August, 2007, NYU

“It is a good thing you came, Chanty,” Angelica shouted over the sound of the music.

“Why?” she asked, covering one ear.

“Because you have been around that boyfriend of yours for too long! You should have some fun!”

“Cameron and I have a lot fun in our own ways!”

“Oh, but not the fun like those two could offer!” her friend said, pointing at Zach and Liam laughing hard at their spot in the bar. Liam was slapping the table as Zach wailed his arms, telling some funny tale.

“They have been nothing but a pain in the ass! You should attend one class with them!”

“But they are fun! I sure think one of them likes you!”

Chanty’s brows furrowed. “Who?” She looked over at the boys once more.

Her friend winked at her when she returned her gaze. “Guess.” Angelica laughed as she pulled Chanty back to the table. “Come on! Forget about that kill joy boyfriend of yours for tonight and let’s dance to some music!”

2013

Chanty started to doubt her own driving skills when she finally sat behind the wheel.

Liam’s strong scent from the bar was not helping her panicking senses.

She inserted the key into the ignition and looked for the hand break.

It was already dark outside and her hands busily searched under the steering wheel.

Liam shifted his weight from the left to the right, indicating that he was getting impatient.

“Hand break…” she muttered under her breath.

“Right side,” he said in his neutral tone she had trouble getting used to.

“Right,” she said, finally grasping the handle. She pulled the hand break free, turned on the ignition and placed the car in gear.

Liam never uttered a word which made Chanty feeling more uncomfortable. She was not getting used to this Liam.

Just this morning, they had been okay. Everything was almost magical. And it all went crazy in just a couple of hours.

It was only when she turned the car to the direction of the main road did she realize that if she would take Liam home, she would have to find her own ride back to her place.

She should have taken Philip’s offer.

Or maybe she should call Cass and get a ride.

But she needed to talk to Liam. She had to clear everything.

*****

Liam couldn’t point out what he was feeling since he was a bundle of emotions at the moment. Add the fact that he just came out of a precinct after a chaotic night at the bar.

And Chanty was driving him home.

But he was certain of one thing: he could still feel the anger.

He was rational enough to admit that Chanty had tried to tell him the truth back then and, as Zach had pointed out, he ignored it because he desperately wanted to believe he was Willie’s father.

But his emotions were not as rational as his mind at the moment. He felt he had been used. Just like that night four years ago which was a slightly different because that time he was willing to be used. He was willing to give her anything she needed.

Now, he was not so sure.

This thing he had for her, the feelings he had kept for too long, along with the crazy things he had done for her just sort of compressed themselves together in a thin plastic sheet which suddenly burst into a complete mess when she added in the lies she had told everyone except her friends.

If he had a limit for Chanty, this must be it.  

Maybe this was that moment Zach had been talking about. This was the time for him to give up.

It would be hard when he had been secretly hoping for something all these years.

It was one reason why he was also angry. He was angry at himself because he didn’t know where to begin. And he was not even sure what to begin with.

With Chanty, it had always been like that.

He could ignore it, put it aside like he did for about four years, but it would always come back the moment she’d reappear in his life.

He heard her clear her throat.

Liam knew she wanted to talk.

He was not ready to listen to her. He knew she would make some sense.

He was not sure he would.

*****

“Liam, I want to say sorry for what I did,” Chanty started. She had expected tears to come, but thank goodness none came. She was perfectly fine, except for the fact that she desperately wanted the old Liam back. “You know I tried to tell you the truth, right?”

He did not answer. He was facing his side of the window as if he was watching a freaking blockbuster and he could not be disturbed.

“I tried to tell you that day but you wouldn’t listen to me. And then I tried to tell you on the days that followed but a lot of things started to happen. You went on planning a lot of things and I got deeper into my own lies. And I know I should be blamed for all that. I am sorry.”

Chanty was about to step on the break and force him to face her and say something but she stopped when his voice rang out in the silence of the car. “I accept your apology, Chanty.”

She felt relief wash over her but it soon died down when he faced her with the same flat expression on his face.

“After all, I don’t have the right to hold a grudge, right? I was, in all sense, a willing victim.”

She stole him a desperate glance. “Liam, you were not--”

“You don’t have to explain anything. I get it. Just drive.”

“I just want you to know that everything that happened between us was--”

“All forgotten, Chanty. Don’t waste your breath,” he cut her off.

Okay, she had to admit that hurt.

 All forgotten?

Was this Liam she was talking to?

“But for the sake of Willie and your family, I am not going to say anything. You made up the lie, you fix it.”

“What?” she swallowed. “What do you mean?”

