Posted Sept. 4th, 2020

On august third, it was my thirty sixth birthday.

Blake came in the very morning and asked quietly to speak to me. Under Calumn's suspicious eyes, and Lucy's curious ones, I went out with him. we stayed in the hallway. I could tell he was suspicious of Lucy and Calumn. Because he brought me out to tell me one thing only.

He was the manager of the institute for traumatized people. Apparently, I was traumatized. If I was any other person, it was expected. But at only seventeen, I had already lived a lot.

I was fine.

"today, you're going out for your 36th birthday outside. No party. It's too soon and people might overwhelm you. Just to get a breath of fresh air."
I smiled. "thank you for letting me know. Doctor, right?"

"you could say so." He smiled. But there was something evil to his smile. It tried to be genuine. But it was wicked, and bad intended.

"alright." He put his hand on my back, and I suffered the whole way back. It was like fire. Oh so painful.

Only when he let me go, and locked the door behind could I breathe. Phew.

I walked through the living room. Lucy and Calumn were at the dinner table. Our apartment was very small. A set of stairs led to two rooms at the top.

Calumn hid his suppiscousness and Lucy smiled, like a child should do. "you're back! Dad told m you're going out."

Hearing the word Dad made me internally cringe. Not that I was disgusted by Calumn. What disgusted me was being lied to, being told I was married to someone that I didn't even know well and having to fake it. having to play along.

I wasn't married. How had I lost all of my freedom?

I kneeled in front of her. "yeah. Isn't it awesome. You told me you wanted to go to the park last time."

"we're gonna meet new people." She said, pumping her fist. It took me a moment to register what she was saying. Meet new people...new people... people I knew. Definitely.

Going outside also meant... knowing the way out! I couldn't risk The Man Behind The Camera knowing that I knew way more than he wanted. I was so close to getting out.

I hugged her. "I'm excited too, sweetie."

I stood up, and sat at the table. "how did you sleep?" I asked my husband, while cutting a waffle. Breakfast time.

He looked up at me, and smiled wholeheartedly. It was a real smile. A genuine, and soft-hearted one. How had I been blessed with two angels in this despicable place? "great. And you?"

"awesome. I'm going to eat then we can go."

Twenty minutes later, I was wearing an ugly grey mom shirt way too big for me, and a pair of blue mom jeans. As soon as I saw dozens of jeans in my wardrobe, I remembered how much the real me hated them. The man tried to keep me away from what I really loved. The hatred I had towards the things he bought me only unlocked memories of what I really liked.

I memorized the way out. We only followed the signs on the walls. It led to the main entrance, I believed. There were stones where you could sit on each side od the pathway leading to it.

We went a bit further and sat on a bench in front of the park. Lucy went to play.

Calumn looked behind me, and whispered in my ear. "I am working with your family to get out very soon. In the meantime, don't eat the food too much. Memory wipers inside. And act like you believe all the lies and love where you live."

He paused, and decided to tie his laces. "Your name is the one Lucy told you about."

I didn't make anything to prove he had told me something. We must have been severely watched by the man, but maybe also some of his minions. I spotted two people- a couple- who would get too close to us to eavesdrop, and turn back at awkward moments to look at us.

And three other lone men, who would make the same awkward moves.

"so any friends now?"

"never had any." He said, looking into the distance. He locked his jaw, before unlocking it. "mostly a loner. Had a friend- Daniel- who betrayed me."

Daniel? Familiar... "now I mostly stay to myself."

He looked at me. You are a loner too. Which is why no one came to see you after."

"But at least, we have each other?" I said. If I could, I would have game myself a pat on the back. It was a good line.

Even though all of Calumn's senses were telling him not to, he reached out for my hand. And even though all of my instincts were telling me the same, I closed the distance with my hand, and held his.

When he lifted his eyes, I could see it- a reflection of what I was probably displaying. Sadness, tiredness, and .... A pinch of brokenness. No... More like an ocean. Yes. That's right. An ocean of hurt and anger he was hiding inside. Once again, he was in a situation, helpless. He couldn't do anything beside it.

His eyes were the only way he could let it out.

What was his story?

"we'll be fine." I said. "we always manage to. Right?"

He let go of my hand, and stared into the distance again. The sun was setting. But he wasn't looking at it. something else was. "Right."

Something else was on my mind too. A woman that said my name and looked vaguely familiar when we were leaving. When we'd be making our way back, would she be there?