate and Jem know me well enough to understand when I'm telling a lie.

Nate nods at Ivy and gently let's go of me so I'm sitting up. "You and Marie are going to be fighting together once you've past your lessons. And if you two can't manage to get through a tough situation without getting hurt then your both dead. Ivy, never leave your partner alone when things get tough. If you sense danger you aren't to fly away and save yourself. You stay and make sure one of you or even better both of you survive. Understood?" Nate looks at both of us until we nod in agreement.

"Now it's your turn." Nate turns to me with a I'm-the-big-guy-here look and it's amazing how fast I get pissed off. I stand up quickly and cross my arms ready for his assessment of my performance. "You pulled a stunt that could have cost your partner her life. Wings mean one thing but multiple Fallen shooting arrows at your wings and head is a whole different scenario. Next time think of a way that will get you both out alive."

Seriously? I just jumped off a beam at least twenty feet in the air and he wants to criticize me. "Well I didn't have either time or choice but to do what I did, which might I remind you got us both down on the ground alive."

Nate raises his eyebrow and smirks. "Oh yes the way you blacked out for seven seconds, a perfect amount of time to be killed, and then your partner didn't even hang on to her shield or catch your ax is a perfect demonstration of safety and collaboration."

I feel my face go red and try not to notice the way Jem silently laughs from one side. "Well sorry but not all of us have super angel powers to use at our expense. I did what I had to since Jem was obliviously trying to kill us."

Ivy, uncomfortable with our fight, goes to pick up the fallen weapons. It's been obvious this whole lesson that I'm not an angel and yet she hasn't questioned any of it. Either out of politeness or something I can't see yet...wow this whole super soldier stuff has gotten me really paranoid. "Oh please, because it's not like the Fallen wont try and kill you at the first chance they get. This is what's going to keep you alive until you can become a angel again." Jem puts a fist on her hip and steps forward in her trademark suit.

What is wrong with these people? Oh...wait what did she just say? "You know how I can become an angel again?" Hope blooms inside me with gentle colors and I can feel it to my core. I don't have to stay in this worthless human body anymore! I can be something more, I can be worth something.

"It's simple. You just have to die first and the archangels won't have a choice but to bring you back to earth as a angel." Jem says this matter-of-factly. I put a palm to my forehead and try to breath in a normal pattern.

"So why can't you just kill me now and let me come back as an angel?" My question seems to set a trigger off in Jem because her face goes even paler and she starts to run a frantic hand through her spiked hair. Without warning she shoots across the space separating us and grabs my arm, only to drag my to the other end of the dungeon.

Which by the way, hurts, like a lot. Now I can add a handprint sized bruise to my injuries.

Jem stops her speeding right before we- no -actually right before she runs into the wall. Combined with her momentum and the fact she let me go at the last second I crash hard into the wall. My shoulder makes a strange crunching noise and I let out a squeak that sounds strangely like a mouse caught in a trap.

"What the hell was that?" My hand automatically goes to my bruised shoulder as I glare at Jem. Her eyes are narrowed slightly but her face is still drawn tight and unnaturally pale. Something tells me that my question is either unwelcome or dangerous to other ears.

"Listen to me. Don't you dare ever suggest that I kill you, understand? Just that question could have me or anyone else damned for the rest of our lives and I couldn't possibly..." Jem has to swallow her last words as my own face takes on a sickly shade. I had just blurted something without thinking, I never knew it would be at this cost.

"Is that...is that the way an angel becomes Fallen?" I ask timidly even though they had mentioned before that by killing an angel not under the word of God could cause you to change sides. Become mortal with a few extra angelic powers.

Jem glances across the floor to where we had just been with Nate and not surprisingly he's standing there with a straight face and crossed arms. I have no doubt he can hear every word and he's not approving of it one bit. But I need to know. My memory isn't something I can easily control on a daily basis and sadly I must get the long drawn out version from these seemingly historians.