“It means that I will keep this to myself. Expect me to stay away from this mess without a word. You talk with your brother, your family, your friends--you fix it. I am man enough to keep quiet, but don’t expect me to play another game of lie. I had enough.”

“But--”

“If you are thinking about work, don’t worry. We have a contract and I will do my job as I always does.”

“I am not worried about--”

“It is a good thing you insisted on not telling your son I am his father.”

That was a blow right at her chest. Your son. Not our son. Just a few hours ago, he called Willie his.

Your son. Why did it sound so wrong?

“You made the wrong turn,” he cut off again.

“What?”

“You made the wrong turn. Go back,” he ordered.

She couldn’t do anything but obey because she was feeling numb. He had accepted her apology, but obviously, he couldn’t give her his forgiveness.

Which sucked big time.

Maybe she should tell him what she felt.

But what did she feel anyway?

Whatever they had was short-lived, thanks to her crazy ideas. She didn’t even have enough time to assess anything, except that she had missed a lot of what Liam could have offered her. He could have given her so much--they could have made so much together. And it hurt to think there was nothing to look forward to by the hostility he was emitting she could almost taste it.

When they were finally outside his home, Liam looked at her and asked, “Well, how do you plan get home now?”

“I’ll just call a cab or--”

“You can sleep in the couch,” he said before she could finish and climbed out of the car.

Chanty’s mouth fell open in disbelief.

*****

“I could murder him right now,” she hissed on the phone.

“Well, do you need any help?” Angelica asked. “Because I am sleeping in the couch as well, if you must know.”

“You chose to sleep there. I didn’t. God I hate him right now. He threw me a blanket and a pillow and then he was gone in his room. I drove him here after he got himself arrested. And after everything I did to him I know I kind of deserve this, but a little thank you would suffice.”

“Well, you got yourself into this mess, Chanty. Or we all did. That’s the reason I chose the couch. There was no way Henry would sleep here when I was the one who made the biggest mistake of all.”

“You’re only saying that because you’ll be back in that bed tomorrow anyway.”

“What did you tell him? I mean, did you explain everything?”

“In the best way I can. I didn’t go into the details because I was not even thinking straight. And I was driving.”

“And?”

“I told you. He said he accepts my apology. And that’s it. He told me he’d stay out of my mess.”

The other line was silent and for a moment she thought that her friend doze off but then Angelica asked, “Well, did you tell him you love him?”

“What?!”

“You are obviously bothered by his reaction, Chanty. You obviously love him.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Okay, fine. It is your freaking feelings anyway. But you better figure it out before it is already too late. You would not have cried like a child this morning if you don’t care for him at all.”

“Can you pick me up?”

“And what? Risk getting locked up for a month? You’re safe right there. You’ll get by.”

“Maybe I should go home. Call a cab or something.” She looked around the dark living room of Liam’s place. The only light was the lampshade beside the couch. His bedroom was silent and it seemed that he was having a nice slumber.

All forgotten.

Maybe he was telling the truth. He easily forgot everything that happened between them.

“Don’t be stupid, Chanty. Just sleep and then leave in the morning. Face whatever Liam has for you. Try talking to him again tomorrow.”

“I don’t think I can face more of this side of him, Ange. It is not what I am used to.”

“Honey, whatever it is, it is part of him. Just because you are not used to it doesn’t mean it is not him. He is angry at you. What do you expect him to do? Smile? Laugh with you? Have sex with you? Of course he’d leave you with a blanket and a pillow. Stop moping and let’s go to sleep in our own couches.”

Chanty ended the call without saying goodbye, hoping she was at the same situation as Angelica. Her friend was not at all bothered that she was having another fight with her husband because she felt secured Henry would welcome her back in their bed anytime soon.

She, on the other hand, didn’t have the same security as Angelica or Cass or even Julianne.

The only secure thing she had was Willie and her son was not around to even offer her comfort.

She lay on the couch and tried to cry as silently as she could, muffling her lips with her pillow.

*****

Liam almost flew out of his room when he heard her crying.

But he stopped himself.

He had to learn how to control his feelings for her.

He lay on his bed instead and faced the ceiling as Chanty’s silent sobs crept inside his room.

Don’t move, he ordered himself.

He had to stop rescuing her when she was not even asking for help.

*****

The following morning, Chanty left Liam’s place before he woke up.

She left him a text that she had to go home early to get Willie from her mother’s.

“What happened to your eyes?” her mother asked when she arrived.

“I cried after watching a stupid movie,” she lied. God, she had to stop lying.

