March, 2008, NYU

Liam approached Chanty with careful steps.

She was staring blankly at her coffee and she did not even glance up when he sat down across from her.

“You know, it is not a pretty sight to be sitting in a coffee shop alone looking like a zombie,” he said with a grin.

“Go away, Liam. I am not in the mood to talk right now.”

“Are you having some kind of trouble? You’ve been partying hard lately.”

“No, I am fine. Now, can you go away?”

“I am sorry about what happened earlier in class--”

“Our professor thought I was cheating with you and Astor earlier. Of course, you should be sorry. How many times have I told you not to talk during a test?”

“He was asking me about something else entirely,” he defended.

“He was asking you the answer for the last item.”

“Well, that too. But we were actually talking about you.”

“You were what?”

“Well,” he said, gulping. “We were concerned. You are not acting like your normal self in class.”

“And of all time, you decided to talk about me during a test?”

“Yeah, well, we finished the test early.”

Chanty rolled her eyes and stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“Far away from you.”

2013

When Willie woke up, he bombarded his mother with questions.

“Liam and you are okay now?”

“Nearly,” Chanty lied.

Willie frowned. “Why nearly?”

“Because mommy still has to do more convincing,” she said with a wink.

“And it will be okay?”

“Yes,” she lied again.

How she wished it would be as easy as that.

Willie was looking contented and positive about it, like it was just the same as a broken toy that someone could easily fix or find a replacement to. He might talk like an adult at times, but he was still a child and he thought everything could be easily fixed.

*****

During dinner, Liam surprisingly joined them.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” she asked her son as they ate his pasta. “It’s our last day.”

Willie looked at Liam and then his gaze went back to his mother. He appeared to be thinking for a few seconds before he shrugged and said, “Depends.”

Chanty sighed. There he went again.

He knew her son was up to something whenever he talked like that.

“You want to explore the woods?” Liam finally offered with his eyes on Willie.

Willie’s eyes suddenly lit up and he jumped on his chair with excitement. “Yes!”

Liam transferred his eyes to Chanty and her heart started racing. After spending the day with him barely looking at her, her heart had the right to jump out of her chest. His eyes were asking a question and she shrugged her shoulders. “Sure, why not?”

“You will come with us?” Willie asked.

“Yes, baby, I will. What do you think of mommy? I can go hiking too,” she bragged.

That moment, Liam snorted.

“What?” Chanty snapped at him playfully, enjoying the slight twitch she saw on his lips.

“You cannot hike nor walk on uneven ground,” he uttered, looking at her straight in the eyes.

“Of course I can. Whoever told you that?”

“No one has to tell me. I know from experience,” he said with confidence and for a while, Chanty saw the old Liam back.

And then, it disappeared. That deadpan face returned as he cleared his throat and got up. “I am done. Thanks for dinner.”

Chanty caught Willie looking at her and she winked. Her son smiled widely at her, hiding a giggle with his hand.

*****

Later that night, Chanty couldn’t sleep.

Careful not to wake her sleeping child, she slowly climbed out of bed and silently opened the bedroom door.

She found Liam still working in the living room, his face a yellow-orange glow from the only light in the room which was the fireplace.

He seemed startled when he saw her slipping through the small crack of the door.

“I can’t sleep,” she explained her presence.

For a while, he just stared at her. Chanty felt the surge of invisible electricity that connected her to him in a physical way. That look on his eyes told her that spark never wavered. But when he ripped his gaze from her and returned his attention back on his computer told her he was not planning to do anything to put the flame out.

A little flustered, Chanty padded her way to the couch and slumped down right beside him, putting a good distance between them else he might jump up and walk away again.

She sighed dramatically, watching him from the corner of one eye.

A smile crept up her face when she noticed that his fingers were still on top of his computer’s keyboard, his eyes too fixed on the screen as if he was in the middle of boring a hole through it with his eyes.

“I want to watch a movie to pass the time,” she quietly uttered, more like talking to herself.

*****

Liam knew he should continue working, or at least pretend that he was.

But when Chanty got up and walked to the rack full of DVD’s, he couldn’t help but follow her with his eyes.

What was with her and shorts and over-sized shirts?

“I’ve watched almost all of these,” he heard her say.

“Well, you can go back to sleep,” he couldn’t help but answer.

She turned around and Liam was somehow expecting she would snap at him with anger, but she was smiling. “Don’t you have any movies in that one?” she asked, eyeing his computer.

