Written august 22th, 2020

Posted sept. 4th, 2020

I had a bad dream the next night.

Because it was that scary, I couldn't sleep after even if it was the middle of the night. It was precisely 1:14.

"what happened to me?" I asked Calumn, my husband. He was on the far away on the end, breathing heavily, and being as careful not to touch me as I was to touch him. I didn't want to feel awkward. But we already were.

Had we been arranged a marriage. It was impossible to be this awkward with someone you supposedly love.

I didn't love him, though. I didn't even know him. it was the reason why I thought it was impossible to love him. the mind can forget. But the heart never does.

I had no feelings for him.

"You fell. On your head. Hard." His voice was strained, and rough in the darkness, like this topic made him very angry.

"ok."

"ok." He said. "I won't ever hurt you. Ok. I need you to know that." He whispered.

Slightly turning my head to the felt, I caught his eyes. At that point, I had noticed the black orbs with a red light in the middle on different corners of the room, and in furniture. We were watched. More like I was watched. Why?

I wanted my parents? Were they looking for me?

All I could feel for them was some anger and resentment outweighed by a lot of love. love.

"ok." I whispered back. I remembered what he said about not being a liar. I knew it wasn't the truth. But he had to say it. I knew that. Therefore, I knew the most trustworthy person I knew was him.

He was willing to say those words even though there was a possibility I might hear him. he risked it.

I think that said a lot about the filling of his heart.

I didn't fall asleep for a while later. And when I did, I was woken up at four am by a very loud shower water on, and whispers beside the door.

He was talking on the phone. Or was he? Who could hear him with the sound of the water almost making him deaf.

"we are only soldiers." He said. "not actors. I am not a liar, not a hypocrite, and I stand by that."

Somehow, the first line of his speech unlocked a memory in my head.

I was in a building with lots of apprentices in blue shirts. Two men with the same green eyes wee standing beside each other looking at me on a treadmill. I couldn't see one's face. But the other's was as clear as day.

It was calumn, nodding to tell me to keep up the good work. It was a slight move, almost imperceptible to the human eye. But I could see it. He knew that.

The memory switched to when the came to congratulate me. Behind the blurred man's back, he was smiling wholeheartedly.

The moment switched to an apartment with turquoise and grey tones, and my bleeding leg on his sofa. He was a soft and calming ball of energy there.

Has he always been an ally?

my ally?