#TPTG06

The news spread like wildfire. We were all shocked by the sudden death of our fellow student. Some were still grieving in deep agony. It was the first time that someone committed suicide in our school.

There were rumors circulating around. Everyone started to make up stories. Some said someone pushed her. They said that they saw the incident occur. Others were suspicious that it might be suicide that caused her death.

No one knows the truth.

"Ano kayang ikinamatay niya?"

"Baka nga kasi nagpakamatay."

"Grabe, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. Kinikilabutan ako."

"Ako din! First time may nangyaring ganito sa school. Nakakatakot."

"What do you guys think? Did she really committed suicide or perhaps someone else can be blamed by the incident?

"Grabe, masyado namang brutal kung may pumatay sa kanya. If that's the case, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na mag-transfer ng school."

"Maybe it was just an accident. I don't think there's some sort of psychopath in our school. People are exaggerating."

"If she really did commit suicide, then, what was her reason?"

My eyes are fixed on the exact spot where the victim's body where found. There wasn't any bloodstain anymore, just marks. But the people were obviously avoiding it. Pinagmasdan ko lang ang bawat estudyante na dumadaan doon.

"Can you respect her death please? Can you talk somewhere else and not here where the victim's body is found," I told at the group of students beside me

Gulat silang napatingin sa'kin. They panicked and looked at each other. Nagsialisan na sila pagkatapos.

I let out a long heavy sigh.

I still couldn't process everything even if it's already been a week since the incident happened. Others have already move on like nothing happened. They just went on with their lives. I don't know if they actually care or not. Maybe they are just trying to hide their emotions or maybe act unaffected. We still don't know the whole story and the reason behind her death but some chose not to know it anymore.

"How long are you going to stand there?"

Napalingon ako kay Keith na ngayon ay nasa tabi ko na. He was also looking at the exact spot I was looking a while ago.

"Until I find answers," sagot ko at binalik ang tingin sa harap

He chuckled softly. "I don't think you'll be able to find the answer just by staring at it. Even if you stand here until dawn."

I licked my lips. "Why are you here anyway?" I asked, a bit annoyed

Diretso lamang ang tingin namin sa kawalan hanggang sa umihip ang malakas na hangin.

"I saw her parents. They visited the school and talked to the principal."

My lips parted and turned my head to look at him. "Where are they now? Did they leave?"

Tumingin siya sa'kin sabay tingin sa likod ko. I looked on my right and saw the principal's office.

"It's been an hour already," he answered. "Just by the look on their faces, they were distressed and in tears."

Hindi ko mapigilang hindi maawa sa magulang ng biktima. I couldn't even imagine their situation right now. It truly is heartbreaking.

"You know her right?" he suddenly spoke. "The victim."

I swallowed hard. I felt my body stiffened.

"That explains why you're so affected by her death."

"Kahit pa normal na estudyante pa 'yan at hindi ko kilala ay magiging apektado pa rin ako," sagot ko

I didn't bother to ask him why he knows that I know the victim. He must have seen...

"What do you think is the cause of her death?" I asked

"I can't really tell-"

"Do you think that she committed suicide? Or someone else did it?"

"What do you think? What's most likely the reason?"

I gulped. "She was bullied."

From my peripheral vision, I caught the group of girls who bullied Jessica. I balled my fist when our eyes met. Hindi iyon nagtagal dahil nakipagdaldalan ulit siya sa mga kaibigan. Nagtawanan sila habang nagkwekwentuhan.

"So that explains what?" he asked

"That someone might be behind this."

"It's not right to blame someone without evidence," he blurted

"It's still possible."

"Fey. If you think that someone did it, then he or she wouldn't be able to come to school. Malalaman agad yun ng lahat."

I sighed. He's right. Maybe I let my rage took over me.

"Perhaps it could be an accident?" I added

"They would still know. We'll soon find out the answers."

"What's your take on this then?" I looked at him

His lips parted. Nanatiling nakakunot ang noo niya. "She was being bullied alright but you can't just point your fingers at someone."

