I couldn't have put together a better night if I tried. For the first time in five years, I enjoyed the holiday that brought me the most pain. It used to be Aaliyah's favorite. We'd stay in the kitchen cooking with my mom all morning making her famous recipe for candied yams, and Aaliyah would insist on singing along to Christmas tunes that I couldn't stand. I can still picture her spinning in circles using a wooden spatula as a microphone to get on my nerves. We'd get in the biggest fights over it. Ironically, it's now the one memory I seem to miss the most.

Levi lives in a private gated community that houses other members of California's elite and high-status profiles. Streetlights line the perfectly paved sidewalk as Connor and I walk side by side together. It's quiet. Peaceful. I can't remember the last time I used that adjective to describe my life, but here I am feeling content being in the presence of the arrogant hockey player I couldn't stand to be around two months ago.

Connor stops to shrug his coat off and drapes it over my shoulders. "It's chilly out here," he says.

The man carries enough body heat to be a fucking furnace beside me, but I don't tell him that. I accept the coat and hug the fabric tighter around me, loving that I'm now surrounded by his scent.

"Do you think Cal and Ana have killed each other yet?" He asks.

We continue walking towards a park near the community center and I let out a laugh. "It wouldn't surprise me. The two of them have strong personalities. If they were to—"

The shrill of a ringtone that isn't mine cuts through the air. Connor sends me an apologetic stare as he fishes it out of his pocket, and my heart melts when a photo of him and his niece I met at the ice skating rink—Janie if I recall correctly—stares back at me. Connor hesitates on whether or not to answer, but I quickly wave my hand, instructing him to pick it up. "It's fine," I say. "Seriously. I don't mind."

He swipes across the screen, and the little girl with pigtails squeals when she sees him. "Uncle Connie! Where are you? You're not here to make cookies with me. You always make cookies with me."

The camera pans over to a woman I haven't seen before. She's beautiful with long brown hair and caramel-colored eyes. "Sorry. I tried to tell her you were busy tonight, but she wouldn't take no for an answer." A baby boy is on her hip, his chubby arms around her neck. "It's hectic over here without you."

Connor cracks a grin. "That bad, huh?"

"Who else is going to play with the littles? Ev and Mason are trying, but they're not you."

Janie takes the phone back from her mom. "Are you coming over?"

I glance at Connor, noting the disappointed expression on his face, and my heart melts all over again. The love he has for his nieces and nephews is admirable. "I, ah, I can't tonight Janie bug. I'm sorry." He must not tell her no very often because Janie's eyes begin to well up with tears.

"B-but we always make cookies," she whispers.

"Maybe Uncle Connie can stop by later this week to make them," the woman tries to reassure her. I'm assuming she's her mom. "Sorry, Connor. I didn't mean for her to make you feel guilty. You deserve to have fun tonight."

Connor shakes his head. "It's okay, Em. I feel loved, not guilty, and I appreciate you calling. Tell Dick Face to grab Marco. You shouldn't be carrying him when you're this far along."

Janie makes the cutest little gasp. "Swear jar! Yes. Ten bucks for me."

Connor winces. "Sorry."

"Everett already offered, but you know how Marco is. He doesn't ever want anyone to hold him but me. It'd be pointless for Everett to take him. He'd just cry the entire time."

"Right. Well, I'll call you tomorrow at some point to make plans with Janie. I'll make it up to her."

A chorus of laughter echoes through the speaker, and the woman—Em—cranes her neck to find the source. "Sounds good. I have to go, though. If you change your mind and want to stop by later, we're starting up our game of Charades in an hour or so. Love you!" She hangs up before he can reply, and the silence of the night around us envelopes me whole. Connor comes from a family filled with light and laughter and so much love. It's very overwhelming given how lonely I've felt the past few years.

"You have a big family," I say to fill the silence. Connor stops at a bench near the park, so I sit down beside him and hug his jacket tighter around me. "How many brothers and sisters do you have?"

"One sister, one brother. Our family isn't that big, but my siblings seem to be pushing out a new kid every year, so the littles take up the majority of the house on the holidays."

"And how many nieces or nephews do you have?"

Just the mention of them has his eyes shining brightly. "Janie was first, then Marco. My sister and sister-in-law are both pregnant, and they're due this spring. I'm getting two more nephews to add into the mix."

I let out a whistle. "Damn. Yeah, Thanksgiving next year is going to be crazy for you with two baby boys and a toddler. Your niece seems so sweet, though. She seems to care for you a lot."

"Yeah." Connor grins wider. "What Janie and I have is special. I love my nephew, too, and I'll love my other nephews when they enter the world just as much, but Janie... She made me in tune with my emotional side. I've always been the funny, careless jock to others, and I was a dick to women back in the day, but the minute I held Janie, I just..." He shrugs. "I grew up, I guess. Well, not completely, but in the ways that mattered."

I slump back into the bench with a perplexed expression.

"What?" He asks.

