It is the day after the press conference and there is a buzz going through the Mclaren garage. I however am not feeling it. I can understand why there is energy going around. It is due to the fact that I had a good race the last time around. There is just one problem. I have a feeling that something is going to go wrong. Monza is not my strongest track. At least the songs on my pre-race playlist are comforting me. I am hoping that my luck at Monza will turn around now that I am in a good car. I am pulled back to reality by a tap on the shoulder. I am quick to pause the music.

"Yes, Lando?" I ask. I get the feeling that he will ask if I am ready but I am still asked anyway.

"Are you ready?" Lando checks on me. I thought he would check up on me.

"We will see but I have never been strong in Monza and the second-worst event in my life took place here," I explain. The reason is that my first race in Monza was also when I had my first real taste of heartbreak. I don't want to explain to him that Mazepin is my ex. Not yet anyway. Lando gives me a curious look. The look makes me giggle.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Lando timidly asks. I am guessing it is because he doesn't want to offend me.

"Let's just say my ex was left with a bruised ego," I give the tiniest bit of detail. With that, we part ways. It doesn't take long for me to get ready. With a quick gesture from my lead mechanic, I head out. The good thing is I now need to concentrate on getting the car around the track. Even with putting my focus on driving the negative thoughts nag at the pack of my mind. I don't know why I am thinking negatively when I am doing the best that I can. I try my best to ignore them but they still tug at me.

"Niki, have I got the balance right?" My lead engineer asks via the radio. Thankfully that question has diminished the negative thoughts.

"It's perfect for the current conditions. What is the timing like?" I decided to get an update.

"You are currently fifth in regards to your times. You can try to go faster if you want but it's up to you," He replies. Oh. It turns out that my times aren't as bad as I thought.

"I'll try my best," I keep my response short since I am not done with the practice round. This track will require more concentration for me than Bahrain. After thirty minutes of driving the practice round has come to an end. Even though it was not my best performance I am still satisfied with where I am at. It should be fine so long as I score points for the team. It has been three hours since then and I am now relaxing in my hotel room. At least the only issues we encountered were a lack of confidence on my part. I guess I will get better with time. My relaxation is interrupted by my phone's message tone. I look to find a message from Lando.

LN: good luck

N: I'm afraid I don't need luck

LN: we will find out

N: that's not the reason why you texted me though

LN: I have something to tell you after the weekend is done

N: Thank you for the heads up

LN: I'm going to let you relax

N: see you tomorrow then

It is the day after the free practise sessions and I am getting ready to start my day. I can feel my heart flutter with joy since my suspicion about Lando will be confirmed. I reckon he won't tell me now since I need to focus on my race. At least he is considerate in that respect. It doesn't take long for me to be intercepted by my trainer for the warm-ups.

"You seem happy," my trainer remarks.

"Well Jones Lando is treating me like a queen and I'm going to find out why," I respond as we head to our spot behind the Mclaren motorhome.

"It's good that you finally have a teammate that treats you with more respect than him" Jones confirms my thoughts as we begin the warm-ups. He is right, Lando is not like Nikita. God, I was stupid back then. I can't take all of the blame though. Nikita was a charmer and I fell for it. After fifteen minutes of warm-ups, I am ready to set some good laps for qualifying.

"Jay, is the car ready to go?" I ask as I pull my helmet over my face.

"Yup," He replies as he offers me his hand. I take it so I can keep my balance over the halo. The joys of being short. I am soon released from the pits. Here goes nothing. I just need to focus on getting the car around the track. Even then my mind wonders what I would be like if I didn't have to deal with the trauma of my life. After forty-five minutes all of the qualifying laps have come to an end.

"Niki, you are at P6. It was a good effort," my lead engineer informs me via the radio.

"Thank you," I replied. I have just obtained my best result at Monza. I can feel the smile creep up on my face. I will have to take my helmet off to show my true smile. It doesn't take long for me to get back to the garage. After thirty minutes of press stuff, I am heading through the paddock with Lando. Only I am stopped.

"Nik," A familiar Russian accent grabs my attention. It is the one person on the grid that I hate with a passion.

"You lost the right to call me that. I meant it, we are done and never getting back together," I snap. There is no way that I am going to forgive him. I can feel Lando try to pull me away. I have decided that I am not going to let my emotions get the better of me since I am aware that there will be consequences. Plus I will lap him tomorrow anyway. I can feel Lando's confused stare as we walk away. Well, it looks like I am going to have to tell him. I take a deep breath to calm myself down.

