Posted September 5th, 2020

At first, it was silent in the hospital room.

Because I was still tired, and couldn't lift my head up, I thought I was alone in my room again, with machines. With my loneliness and broken heart.

For once though, I was wrong. And I couldn't be happier.

First, it was mother's face that hovered over me. Her always so carefully cared for hair was in little nets all around her face, and her fair skin was very pale. Like a ghost's.

But it wasn't the most attractive part of her face. It wasn't what I was drawn to look at first. What kept my attention on her was her broken smile. It held a lot of things; weariness, heartbreak, guilt. But also love. There was so much love it almost scared me.

I didn't try to deny it this time.

I was also vey tired, and heartbroken. But I didn't try to deny it too. Even after all these years, I still loved her- to the maximum of my capacity of course.

She laughed loudly. Maybe it wasn't that loud. But it made a bit dizzy. And because I was tired, I could barely speak. I also had a ventilator mask on my face. "what! My birdie! The love of my life."

She fell on top of me, hugging me tightly. I heard a doctor tell her to not do it so tight. But she completely ignored him.

Only then did I see everybody else. Father first, smiling to my right. "welcome back, daughter. I missed you." I could tell he was genuine. He was trying his best.

Then Amber. Just like I might have guessed, her tears soaking her plain white shirt. Amber was in a very bad situation. Hair in a greasy bun, and unattended attire. Was I really that important?

Then Tess. Oh my Tasnim. She was smiling, again. Such a happy person. And in her eyes, I could see the empathy and care that had always been there. Whenever I looked at her. She was the kind of friend that wouldn't hesitate to help you bury a friend. Also the mom of the group.

Then Isic. When I looked at him. he smiled. Wildly. Like he was having the time of his life. "how did you beat me to the bed. I thought I had the death wish?"

He earned a few tired smiled from everyone. I looked at my hand, and he followed my gaze. In a fist for a fist bump. He laughed out loud, and bumped me. Autumn in the flesh for you, I would have said if I could.

Daniel was smiling. I hadn't seen him do so a lot recently, or be proud to be seen with me. But in that room, with a sister who might have passed away, he didn't hold back.

"my little warrior. Our warrior. Stealing the spotlight again from me."

He was beside Isic. Isic was blonde, while Daniel was a brunet. But even in my dazzed state, I couldn't ignore their likeness now that they were adults. They had a lot of similar quite traits, like the curbs of their mouth, and the subtle shape of their eyes and eyelashes. Could it be real?

I was shocked to see Nora. But her care and sympathy had always amazed me, and made me feel very good inside. Her, and mother didn't have the prettiest relationship. But I didn't feel any tension. "honey." One word. But it held so much.

The first word she ever used to call me. The one she kept on saying even after I broke her heart multiple times. It wasn't her fault Father wanted to temporarily marry, and didn't check if I was alright with it first.

I had been immature.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, and when I opened them I saw the understanding in her eyes. I felt my own eyes tear up. And I didn't feel ashamed, or tried to swallow my emotions back down. Because then, I'd be feeling ashamed for the truth.

I refused to feel ashamed for the truth anymore.

A few doctors started to check my vitals, my blood pulse, and how I'm regaining feelings in my body part. As I though about all of them with me with the nurses doing their work, I realized they had all hurt me in a way I trusted them to never do so.

And even though I had grown, and realized their true love and care for me, I couldn't trust them again and let them in my life. Just because someone wants to be back in, doesn't mean you have to let them.

You don't.

I noticed on a nurse's notepad that that day was the third of September. I had been in a coma for a month. I was a warrior. Like Daniel had said.

Which was why, after I recover, I was going to perform it on me. I still had twenty seven days left.