Yumuko ako at bumuntong hininga. "Sorry. It's just...the back of my head, telling me that," I paused. "Is there any CCTV footage on the rooftop?"

"I don't think they'll let us know about it or even watch it," he simply replied

Binalik ko ang tingin sa harap. I watch every student who goes in and out of the corridors.

"Do you know that according to the World Health Organization, close to eight hundred thousand people commit suicide every year? Which is one person every forty seconds," he began. "Suicide is also the third leading cause of death in fifteen to nineteen year olds."

"When you girls finished talking that day, I remember you told her to go to the clinic."

Napatingin ako sa kanya. "You...you were there? All along?" 

"I was walking by and I  happen to see you. I was watching you girls from afar," kwento niya. "I followed her to make sure she go to the clinic, but she didn't," he trailed off

My lips slowly parted. Unti-unti akong tumingin sa kanya. He was looking straight ahead while thinking deeply, hands inside his pockets.

"Instead, she went straight to class. I was confused, at the same time worried."

I scoffed. "May pakielam ka rin pala sa ibang tao."

"I have my ways," he simply said

"Tss.."

"The same day, I saw her again after class. I thought by then she'd go to the clinic but," he paused and hesitated

"But what?"

He sighed. "I followed her, found out she was headed to the rooftop and there I saw her at the edge, attempting to end her life."

Nanatili ang mata ko sa kanya, hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi niya. I wanted to speak but couldn't find the right words to sya

"Pinigilan ko siya. Thank God, nakaabot pa ko," he smiled bitterly

"But, how did you know that she was gonna. I mean, you followed her."

"I already had a feeling," sabi niya sabay sulyap sa'kin

"She had told me everything. I just let her because I didn't exactly know what do that time or what to say, but I thought maybe she just wanted someone to talk to. I accompanied her for a while. She told me she was depressed. That she was always being bullied by her classmates. Tapos nung araw na rin yun, binagsak siya ng teacher niya dahil lang sa nalate siya ng pasa ng project niya."

I bit my lip and looked away. "It's all my fault," my voice cracked. "If only I was able to save her just like you did. If only I had prevented her from-"

"What do you mean?"

Yumuko ako at napailing. "To think that maybe I was the last person that she saw. Sana napigilan ko siya."

"Fey..." he called softly

I cleared my throat. "I saw her before she died. Nakasalubong ko siya sa hagdan no'n, but I wasn't sure if it was Jessica. Wala rin siyang ibang kasama no'n. I debated whether to follow her or not but in the end, I let it go. I even saw cuts from her wrist," nanginig ang boses ko. "I was stupid! Kung alam ko lang na mangyayari yun e 'di sana napigilan ko siya."

"It's not your fault. No one wanted this to happen," he calmly said

"I regret my decision. I shouldn't have turned a blind eye. What if I followed her? What if I helped her? What if-"

"It doesn't change the fact that she still chose to end her life," medyo lumakas ang tono ng boses niya

Nakaharap na siya sa'kin ngayon. His eyes turned soft and gentle. "Did you tell anyone else about this?"

I shook my head. "No. Just you," I said. "I felt guilty. I had sleepless nights thinking about it."

Unti-unting bumaba ang mata niya sa sahig. "When I found out about what happened to her, I blamed myself too. I thought I could save her. I thought I helped her somehow eveb though I'm not the best when it comes to comforting someone," he calmly said but I can hear the pain and sadness in his voice

I wanted to touch his arm to comfort him but I refrained myself from doing so.

Umayos na ulit siya ng tayo. "It's never our fault and we are not responsible for her death."

"So in the end, it was her own doing afterall..."

"May her soul rest in peace."

Everyone's fighting their own battles. I wish people chose to be kind. I always keep reminding myself that. I'm not a perfect person. I may hurt someone unintentionally but I always try my best to be kinder and be more understanding.

"Take care of yourself Fey."

I looked at him. Diretso lamang ang tingin niya sa harap habang may malalim na iniisip.

I smiled weakly. "You too."

****

"So Felicity, what are your plans for college? Have you already decided which course to take?"

Inangat ko ang paningin kay Auntie.