"Yes Mazepin is my ex," I say. I try my best not to go into too much detail. If I did I would let my emotions out. They are teetering on the edge as it is. I don't need Lando seeing me angry.

"I only have one question that you don't have to answer but how did you two end up together?" Lando tentatively asks as he takes my hand. I am glad that comforting me even though he doesn't know it.

"Young and naive," I give him the simple answer. It is the day after and I am trying to clear my thoughts before the race. I am meditating which is a skill that I picked up during my last year of my Formula 2 career. So far it is working but it doesn't take long for me to be interrupted by someone. It's Lando and he looks upset.

"Lando, what's wrong?" I ask in case it is something that I can help with.

"I had an encounter with your ex and I can see why you left him," Lando responds. I wonder why Nikita has to make me the villain.

"Anyway we have to head to the cars," Lando quickly changes the subject. I am glad that he has since I don't want a reminder of the second-worst part of my life. After another ten minutes of waiting the race has finally started. I find myself impressed as I manage to escape the chaos at turn one.

"Good start. Keep it clean," my engineer gives me the standard piece of advice over the radio.

"I plan to," I reply. It doesn't take long for me to reach my first challenge. I get to work on pressuring Charles Leclerc into a mistake. Hopefully, it will be the kind that has minimal consequences. Thankfully I noticed a small gap. I am glad that Charles was focused on what was ahead. I slipped past him. Ok, that is the first overtake for me. Hopefully, it won't be the last. After thirty minutes of making my way up the order, I have hit a rock. His name is Niktia Mazepin. He is blatantly ignoring the blue flags.

"Can someone please tell Mazepin that he has to give way? He has ignored two blue flags," I use the radio to complain. I should have known that this would happen eventually. I get to work on making the overtake work. I am about to get past Nikita but what he does next is beyond stupid. He intentionally hits the side pod of my car. I try my best to take evasive action however my efforts are in vain. I have lost control. I blackout due to the excessive G-forces. I come around to the ear-splitting voice of my engineer in my ears. It feels like someone hit me over the head.

"Niki, are you alright?" He asks.

"Emotional or physical?" I mumble. I definitely have a concussion. There is only one thought going through my head. Nikita bloody Mazepin can go to hell for a stunt like that. Thankfully the medical team rescued me from the car. I am not looking forward to what will happen next. As per the concussion protocol, I will have to go to the hospital. I hate the fact that my mind is shrouded in a haze. It is due to the combination of raw anger and the fact that I have a concussion. I was soon helped into the medical car. I am glad that it doesn't take long for me to be taken to the hospital. After an hour of various tests, I am finally given a chance to rest. At least my head is starting to clear. It doesn't take long for me to have my first guest.

"Niki, I have some good news," Zak begins the conversation. That must mean Nikita has a race ban. It will be another good piece of news.

"What is it?" I ask even though I have a good idea of what it could be.

"Nikita has been given a one-race ban for ignoring blue flags and causing a dangerous collision," Zak catches you up on what happened. I am not surprised. It was beyond dumb.

"Anyway I've come to make sure that you are ok," I am glad that Zak has come to check on me. He was the one that saw my potential. It is like he is another father figure.

"I'm not sure. I just need a few days rest," I responded. The thing is I would rather talk to Lando about my emotional baggage since he seems to know what to say. I feel a little guilty because I know I can trust Zak. Oh well, there is nothing I can do about it. After fifteen minutes of talking to Zak, I can feel the tiredness creep up on me. There is only one negative thought going through my head. It is how badly I will lash out at Nikita if he confronts me. I am praying that I can keep myself under control. I perk up at the sight of Lando. He is the person that I want to talk to now.

"Sorry about the wait. The media were eager to see what I had to say," Lando remarks as he takes the chair that was occupied by Zak. I notice that Lando's knuckles are red. He must have confronted Nikita on my behalf. I hope for Lando's sake that he didn't. It is not his fight.

"Don't worry. I didn't have to wait long. I need to ask. Did you confront Nikita?" I ask. He reluctantly nods. Well, it is too late for him not to get involved. I try my best to stifle a yawn but I am unsuccessful. Seeing that I am tired Lando tries to leave but I grab his hand before he makes it far. I may be annoyed that he is trying to fight my battles for me but he is my first real best friend. Plus I am stuck in a place that I don't want to be. Thankfully Lando stays by my side as I finally fall asleep.