January, 2008, NYU

Chanty watched as Cameron jumped out of bed and started dressing up.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I need to do something.”

“It’s a Sunday. What could you be doing on a Sunday?” she whined.

“Just stuff.”

Just stuff.

That was what he had always been telling her.

Just stuff.

When he was gone, Chanty dressed up and started cleaning the apartment.

She was in the middle of washing the dishes when Zach’s call came in.

“Hey! Chanty! Angelica and Liam and I are going out tonight. Wanna come along?”

She looked at the clock. It was nearly midnight and Cameron had not sent her any messages.

“Okay, fine. Tell Ange to pick me up.”

2013

Chanty’s confidence to go on with her plans was slowly ebbing away as Liam continued to ignore her presence even after they arrived at the lodge.

The lodge was owned by Angelica and Henry and they would often go there for a few days if they wanted some time alone from the city. Most of the time, it was Henry’s choice and Angelica would just tag along knowing her husband would make a big fuss if she would suggest anything extravagant.

Willie had been there once and he had always begged Chanty to go back, claiming he had not collected enough bugs for his collection.

The place did not offer much space for two people such as herself and Liam to roam around and not bump into each other. It was a one-bedroom lodge with a small living room with a fireplace and a kitchen all rolled into one. It was made up of wood and large stones, located just outside the town where Angelica and Henry once spent days for a short getaway.

There was a small backyard that connected to a nearby stream. It was where Liam decided to spend the rest of the afternoon before the sun began to set behind the distant mountains.

Willie had gone to bed earlier than expected after roaming around the backyard looking for bugs with Liam’s help.

She expected her son to wake up soon for dinner which she had not planned for, which was another problem.

She took a step toward the picnic table Liam was sitting on beside the stream. He was facing away from her, bent on his computer.

But she thought making a fantastic dinner would be a good idea to somehow get Liam’s attention. He would not surely ignore her fairly good cooking skills.

So Chanty stepped back and started her own work in the kitchen and as she did so, she wished she had taken Liam here weeks ago, when everything was still okay.

Regret should be out of the picture, she thought.

Now that she had driven Liam away, she had to face the consequences and make it up to him not just because she made a mistake, but because she finally realized she wanted to know what they could be together without the lies and the reservations. She wanted to know if another chance would give her the chance she had always wanted to be happy.

Yes, stupid of her to realize it quite too late. If she could just turn back time and return to NYU, she would have given Liam more attention. She should have dumped Cameron sooner and she might probably be having the best time of her life right now.

But then she wouldn’t have Willie.

She wouldn’t have her son, the one person who had been filling the tiny gaps in her heart for four years now.

Her train of thoughts was put to a halt when the back door opened and Liam came in carrying his computer.

He looked surprised when he saw her standing before the stove.

Chanty forced a smile on her face. “Dinner will be ready in a while.”

For a moment, she saw confusion flash across his face, but he was fast to recover and his blank expression came back as he shrugged. “I am not hungry.”

Chanty felt like a bucket of ice cold water was poured over her head.

She had the initial urge to send the frying pan across the room toward him when he continued walking to the living room where the couch was.

“You’re not eating? You haven’t eaten anything since we left the city,” she argued.

He laid the computer on the small table beside the couch where he eventually sat down right in front of the fireplace. “I don’t usually eat dinner,” he uttered dryly before lying down, placing his forearm over his eyes.

“You’re sleeping?” she asked in disbelief.

“Yes.”

“But--” she stopped when he turned and faced the back of the couch. “Okay, but I’ll put some aside for you to eat later in case you wake up feeling hungry.”

She waited for a response but didn’t get any.

Her shoulder sagged.

Nice try, Chanty, she thought.

*****

Liam did not sleep at all.

He even regretted pretending to be in deep slumber in the first place because he had to stay in one position and bear it for an hour or so while he listened to Chanty working in the kitchen. He heard her waking up Willie and asking her son to eat.

“We’ll go out and catch some tiny fishes tomorrow morning,” he heard her make a deal with her son.

“We will?!”

“Shh… Liam is sleeping. Keep your voice down. And yes, we will go catch some fishes tomorrow, I promise. Just finish your food.”

“Liam will come with us?” Willie asked in a whisper loud enough for Liam to hear, making him smile in secret.

“If you ask him, he might,” Chanty whispered back.

“You ask him,” Willie insisted.

“Why can’t you?”

“I want you to do it.”

“Why? You do it.”

Liam’s shoulder almost shook with laughter.

“Because you two are not talking, mommy.”

“Of course we are,” Chanty denied in her normal voice. “Of course we are,” she repeated in a whisper.

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, we are.”

“Did you fight?”

“No.”

“You’re lying, mommy.”

“Fine. We did. Now, eat your food. Or we’re not going fishing.”

“Because of me?”

“What?”

“Did you fight because of me?”

“No. Don’t you ever think it is because of you. It is because of what mommy did.”

“What did you do?”

“I lied to him.”

“Why?”

“Because I was very afraid to lose something very important.”

“Are you crying?” Willie asked with concern.

