You froze on the spot. What could you do? Surely not all the monsters in the underground were friendly.... right?

"Turn around."

Swallowing hard you did so, coming face to face with a figure, it's hood pulled up over it's eyes. It held out a hand to you; was it a friendly gesture? It was too difficult to tell, but you gingerly took it anyways.

Then the awful farting noise sounded, echoing through the forest. You promptly jerked your hand away as the figure laughed in its deep, low voice.

"Oh, man. Whoopie cushion in the hand. Works every time." It pulled the hood down and away from it's face.

Or at least what would have been a face. It was nothing more than a skull, with white pupils floating in the sockets. "What the fuck are you?!"

"The name's Sans. Sans the skeleton. You--"

"Yeah I can fucking see that you're a skeleton but what the fuck?!"

Sans hesitated. You definitely weren't a kid, so how had you fallen into the underground? Not to mention the cursing...

I guess even adults are clumsy enough to fall in.

The skeleton smiled and rocked back and forth on it's heels. The damn thing was wearing slippers, for fuck's sake. In the snow. "I'm supposed to be on the lookout for humans, but, y'know..." Sans shrugged, as though he could have cared less about whatever his job was supposed to be.

"Why are you on the lookout for humans?" you asked warily, not taking your eyes off of the skeleton. He was on the shorter side, but seemed fairly easygoing.

After Flowey and Toriel I thought I'd seen it all... apparently not.

"Cause of my brother. He's a human-hunting fanatic." Sans' grin widened. "Personally, I could care less. But hey, why not stay awhile? Could be fun."

Fun? FUN? "Sure, getting hunted like some sort of trophy sounds like so much fun, I can hardly fucking wait to meet your brother!" you cried sarcastically.

"Great. Cause he's just past this here gate. Go on and walk through, he made the bars too wide." Ushered by the skeleton you walked forward, frowning deeply. You didn't sense any ill will from Sans, but what if his brother was dangerous?

"SANS!" came the voice, not so far off from where you were being led. It wasn't as low in pitch as Sans' voice; quite the contrary. It sounded almost nasally. A much taller skeleton bounded into view, an angry look on its face. You said nothing, as it didn't seem to notice you. "Where have you been, lazybones?! We have a mission!" he cried out.

"What are you talking about?" Sans grinned beside you. "I've been working myself down to the bone," he joked, winking.

The taller skeleton clearly didn't find it as funny as his brother, as he stomped his foot a few times in his frustration. "If we don't capture a human, Undyne will never make me a royal guard! Were you napping all day again? You were napping all night too!"

"I, uh, think that's called sleeping, Papyrus," the shorter skeleton muttered. His grin only widened.

Papyrus didn't seem so amused. He was also completely oblivious to you standing right next to Sans. "Um, hello?" you spoke up, wondering if he was really that blind.

"Hello!" Papyrus cried out before turning back to his brother. "I will capture a human! For I, the great Papyrus, will not let Undyne down!"

"Sure, I'll keep an eye socket out for any humans," the shorter skeleton winked again.

Papyrus walked hurriedly away, laughing with a "Nyeh heh heh!"

You stood there in complete disbelief. He had actually seen you, acknowledged your presence, and it just didn't click in his mind that you were a human? "What the actual fuck."

"Hey, don't worry about it." Sans winked up at you. "But I gotta warn you, there's some, uh... puzzles up ahead." More puzzles? Great. "Just play along. He'll love it."

☆¤☆

Once Sans had disappeared again, in what direction you couldn't tell, you pressed on. You were still stunned at the naiveté of Papyrus. He had looked right at you! Even said hello! "Whatever, I've got shit to do," you muttered to no one in particular.

Whether or not the puzzles were going to be difficult, you weren't too sure. You never reached any in the snow before you came across the brothers again.

"Sans, you said there was a human! Where are they? I want to make a good first impression," you heard Papyrus speaking first. "How do I look?"

Sans took a look at you, his grin plastered on his face. "Say, what's that over there?"

Papyrus looked in your direction before glaring back down at his brother. "Why are you telling me to look at a rock?!"

"What's that in front of the rock?"

There was a long pause. "Oh my god!" The taller skeleton turned away. "What am I looking at?"

"Well, it ain't a rock." Sans muttered.

"Then, by process of elimination...!" Papyrus cleared his throat before turning back to you. You waved a little. Really, for wanting to capture you, he seemed completely inept. "Human! Be prepared to experience the best puzzles created! I, the great Papyrus, have created them just for you! They will be quite the challenge!"

"Do you always scream everything you say?" you asked.

"Nyeh heh heh! Of course!" Papyrus crossed his arms. "I am a puzzle master! And I think you will find them quite entertaining!"

"I'm getting a headache," you moaned, rubbing your temples.

He stopped, arms falling to his sides. His cape fluttered in the chilly breeze. "Sans, what's a headache?"

"Its like... when you think too hard," Sans spoke up.

"Oh! Then I must be the greatest headache!" He wasn't lying.

You sighed. "You know, for wanting to capture me, you're not doing the best. Shouldn't you be chasing me down and trying me up or something?"

"But... but... where's the fun in that? Puzzles are designed to capture humans with their clever ingenuity! Nyeh heh!" Papyrus crossed his arms again. "When I capture you, I will surely be made a part of the royal guard! I'll be so popular!"

Oh my fucking god.