"Legal management," tipid kong sagot

Today is the day where some of my relatives visited our house for lunch. Konti lang ang dumalo. Pamilyar na sila sa'kin dahil madalas ko silang makita noon bata pa lamang ako. They always pay a visit from time to time.

"Oh so you're taking up Law pala," ngiti niyang sabi

I only gave her a small smile then I proceed to eat my food.

"Alam mo yung anak ko rin, Law yung kinuha. Nag-aaral siya ngayon sa UP. Graduating na nga eh."

I took a sip from my drink while listening to them.

"Ay baka yung anak mo kasama dun sa mga nag-rarally ah."

Kumunot ang noo ni Auntie. "Hindi ah. Pinagbawalan ko yun."

"Mabuti kung ganun. Ewan ko ba sa mga estudyante sa UP. Ang hilig mag-rally."

"Ay hija. Saan ka pala magcocollege?" tanong ulit sa'kin ni Autie

"Ateneo po."

"Talaga?! Yung pamangkin ko din dun nag-aaral. Baka magkita kayo," masaya niyang sabi

I smiled bitterly. "UP is actually my first choice. Dun ko po gusto mag-aral pero hindi ako pinayagan ni papa. He said I should study in Ateneo instead."

Her lips parted. Peke siyang ngumiti sa'kin pagkatapos.

"Is everyone enjoying their meal? Kamusta kayo diyan?"

Lahat kami ay napatingin kay papa na nagsalita sa harap.

"Masarap po governor," Auntie smiled sweetly at him

"Thank you for inviting us governor," another one replied

"Ang ganda rin pala ng bahay niyo ano. Ang tagal ko na kasing hindi nakabisita rito," si Auntie

My father chuckled. "Salamat Silvia. Nag-general cleaning pa kami ng buong mansion."

Auntie smiled back. "Congratulations nga pala at tatakbo ka ulit na governor. Sigurado naman ako na ikaw ulit mananalo."

I rolled my eyes and continued to eat instead.

"Salamat. Salamat," sagot ni papa

"Oh by the way Fey, diba nagmomodel ka dati?" another Auntie of mine, asked

My brow shot up by her sudden question.

"Yes but that was before."

"Talaga? Tinigil mo na ngayon?"

My lips parted. "I actually never liked it."

"Fey looks like a model isn't she? She has the potential right?" singit ni papa sa usapan

Lahat sila ay napatingin sa kanya. "Ahh. Oo naman governor. Ang ganda ng anak niyo ni Cecelia," sabi ni tita sabay sulyap kay mama

My mom smiled. "Salamat, mana sa'kin."

"Back to Fey. Why did you stop? Bagay ka pa naman maging model o kaya artista. Sa gandang mong yan sigurado marami kang projects o kaya endorsments," dagdag ni tita

"Fey was only fifteen when she started. She loves joining beauty pageants in her school," my father said

"Magiging maganda rin siguro future mo kung nag-model ka hija. Siguradong pag-aagawan ka. Why don't you try again-"

"I'm sorry but I'm not interested in modeling nor entering showbiz," I cut her off. "I stopped because I wanted to focus on my studies more."

Napakurap-kurap siya. "Ahh sabagay," she cleared her throat and smiled awkwardly

Just because I have a pretty face doesn't mean I should be modeling or enter the entertainment industry. I'm not even interested at it in the first place. It's not really my thing. My parents just forced me to do so just because it 'fits' me. Sayang daw.

"Pero Fey. Naisip ko rin, bagay sa'yo maging doctor. Di ba?" My Uncle told me

"Actually, I wanted Fey to be an engineer. I mean, she's good at everything. Kahit anong career ay kaya niya," sabi ni papa

Bakit kaya hindi nila ako tanungin mismo kung ano ba talaga yung gusto ko.

It's always 'I wanted Fey to be' 'Bagay kay Fey ito' rather than 'Fey, what do you want to be?"

It's still my life and my future anyway so why do they have to decide for it? I'm not even asking for their opinions.

"Oh, I thought you also wanted her to enter politics," my tito chuckled

Umiling si papa. "Hindi siya bagay sa ganung trabaho. Not for a woman like her."

