Here are your critiques! 

Please note that if you edited your prologues/first chapters in this past week, the reviews presented here maybe on the old version of these chapters. Also, we only read the first few paragraphs (as mentioned in the info of this round) so we are only judging the very initial appeal of your chapters. Unless of course we were so intrigued that we just had to complete the chapter! :3

These are our thoughts, written to help you improve your works and writing skills; you are welcome to disagree, but rudeness is not welcome. These entries are not in any particular order either, it was completely random so your placement on this chapter doesn't mean in any way that your entry is worse or better than others.

druidrose- Rogue Assassin

AnniesBooks: Like anything you write, this was fantastic! I really liked the mystery and the way you ended the prologue. Overall I don't see anything wrong in the chapter, and I'm sure excited to read more for the remainder of this contest! 

Martaxsofia: I found the way you wrote your first few paragraphs pretty good, your descriptions are well written and realistic. I must point out that I do have a thing against the spacing you went with; I felt like you could have described what she was wearing and packing in one solid paragraph and then move onto the rest. You wrote it in a very formal way but you were able to make it work well. I'd retract the 'it was' on the second sentence though to keep the style more polished and formal as you did in the rest. (I consider the third person a bit formal but you took it the extra mile, it worked in your favour, don't worry). Overall, very appealing!

MarcusBrutus1 - The Patterns of Darkness

Martaxsofia: I believe you forgot to add some quotation marks right in the very beginning when Captain Forith made his observation. You went with the third person which allows the writer to explore the scenario better because it's not focused on one character's mindset and opinion which, in my eyes, worked. Even though starting a book with dialogue is quite tricky and unadvisable, you wrote a good start and her input on the legends makes you wonder what's the story behind it.

michaelaa742 - Out of the Frying Pan

Martaxsofia: I assume your characters work at a restaurant or bakery, you didn't exactly clarify that in the beginning even though people assume it through their conversation. I would suggest adding something to that first line to really make it pop and maybe some description in-between the dialogue so it's not just a back-and-forth conversation, ping-pong style. Your grammar, spelling and punctuation were good and I couldn't find anything that was seriously bad, I could only come up with a suggestion or two. Overall, you did well.

Galasriniel_00 - War of Worlds

Martaxsofia: First and foremost, I'd opt for a smaller header and perhaps ask the graphic designer who made your cover to make one like it for the prologue. It just feels too big and unrelated. I thought your description was good and allowed us to replicate the scenario in our minds, I didn't quite understand what she meant by her home not having caves nor did I find any connection to the title and the idea it leads people on.

Prxncess_Tae - 10 Minutes

MartaxSofia: You began well, her happy place will most likely have a big importance in the story and whoever that message she ignored was from was a dynamic detail. Your writing style was good, I couldn't point out anything wrong with your SPaG. I didn't really see something that really lured me in. I don't know where you are going with it, I have barely begun reading your story, but, so far, it feels like you'll be playing around with the overused new neighbour and love triangle clichés.

AnniesBooks: I love the cute little banner at the start of the chapter! Seeing graphics in a book always makes me want to read it more. I think your first two sentences could be turned into one sentence to make them flow better. I commented a few little grammar mistakes on the story for you to fix, but they were nothing major! I'm also very partial to the name Asia because one of my main characters has the same name! ;)  

theWandererMadness - To The Neverland

Martaxsofia: I'd work on adding some emphasis to the emotions in your work, replacing 'was feeling' with 'felt', 'covered so tightly' by 'squeezed shut' (...), to give it a little more. The telepathy was a nice touch, made it more unrealistic, more fantasy-like. You centred yourself around that and in the introduction of the characters and then proceeded to a flashback which was separated by emojis, which aren't really recommended because they don't scream professional aesthetic nor do they look the same (or even appear) on all devices.

