Written august 23rd, 2020

Posted sept. 4th, 2020

I remembered a date my third morning. 29th September.

I would have looked it up, but I didn't have a phone. I knew it was a national test. But.... A test for what?

I decided to try getting more answers from Calumn about my past.

I had to wait for the sun to set though. The only safe time was when the night would set the world in darkness, and it would be harder for the cameras to tell what we're saying when we're facing it at an uncomfortable angle.

The wait was agonizing. On a chair in my bedroom, I would pass the day by looking out at all the kids playing in the park below. Some of their happy cries would reach my ears. If I hadn't been bored, I would have been annoyed. They wee high-pitched, and ear-piercing.

But I was bored. I could every second as it would pass. What did I use to do before losing my memory to pass time?

At around three in the morning, my bedroom door opened. I thought it was Calumn.... I missed his company. He made the room feel less empty. He was also very kind, and caring. And my only friend.

My real friend.

A girl in high black boots, a teeny tiny red leather skirt, and a funny top entered my room. She was loud, and very energetic.

"hey bestie!"

I didn't move from my chair. She walked to me and hugged me awkwardly. At first, I did t hug he back. But when I remembered the man behind the cameras and these people's jobs – convince me of having a life I would have never accepted for myself- I hugged her back. I had to pretend I was convinced.

I smiled, and talked at all the right times. Something told me I had been a very good actor before.

Without me asking, she started telling me about how I met Calumn- we were highschool sweethearts- and how I met her- in college. She filled me in on all the important events of my life that led me with her and in that apartment.

It was like she was reading a script. It was all wrong. She was trying to convince me.

She warned me exactly of who I wasn't. all her words unlocked real memories. And I knew they were real because they felt right. I didn't go to college. I was taught at home... by someone. And I didn't meet Calumn in highschool. I met my friends- real friends. A blonde, and a brunette.

Boys bullied me at school. She didn't know that.

She stayed for a full hour trying to convince me of things about myself.

I was dangerous. To her, and the man behind the cameras. What had I done? They wanted me to forget who I was. But... they didn't know this.

The mind can forget. But the heart never does.

When she left, I tried to hide my relied, and look sad instead. She was my only true company. I had to be sad. It was expected.

When calumn finally home, it was eight o'clock. I couldn't help but wonder did he have a family out there? Why was he helping me?

At ten, we had eaten. I noticed that we never ate the same thing. What was in my food? We lived in a type of nursery home for patients who has traumatizing incidents. Hence all the food, and shopping being done for me.

I was extremely impatient. But I didn't let it show. Instead, I followed the routine. Tell him Hi when he comes, smile, ssit at the table, eat, have him tell me a few lies for his sake- he made sure I knew they were lies- go to bed, talk a little, and pretend to be romantic – he had to onvnce the man I thought I was married- then sleep.

Sleep was always the hardest part. My survival instincts would keep me awake, or int that phase between sleep, and awake.

But when I under the cover, my curiosity had wared me out.

"why am I dangerous to them?" I mouthed, smiling to fool the cameras.

I was facing him on the bed, but about a meter away, hand under my left cheek.

"you wanted to perform a surgery. Long messy between you two. You refused to get help, though. That's how he got you. Vulnerable."

I nodded. "whats the reason?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Never told anyone. You had-" he looked at me "trust issues. Mainly because of your family?"

I could tell he was being careful. I smiled to let him know it was fine. I didn't remember much.

He pulled the cover higher on my body. "what's on September 30th" i smiled.

He didn't have to look what it was on his phone. Instead, his eyes widened, and his smile dropped. Before he pulled it back up. That's when I knew it had to do a lot with where I was.

"It's the national sensitivity test..."

He reached over the mattres his hand. I pretended to be shy, and not give him mine. The real truth was that I didn't want to.

His eyes were alert. this was an important piece of puzzle too.

"did you believe you,re insensitive? Technically, you are a bit of alien..." he was now in his thoughts.

I closed my eyes, and pretended to be asleep. Under my eyelids, thoughts after thoughts were racing inside my brain.

What the hell is wrong with me.

There's people who can feel emotions more deeply than me?

Only three months until that date.

So... I had to plan my escape, and trust my old self for her decision? Or completely ignore it because I could feel- and deeply too?