He had a lot of movies in his computer, most of them he had not watched yet.

“I take that as a yes. Care to share some of them?” she asked.

“I am working, Chanty,” he complained.

“Well, I have my tab with me. Just transfer and share one movie,” she said pleadingly.

“Fine.”

Chanty jumped with glee and scurried back to the bedroom.

Liam shook his head as he searched his computer for an appropriate movie.

She came back hugging her tab against her chest. She handed it to him with both hands and he took it.

“What movie is it?” she asked before she sat back down beside him.

“I don’t know. What do you want?”

“Just anything I haven’t watched yet.”

“I don’t know what you’ve watched before.”

“That’s because we never watched a movie together before. And we didn’t get the chance to watch any.” Liam stiffened. “Just saying,” Chanty added when she sensed his reaction.

He chose to ignore the remark and continued to scan his computer for any movie to give her.

“Oh, you have Annie!” she piped in. “I haven’t watched that version. Why do you have that?”

“I grabbed whatever was free that time. You want this?”

“Sure, why not?”

Liam immediately went to work and gave her tab a copy of the movie.

When it was over, she gladly took the tab from him and leaned deeper into the couch beside him.

He frowned and looked at her. “You’re watching it here?”

Chanty nodded as she put on her earphones. “Continue working. I am fine.”

“I didn’t ask if you are.”

But she probably did not hear him because she did not say anything. Her eyes were already focused on her tab but her presence was still bothering him.

He wanted to get up and carry his computer back to the kitchen to stay away from her. The greater the distance between them the better, because seeing her in her sleeping clothes was not easy at all.

But since she was not doing anything but watch the movie in silence, Liam thought it was safe to go back to work.

After a few minutes of getting his head together and keeping his nerves in place, Liam was able to work properly.

Almost two hours later, his concentration was stirred when he heard Chanty sniffing beside him. He frowned and turned his head to look at her.

She was crying and busily wiping her tears as she continued to watch.

“You’re crying over that movie?” he asked incredulously.

“It is so sad,” she said in between sobs. “I am just glad this one will have a happy ending.”

“Then why the tears when you know they’d still all live happily ever after?”

“A good ending is not an assurance that you won’t get hurt along the way,” she argued, her eyes still on the screen. “God, I hate this,” she uttered as she wiped off more tears.

Liam couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. “Just skip to the last part where Annie and her guardian live happily ever after.”

“How I wish that’s also possible in real life,” she said half in whisper and half in whimper.

She caught his eyes and they stared at each other for a long time and the only sound was the cracking of the fire in the fireplace.

They both moved in a very slow, fluid motion that Liam was certain he could have done something along the way before he found himself pulling her toward him until his lips were on hers. Only then did the pace break loose and he was sharing another nerve-shattering kiss with the very same woman he had been avoiding for days.

*****

Chanty couldn’t believe what was happening.

Her earphones were still on and she could hear Annie talking. At the back of her mind, she thought she should pull at the cord because she couldn’t help but picture out a child such as Annie witnessing what she was doing with Liam. But that thought was quickly replaced by the different feelings his kiss was bringing to her senses.

It was just like the previous ones they shared, but this one gave her the feeling that she should take whatever she could because it might be her last chance.

The tears brought about by the movie were still there, but Chanty knew she was not crying over some pitiful orphan this time. She was crying because she didn’t want this moment to end and if it would, she prayed it would change everything.

When Liam pulled her closer with his hands on the small of her back, she sensed that the kiss was nearing its end. Somehow she got the feeling that he was trying to stop himself and he was taking one last bite from the cake he was not supposed to take in the first place.

And she was right.

His hold loosened and he started to lean away.

Chanty grabbed his shirt to pull him back but she stopped herself.

Breathless, she opened her eyes and found him looking at her, his eyes as blank as it was five minutes ago.

Her heart dropped, realizing her wishes were not heard at all. She let go of his shirt.

“Go to sleep, Chanty.”

“Liam--” she started, but he held up his hand.

“Don’t think it meant anything.” His voice was cold as he started clicking on his computer like nothing happened.

“But--”

“You know I am still attracted to you, Chanty, but don’t think we can have a happy ending. I am not up to anything close to that just yet.”

Chanty felt a pang in her chest.

Was that full-blown rejection?

Really?

This early?