Liam’s head almost turned to see for himself but he stopped himself.

“No,” Chanty denied. “Just eat.”

“Did you say sorry?”

“Yes, of course. Now, eat.”

“He will forgive you.”

“What made you so sure?”

“I lied to you also. And then you forgave me. Because you love me.”

Liam waited for Chanty’s reply but it was a long time before she whispered, “Sometimes, people’s love is not enough to make them forgive.” Liam felt a pang in his chest when he heard those words from her. “But with you,” he heard Chanty continue, “I am willing to do anything and I will forgive you until forever ends because I love you so much. But know that when you do something bad, mommy feels bad. But I will still forgive you. Always remember that, okay?”

“You’re crying, mommy,” Willie uttered.

Liam heard Chanty sniff. “Yes, I am. Now, finish your food and we’ll go to sleep.”

“Liam will forgive you,” Willie said after a few moments.

“We’ll see. Mommy will make sure he will also forget what I did,” Chanty answered.

“Uncle Henry said he forgives Aunt Angie all the time.”

Chanty laughed lightly. “Honey, Uncle Henry is the only person in the world capable of doing that.”

“Uncle Philip said the same thing.”

“Because he can’t live without Aunt Cass, that’s why.”

Liam was deep in thought as he listened to mother and son talking about other things the rest of their dinner together.

Was he giving Chanty a hard time?

Maybe he was.

But he was guarding himself at the moment.

For now, he was not yet ready to give more of himself to anyone. He had licked too many wounds to try another chance with Chanty or any other woman.

*****

In the middle of the night, Liam couldn’t take it anymore.

His stomach was grumbling like crazy, making a protest on his stupidity and pride. He never missed a dinner in his life--well, none that he could remember.

The room Chanty shared with Willie was already closed and there was not a sign that the two of them were awake.

He slowly made his way to the kitchen and found a plate covered with another one at the center of the wooden dining table.

When he opened it, his mouth watered. There were mashed potatoes and beef steak. He knew he had to reheat them but he didn’t care anymore.

He wondered what Chanty would think if she found out the plate was gone the next morning.

After an internal struggle, his physiological needs won and he attacked the food with gusto.

He expected the food to be great, but what he didn’t expect was Chanty walking out of the room, half awake.

She jumped in surprise when she saw him sitting around the table, bending over the plate.

The fork was halfway to his mouth and it stopped there when he saw her state. Her hair was rumpled; her pair of shorts was too short for a cold night; and her shirt, though large, was not thick enough. He gulped down the rest of his food and choked almost instantly. A series of cough followed and he dropped his fork and it cluttered on the plate as he stood up, bending down to control the coughing. His fist was punching his chest as he did so.

“Are you okay?” Chanty asked as she rushed toward him.

He held out one hand to keep her away from him. He did not dare look at her again. “I am--” he couldn’t finish his sentence as another series of cough attacked him. Blasted beef!

Chanty stepped back and he heard her rummaging the kitchen cabinet for a glass. When she returned she handed him a glass of water. “Here, drink this.”

He was careful not to look at her as he accepted her offer and drank the whole glass.

Chanty stayed outside his personal space as she watched him clear his throat.

“I am fine. You can go back to sleep,” he uttered in the flattest tone he could muster.

“Are you sure you’re--”

He turned around and realized she was not standing too far away as he thought. And he had to take another step right back to keep his distance. “Yes,” he answered as he grabbed his plate and fork. “Thanks for the food,” he added, walking to the sink and far from her.

“Let me do that,” she offered when he started cleaning up.

“I’ll do this. Go back to sleep,” he ordered.

“I--okay.” He heard her footsteps hesitate before she said, “Willie and I are going fishing tomorrow and he wants you to come along.”

“Sure.”

“Good night,” Chanty said in a cheery tone.

“’Night,” he answered back in a deadpan voice.

It was only when her footsteps faded away that he started to breath normally.

Liam shook his head. Going to this trip was not a good decision, he thought.

*****

Chanty wondered why Liam was looking tired and stressed the very next day.

Maybe the couch was not comfortable for him.

She thought of offering the bed to him that night as Willie dragged him to the stream, both of them carrying nets tied to a pole for catching the tiny fishes in the stream.

“Mommy! Hurry!” Willie cried out excitedly.

“Yeah! Coming!” she answered as she struggled with the basket full of food for breakfast.

“How many fishes do you want to catch today?” Liam asked Willie as they approached the stream.

“A lot! Lots, lots, lots!”

“Okay, then, we better get started!” Willie shrieked with laughter when Liam suddenly bent down and hauled the child over his shoulder. Chanty smiled as she watched Liam run the rest of the way to the stream with Willie screaming in laughter, his head dangling and facing the ground.

“Careful!” she shouted with a smile as she followed behind.

For the next few hours, the three of them were immersed in their activity as they tried to thread the water with very careful steps so as not to scare the fishes.

Willie came up with a game of catching more fishes than the others and that whoever won would get the pie Chanty brought along for their trip.

