Posted August 22, 2020

For The Wattys 2020

I wanted to leave my old house's dinner table as soon as possible.

But between Tess, Amber, Isic, Nora and Ken and all of their nosy questions about where I am now, and why I didn't go to work once last month, I was stuck between two bads.

I could either dodge the nosy frown-lined questions, or answer them truthfully. I wasn't going to do the latte. I dodged them, just like Nora's phone calls while I was away. Until I couldn't do either.

It turned out harder than I thought.

I had dodged Nora's phone calls and voicemails for day. Each voicemail would be messier than the last, and more nostalgic. Until she left me a threat like Isic's.

"If you don't call me back within the next few hours, I'm calling the cops and telling them you got kidnapped."

I dialed her immediately. I found myself a few hours later on in a house I hadn't been in for a month. I should have missed it. Isn't that how everyone feels when they move out? Strangely, I didn't feel. Yes, I felt nostalgic. It reminded me of beautiful things that happened between its walls. But I didn't want to go back.

The only reason I came was because I sensed that Nora would call the cops if I didn't show up to the family dinner.

"do you care about me?" I said, when I was on the phone, genuinely curious and confused.

"yes." No hesitation.

"then don't. please don't care. I don't-"

want to be hurt by people that care.

"-why would you care about me?" I want her faughter, he blood. I was the grumpiest and saddest seventeen year-old on earth.

"some people grow on you, I guess. No, what-"

I cut her off. I grew on her? did she mean that she shouldn't care, but she does, and now she has a superhero complex?

I cut shot the conversation. I knew she knew what she said because she tried to correct it.

"I'm coming today."

"I'm so happy to hear your voice." She said, voice wavering with emotion. She was so emotional it made me want to break things! Why did she have to always be?

"We'll have a party."

I hung up. And We had. There was Amber and Tess, as well as Isic who followed me to my old house thinking I was going to work and wanting to make sue I gave him the right address. I guess I tricked him. He started speaking. I told him to shut up, and just go inside.

I was not in the mood to see anyone. How come I always found myself in those situations at the worst timing.

I didn't talk much at the table. I wasn't feeling it. I didn't want to be there. just being in my old house for a few hours started flooding my mind with haunting memories again.

For the first time in a month, I felt like there was not enough air for me to breathe in a spacey place again. Everywhere and everything I looked at would big tears to my eyes.

I tried to survive at least the dinner. If I left early, Nora might make me do something worse. She was very tense and scared.

I got through. I talked as less as possible, I kept my eyes on my food, I nodded halfheartedly, and smiled when I was supposed to. but my mind was already in my new home, where I was already feeling mentally better. When was I going back? They finished eating, but everyone was still talking with each other there.

Then someone bought up that the chair was huting his back. Just like that, eveyoe stood up. I did took, and walked to the exit. I thought I was leaving? Autumn autumn autumn, don'tt expect so much understanding from people. Nora had another plan. She held my arm when I was heading towards the door.

"Sleep here tonight. I want to make sure you're really not hostage."

"no."

"then I'm calling the cops."

She left me in front of the door, fingers tapping nervously my thigh. She was indirectly saying your choice. assume the consequences.

I slumped my shoulders and walked back. On the way to my detached house, still in the hallway beside the dining room and kitchen, Tess intercepted me.

"Where are you going?"

"to sleep."

She looked at me, sensing that something was wrong. Then she smiled, like she figured it out. I frowned.

"hold on, I'm calling Amber so we can all have our sleepover party under the stars."

I shook my head. "there's no party." I wasn't in the mood. But mostly, I was pissed. At them.

She touched one of her curly brown curl. "What's wrong."

I was going to say nothing. But when I thought that I would waste time, and saliva for no reason, I cut the chase short. "You guys don't text me anymore."

She opened her mouth, then closed it, her gaze dropping guiltily to the ground. "You're right." I thought I won, and started walking away. But I only made a step before she fired back. "But, how much have you texted me? isn't this our relationship?"

She was looking straight into my eyes. It was my turn to open and close my mouth.

"I- I was busy."

"So was I." Pause."It's not a good excuse. Ae we going to throw all our history in the trash can?" she said. I avoided her gaze.

Like Amber had been hiding around the corner, she appeared. "This is not the end, right?"

Tess took her hand, getting emotional. "no. no it's not."

She looked at me. "so what are we doing?" they looked at me expectantly.

I... smiled. I knew what the right thing was. "A sleepover under the stars!"

I hadn't forgiven them. But I wasn't mad too. I just wanted my friends back. Old from a few months ago would have neve done this. I could tell that Amber ad Tess were shocked by my answer too. I was when the thought crossed my mind.

But we should live in the moment once in a while.

Having them with me in the room helped me forget that the upcoming week, I would have to be smart and live up to his expectations to ask Blake to go with Calumn on a mission. But with them, it didn't seem so hard, and out of my reach. It seemed possible, and I was more hopeful.

I like that. The power of good friends is irreplaceable.