“Liam, you know I have been trying to do something to make it up--”

“Well, then, I guess you got what you wanted tonight, Chanty,” he cut in, looking her straight in the eyes. She felt like crying when she saw in his eyes the anger that he still felt for her. Was it that hard to forget? Well, obviously, it was. “Or would you like something more?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “You know, just like that night four years ago. But this time, I promise not to go home and wait for a call from you, hoping you’d at least want to talk about it. We can do it now, on this couch, with no attachments the next day. Is that what you want?”

Chanty wanted to box him to his senses.

But was this Liam talking to her?

“No,” she found herself answering in a whisper.

Liam sighed and turned to look back at his computer. “Then I suggest you go back to sleep because I cannot promise anything more than that.”

Chanty didn’t have to wait for another minute to hear a word from him because she was not sure if she could take more of it. She hastily got up, one earphone still lodged in her ear, carrying her tab with her.

She couldn’t go back to the room because Willie was sleeping and Chanty was not done crying yet.

The only place she could think of was the stream so she walked out through the back door and left Liam sitting in the couch.

*****

He wanted to hang himself.

Seriously, if it was possible, he would have hanged himself.

He knew he hurt her.

He saw that in her eyes.

But what else could he do?

*****

Chanty silently cried outside, facing the stream, sitting around the picnic table.

Despite her tears, she continued watching the movie.

“The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow,” she sang along, her cry almost close to a wail. “Just thinking about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow ‘til there’s none…” she continued as she watched Annie being comforted by Grace. “The sun will come out tomorrow so you got to hang on ‘til tomorrow, come what may…”

And then she started to cry louder and pushed her tab away, pulling at her earphones.

“Oh God, I am being silly. Get a grip, Chanty. Get a freaking grip,” she told herself as she wiped her tears. A few minutes later, she was blankly staring at the sparkling spring lit by the moonlight. “The sun will come out tomorrow,” she hummed as tears started to flow again.

*****

“You did what?” Angelica asked before she started laughing hysterically from the other end of the line. “Chanty, I can’t believe you sang that song while you were crying.”

“Please, I hate myself enough every time I remember that. I don’t have to hear that from you. Now, tell me what should I do?”

“Well, you should go on with your plan.”

“But he told me he doesn’t want anything more from me.”

“Do you know how many times I have heard such words from Henry before he realized he loves me? And do you know how many times I had to pretend like he didn’t say those things? You have to be strong if you really want this. Chanty, you did some crazy stuff. Of course the guy would make it hard for you. Just continue whatever you are doing because it is damn well working.”

“It is?”

“He kissed you, didn’t he?”

“Yes. Well, I was not sure who made the first move.”

“Still the same. So, honey, just hang in there. You can do it. Don’t let his words put down your spirit. And when you get back here and things are still the same, we’ll talk. You definitely need some advice if Liam doesn’t break during your trip.”

Chanty gulped. “Okay. Sure, I can do it. Thanks.”

*****

Liam was hesitant to get up the following day. He didn’t know how he could deal with Chanty. She had spent quite some time outside last night. He slept before she even returned inside.

So it was given that he would feel a little bit nervous as to what she came up with last night.

Would she attack him and leave him alone out of anger?

He was thinking of the worse possible things Chanty might do to him now that she had probably cleared her mind and think straight.

He deserved a big slap on the face for the things he said last night.

What he didn’t expect when he woke up though was her smiling face greeting him when Willie woke him up.

“Are you ready for the hike?” she asked.

Confused, he slowly got up and looked at mother and son.

And then his gaze went back to Chanty. Maybe she was acting cool for Willie’s sake.

Or maybe she isn’t, he thought when she leaned down, took his hand and pulled him right out of the couch.

“Come on, Liam, get up. We’re going hiking.” She let go of his hand and started for the kitchen. “Breakfast is ready. And then we’re leaving. I am going to show you that I can hike, right buddy?” she added with a wink at Willie.

Willie nodded and dragged Liam to the dining table with excitement.

*****

Chanty’s heart was racing.

She was putting up a happy face, but deep inside, she was thinking her next step.

The hike would not be that hard, but she was not really sure if she was up to it. Liam was right. She had never gone hiking before.

But if it meant she could spend more time with him doing something outdoors, she was up to the challenge.

Her mind was already thinking of the things she would have to do when they got back to the city.

She’d have to face Cameron again, and when she did, she wanted Liam to be by her side like he was weeks ago.

And she was going to do it by hook or by crook.