As fun as it was to spend some quality time with her son, Chanty was disappointed that Liam only had his eyes and attention for Willie.

He never uttered a word directed toward her. And if he needed to, he would just deliver it in a sentence consisting of not more than five to ten words.

It was frustrating especially when she was trying hard to come up with a conversation he could join in. But he didn’t seem interested in whatever she had to say. He would listen, he would nod, but he never looked at her for more than a few seconds until he would go back to Willie’s side and converse with her child like they were the only people there.

Though her confidence was fading the other day, she found that it was getting challenging and she was determined to take the challenge especially if it was Liam she was going to get in the end.

If Angelica was there, her friend would tell her a lot of crazy ideas to get the man.

But no, she was on her own and she had no one to rely on but her own instinct and creativity.

If Angelica could do it, so could she.

“Want to share a pie?” she asked Liam with a smile after the winner was announced. Of course, it was her son because Liam had been secretly dropping fishes in his bucket during the course of the game.

Liam looked at the pie Willie was sharing with her.

He shook his head and said, “I think I need to take a bath. See you later, buddy,” Liam said, messing with Willie’s head before he walked away to the direction of the lodge.

“Liam’s still angry at you, mommy?” Willie asked innocently.

“It won’t be for long, honey,” she said with confidence.

Challenge accepted, she said in her mind as she watched Liam walk away.

*****

After their fishing escapade, Chanty asked Willie a favor.

“What?”

“Can you take a nap?”

“Why?”

“So I can talk to Liam,” she whispered.

Willie’s face lit up with excitement.

“But you can’t tell him that. Just take your usual afternoon nap.”

“You will say sorry again?”

Chanty thought about it for a few seconds. “I already said sorry and he said he already forgives me but you know what?”

“What?” Her son’s eyes glittered as he whispered. Willie liked secrets.

“I think he lied when he said that. I think he is still angry.”

“Of course, mommy, you lied to him.”

Chanty was taken aback. Sure, Willie could sometimes act or say things like an adult, but she had at least expected him to be on her side. On the other hand, her son was right. “Yeah.”

“So you’re going to say sorry again?”

“No, but I will do something sweet.”

Willie frowned. “Like what?”

Chanty smiled at her son. “If you take that nap later, I will tell you the moment you wake up.”

*****

Later that afternoon, Chanty walked out of the room with a smile on her lips.

“Where’s Willie?” Liam asked as he added more woods into the fireplace.

Chanty walked to the couch with a sigh. “He fell asleep.”

Liam did not say another word. Instead, he decided to sit right in front of the fireplace.

She was not sure what he found interesting there, but it must probably be less boring than her because it seemed like he was watching a blockbuster movie.

“I left a piece of pie from earlier if you want to eat,” she said, breaking the silence.

“That’s fine.”

“What do you want for dinner? I hope you eat some this time.”

“Anything will do.”

Chanty took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. He was making this difficult.

“I want to watch a movie. What do you want to see?”

Finally, as if he had had enough, he stood up and said, “I need to do some work.”

Liam picked up his computer and started to go to the kitchen.

All the things she was planning to do with him earlier suddenly flew out the window as she started to panic. How could she make him stay in the same room with her without Willie’s presence?

Chanty jumped to her feet when he settled behind the dining table. He would not go away soon, right? That would make it too obvious that he was trying to avoid her, right?

“Okay, I’ll just make dinner then.”

He did not comment.

Chanty shrugged and went to the room she shared with Willie and positioned in front of the mirror. She fixed her hair and retouched her lipstick. After making sure that her face was okay, she straightened and fixed the dress she just put on earlier after Willie fell asleep.

“You’re looking great, Chanty. You can do it,” she murmured to herself.

On her way to the door, she grabbed her phone.

As expected, he was still sitting in front of his computer when she got out. Chanty squared her shoulders and, pretending not to mind him, went to the kitchen and started taking out ingredients. Before she got busy, she played some jazz music on her phone and placed it on the counter facing the dining table.

All the while, she did not dare glance at Liam. Because she was busy, right? And she was supposed to not bother him.

Pasta would be the dinner tonight because Willie loved it and she had to give her son a prize for granting her request to take a nap.

As she waited for the water to boil, she made two cups of coffee. Liam was just behind her and she took a lungful of air for confidence before she picked up the cups and turned around.

Her hands almost went limp when she caught him looking at her. It only lasted for a few seconds but Chanty thought she saw the old Liam before he cleared his throat and his eyes flew back to his computer, wearing his new cold face.

Chanty smiled inwardly as she carried the cups of coffee to the table.

“Here, drink some,” she uttered with a controlled voice of a woman who was confident and sweet. Liam looked at the cup but did not utter a word.

She didn’t give him the chance to decline the coffee because she didn’t know how she would take that and turned around to walk back to her cooking. She had not mastered her patience in this wooing or winning-the-guy-back thing yet.

But at least she managed to get his attention, right?

She caught him watching her and she didn’t know it would feel so rewarding.

Tomorrow would be their last day and she better make good use of it.

Once they were back in the city, things would be a lot more difficult.