I start to feel my patience start to slip away as Jem finally turns back to me, runs her fingers through her ruffled hair, and speaks. "This particular subject is meant to be tread lightly. Sometimes the archangels won't hesitate to throw anyone down in Hell. When humans read their Bible they read about angels who protect, fight, warn, and prophesies to the humans, all under the word of God. Only humans tend to forget what angels were before they were given their wings and powers."

Jem looks at me expectantly as if I should know the answer but I've never been very good on pop quizzes. "Humans, Marie. We were humans who murdered, lied and made so many mistakes as one may do today. There is nothing perfect about us in all our halo glory. Every time a human babe is brought into this world God gives them the most ancient choice know to man. To either walk the rode of good or evil.

"So why would it be any different for angels? We are given the choice to serve good and protect our kind and humanity until God decides to gather his troops and battle the demons roaming this earth-"

"You mean Dooms Day right? The day craters burst from the center of the earth, fires ravish every greenery in sight, and God comes roaring in on his silver carriage with his angels at his side?" My insight simply comes from a painting I once saw from a school trip to a museum.

"That's what you humans seem to think it will turn out to be..." Jem seems to fade off and I don't prod her to continue that thought. I was scared to death when I saw that painting. For nights I lay curled up under my covers wishing I had a loving mom who would tell me not to fear the end and to look forward to the still shining sun that warmed my skin. I really don't want to know what is bound to happen in this great battle.

Instead she shakes her head and takes a step closer to me so I can only see her brown eyes and nothing else. "What I mean by all this is that every angel can either keep the holy power or disgrace themselves by doing a deed so vile even God will damn them to a life in Hell. The killing of another angel out of a dark soul is something only the powerful can see and it will be punished."
So basically if you screw up in the big Guys eyes your out for the count. A mortal. No powers. Basically left to fend for yourselves. "So there's good angels and bad angels, the natural cliché, and then there's just the Walkers. Wouldn't it just be easier to be in between all this fighting?"

Finally Jem smirks at me and shakes her head. "People like her," she jerks her head towards Ivy who's momentarily helping Nate unhook the beam from the ceiling. "They say they only want peace but it's just a gutless effort to stay off the battle zone. That question to me is like asking a soldier why he goes through hell just to become someone with a gun and an agenda. It's threaded into our very nature to fight for humans and protect them. Without us demons from Hell would rain down upon their very innocent heads."

"Demons...I thought there was only the Fallen and the mutants they make." I'm starting to think that the angels army is unfairly outnumbered. Fallen angels. Mutants. Demons. Very unfair odds.

"There's so much you don't know. I can't fill you in on everything, and that will be one of our training sessions. To just sit down and try to access the forgotten safe filled with your memories." Jem seems to be done with the conversation but who has ever in their life liked cliff hangers?

I grab her arm a little harshly to try and stop her from speeding across the stone floor, but she flinches if only for a moment. Although it could be mistaken for a grimace of annoyance I know that look all to well. Whenever I'd have a bad night the next day would be filled with me wincing and awkwardly sitting so my thighs wouldn't hit the chair. Or I'd wear a long sleeve shirt and hiss in surprise when it would rub against the cotton.

Jem slowly turns her head to stare back at me with her soft brown eyes. It makes me want to cry. To scream at the unfairness of having a person know the pain I've done and felt myself. I remember her story of her drunken father and how much it reminds me of my own. Instead I gently push the cuff of her sleeve back and I turn her arm over so the pale underside faces up. What is see is a mix of faded and freshly bled, straight scars curved along her arm with such great force. I can't even count how many there are since most of them overlap each other.

When I stare back up at her face I see the defensive wall crumble to reveal someone more than not okay.