"Really? I can actually see Fey as a President?" si tita

Biglang umubo si papa. Uminom naman agad siya ng tubig. Hinagod ni mama ang likod ni papa. "Well, I heard she's the President of the Student Council in her school. I don't think Fey is interested in politics."

Tumingin sila sa'kin. Tipid akong ngumiti at umiling. "Law will always be my first choice. I even had to beg my parents for it."

They suddenly turned silent. There was akwardness between us all.

"Eversince, I didn't ask anything big from them. Yes we are rich but I'm not spoiled. I'm not very materialistic as well. I don't ask for much. I want to work for the things that I want. Wala kong ibang hiningi kundi yung...suportahan nila ko sa gusto ko."

I looked at my parents. "Then, after a few months of convincing them, they finally agreed. And I'm so thankful for that."

Ang dami nilang gusto para sa'kin na hindi ko naman gusto. At ito lang ang masasabi kong akin. Ito lang.

It's campaign season and everyone's busy preparing. 

We split into two teams kagaya ng pinag-usapan. Keith was on my team for the anti-bullying capmpaign. We designed slogans and put it in our bulletin board in the hallway where the students can see.

"Lastly, I guess all of you already know about the tragic news. One of our fellow schoolmate, Jessica, passed away. My deepest condolences to her family. I'm sure none of us expected this to happen that's why we proposed this campaign. The Anti-bullying campaign and Mental Health awareness campaign proposed by me and my fellow Student Council, Keith Sanchez," I announced

Pagkatapos kong magsalita ay binigay ko sa kanya ang mic dahil katabi ko lang siya.

He fixed his hair first before taking the mic then he cleared his throat. "Our goal is to spread awareness and to speak up regarding this serious matter. I hope this campaign serves us to be kinder to each other and help one another. Bullying must stop. And so is the stigma behind mental health. Equality and unity must be implemented because no one deserves to be left behind."

After Keith's long speech, the rest of us student councils spoke in front of the students. Keith and I took a step back to give way to them.

"Good job," sabi ko sa kanya

He looked at me and gave me a small smile. "You did great too," he replied and lightly patted my back

I then looked behind the bulletin board and the slogan that we made. It was filled with sticky notes, written were positive messages by the students. Some were messages for Jessica. Sa gitna ay ang larawan niya. The students also brought flowers for her and laid them all on the floor.

Jessica. May you rest in peace.

"Salamat sa inyo na mga bumoto! Sisiguraduhin ko na makakaasa kayo sa'kin. Ipapangako ko na paglilingkuran ko kayo at bibigyan ng magandang serbisyo. Maraming salamat mga kababayan!"

Diretso lamang ang tingin ko kay papa na nasa stage. Behind him are his fellow politicians who were elected. After my father's speech, they all went to him and congratulated him. Masaya silang nakipag-kamayan sa isa't isa.

I fixed my shades to block the strong heat of the sun. We've been here since early in the morning for his campaign. It's afternoon now. I had no idea that the campaign will be held outside in an open field. May isang malaking stage sa harap samantalang lahat kami rito ay nakaupo sa itim na monoblock chair. Medyo nagsisiksikan pa kami.

I roamed my eyes on the surroundings. There were a lot of people, majority are the voters---mga simpleng mamamayan. There were also some journalist, reporters, and photographers everywhere. They were recording it live for broadcasting television. Sigurado ako na mas nauna pa sila na dumating dito kaysa sa'min.

Naghiyawan at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao sa pagkapanalo ng mga opisyal na binoto nila. They even screamed their names which made my ears bleed. 

Siguraduhin lang nila na hindi sila magsisisi sa huli kung sino ang binoto nila.

I diverted my attention back to the stage. The winners are already lined up in front. They waved at the people with a huge smile on their faces.

"Sa mga nanalo, sana gawin nila ng maayos ang trabaho nila at sana hindi lang sila puro salita. Sana mapanindigan nila yung posisyon nila," rinig kong sabi ng isang babae sa likod ko

I sighed heavily. I looked at mom who's beside me, taking pictures of my father on stage.

