Posted September 5th, 2020

Two weeks before the sensitivity test.

The surgery was the upcoming weekend.

My nerves were already jittery as I was preparing the room for the surgery. Everyone kept asking me why I was still doing that- Ken Cherry, Nora, Daniel, Johhny.

At some point, I reached my limit point.

"will you guys stop?"

I turned around, to every face looking at me curiously. Maybe I had been to loud...? The echo was loud in the room.

"I just need to do it. for me. For other people. I'm in too deep, to back away."

I spotted Ken open his mouth, confrontation in his eyes. "no dad. It is too late. I can't back away."

But maybe he was right. And I could say no. I could stop.

Maybe, if it isn't comfortable anymore, you are allowed to say no and back away whenever.

But the way things unfolded was just fine. The next time I saw them, it was to be normal. To be sensitive. A small part of me somehow still believed my parents might get back together, if I become the best version of myself.