"Just stand still okay?" I ask so quietly I don't even know if she hears me. With the lightest of touches I gently put my hand on her forearm and I stop thinking. I just feel the desperate urge to let my power go. As soon as I feel the warm green glow slowly pass from me to her arm I look down at my hand and just about scream. The most elegant design like vines climbing a tree etch their way up my arm, across my shoulder, and stretching down into my tank top. It's never ending and I feel as if lava flows through my skin and the vines are showing a glimpse of it.

This time I stop myself from giving too much of my power to her and instead of feeling cold inside I still feel the warmth still flickering inside me. I look back at Jem's arm and sigh in relief.

She seems to awake from a trance as she jerks back away from me and glares at her arm. Only what she sees seems to make her loosen up again. "You didn't heal some of them." Right, I left the old faded ones.

"Some battles, some demons, they have to be remembered." I realize that needing to know about the real life demons, the extra threat, it doesn't matter. It just worries you to the point where your so afraid of something you've never even seen. "I know what it's like having demons hang over your shoulder and tell you your nothing. I left those scars so you can realize how strong you had to be to survive that."

Jem takes a few steps back and breathes deeply as if to control her words. But nothing comes out of her mouth so I just smile and nod to let her know it's okay. "So I think Ivy and I need to finish out in a run right?"

She laughs and throws her arm over my shoulders. "Are you kidding? I'm making you two run and do push ups!"

We both laugh and turn only to find two very different expressions, one is so pissed off I'm surprised steam isn't boiling in the air. The other is shocked beyond measures. Ivy is staring straight at me as if she can still see the glowing green designs. Oops, I forgot about the whole secrecy thing.

Nate storms over to Ivy and grabs her by the neck and a sudden paralyzing fear takes over. "Nate, don't!" My scream seems useless as he wraps his other hand over her shoulder. I start to run towards them when Jem grabs my hand. "Marie, he's not going to hurt her. Just look."

I focus back on Ivy and realize she seemed to have passed out. Nate concentrates on her as his hands stay locked on her neck and shoulder. As soon as her body slacks slightly he gently puts her back on the ground and turns to me.

"Do you want to make yourself the most wanted on the Fallen's list? I may trust Ivy to train with you but I wouldn't trust her with such a valuable secret. Next time," he puts a threatening emphasis on the word time, "be more cautious."

I hurry across the floor and drop next to Ivy's head, trying to get her to sit up. "What did you do to her?!"

"I told you once that each angel was rewarded a certain gift. Mine is the mind. I can enter it and do whatever I wish. For example, erase memories and put new ones in." He points to Ivy. "She will awake in a few minutes and think she took a hard fall from the beam. Any memory of you being who you are will be erased. I've been scrambling her thoughts this whole time. As far as she knows your a angel with wounded wings who is forced to use her legs as you did today in training."

"No way! You mean she has no idea you're meddling in her brain right now?" That is just to creepy...and on a geek side of things it's really a awesome super power to have. "Wait so you could be messing with my mind and I wouldn't even know?"

Nate smirks at me and shakes he is head. "It doesn't always work like that. If you're trained against the power then you will be able to feel if I'm inside your head, like an intruder in your house. You can easily push me out. Besides I don't need to have powers to get inside your head." The infuriating man actually winks at me before putting his hand on Ivy's forehead.

As soon as his fingers leave her skin she gasps for air and bolts straight up. "What the..." Ivy looks so confused until she sees me and emits this strange squeaking sound. "Oh Marie! I'm so very sorry I didn't catch you! I heard you call my name and I tried to dive to get you but my wing folded and I fell too! Are you alright?"

I put a full force glare pointed directly at Nate. He didn't only make her forget, he made her feel guilty about something that hadn't even happened. "Ivy truly it's okay, I promise. Nate caught me right before anything happened." The lie rolls off the tip of my tongue a little to easily. "I only regret Jem couldn't get to you in time. Um, is there anything you want me to heal?"

She shakes her head and instead struggles to her feet. "What's next for today?"

"You just crashed to the ground, I'm pretty sure you deserve a break-" I start until Jem is standing next to me with her arms crossed.