"Ma."

"Oh?" tanong niya nang hindi inaalis ang paningin sa stage. She also has a proud smile on her face just like the rest of the people.

"Una na ko. I'll just wait in the car," paalam ko

"Ha? Bakit?"

"I'm tired. Hindi na rin ako komportable."

The truth is I'm sweating and I stink. Amoy araw na ako. I badly want to go home and take a shower. 

"But it's almost over Fey. Uuwi na rin tayo pagkatapos."

"I can't wait any longer." I tried to convince her again

Sa huli ay pumayag na rin siya.

"How about you? Dito ka lang? We can wait him in the car. I'm sure he'll still talk with his peers."

She nodded. "Hihintayin ko pa ang papa mo." Iyon na ang huli niyang sinabi bago binalik ang tingin sa harap

At first I didn't want to leave her with this huge crowd of people but in the end, hindi ko na siya pinilit pa. I stood up and excused myself from the people in our row. Napatingin sila sa'kin at nagreklamo dahil istorbo raw ako. I quickly apologized then walked my way away from them.

I fixed my hair and wiped my sweat afterwards. Nagsimula na akong maglakad para hanapin ang kotse namin. There were a lot of parked cars as well as bodyguards. Hindi ko alam kung alin ang sa'min.

"Miss Felicity Guevarra, am I right?"

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad dahil biglang may humarang sa'kin na reporter.

I gulped. "Yes I am."

"What can you say about your father winning twice in a row as the governor? We would like to hear your opinion and reaction," she politely asked

I was taken aback. My mind suddenly went blank. Nagulat nalang ako nung nilapit niya ang mic sa bibig ko. She's with a cameraman holding a huge videocamera. Nakatapat iyon sa'kin.

My lips parted. "I'm sorry but I don't want to get interviewed right now," sabi ko at agad siyang nilagpasan

I fixed my shades and blocked my face with my hand. I walked even faster when I felt like I was being followed by them. Hindi pa ako nakakalayo pero bigla nalang akong dinumog ng mga reporters.

"Miss Guevarra, the only daughter of the governor, what is your opinion of your father running again for this year's election?"

"Maari ba naming hingin ang opinyon mo?"

"Miss Guevarra!"

I don't know where to look 'cause there's so many of them. Maraming mic at camera ang nakatapat sa'kin. Halos nagsisiksikan na sila sa harapan ko ngayon at maslalo pa silang lumapit. I was irritated when they keep calling my name and throwing a bunch of questions. It was unpleasant to my ears.

I suddenly felt suffocated. I couldn't breath properly now that they are too close to me kasabay pa ng mainit na panahon ngayon. I felt dizzy all of a sudden.

Pinilit kong maglakad para makaalis sa kanila pero mabilis pa rin nila akong sinundan.

"Please, I don't want to be interviewed," I firmly said

"Just a few sentences Miss Guevarra."

"Please stop. Can you at least respect my personal space?!" I blurted

They ignored me. I almost lost balance 'cause of their constant pushing. Iginaya ko ang paningin sa paligid at hinanap ang kotse.

Fuck. How am I suppose to get out of this situation? I'm in deep shit.

"Excuse me, excuse me. Makikiraan po!" isang pamilyar na boses ang narinig ko

It was Vince.

I sighed in relief. Finally.

Behind him were the rest of our bodyguards. Vince lend out his hand for me. I took it and he pulled me from the reporters. Pinauna niya akong maglakad sa harap. He was behind me, blocking the reporters surrounding us. May isa pang bodyguard sa harapan ko. They still keep on following us so we walked faster. I can't see where we were going but I just kept walking until we reached the car.

Someone opened the door for me and I quickly went inside. Sinara niya iyon pagkatapos. The loud voices suddenly weakened, but I can still hear inaudible sounds outside the window. Sigurado akong kapag tumingin ako sa bintana ay makikita ko pa rin sila. So I chose not to. Tumungo nalang ako.

Maya-maya ay narinig ko ang pagbukas ng kotse. Nakita kong pumasok si Vince.

