Posted august 3rd, 2020

I wanted to comfort Amber and Tasnim.

But I was at a loss of words, too. How could I, when I wasn't feeling well myself.

First, it started with a text from Tess at twelve forty-five pm. My phone buzzed on my nightstand. I picked it up in the darkness, the blue halo lighting up my face.

I'm scared.

Propped on my elbow, I was about to respond when I received a text from the police department. I had reported Roland Blake earlier during the day.

After long hours of investigation, we have not found anyone under the name ROLAND BLAKE at the institution or the country.

Come to the police department tomorrow to discuss the matter further.
This message will self-destruct in a minute starting now.

I dropped my phone, falling on my bed again. Tears soaked my pillow so much my hair stuck to my cheek. I turned on my left side, hands under my pillow.

How come there wasn't anybody named Blake. I saw his tag. Was it a fake one ?

I closed my eyes, and tried to stop the tears from coming out. After a few minutes, I gave up. I stared at my ceiling, and in the middle of the night- I felt so lonely.

I felt the loneliest I felt in months. Nobody could help me. Everybody could be the enemy.

It reminded of Tess' text. Just when I decided to leave it there, because of a lack of ideas on how to answer her, it buzzed again.

I turned on my right side, and reached beside my bedframe to pick it up. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without checking it. But I should have tried harder.

I should have tried harder! I shouldn't have done that.

Unknown number.

Yes.
I see all that is unseen
Or shouldn't be seen.
I have eyes on things
That seem otherwordly
Even when I'm asleep
My multiple eyes
Are still watching.

Always watching.

Only eyes for you.

Be smart. Stop what you have in mind.

I threw my covers away, and sat on my patio doors. I was wearing fleece in minus ten degrees Celsius. I didn't go cover up more. I wanted to feel the cold biting at my bones. It made me feel alive.

It felt like hours, but I was only there for thirty minutes. I was half-asleep. Somehow, the darkness had managed to calm me down.

My phone buzzing against my thigh made me open an eye.

I'm scared. This one was from Amber.

I'm scared of what's next.

This time I knew what to say. I took a picture of the round glowing moon, and sent it to them.

Even in the darkness, there's always a glimmer of hope.

Yes, it's scary. but strong is when you don't give when it's hard. Not when it's easy.

I'm here for you too. 😊

I didn't receive any reply. But I knew they saw, and liked my few words of wisdom.

That was enough for me too. I didn't know what tomorrow would bring-was I still performing the experiment tomorrow. But somehow, I knew I'd be fine.