posted september 5th, 2020

I met my daughter, Lucy.

I, Karissa, had a daughter. She was seven years old. But from her big shining eyes, and the way they would look at everything as if they're calculating it, or measuring its danger, I knew she was wise.

Probably on my side, too.

I knew from that point on that I had allies- people who were willing to help me escape till their last breath. I had a feeling I didn't always feel like that before I even came to that place. It was hard for me to trust people.

It was probably my downfall too. Why I landed there in the first place.

Of course, Lucy wasn't my daughter for real. I was way too young to have a daughter. Heck. I wasn't even thirty-five. I was way younger- but I don't know exactly.

"hi." I told her when I went downstairs to meet her at the door. "did you miss mommy?" I was hugging her. Although she was hugging me back, I could tell she wasn't very fond of the situation we were in. her hands were awkwardly wrapping around my back, and when I pulled back, her eyes displayed a very deep discomfort.

One so deep she must have been feeling it in her bones. I let her go.

Her long black hair, and icy blue eyes were familiar to me. I had been with her before... who was she? Not my daughter for sure. Or my sister. Maybe my friend's daughter? A real friend this time, and not loud and annoying Sara?

We went to her room. It was pink, with a dozen movie posters on the wall. It was too childish, and superficial. There were all kinds of toys everywhere; dolls, teddys bears, unicorns, cars. That's how you knew the person who filled the room didn't know a thing about her. It was filled with all kinds of toys.

I wondered if the Man behind the cameras had told her to act a certain way, or actually convince her I was her mom. I presumed he chose the latter. It was safer.

And Lucy fooled him well. What she told me after made me trust her kind spirit even more. She was on my side.

You could wonder how someone like me, someone who was so scared of trusting someone and being betrayed managed to trust people in a place where almost everyone was against me. I have a vague answer. One, I followed my gut. My heart knows. Because it doesn't forget. second, I decided to follow the signs.

And trusting will always be scary. There's always a tiny chance they'll break your heart. But If you're heart is telling you to go for it, go for it. You won't know if they're really trustworthy if you never trust them.

I removed from the wall a sticky note. "Congrats." I said after reading it. "Do you like the room I decorated for you?"

I spotted the moment of hesitation on her face. For a second, her features curled up in an indescribable frown – something between disgust, sadness and brokenness. Why did it make her sad?

"yes." She said, looking up at me. Her eyes suddenly lighted up in a sly way. She held my hand, and led me to the window at the back with a glint of wisdom in her eyes.

"I want to go to the parc." She said.

She was short – less then five foot. But the window was big. She could see the kids playing outside. "maybe we could." I answered.

She looked at me. She was also talking more quietly. Like a fox, she was being careful about what she says. We wanted to make it seem like a real conversation.

She leaned into me, and I put my arm around her frail shoulder. She barely had any flesh on her bones. Very skinny girl.

"if you were to go." She said lower. "there'd be people to greet you. People you know."

"really?" I asked. There were people waiting for me impatiently outside? My family? And friends?

"yes." She smiled. "people who miss you. They haven't seen you in while. They're worried about your health."

I smiled very wide. So wide, and contagious that Lucy mirrored mine when she looked up at me. She had dimples, very cute dimples. And she was the cutest. I hugged her harder. Things were looking up. Was I going home soon?

Then without thinking, I said three words that you can't go offering to people without meaning. When used wrong, they create more damage than good.

"I love you."

Her eyes immediately got wider. "really ?" she said. Her smile was hopeful. I, not only knew after her reaction, that the girl was an orphan. But also, that I would pay her back after I leave. I would make her the happiest by giving her people who would make her hear those words everyday. I already had an idea.

"of course." I said, and lifted her. We watched the sunset for a few minutes before I spoke. I though of something. "But how am I going to know the way outside?"

She looked at me in the eyes. She was calmer in my arms. A frail kid, but also strong in her fragility. Mentally, too. She hugged me. this time, I could tell there was more to the hug. She felt grateful for me.

But I felt grateful for her. She was a superhero. My superhero.

Thinking about it that way brought tears to my eyes. What could I have done to deserve a small angler like her?

"there's a man- Calumn. He's on our side. He'll talk to you more. About it."

I nodded, and she put he head in the crook of my neck. Her breathing was steady, and comforting to me. I wasn't alone.

I wasn't alone. My heart was telling me, from the way it squeezed at the thought, that I hadn't always felt like that. Like I was surrounded by good people. That I let them in the same way they do. That I trust them to help me.

"by the way." She whispered. She looked me in the eyes. "you look like Autumn Ace Air."