DivineReaderz - Born With Blood

Martaxsofia: I would try to enhance and play with the emotions through key words like specific verbs and adjectives to make your story more dramatic. You talk about fear and exclusion, exploit it, use it to your advantage.

AlyssaAfrica - Perierat

Martaxsofia : Your SPaG was great, I couldn't point out any that was wrong with the way you began your story but I simply didn't connect with it enough to name you a star. That, to me, is what was missing but I can't seen to figure out how you might add it and what 'it' is.

bartholomewthewriter - Renaissance

Martaxsofia: I find it that you make very little sentences, you keeping adding pauses through the excess of periods. I do understand that maybe that's exactly what you were going for but, to me, that's not the most attractive thing. I liked what you wrote but I'd distinguish the two voices that are in his head a bit more, maybe through italics to make it clearer and give it more impact.

-kyavhill - Society

MartaxSofia: I'm going to start off with your weak point: I think you named the prologue 'preface', you should Google their definitions; you also did some very short sentences in the very first paragraph and then went on about Vera's office with what felt like unnecessary detail; I also don't yet know the gender, or anything, about the main character, the only pointer is his name which means he's a man but so far that's it. You should try to go beyond what means the eye and use more emotions.

JayceJole - To Rescue a Villian

MartaxSofia: My initial reaction to your book was positive, I couldn't - and still can't - really seem to find something that's wrong with the way you wrote it but I wasn't able to find that much of a wow factor in it either, although marking every page he was in was a great detail that really nailed her obsession.

dampnoodles - Constricted

MartaxSofia: I know this round is on the first bit of the first chapter but I have to point out that the 4 parts you have before yours are big turn offs for readers because they have to scroll too much and might get bored before they reach it or simply ignore them. Maybe you could put (at least most of) that info in a preface. Regarding the first chapter itself, I did see some punctuation errors, you were probably so stoked that you were writing at lightspeed and made some tiny mistakes. Your description are fair but I felt like it lacked some emotion and that, while using the third person, you shouldn't write things like '(...), or anything' because it sounds too personal (like it's something one would say when admitting something embarrassing). Am I making myself clear or was that confusing?

AnniesBooks: First of all, I love that you have a glossary, playlist, etc, but those should NEVER be at the first of your book. Move them to the back. (: The only one of those first four parts that should be there is the intro. The first few paragraphs you have are a really good opening. I like the description a lot. I'm definitely going to want to finish reading this story. 

KittyOnKeyboard - Z Squared

MartaxSofia: You were off to a great start but towards the end of the letter the formality of it, seen as it's written by a teacher for a student's parent, gets a little lost. I understand that it's not that necessary and that her statements go well with the situation she is reporting. Onto the what happens after, morning routines aren't the best for a story, especially not as starting points, although you did add some mess that made it a little more positive and active the old machinery we call of a brain.

WonderlandWriter - Another Day

MartaxSofia: I liked how you began by divulging the anxiety and fear she felt shortly before her 'expiration date' and you might want to exploit a bit more. Say she dragged her feet, her world was already ending and everyone just carried on living like it was nothing, make her feel like she didn't matter much, she didn't have much of an impact on others' lives. I'd also sum up a bit of the morning routine you wrote about afterwards. I'm excited to see where you go with this book of yours!

letusfallup - Between Water and Sky

MartaxSofia: I'm confused and still oblivious as to what the heck happened and what kind of world the character is living in. Your descriptions were fair and allowed for there to be some room for visualisation but I did find some SPaG problems in your story so you might want to watched out for those. I also think the transition between his thoughts and the action was an afterthought and it really shouldn't be because it disturbs the flow of the story.

LunarsFantasies - The Runaway

MartaxSofia: Your writing is pretty good and your descriptions aren't bad either, the mess of a conversation is justified by the complexity of the conversation and the danger she might bring to them. I'd suggest using more expressing language, especially to express the elder's discontent and anger.

We'll see all you wonderful people in round three! 

P.S. - please comment your thoughts on the new cover!