"Famous ka pala Ma'am eh," he joked

Nanatiling blanko ang mukha ko. Nawala naman ang ngiti sa labi niya.

He scratched his head. "Oo nga pala. Ang bobo ko rin. Anak nga pala kayo ni governor," he smiled awkwardly

Still no response for me.

"Ayos lang po ba kayo?"

I nodded. "I'm fine. Thanks for helping me."

I swear, if Vince were a minute late, I'd probably throw a fit right at that moment.

Tumikhim siya. "Sino po palang nanalo?"

I sighed and removed my shades. "My father again," walang gana kong sagot

He threw a fist in the air. "Nice one. Galing talaga ni Mr. Guevarra."

I looked out the window and saw my father with his fellow candidates. They were also mobbed by the reporters and interviewed them one by one. Pinanood ko lamang sila.

"Vince..."

Agad siyang sumagot. "Yes Ma'am?"

It took me a few seconds to speak up.

"I know I'm not in the position or right to say this but can you do me a favor?"

I bit my lip as I watch my father enthusiastically answered the questions of the reporters. Hindi ko man sila marinig pero alam kong galak ang emosiyon niya. I've never seen him this happy before.

"When you graduate, can you find a decent job for yourself. You want to be an engineer someday right? I pray that you fulfill that dream. Huwag ka sanang manatili sa trabaho mo na ito dahil," I paused. "Wala kang future rito."

He didn't respond right away. I wasn't sure if he's paying attention.

"Hindi naman ako siguro magtatagal dito pero nagiging loyal na rin ako sa papa niyo habang tumatagal. Bakit mo natanong?"

"I want to see you become an engineer in the next few years rather than see you again as a driver and a bodyguard."

He suddenly became uneasy or maybe pressured. "Ma'am, okay lang po ba kayo? May problema po ba?" nauutal niyang sabi

Hindi ko na naintindihan ang huli niyang sinabi. I frowned when I saw my father approaching the car accompanied by our bodyguards but my mother is still nowhere to be seen. Tapos na silang ininterview at pabalik na ang lahat sa kanya kanyang kotse.

I tried to find her in the crowd. I was about to get outside to find her but then I saw her with a bunch of reporters. She was struggling to escape them. I noticed that she wasn't escorted by our bodyguards unlike my father. Bababa na sana ako pero biglang may dumating na isang bodyguard at tinulungan siya.

I didn't notice that my father is already inside. He's in the shot gun seat. Binalik ko ang tingin kay mama na ngayon ay umikot sa kabila at ilang sandali ay pumasok na rin siya sa kotse.

"Ma. Okay ka lang?" I asked as soon as she got inside. Humarap ako sa kanya at pinagmasdan siyang mabuti

She gave me a small smile. "Oo. Medyo nastuck lang kanina dahil sa mga reporters."

"Are you sure? Were you hurt?"

She shook her head and fixed her hair.

"Your earing. It's gone!" I blurted and stared at her ear

She gasped and held her ear. "You're right! It must have dropped on the ground."

"Ano'ng problema diyan?" tanong ni papa

I looked at him. "Mom was just right behind you a few minuted ago. Hindi mo manlang siya nagawang tulungan?" kalmado pero mariin kong sabi

His brows furrowed, confused. "What? I thought she's already in the car with you? Hindi ko siya napansin kanina."

"Because you were so busy with the reporters. You didn't even care about her."

"May bodyguards naman eh. One of them must have helped her, right?"

My jaw dropped by his answer. I was about to speak when my mom suddenly touched my hand. Napatingin tuloy ako sa kanya. She smiled weakly and shook her head as if it's a sign not to push anymore.

I shifted my back to my father. He just sighed and loosened up his tie.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Tumingin nalang ulit ako sa bintana pagkatapos. Naramdaman ko nalang na umandar na ang kotse.

"So, everyone, where do you want to celebrate? Any recommendations?" ganadong sabi ni papa

"Congratulations nga po pala Sir," si Vince

"Congratulations hon," si mama

"Salamat, salamat," my father replied happily

I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep during the whole ride. I'm still upset. I hope when I wake up, I'd just forget everything that happened today.