Posted August 22, 2020

For The wattys 2020

I wanted to go with Calumn on his city missions next week because I figured he was the closest person to Blake, and nicest.

I'd have to figure out with whom his loyalty lies though; Blake, an abuser, or Alexa, a nice girl.

The plan was to train very hard all week to be able to ask him as a privilege. If Calumn cooperated, I'd have to go once with him. They'd neve take regular trainees on missions, but somehow I made the impression on Blake. Now he almost adores me- in hos own way of course.

Blake seemed to pay special attention to me that week. He gave me diets, and made sure what I ate was healthy. He made me train everyday. He checked my heart rate a couple times during the week, and almost everyday. He checked up on how I felt... Almost like my wellbeing mattered to him. Almost like I mattered to him.

I probably mattered because I was an important member of the team now. He'd probably be shattered if he knew that I'm fake, and there's no one that exists under his name. And if he knew I'm Autumn Air, he would get so mad he might act on impulse and kill me. after being with him for so long, that's the reaction I believed he would have.

I never wanted to figure what it would be, though.

But I couldn't possibly... was that how Calumn was treated at first? I couldn't become another one of sidekick. I would disappear soon, and Alexa would only be a memory.

Did he care about me as a sidekick?

I passed a hand on my face, struggling to keep my eyes open, as I was looking at my food on the grey long dining table; green salad, beans, a bit of meat. My food had my name on it at the buffet whereas no one's had. The plate was a variation of what I ate all last week. It was a healthy diet. But about sweets, and treats from time to time.

I was oppressed by my diet. I couldn't wait to leave.

I looked at the happy trainees that I briefly met the first day outside on the field. They formed friendships. I could already see groups of friends formed and tell who liked who more. It's been a month. They had friends, or people who made the experience more enjoyable. I didn't.

I was always the last one to make those. What was wrong with me?

I was at a point in my life, where again, just like 7 years ago, everyone one that supposedly cared about me was hurting either with their silence; like Amber ,Tess, Daniel and Cherry, or with their words; like Ken, Isic.

Blake was hurting me too, with his harsh words during practice.

"don't be a baby, push harder." "keep your head up." "look at me when you run."

Sometimes, my eyes would fool me and make me see my father during training instead of Blake. They didn't look alike, but their way of coaching did. Could Blake be secretly my dad under all the clothes unstable personality?

Knowing I was watched by his cameras, and that I had to hurry to his office, I ate my food fast in a few mouthfuls, stood up, threw my garbage in the garbage can, and take the stairs two at a time to the seventh floor. I was doing so to impress him. It would make me perseverant and fierce in his eyes, driven too. That's what I wanted. I needed all the points I could get.

I was to his door in a few minutes. when I stepped in front of it, it opened by itself. But this time instead of being sitting down, he was standing, almost like he was revering me in a way. He never did that.

"Did you eat your food?"

"yes"

again his office was dimly lit. it has always been and gave him this aura of danger. I secretly feared when I was alone with him inside. Especially since I knew he abused women.

He stayed quiet. But I had something to say. "anything else you wanted to say, coach?" I asked.

He kept looking at me, almost like trying to figure me out. Head tilted and eyes pierced in my soul. He couldn't read me though, because I was good at guarding my feelings.

"no. you?"

I took a deep breath, and after my gaze fell on the floor I lifted it up again. "I want to go with Callum on his next mission. I feel like it would give me more of a taste of what awaits me in the future. I think I'm ready to serve and protect."

He looked at me for a long time. For a really long time. Way more than two or three minutes.

Maybe five. I was trying to hide my confusion by not thinking of the awkwardness of the situation. I could tell was trying to figure me out again. He seemed to be doing a lot of that these days.

Was I a puzzle to him as much as he was a puzzle to me? And hadn't I been in a good place to ask him for that privilege?

"you are bold. you seem to be in a rush." he finally said, and again I felt my breath catch.

did he suspect anything? he told me earlier today when I was training on the treadmill to focus that I seemed to be in a rush. And yesterday while eating fast to go to my next workout under his window.

But I didn't say anything. It wasn't a question. Blake would get really mad when people would answer a nonexistent question. He liked people who paid attention and are deeply aware of their surroundings and the people they're with. I also liked people like that. Luck me, it was something Ken taught from a really young age and that I sharpened over the years.

"Yes. You may go."

I tried to contain my victory by not fidgeting, and not smiling. But my eyes must have been smiling, because instantly his face closed even more than before. I didn't know it could be. He wasn't done speaking. "With my son."

His son? I thought Calumn didn't have a father he knew, and only an adopted mother.

Blake nodded, and it was my cue to leave. As the door was closing, I heard him whisper "soon you will be too."

Maybe I shouldn't go after all.

what was that supposed to mean?

I forced my foot that was in midair on the floor to walk.

I couldn't ask him. because I was curious, and he didn't like curious. I didn't want to blow my cove or my chance.