"Nothing, it's just... Why didn't you show me this side of you when we first met? Don't get me wrong, the confidence you have is sexy, but the more I get to know you, the more layers I'm discovering." My lips form a thin line as I contemplate my next words. "I don't know, I just had this feeling when I met you that there was a facade you kept up, and I should have stuck with my gut instinct because it turned out to be true. I can't for the life of me figure out why you put up a facade though when this version of you, the real you, is so fucking incredible."

He shrugs and throws an arm over my shoulder. One of his fingers wraps around a loose strand of my hair before he begins to twirl it, distracting me. "Fear of rejection, maybe? I don't know. Part of me thinks I'm expected to act a certain way with the position I'm in. You know, the more I strip for social media, the more money it brings to the team. It's a shitty excuse, but sometimes I throw up the facade without realizing I'm doing it."

I'm brought back to the first time I saw him since our night together in the Maldives. On my very first day of practice when I met the team and saw that flicker of emotion pass across his face. He proceeded to give me this speech about trying to find me for so long, and for a second, I thought he was telling the truth. Now, I know he was. He did try to find me after our night together, but the fear of my rejection made him put his facade back up.

"Or..." Connor flicks his gaze to my lips before meeting my eyes. "Maybe I prefer to display the real version of myself only to the most important people. Not everyone needs to see me at my best, you know? I reserve the intimate parts of me for the ones who deserve it. Otherwise, I'd run myself dry trying to please everyone."

I can't help the smile that appears on my face. "Well, I'm impressed, Connor Holden. You are nothing like I expected. Tonight has been..." I almost stop myself from saying what's right on the tip of my tongue, but I'm done fighting my feelings for him. If this relationship is going to work, I need to be honest and not hide from the truth. "I'm grateful to have found you again," I admit. "I may have denied it when we first met, but the truth is, the night in The Maldives meant as much to me as it did to you. That's partly why I left without saying goodbye. I was scared of my feelings after..." Fuck, why is this so difficult?

Connor makes comforting circles on my shoulder, fully invested and present in this conversation. He makes me feel like everything I have to say is important. There is nothing that would bore him, and by now, he's proven that he's going to stick around. This isn't a fling, it's not a one-night stand... Deep down, I've always known Connor was in this for the long haul. It's about time I confess and take the jump with him, too.

"To quickly sum it up, I went to a party and left my sister upset at home knowing she was having a bad day. She encouraged me to go, but it still didn't excuse me for leaving. I promised to check on her, but I got so wrapped up in this guy I had a crush on that I forgot to call her, and when I got back to the house..." My bottom lip trembles as the memories slam into my head over and over again like a broken record. "Our parents were gone for the weekend, so they weren't home when I went to check on her. I... She wasn't answering me when I knocked on the door, and I just knew. I can't explain it, but I knew what I'd find before I even opened that door."

Connor swallows thickly, his eyes glossy.

"There was a bathroom attached to her room and the blood..." A shiver runs down my spine. "There was so much of it. It was everywhere, and I couldn't tell you how I found her. I blacked out in those moments, but I do remember finding the knife she used. I had picked it up from the floor and I was crawling on my hands and knees to her when I slipped and... Well, I was holding the knife in the wrong direction, and—" A sob escapes my mouth uncontrollably, and Connor instinctively pulls me against his chest and presses his lips to the scar on my forehead. It's a simple gesture, but it gives me the confidence I need to finish the story.

"She killed herself because girls bullied her for wearing her hair natural, and those same girls showed up at her funeral a week later because they had a guilty conscience. They thought attending Aaliyah's funeral meant it would clear them of their wrongdoing, and I was quick to tell them differently. I told those young girls it should have been them instead. I screamed and caused such a scene that my parents had to drag me away kicking and thrashing. Those girls were kids, and as fucked up as they were for doing what they did, they didn't deserve to be told to kill themselves. I was grieving and in pain, and I took the attention away from remembering Aaliyah by causing a fucking scene in front of everyone. My parents couldn't even grieve properly because all of their focus had to be on keeping my emotions at bay."

"But you had just lost your sister, Aria. Those girls were the reason she took those measures. Regardless of what you think, even if your emotions were extreme, you had every right to feel them. I'm sure your parents realize that, too."

"Maybe, but the more I've come to terms with it, the more I've realized that I lashed out at them because I was mad at myself. I felt guilty, and ever since that day, I haven't been able to shake it. I didn't check on her. I let a boy get in the way of ensuring she was okay. And because of that, I've lost out on all of these fucking moments with her. I'm reminded of them every day. Even now, I see the relationship you have with your niece and nephew, and I feel guilty because she isn't here. She'll never be able to have kids, and I'll never know what it feels like to be an aunt. My future children will never meet her because of my decision that night."

"Aria..." Connor's voice breaks as a tear slips down his cheek. He clears his throat to collect himself and tilts my chin up to look him in the eyes, and shades of deep emerald threaten to steal my breath away. They're so intense and utterly enchanting that I can't seem to look away. "Even if you did check on her, do you think she would have told you to come home from the party? She encouraged you to go in the first place. The unfortunate truth to this story, and the one I believe is the most difficult to swallow, is even if you checked, she likely would have followed through on her plans regardless, and there's nothing you or anyone else could have done to stop her. Her death isn't on you, nor should you carry any guilt. From the stories you've told me, she seemed full of life and loved you more than anything. I don't believe for one second she'd want you to carry this on your shoulders."