"No, you two will continue with a two mile run, no stopping, and after your going to stretch and finish up by polishing the weapons we just used." She points to the ax's and shield on the wall.

Before I can complain against this new development in our training Ivy grabs my arm and starts to pull me towards the side of the cavern. "Come on we can run together." Ivy leans in closer and stage whispers to me, "I think if we complain she might make us polish her throwing stars collection." I laugh with her as we start at a slow jog.

We've only made it to the other side when I start to feel my ankles grow heavier and my breathing come faster. Ivy is just a few steps ahead of me and her breathing is barely noticeable.

"Marie, you can't stop! You better do something about that racing heart of yours if you want to continue!" Jem yells from the center, using her special power to tell the beating of my heart.

Ivy slows slightly to run along side me. "Can I give you some advice."

I nod hastily as I hold the side of my stomach, a painful stitch was forming just below my ribcage.

"You are panicking with your breathing. You sound...you sound like someone with asthma. Just count okay? In one, two, three. Out one, two, three. Just calm your breathing and focus on those numbers." She waits a few seconds to catch her own breath and then continues. "Also you're running like you've got cement on your feet. Listen to my step...you barely here them. Try to step lighter on your toes not on your heel."

For a solid minute I concentrate on slowing my breathing, counting one, two, three as quickly as I can, and stepping lightly with my toes. In a moment I feel the relief in my ankles and the stitch in my side isn't as sharp a pain. Although I still feel exhaustion crash over me even though we have another full lap to go.

I nod towards Ivy and take a deep breath. "Thanks...I-I guess a Walker would know best when it comes to being on their feet."

Ivy smiles and shakes her head. "Lame joke."

We end up just breathing in rhythm as she adjusts to stay at my speed and I smile back at her. "Thanks, I try my best."

"Don't forget you have training tomorrow after school!" Jem yells to Ivy and I as we follow Nate out through the tunnel and into his living room.

"Your enrolling in my school?" I ask Ivy while Nate works to close the fireplace.

"Yeah, Nate said it might make me get used to a schedule. Going to school, training and then going home. I've never really had that sort of thing when I became a Walker." She says wistfully in a way that makes me think she's tired of being left out to fend for herself as an outcast in the angel world.

"Even so, why would you want to enroll in school? I mean you've had many lives to learn and study." It's not like I hate school, I actually really enjoy it. But I've never been a fan of the tests and quizzes that are mandatory for a student.

"As a Walker I don't have the resources to make fake documents of my life to really enroll in a school. The angels always have someone to do that for them so it may be nice to actually own a school books and not steal them." She smiles and starts to walk out the door. "I'll see you back at Eliza's house!"

When she's gone I turn back to Nate who's mysteriously disappeared from the room. Since he's the one with the keys I plop down on his couch and wait for him to show back up again.

It takes at least twenty minuets before he walks back. "Sorry for leaving, but I just got a call from Royce. He's set up base for Eliza and I to accompany him in Europe. We will leave tomorrow morning." He sets his phone down on the coffee table in front of me and I can tell he's watching my face for a freak out.

But what can I say? That I've only just met him in this life and I can't even remember all our old lives together. That I don't want him to go for fear of him never coming back. I can't say any of that because one word is always repeated in each of the sentences; I.

Nate can't and won't stay for selfish reasons. He seems to know what I'm think and he shakes his head and laughs. "Every life you fight me on leaving. Trust me if I could stay I would. I'd rather be with you then going off to count my dead men."

"It's just...I want to remember you. I mean everything about you and I in our past lives. When you leave how am I suppose to do that?" I can't help but to be selfish. It's been a long time since I've had something precious to hold on to.

Like any charming guy Nate takes advantage of the fact that he's kneeling in front of me to pull the thin silver chain off his neck. I start to protest but instead of pulling my engagement ring off her takes his off. He grabs my hand and gently slides the ring onto my thumb since it would be too big to fit on any of the others. The etching of the wings stretches around the gold band and it shines in the fading daylight.