“Your son’s been looking for you. If you are out on a date with Liam, you have to let him come sometimes, darling. He has been talking nonstop about his father and--”

“I would love to talk some more, mom, but I am getting late for work. Will talk to you really soon, okay? Let’s have some dinner at my place during the weekend,” she said in a rush. “I need to tell you something important.”

Her mother’s face lit up in excitement. “Oh, I hear wedding bells!”

“Mom, it is nothing like that. Just be ready for something bad,” she admitted, heading to get Willie from the play room.

“What do you mean--”

“I’ll tell you over dinner. Bring grandma and grandpa.” When she entered the room and saw her son, her tears started pouring. “Hey, buddy!”

“Mommy! You’re late!” her son cried out, running to meet her halfway. “What’s wrong? You’re crying.”

“I am just happy to see you, that’s all.”

She saw her mother frown from the corner of her eye but she ignored it.

“Okay, let’s go. Where’s your bag?”

*****

The babysitter was not available and she was already running late for work so it was nearly impossible for her to take her son to Cassandra and Philip. She couldn’t send him back to her mother because the woman would bombard her with a lot of questions.

She had to no choice but to bring Willie to the office with her.

“I will see Liam?” he asked.

She pretended not to hear her son. She ushered him to her office as fast as she could as a wave of hellos from everyone in the office was thrown at Willie’s direction which her son responded to with a shy smile.

Chanty immediately took her spare clothes from the closet and changed.

“You stay here, okay? Don’t go anywhere while mommy works,” she told her son when she emerged from the bathroom.

“I can’t go to Aunt Cass?”

“No, honey. Aunt Cass is busy,” she lied. She was not sure what her sister-in-law was up to now. She must be on another type of strike just to piss Philip off.

“How about Liam? I wanna see Liam!” Willie jumped on the chair, throwing his bag on one corner.

“Stay put, Willie. Liam’s not around right now. He’s at home and he is sick.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, opening her computer. “Do you have your coloring pens?”

“Yeah.”

“Here are some papers. Make me something nice, okay?”

“Okay!” her son obliged happily and skipped to get the papers from her.

*****

For almost two hours, Chanty was busy working while Willie was making his third drawing. She sensed he was getting bored and she hoped to finish her work early so she could take him somewhere.

If Liam reported for work, she was not sure.

“When will we go home?” Willie asked.

“In a couple of minutes,” she said the truth. She felt tired anyway since she didn’t get a lot of sleep last night in the couch. “I just need to finish this.”

“We won’t visit Liam? He’s sick.”

“No, he can manage,” she answered absently, looking at her computer.

A knock came to her door and her secretary, Dana, poked her head in with a grim expression on her face.

“What is it?”

“He’s here again.”

Chanty frowned.

“Cam-Cam,” Dana said in a whisper.

“Who?”

“Cam-Cam,” Dana repeated, darting her eyes to Willie and then back at her.

When she finally understood what the lady meant, Chanty sprang to her feet. “Don’t let him in!”

“He’s on his way. The lobby guys were not able to stop him in time and--”

But Chanty was no longer listening. She went to Willie and took his hand away from his work on the floor. “Let’s go, Willie. You want to see something?”

“What?” her son asked.

She panicked. She didn’t know what to say. “Uh, Liam’s office. You want to see it?”

“Sure!” her son answered.

“Don’t let Cam-Cam go anywhere near Liam’s office, do you hear me?” she hissed at her secretary who nodded furiously.

Everyone outside her office was in alert mode, obviously made aware of their unwanted visitor.

“Pete!” Chanty called out.

“Yeah, I know! I am on it! Don’t worry, girl! Will take care of Cam-Cam!” Pete said, standing to full height.

Chanty almost dragged her son to the only place in the floor that she could think of. She turned the knob and pushed the door open. “Faster, Willie.” She ushered her son inside, looking behind her for any sign of Cameron.

“But mommy, my bag--”

“I’ll get it for you later,” she snapped at her son as she closed the door. “Now,” she said, going down on one knee. “Don’t go out, okay? We will play a game. You hide here as long as you can and if you don’t go out and look for mommy for a long time until I come and get you, we will go to that trip you want.”

“The lodge?!” her son exclaimed excitedly.

Chanty couldn’t help but chuckle. Why not? She could use some time away from everything. “Yes. But only if you stay here for a long time.”

Willie nodded his head vigorously. “Deal! I will stay here until the sun goes away!”

She leaned forward and gave her son a kiss. And then she hugged him closely.

“We will ask Liam to go with us!” Willie added.

“No, honey, it would only be the two of us. I told you Liam is not available because he is--”

And that was only then that she noticed Liam sitting behind his desk, watching them.