His words of reassurance are my fucking breaking point. I've held my past in for so long. All of those memories have been like a ton of bricks weighing on my chest, and with the crushing pressure finally released, I'm flooded with... I don't know what this feeling is, but it's too much. I'm overwhelmed and can't seem to stop sobbing in his arms. I'm completely soaking his dress shirt, but Connor doesn't seem to mind one bit. He strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head, and knowing he doesn't think I'm a bad person because of my past eliminates my biggest fear between us that this won't work. He's accepting me. All of me.

"Plus," Connor whispers, "I've got enough nieces and nephews for the both of us, baby, so don't think you won't be an aunt. It won't be to your flesh and blood, but hopefully, they'll fill some of that emptiness you feel."

I used to think I didn't deserve him. Regardless of whether or not others think I did nothing wrong that night with Aaliyah, I will always carry that burden with me. But rather than live with it forever, I'm beginning to believe I can redeem myself. I'm taking the steps needed to become a person I'm proud of—someone who's worthy of having a man like Connor by their side.

I'm not that someone yet, but I'm going to try my damn hardest to get there.

Bringing Connor's mouth to mine, I kiss him slowly. Intentionally. I entwine my tongue with his while raking my fingers through his curls, and at this moment, I'm certain nothing in this entire universe feels better than when we kiss. Connor groans and tugs me into his lap, his jacket falling off of my shoulders and landing on the bench beside us.

"You're fucking perfect," he says breathlessly. "Never doubt that, Aria." He skims his hands down my waist, continuing lower until he grabs my ass. I'm soaking wet when he pushes a thigh between my legs for me to straddle, brushing against the bud of pleasure that has my body trembling with need. I don't care if we're in a park in the middle of the night. I never used to care about living on the wild side. Connor is bringing me back to life, to the person I was, and I'm loving every second of it.

I brush my clit against his thigh, finding a rhythm that has my head falling back. My tights are getting in the way, but I make do with what I'm given, spreading my thighs further apart to create more friction.

Connor takes advantage of my exposed neck, running his tongue up the column of it. "Are you going to make yourself come?" He pants. I gasp when he lifts his leg, and I shamelessly rock against him, feeling that heady, all-consuming feeling boil to the surface. "You're fucking perfect."

He repeats exactly what he told me in The Maldives, and tears prick my eyes from the emotion it carries. He believed it then, and he still believes it now, even knowing everything about my past. Connor will never begin to comprehend how much it means to me.

"No." He gently pushes my hand away when I reach for his belt. "This is for you, Aria. I want to see you shatter just like this. Eyes on me."

It's all too much. I'm swallowed up in his gaze, too wrapped up in my lust to worry about getting caught. My only focus is on the man holding me tight against his body, and any second now, I'm going to fall apart because of him. Not because of how damning his looks are, but because of his heart. His giving nature. His unwavering faith in me from the very beginning. I'm going to fall over the edge because I love him.

With his name on my lips, I let myself go. I give myself and all that I am to him as my legs shake from the intensity of the best orgasm of my life. My eyes never leave his, not for a second. I'm holding his face in my hands, tears in both of our eyes and this... Yeah, this is a moment I'll never forget.

A breakthrough.

Connor is rock-hard in his jeans. I can feel his cock pulsing from the blood rush as we bask in the aftermath. I understand he wanted the pleasure to be solely for me tonight due to all the emotions that have rushed to the surface, but he deserves happiness too. And although I'm unsure if I'm prepared for this, it's yet another step I need to accomplish if I'm going to prove to Connor that I'm in this for the long haul, too.

"Do you think Levi could take Esme home?" I ask. I'm still holding his face in my hands, running my thumbs in smoothing strokes against his cheeks.

"I don't think Levi would have a problem with that at all," he replies. "Why?"

"Because..." I lean forward to kiss him softly, erupting into a fit of giggles when he nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck. "I'm in the mood for cookies, and I recently discovered a little girl is itching to make them with her Uncle Connie."

Connor's head snaps to mine. "Are you serious? You... You want to meet my family?"

"I mean, if you're okay with it? I don't want to overstep. I also happen to be pretty kick ass at Charades, so..."

That cocky, arrogant smirk I've fallen head over heels for spreads across his face. "You could never overstep. We're going at your pace here, remember?" Rising from the bench, he still holds me in his arms and grabs his jacket to hook around my shoulders once more. "You're sure you want to meet them?"

If I'm being honest with myself, I've been ready for a while. I'm done fighting the denial. I love him, and I want to meet the people who had a part in creating the man of my dreams.

"Yes," I say with a newfound confidence. "I'm ready to meet them."

He scans my eyes, and once he finds the affirmation he's looking for, he pulls me closer. "Alright then, baby. Let's go meet your future in-laws."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

NOT ME CRYING OVER THEM

OMFG

I LOVE THEM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. 

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