He holds my ring up to align with my thumb. "Now whenever you want to try to access a memory of me all you have to do is look at this ring and think of me. Think of what you want to remember and it should come easily. Whenever I missed you to the point of going out of my mind, I'd just look at this ring," he holds up the ring on the chain, "and I'd remember how happy you looked when I gave it to you."

I look down at the golden ring and I feel the cowardice urge to cry. I bite down in my cheek to distract myself and with a deep breath I find my words. "Just promise me you'll come back."

Nate smile and wraps his hand around my fingers. Bringing them to his mouth he places a kiss on the top of my knuckles. "Of course."

With that he pulls me to my feet and walks me toward the door. Instead of walking to his car he pulls me to a stop and drops the keys in my hand. "While I'm gone I need you to watch over my jeep, a very important task." His mocking tone sets me off slightly but I smile anyway.

"So this is our goodbye? I get a car and you get to go to Europe." Of course the way I say it makes it sound like we were just winners off a game show but that's how I am. When things get dangerously close to making me cry I try and use humor to lighten the mood.

"Yes this is our goodbye for today." His mischievous smile makes me wonder if his words have a double meaning but it's already been silent a second to long. Which means awkwardness is about to follow. Instead of saying anything else I hurry off the porch and head to his car before I do something stupid. Like cry.

I should have known that something wasn't completely right about the way Nate said good bye to me. First of all when you are saying good bye to someone you love you don't usually give them a smile worthy enough to be the Cheshire Cat. Secondly Nate wasn't the innocent kind of guy that just let's his girl leave without a back up plan.

So of course when I wake up to a movement on the side of my bed I start to scream. A hand muffles the high pitched cry before it could either wake my roommate or maybe the whole entire town.

The blankets are tangled around my legs so I can't hardly move and the intruder has their free hand pinning my arms down. Through bleary eyes I squint as best as I can and just catch the slightest shine of black eyes. To be sure I'm not dreaming I inhale deeply and can identify a hint of cedar and woodsy scent.

Okay if this were a dream then, great that's awesome, but no it's one of those creepy moments where I wake to find a dude at the side of my bed. I wiggle around and practically tear my head away from his hand so I can whisper yell.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Nate? Are you mental or something because I know if Eliza gets woken from her deep sleep to find you in our house she's going to kick your ass." Pepper lies still in her bed, a hand over her stomach and the other resting against her hip. A perfect sleeping beauty.

Nate leans back slightly so I can sit myself up, pulling my blanket over myself since I'm only wearing a think tank top and some tiny shorts.

I cross my arms and try to look unaffected and aloof to the fact that he came to see me in the middle of the night for God knows why.

"I told you yesterday that it was our goodbye. Now it's time for the real goodbye today." I can't really see his face all that clearly but from his voice I can tell he's smiling. Looking over at the lit up clock on a nightstand, between Pepper and I, the time reads 1:01 in the morning.

"Cute but I'm one of those, you disturb my sleep you will die, types of girl so are you trying to test your luck?" I demand.

"You want to fight, sweetheart? That can be arranged. Come on, get up, and get changed in something you don't mind getting dirty in." I open my mouth to argue. "And don't ask questions. I'm about to leave for a few weeks, I wanted to make our goodbye memorable."

Ug, I'm sure the big guy is pulling puppy eyes right now but they aren't even needed for me to agree. I don't want Nate to go anymore than I would want Eliza to follow him. But a chance to properly say goodbye to him? I can't afford to miss my chance.

Going into my closet I decide on my green hulk shirt that simple reads Keep Calm and Don't Make Me Angry and warm yoga pants. Wherever he was taking me I didn't care, this was officially going to be our second date.

**Quote: "I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are, or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together." ~~Julia Roberts **